Complete works of good jokes and jokes

A joke refers to a phrase or a short story that makes the speaker and listener feel funny, or produces a sense of humor that makes them feel funny. The following is a good joke I arranged for you. I hope you like it.

An extract from a pleasant joke.

1. There were too many people on the bus, and suddenly a fart came. Everyone covered their noses and looked around for the source of the fart. No one claimed responsibility for the incident? As soon as I stand down, it smells like fart again. An aunt was angry and said, "Who is it? It's not over yet! " At this time, a word came from the corner of the car: "It's still the original formula, or the familiar smell!"

2. An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out!" The crow said, "You shit and wear underwear!" " "

3. Robber: "Tell me the password of the safe, or I will kill you!" " Female employee: "Don't tell me if you kill me! I won't say anything if you ruin me! " The robber looked her up and down and said, "You should be beautiful!" "

One day, the animals smelled an unpleasant smell in front of Guan Gong Temple. The snake said, "I am too young to fart so smelly." It must be a cow. " The cow said, "I eat grass, and I won't fart so smelly." The pig said, "People who fart will blush." Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and drove the pig away, saying, "How many times have I told you, I was born blushing."

On a business trip, just after leaving the station, an aunt came: "Young man, are you staying in a hotel?" I said, "No."My aunt immediately changed her ambiguous tone: "There is a little girl who is very beautiful." I was sweating like a pig and said, "There are no little girls." Aunt immediately changed her mouth: "Old maid, old maid also has it, it's cheaper." Sweat again and say, "I don't want a girl." Aunt was silent and whispered, "Well, there are boys!"

6. "Cooking is about the ratio of rice to water." He wrote this sentence in his diary and his mother saw it. Her mother sighed and said, "Look at you, you wrote wrong words again." Then add the prefix "corpse" to the last three words, and little dung beetles smiled happily.

7. Teacher: I want you to write a people-oriented and focused composition. "Xiao Ming:" Teacher, I have thought it over. Why don't I just write about me? Grandma? . "Teacher:" Does your grandmother have any outstanding aspects? Xiao Ming: "My grandmother has a lumbar disc herniation. "

8. Wukong heard that iPhone5 was a rarity, so he flew to America to buy it, and then harassed Master every day. On this day, I called the Tang Priest again, but suddenly I dropped my brand-new mobile phone on the ground. Wukong swore, "Tang Priest, you are a dead pervert. Is the bell set as a spell? "

9. On the bus, a young woman took a nap with her seemingly five-year-old son in her arms, and then her period seemed to come, with a lot of blood and a lot of seats. She found it when she got off the bus. She was probably embarrassed. Suddenly, she shouted, "Baby, hold on! Just go to the hospital and stick to it. " I rushed out of the car with my son in my arms?

10. I saw a super cute little girl crying in the supermarket. Her father said to a friend nearby, "You don't know how bad my daughter is. I drove her out that day and she called me halfway. " Dad, dad, can you help me open the window? I opened the window for her while wondering. The little girl actually opened her mouth and shouted out of the window: Help! Help! ? "

1 1. I haven't seen you for many days, and my expectant mother's colleague's stomach is already very uncomfortable. She staggered and asked me, "You are so smart, tell me how to walk without wrestling?" I said, "Don't worry, you are higher lying than standing, and you can't fall." She lowered her head, touched her belly and said, "Son, remember this voice. When you grow up, help your mother kill this bitch."

12. Idiot wife bought hamsters and cages. I asked her how much it was, and she said how many hamsters and cages there were. I complain that this cage is more expensive than hamster. The second goods replied: "Do you think you will be higher than the current house price?"

13. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

14. One day, the husband hit his wife angrily after reading his son's diary, which read: Uncle Chen came to my house to play with his mother today and said that he could eat snacks after finishing his homework. Then, Uncle Chen praised me for doing my homework well, so he picked up my mother. My mother told my uncle to be careful, and then my uncle kissed my mother and me. The wife scolded her son angrily, and the son cried and said, "Dad, I mispronounced punctuation."

15. One day in class, the teacher asked Xiaoli, "What is the motherland?" Xiaoli said, "Teacher, the motherland is my mother." The teacher said, "That's a good answer." Then the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, what is the motherland?" Xiao Ming said, "Teacher, the motherland is Xiaoli's mother."

16. A man knocked down a strange old man on a motorcycle in downtown! That man was scared out of his wits! More and more people are watching! Suddenly, the man hugged the old man and cried in tears: "Dad, wait for me, I'll find a doctor for you!" " "After that, he ran. The old man struggled and shouted angrily, "Come back!" "Everyone expressed their feelings:" This son is really filial! "

17. Late at night, my husband didn't come back. The daughter is anxious to call her mother: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, be good, don't think the worst, something may have happened!" " "

18. Several people are in the golf locker room. A cell phone rang for a long time, and a man pressed the hands-free button. Woman: "Honey, are you in the club?" Man: "Yes." Woman: "I saw a BMW, less than 2 million." Man: "buy." Woman: "and that property has been put on the market again, 61 thousand." Man: "buy." Woman: "I love you so much." Man: "I love you, too." Everyone next to him was dumbfounded with admiration. The man hung up the phone and asked, "Whose mobile phone is this?"

19. A frog called the priest and asked about his fate. The priest said, "Next year, a young girl will come to meet you." The frog jumped up happily: "Oh, really? Was it at the prince's wedding? " The priest said, "No, it's in her biology class next year."

20. There is a lazy man who is too lazy to be surprised. The wife wanted to shave the noodles and asked him to borrow the panel from his neighbor. He said, "if you don't borrow it, cut it on my back!" " "His wife finished cutting noodles on his back and asked him," Does it hurt? "He said," it hurts, and I'm too lazy to say anything. "

Appreciate good jokes and jokes

1. A new foreigner lives next door to a friend. One night, a foreigner knocked at the door for help and said, "My TV is broken and I can't change the channel." The buddy looked down at his watch and said calmly, "It will be fine after 7: 30."

2. There is a MM with a particularly flat chest, and I am afraid that my boyfriend will know that I dislike myself, so I will avoid my boyfriend. Finally, they went to bed for the first time, turned off the lights and got into bed? When her boyfriend touched MM's chest, she said, "Honey, don't sleep on your stomach!" " "

The young couple share a bed with their son. In the middle of the night, the couple secretly made out and suddenly found that their son was gone! After searching for a long time, it turned out that my son was hiding behind the door with his knees. The husband and wife shouted: "Come back quickly, it's windy behind the door!" "The son said angrily," Don't lie, it's windy in bed! " !"

4. The wife asked her husband, "If I am crazy, will you still love me?" The husband said firmly, "Love!" The wife pondered for a while and said sadly, "You really love my appearance!" " "

Before the wedding, the groom asked the host, "How much is it to host a wedding?" The host said, "The more beautiful the bride is, the more expensive it is!" The groom is embarrassed to give his master a dollar. The host paused, looked back at the bride, and then found Mao.

6. The Academy of Fine Arts is taking a human body class. A girl was drawing when she suddenly dropped her pen on the ground! The girl yelled at the male model: "I will get older and older, but I am still TM!" "

7. That man is chatting up beautiful women in the bar. The man asked, "I wonder what kind of man a beautiful woman is interested in?" The beauty was silent for a while and said in a low-key way, "Big price, rough equipment."

8. One day, a school was having a tense exam! The exam topic is "Similarities between Bad-hearted Radish and Pregnant Women"! Only three students passed! The answer of these three students is: "It's all caused by bugs." Only one student got full marks! The answer is: "It's too late!"

9. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: first, I hope to have a lovely child; Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order."

10. I went to get a haircut yesterday, but my hair was a little short because of the hot weather. This is the background. On the way back to the classroom from the canteen, I heard three junior high schools discussing me: "Do you guess that person is a man or a woman?" This is not an orgasm. My sister quickly ran over and pointed to her chest and shouted, "Open your eyes and see if I am a man or a woman!" " "The little boy trembled and said," Brother. I was wrong. "

1 1. A primary school teacher said to her boyfriend, "The letter you wrote last time, I put it into the Chinese midterm exam paper. This question can comprehensively test the language level of students. " The boyfriend asked, "Really? Do you want them to analyze grammar or explain idioms? " The primary school teacher replied, "I asked them to correct their mistakes!" " "

12. In order to make it inconvenient for people behind the house, Lao Wang in the city wrote on the wall: "Animals shit here." The next day, he found a farmer leading cattle and horses in the back row of the house and said, "People in the city are really particular, and animals also have places to shit."

13. The dentist said, "Don't be afraid, come, come, have a glass of wine to calm down." When the patient finished drinking, after a while, the doctor asked, "How do you feel now?" The patient said to the doctor with red eyes, "Now, see who dares to pull out my tooth!" " " .

14. The father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend, "You just take my daughter to the movies every day, can't you do something else?" The young man was surprised and happy: "You mean you can do other things?"

15. Grandma exclaimed after watching the Olympic 100-meter race: "It's really scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row, one with a gun to shoot. They shot without aiming, and the children scared that one away! The rope can't stop! "

16. A foreign tourist visited the orchard and boasted as he walked: "In our country, oranges look like football and banana trees look like iron towers." He tripped over a pile of watermelons. A fruit grower shouted, "Be careful of our grapes!"

17. Hungry and doing well is called losing weight; If you pinch well, it is called massage; Being in a daze, doing well is called profound; Being lazy and doing well is called enjoyment; Persistence is called persistence when it is done well.

18. Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, "You protect the scene and I'll call the police!" "

19. Two drunks were driving at a gallop. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. " B: "What? Aren't you driving? "

20. A farmer's daughter is so ugly that he has to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

A collection of good jokes and jokes.

1. "I like to get to the bottom of it since I was a child. My wish is to be a detective when I grow up. Now I am the editor-in-chief of a newspaper. What about you? " "I like to play since I was a child. When I grow up, my wish is to go shopping with a lot of money. Now I am a bus conductor. "

2. Go home at night and hear crying in the alley. When I got closer, it turned out to be a disheveled woman crying. Asked what happened, the young lady replied, "I was violated by a pervert!" " Me: Are you all right? "The young lady replied," He suddenly grabbed my chest from behind and let me go? Me: Then why are you crying? The young lady replied, "Because? That pervert actually said that it's bad luck to have a man. "

3. A gecko strayed into the crocodile pond. When he died, the gecko used his quick wits, hugged the crocodile and shouted, "Mom!" " The crocodile was shocked and immediately burst into tears: "son, you are so thin, don't go to work again!" Take a break. "

It is your duty to sleep with your wife; Sleep comfortably and happily with mistresses; Sleeping with classmates is an old love; Sleeping with rich women is to get more money; Sleeping with a young lady is a contribution to foreign aid; Sleeping with widows is the contemporary Lei Feng spirit!

5. The wife asked her husband, "Do you like my tenderness or are you infatuated with my sexy figure?" The husband was embarrassed for a while and replied, "I like your sense of humor!" " ! "

The young lady was taken away by the criminal police for questioning. Miss sophistry: "I just sold two yuan condoms to two hundred yuan!" " "Criminal police asked him angrily," how dare you chicanery! What happened afterwards? The young lady explained, "What happened after that?" Later, I taught him how to use it, which belongs to after-sales service. "

7. After handing out the test paper, the teacher said seriously, "Another student made a mistake in this exam. Can you take a few minutes to ask yourself? Why? I want an answer later. " A few minutes later, the teacher called a classmate and asked, "What's your answer?" The classmate said innocently, "Teacher, I asked many times, but no one answered."

8. The youngest son bravely fights with others. Once, the son asked his father, did you like fighting when you were a child? Dad said, "I dare not." The son said, "Why?" Dad said, "I can't beat others." The son said, "Then why didn't you call me!" " "

9. The farmer slept naked in the orchard and was awakened by laughter. A monkey stood in front of him laughing wildly. The farmer asked inexplicably, "What are you laughing at?" The monkey said, "I have eaten fruits all my life, and I saw bananas and lychees grow together for the first time."

10. The wife is the thinnest than the three boasters. A Dai: "My wife's scarf can be worn as clothes." Agua refused to accept: "My wife can fall into the sewer if she takes a shower carelessly." Xiao Ming said slowly, "My wife swallowed an almond and everyone thought she was pregnant."

People who are optimistic about jokes also look at:

1. Featured classic hilarious jokes

2. The latest classic jokes.

3. Select inspirational humor jokes

Step 4 choose inspirational humor jokes