Lines in Ma's "Opening a porridge factory"

Crosstalk lines: Ma's "Opening a porridge factory"

A: Where did this video come from in Beijing?

B: That's right! I come from Beijing. Where is your office?

Have you ever heard of a kind of steamed stuffed bun in Jingxi, my hometown?

B: You are a steamed bun! Then we are like brothers.

Are you steamed bread, too?

I am the sugar triangle. Eat it!

A: No, I am the "head dog" of Jingxi.

B: I wind it up. Clocks! This is not a random bomb! There is a Mentougou in Jingxi.

A: That's right! Yes, I'm from Mentougou.

B: There are many coal mines in your area. Before liberation, you were a net rich man!

A: Rich people are families!

B: What about you?

A: I live by the sky, seek wealth by the amount of land, and dig food in the soil to eat.

B: Oh! Are you a farmer?

A: That's right! exactly

How much land did you plant before liberation?

A: No. I'm afraid you will laugh.

B: If not, you are! No matter how much we plant, it's much better than the crosstalk we used to say!

A: I planted a little land, and the grain I collected is converted into money, which is not enough for you to smoke a cigarette!

You are welcome! How much land have you planted?

A: Our family has planted 9999 hectares of land.

Oh! How long have I smoked!

A: It's 9,999 hectares and nine acres, but it's not enough.

B: Why isn't it enough?

A: There are 4,444 hectares of land planted by mountains and 5,555 hectares of land planted by rivers. This is a total of 9999 hectares of land.

B: Good! This is a tongue twister! We talk about cross talk and pay special attention to tongue twisters. If you don't believe me, I'll tell you: your family planted 9999 hectares of land.

A: Nine miles?

B: No, 9990 hectares of land. A little twisted neck! To say 9,999 hectares of nine acres of land, but not 9,999 hectares of nine acres of land, there are 7,777 hectares of land on the back of the mountain, and 6,600 hectares on the river ... this, wow! You just have a lot anyway!

A: I don't know. Don't!

No, you can't!

A: Don't look at the vast territory and abundant resources. The grain collected is not enough to feed the animals!

How many cows, horses, donkeys and mules do you have there?

A: We don't feed cows, horses, donkeys and mules there!

B: Hello?

Feed camels.

How many camels can you feed?

A: Camels don't matter.

In what way?

A: Five in a string, six consistent, seven in a handful and eight in a group.

Are you Chuaner, Guaner, Ba and Gang?

A: I have it here.

B: Alas! I have no money here either!

I tied a handle here!

B: How many camels do you have there?

A: There are 8888 big camels in our family.

b； Here we go again!

A: 8888 big camels, but not 8888 big camels!

B: Why?

A: I went up the mountain to transport coal and went to 4444 big camels. There are 4444 big camels tied to my backyard. There are 8888 big camels in all.

B: It's better than the ground.

Tell me.

There are 9900 kinds of plants in your home. ...

A: 8800.

B: Oh, oh! There are 8888 camels in your family.

A: What? Grow camels? Where can I find camel seeds?

B: No, no! There are 8888 big camels tied to your house.

A: Alas! That's more like it.

B: To say that 8888 big camels are not enough for 8888 big monkeys!

A: Big monkey?

B: No, no! Big camel. Transport coal up the mountain to 4590 ... as much as you want!

A: I said you couldn't tell.

B: Since you have so many industries, why don't you enjoy it at home? I met you once before liberation. What did you do in Beijing?

A: Yes! Come here to see business.

B: Oh! You still have business in Beijing!

A: That's right! There are several small shops.

B: Which company is yours?

A: The business is too small, and it is sold in bits and pieces.

B: What font size?

A: It's too small to mention.

You are welcome! What's your name?

A: The switchboard is in Tianjin and the branch office is in Beijing.

B: Oh! it is ...

A: Zhongyuan Company.

B: (sarcastically) Why?

A: Mine!

B: (gritting his teeth) Is Zhongyuan Company yours?

Why do you grind your teeth?

This sounds a little new to me.

A: now that you mention it, it seems that I am not.

B: Why doesn't it look like yours at all?

A: You don't believe it.

B: Of course not.

A: You don't believe that you are not raised by human beings. Can you believe it?

B: Letter, letter!

Who owns Zhongyuan Company?

B: Yours, yours!

How can you believe this time?

B: Yes! Don't believe me, I'm not human!

A: Although I have such a big business, I don't check the accounts once a year.

B: Oh! Buy a handkerchief to check people's accounts Can you find it?

I never go into the accounting room.

B: As soon as you go in, people will report robbery.

A: There was such a big fire in Zhongyuan Company that I stood across the street and didn't even feel bad.

B: Yes! What about you?

So you still don't believe me?

I do, I do!

A: There are also several small cloth shops.

B: What font size?

Ruifuxiang, Lin Ruixiang, Guangshengxiang, Yihexiang and Qianxiangyi are small cloth shops.

B: Why?

A: Mine!

B: Oh! Yours!

Attendant: There are several small restaurants: Quanjude, Cheap Square, Tongheju, Shaguoju, that restaurant, Houdefu, Donglaishun, Xilaishun, Nanlaishun, Cuihua Building and Fengzeyuan. These small restaurants are all mine.

Yours, yes!

A: There are also several small coal shops.

b； Oh!

A: Hongyiyong, Yihecheng and Tongxing, these small coal shops are all mine.

B: That's right! It's all yours.

A: There are also several inns: Far East Hotel, Six Kingdoms Hotel and Oriental Hotel. These inns …

B: Yours!

A: There are several small pharmacies: Qingrentang, Yongrentang, Huairentang, Xihe Niantang, all of which are mine, even the four Tong Ren Tang …

B: Yours!

Le Jia's!

B: Why don't you take it this time?

Everyone knows it belongs to Le Jia, so I don't want it!

B: Good! (Narrator) Almost belongs to him!

A: Take the tram running on the street as an example. are all ...

B: Yours!

A: From the tram company.

B: Isn't this nonsense?

A: I said the tram belongs to the tram company. The wires above and the tracks below. ...

B: That's yours!

A: About them.

B: Let's go! (Narrator) He is going to split up the tram company.

A: How about that? Lots of business!

B: (sarcastically) It's worth seeing. If nothing else, take those big silk villages for example, they can't eat or drink!

A: Of course!

B: Then don't say it. You don't have to spend money on woolen satin!

A: Of course! Just make a phone call and send some horses.

B: I'll send some horses as soon as I call. (Looking at the coat) Oh, dear! Why don't you change this dress?

A: Um ... Hey, hey! I don't like knives and rulers!

B: Yes! Love the ruler again and you will be blind!

A: Do you believe I live in this satin villa? You don't believe me, but.

I do, I do! Are all those coal shops in Hongyiyong yours?

A: Huh?

B: Then you don't have to spend money on burning coal!

A: Of course! Just send a few tons with a phone call, hard coal and bituminous coal, and burn them at will.

B: Good! Since you don't spend money on burning coal, why didn't I see you buy a dime of briquettes with a small dustpan?

A: Huh?

Ah, what?

No, it's not. Someone told me that the briquettes sold in our coal shop were a little adulterated, so I bought a dime to go back for testing and didn't burn it.

B: You have to experiment for a day! Why do you experiment every day?

A: This ... Ah! I haven't tested it yet

B: That's right! How cooked are your steamed buns after the exam?

These coal shops are mine. Don't you trust them?

I believe! Those restaurants are yours, too!

A: Of course!

B: Don't spend money on meals!

A: Of course! Delicious food, shark's fin and sea cucumber can be eaten casually. After eating, you can even leave without a bill.

B: Since meals are free, why did I always see you eating old tofu on the overpass before liberation?

A: Huh? I don't ... I eat chicken, duck and fish every day! Have some old tofu for a change.

B: Oh! For a change. That guy dropped a piece of sweet potato skin. Why did you pick it up?

A: Well ... I thought it was Tibetan olives!

There is a cigarette butt there. Why did you pick it up?

A: Oh! Let you feast your eyes!

I'm following you!

What are you doing to me? You still don't believe me?

Don't worry, I'm sure (to himself) no problem! I don't believe it! I'm not human! Did you come to Beijing only for business?

A: No! Buy something by the way!

What can I buy?

Buy some cars.

B: Oh! Buy a car!

Please give me two dozen.

B: Ah! Do you want to start a transportation company?

A: Why do you want to start a transportation company? I can't sit alone enough!

You have so many cars by yourself?

A: You can't go to the toilet by car on cloudy and rainy days!

B: Go to the toilet and take the bus! How big your home is!

Fiona Fang is 800 miles around me. There are more than 80,000 houses to live in, and roads are built in the middle of the yard. In the garden, the pearl fish is better than the donkey, and the toad bone is bigger than the camel.

I've never heard of it.

All the corn cobs we planted there are over 10 feet long.

B: how do you eat it?

A: Two people carried it, and the one in the middle held his neck high.

Is this eating a stick? It's too painful!

Sorghum is ten feet tall. There is little difference between sorghum seeds and grapefruit. You must be careful when you walk in the sorghum field. If you are not careful, you can wrap your head. You can pay attention when you come to our place the next day. You see a piece of gauze wrapped around your head. ...

I'm hurt.

A: It was smashed by sorghum.

B: Huh?

A: Grasshoppers are bigger than dogs. If you don't pay attention to them, you must rest for three months. We don't need nets to catch grasshoppers there.

With what?

A: Shoot with a machine gun. The next day, when you came to our place, you heard machine guns ringing. This is ...

B: Shoot at the target!

A: Catch the grasshopper!

B: Hey! Xuan! Hey! Let me ask you, how many people live in your place with such a large terrain and more than 80 thousand rooms?

A: There are more than 80,000 people, each with one room.

B: There are more than 80,000 people in your family?

A: No! I am the only one in my family, and more than 80,000 people are refugees. I opened a small porridge factory there to give alms.

B: Oh! It turns out that you used to be a good man, and your porridge factory also gave up porridge every day!

A: I won't give up the porridge there. I have three meals a day, stewed meat and pancakes in the morning, noodles with slag sauce at noon and jiaozi at night. Eat a treat on the fifteenth day of the first month, and eight people will have a table of Cai Yan seats. You can play mahjong after dinner, and I'll give you 20 yuan for playing mahjong eight times. I can't play mahjong. I'm going to fly around the plane and come back.

Oh!

A: We should also give up on ordinary days and holidays.

B: Yes! When is your holiday in May?

A: May Festival! Send something for the holidays, one for each of the more than 80 thousand refugees.

B: What do you have?

A: One hundred dumplings.

B: Hmm!

Answer: Pu Zi has two handles and Ai Zi has two handles.

B: Oh!

A: A plate of black mulberries, a plate of white mulberries, a bag of sweet cherries with handles, a bag of wild cherries, one hundred Xinger, one or two realgar, four boxes of five-poison cakes, five catties of rose cakes and wisteria cakes, two dozen cars from Shanhaiguan, two dozen magic pills, two dozen pairs of sister brand toilet water, and thirty-five catties of bighead carp, and this cold water. ...

Come on, there you are! Still very willing.

What are you talking about?

B: What will you give up in June?

A: It's hot in June! A person has two sets of silk trousers, a horizontal robe, a Panama hat and three pairs of satin shoes.

B: Really? What about July?

A: It's a little cold in late July! Everyone has a soft-pointed trousers coat and a Da Chun silk robe, which are worn inside out.

B: Oh! Where's August

A: August is troublesome!

B: What happened in August?

The Mid-Autumn Festival in August is celebrated all over the world!

B: You must have a single room.

A: Of course!

What do you give up on August Festival?

A: Each of the more than 80,000 refugees has one.

B: What do you have?

Two reunion cakes of five kilos each.

B: Just one! Why give up these two?

A: We don't forgive those who fast and recite Buddha.

B: Hey! That's very thoughtful.

A: One tablet of essence.

B: Oh!

A: A large double-decker package.

B: Ah!

A: Thirty uninvited reds, fifty uninvited whites, a pair of cockscomb flowers, a edamame, a lotus root with white flowers, five peaches, apples, pomegranates, persimmons, betel nuts, Pak Lei and Hu La 'er, ten kilograms of fragrant pears, pears and pears, one kilogram of cherry dates, two kilograms of quack dates, two kilograms of red grapes and five kilograms of white grapes. There is a plate of ginger juice outside. This vinegar ... you can make it yourself!

B: Oh! Who can't afford to be jealous? What did you give up in September?

A: It's cold! Everyone has a camel hair robe and a cotton-padded jacket and trousers, all made of silk cotton.

Oh, how about October?

A: It's time to wear a fur coat! Everyone has a fur coat, but it's not very good.

That's old sheep's.

A: You can wear fox legs.

B: Huh? Fox legs are not bad! 1 1 month?

Everyone has a dress. An otter fur coat.

B: Oh! What about the twelfth lunar month

A: Busy! It's New Year!

B: What's a net?

Since the twelfth lunar month.

B: Oh! Do you still cook laba porridge there?

A: forbearance? Each of the more than 80,000 refugees has one, not to mention many, and each has a bowl. Where can I find such a cauldron?

B: What shall we do?

A: Save some porridge and rice, take it back and cook it yourself.

B: Oh! What do you have?

A: One ticket to Mi Dou.

B: Hmm!

Answer: Whole porridge, one catty of millet, one liter of soybean, half a catty of glutinous rice, half a catty of beans, half a catty of coix seed, five jins of jujube, three jins of chestnuts, half a catty of peaches, half a catty of lotus seeds, four ounces of black beans, four ounces of white peas, four ounces of coix seed, lychee meat, two ounces of shuttle raisins and two ounces of moss red silk.

B: Oh! That's too much. It still is. All right! You finally gave up for a whole year!

A: Is it over? I haven't given up the Spring Festival yet!

B: Do you want to give up the Spring Festival?

What are you talking about? The sage has a cloud (shaking his head), "If a gentleman follows the Tao, he will be able to do good, and he will be weak."

B: All right! Please stop shaking! Shake it again and it will be yellow!

What is this?

What did you give up for the Spring Festival?

Eight inches wide, five feet high, five boxes of honey.

B: Oh!

Twenty-five round apples make a meal.

B: Ah!

A: Five boxes of gluten and five boxes of vegetarian dishes.

B: Yes!

Answer: Twenty-five carrot cakes are the same as three bowls. Did God give them to the old Buddha, Heaven and Earth, and the Kitchen God? There are three ancestral halls, twenty-five spring oranges, five bowls of white honey, a pair of Buddha flowers, a pair of kumquat, a handful of incense in the main hall, four Liang of sandalwood, four Liang of Dalbergia odorifera, twenty-five charcoal cakes, countless Wanshou incense, five refined ingots, a pair of wax overnight, a pair of pewter collars, four pairs of big double bags, four pairs of small double bags and four pairs of money and grain. Kitchen King Right, Horizontal Batch, Fuzi and Chuntiao are all full, yellow and white cakes 10 kg, hard coal 300 kg. Five hundred catties of briquettes, two bags of white rice, four bags of white flour, five hundred steamed buns, one pig's head, one carp's tail, one red rooster, fifty catties of pork, sixty catties of mutton, twenty catties of beef, four elbows, two hanging large intestine, five catties of lard, all in the water, three catties of mutton tripe, five catties of lung head, one bag of spiced seasoning, ten chickens, ten ducks, one catty of lard. Five frozen chickens, one catty of whitebait in Huaihe River, half a catty of fish bones, four or two fish bellies, five Yaozhu in Liangjiang River, fifty eggs, thirty ducks, ten pine flowers, twenty pigeon eggs, half a catty of mushrooms, one catty of mushrooms, four or two yellow flowers, four or two black fungus, four or two golden needles, four or two antlers, four or two big shrimps, five catties of vegetables and one catty of Chili noodles.

B: That's it!

A: One kilo of seaweed.

B: Where else?

A: Half a catty of tablet alkali.

B: Oh!

Two ounces of alum and one kilogram of kelp.

B: Yes!

Answer: 30 pieces of oil skin, 30 pieces of vermicelli, 500 pieces of fragrant dried and square dried, 50 pieces of gluten, 30 pieces of soft gluten, 20 pieces of fresh tofu, 50 pieces of frozen tofu, 5 kg of salt, 5 kg of salt 1 kg, 5 kg of yellow sauce, 2 kg of black sauce, 2 kg of white soy sauce, and cooking wine 1 kg.

Oh! It's really worth seeing. At this rate, if you open the door every day, no one thousand children can get through.

A: I know! I lost money that year!

B: Oh!

I can't help it. I pawned my pants for fifty cents. I couldn't help spending money that year! I had a meal and bought a box of cigarettes. It's gone

B: gnome male-",aren't you giving alms?

A: I was going to give up, but I was liberated before I got rich!

(Ma Zhang Qingsen)