Eat the joke of barbecue and lovelorn.

1. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally became a road (deer)! ! ! !

2. Two tomatoes cross the road, a car flies by, one of them can't escape and is squashed, and the other tomato points to the squashed tomato and laughs: dig hahaha, ketchup …

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" ! ! "Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

4. The stone fights with the rice cake, and the stone flies and kicks the rice cake into the sea. ..........

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who decided to join the army for life, so they made an oath with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away. However, the boy has been waiting.

Rice cake! ! !

5. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl?

Answer the boy because jiaozi has a foreskin.

6. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became a cucumber! !

7. The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out to scratch it and burned myself to death …

8. Once upon a time, there was a bird.

He passes through a cornfield every day.

But unfortunately,

One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.

All the corn has turned into popcorn.

After the bird flew over, ...

I think it will be very cold if it snows. ...

9. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

10. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, and time waits for no one.

A song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "It will be the days of the elderly in a few decades."

A song: "In a few decades."

Appa: Tomb-Sweeping Day.

1 1. Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a merlin nearby, which may arrive in a moment. "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."12. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "Toads with two legs are hard to find, and men with three legs are plentiful!" "

13. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

14. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello (assuming they can talk)?

because ..............

because ................

Because they are all strangers ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

15. Question: How to make sparrows quiet?

Answer: Click.

Reason: Silence (silence).

16. A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?" I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! ! ! "College students replied to the enemy's words and were electrocuted. ...

He said, "I'm from TV University!"

17.a: "I'll take you to a place where all girls don't wear bras."

B: "Really? Where is it? Take me away! "

A: "It's in the kindergarten next door!"

18. Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "Who is your favorite hostess?" The audience said, "It's you." Wang asked, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!"

19. Do you know what color Spider-Man is?

Red, wrong!

It is white.

I don't believe you have read Spider-Man's English: Spider-Man (a white man).

20. Why did Xiao Ming fall?

Please think twice ........................

Because the floor is slippery.

2 1. After the party, a group of animals rushed into the 7- 1 1 convenience store to buy things. Because it was too noisy, the clerk knocked it out, but left the lamb alone in the store. Why?

Convenience stores are open 24 hours a day. ...

22. The glass and coffee cup crossed the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: Here comes the bus!

As a result, the glass was hit by a car and the coffee cup was fine. Why?

Coffee cups have ears!

23. A horse said that our company has launched a new product, Ass 3, or MP3…… for short ...

24. I hate two kinds of people most:

First, there is racial discrimination;

The second is black;

Third, I can't count!

25. Thanks to madoka ozawa Gang, Ran Asakawa, Ai Nagase, Sanzhu liang zi, Gao Qiao Maria, Kawamoto Dance, Youmu Pupil, Natsume Mishi, Naomai Qinchi, Shiraishi, Kudo Kwai, Seiichi Kosha, kishida fumio, Zewaixing, Fujisaki Ayaka, Yeshanづき and Chihiro Inoue. When I was in the worst spirit, they came to comfort me at the right time; When I was exhausted from playing CS, it was they who made me feel unobstructed pleasure. When I feel depressed, they make me feel excited ~

26. Now the accuracy of earthquake prediction has really improved a lot, only two words are missing this time: the prediction is in Heilongjiang, but the result is in Jiujiang!

27. Jane Zhang said, "My fans say my idol is Ying."

He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jay."

"My fans say my idol is Chang."

Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

28. Five Fuwa get together to chat.

Beibei suggested: Let's give ourselves a nickname. I'll call it Beva!

Jingjing: Then my name is Jingwa!

Huanhuan: My name is Huanwa!

Nini: My name is "Niwa"!

Yingying stood up and said, You can chat. I have something to do. I have to go first. ...

It is said that in 2058, five Fuwa got together to chat again.

Beibei: Let's talk about our nicknames again. People respect me very much and call me "Mr. Bei"!

Huanhuan: People call me "Ye Huan"!

Nini: Everyone calls me Grandpa Ni!

Yingying: Everyone calls me Yingying!

Jingjing stood up and said, You talk. I have something to do. I have to go first. ...

29. When winter came, I decided to keep the habit of taking a cold bath, but after washing, I found myself back to my childhood! ! !

30. Celery was walking when he suddenly felt a pain in his stomach. Then he let out a hiss. What did you say he took out? That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung?

Answer: yellow.

Because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)

3 1. There is a fat man.

Jump off the top of the twentieth floor. ...

It turned out to be .....

Fat man! !

Once upon a time, there was a piece of bread. It felt hungry and ate itself.

Once upon a time, there was a glass of beer. It felt thirsty and drank it. ..

Once upon a time, there was a virgin who felt tired and let herself fall asleep.

33. Who is the ancestor of mankind?

It's peanuts because peanuts ~ ~ ~

34. Which ancient figure was a white-collar worker?

Meng Mu's Three Movements (Thousands)

35. Zhang Fei: "Stop the old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! "

Police car: "Listen, two thieves ~ ~ ~ You are surrounded ~ ~ ~ Drop your weapons ..."

36. How did the ants die after falling from the Himalayas?

Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down …

37. The world's largest KB diary

Old bear was about to write a diary when he found that the diary had been used up. He wanted to go out and buy another book, but it was already twelve o'clock at night. But he rode his bike and looked for it in the dark street. After searching for a long time, I finally found a bookstore and went before closing. He likes a diary very much, so he asks his boss how much it costs.

The boss said in a low voice, "This is imported, and the price should be set in 70 yuan ..."

The old bear said, "It's so expensive, but I have to pay 50 yuan."

The boss said, "It doesn't matter, even if you are at 50 yuan."

The old bear said happily, "Thank you, boss."

The boss said in a very low and gloomy voice, "When you buy it back, don't turn to the last page, or something very KB will happen." Don't blame me for not reminding you! "

The old bear said, "Well, I see."

Old bear bought his diary home. He opened the package and put it on the table in front of the room window. At this time, he wants to take a bath and then come out to write a diary. ...

After taking a shower, Lao Xiong found that the window in front of the desk was actually open, and the wind blew the diary page by page ... When the last page was blown, Lao Xiong stepped forward to stop it, but it was too late, and the last page was blown away by the wind.

KB happened ... I saw the old bear let out a scream because he saw the last page, which read:

(Please pull down)

.

.............. pulls again. ...

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.

.

.

Keep pulling ...

.

.

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Soon, pull a little more ...

.

.

.

.

.

Well, I'm finally going to pull a little …

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The last page reads-Pricing: 3 yuan.

1. It is said that it is very clever to make a wish when there is a meteor in the sky. I made a wish on a meteor that day, hoping you would be smarter. Shit! Guess what? The meteor flew back the same way!

2. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou pottery jar. Yesterday, it went to the appraisal column, and the expert said seriously, "Which Western Zhou did this belong to?" This is from last week!

3. Son: "Mom, I failed the math exam today." Mother: "Why, what's the problem?" Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3=? I said =6. " Mother: "That's right, and then what?" Son: "The teacher asked me 3*2=?" Mother: "Isn't this the same?" Son: "That's what I said. ..

4. A prisoner was shot. Bullets are produced in a county, and the quality is not good. The first shot was not fired, and then the second shot was fired ... the third shot ... at this time, the prisoner cried, "You strangle me, it's so scary!"

5. The father told his son a story: "Uncle told Xiaoyang to chop wood, but Xiaoyang cut down his uncle's favorite peach tree. Uncle was angry but didn't scold him. Do you know why? " The son replied, "It may be because Xiaoyang still has an axe in his hand, so he dare not scold him."

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. A: I feel sand in my shoes, so I shake my shoes with a telephone pole. I shook and shook ... a man thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two.

7. A judge squinted and tried three suspects, A, B and C, in one day.

The judge said to A, "Did you steal it?"

A: "No"

The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you."

"I didn't say anything either," C said.

8. Last bus

In the evening, the last bus, a woman in white sat in the last row.

The driver looked in the rearview mirror, and the woman was gone, shocked!

Suddenly braking, people sitting there.

Keep driving and look in the rearview mirror. The woman is gone. Brake back. The woman is now.

Keep driving, look in the rearview mirror, and no more women!

Suddenly, the woman came slowly, with messy hair and blood all over her face, and whispered:

"Old niang and you had been enemies? As soon as you tie your shoelaces, brake hard. "

9. Know the root and the bottom

A group of professors were invited to fly.

After sitting down, they were told that the plane was designed by their students.

As a result, many professors got off the plane.

Only one professor sat there motionless.

Someone asked him why he didn't go down quickly. He said, "Don't worry, this plane can't fly at all."

10. Teachers who care about students

One day, when the math teacher finished class, he said, "Students, the senior high school entrance examination is coming soon. In order to make everyone get good grades in the exam, I went to the bookstore last night to find a very good counseling material. Many of the above contents are the contents of the senior high school entrance examination in previous years. I suggest ... "

Before I finished, I was interrupted by a male voice: "Don't talk so much nonsense, make a price!" "

1 1. I didn't bring my book.

My classmate's school style of study is not very strong, and no one comes to class at the end of the term.

In other words, my classmate was very obedient and went to class one.

As a result, he is the only one in the classroom, which can accommodate 100 people. Seeing his studious spirit, the teacher said, classmate, let me draw the key points for you!

Best of all, my classmate said, "Teacher, I didn't bring my book."

12. Great talent

In the dining room, student A said to student B:

"The new semester is a new atmosphere. The amount of food today is obviously more than before, and our suggestion has finally been taken seriously. "

Student B patted him on the shoulder and said, "Don't think too much. The master has been on leave for two months and his hands are a little rusty. "

13. Only one demonstration is allowed.

The instructor of the Iraqi suicide bomb training camp said to the young people who entered the camp for training:

"Attention, everyone, I will only demonstrate this thing once!"

14. Don't waste salt when cooking.

I was hungry last night, so I went to the ground floor to eat.

When the water boils, put salt, and accidentally put it.

Don't want to waste, brain-dead rinse the pot in his hand. ...

15. I'm Du!

One day, Xiaoming's phone rang. Xiao Ming immediately picked up the phone and said:

"Hello, this is a telephone message. Please leave a message after hearing Du. "

There was no response on the phone for half a day. Xiao Ming said angrily, "I'm Du, why don't you talk!" "

16. People who can sleep

Everyone knows the college entrance examination these days.

Just now, I saw a man of God in Weibo: Shit, I got up late, and I have to repeat next year.

Those who can sleep can't afford to be hurt.

17. You look terrible.

I once quarreled with my classmates. He is so noisy that I can't compete with him.

When I was in a hurry, I said, "I'll spit your face out."

He listened and looked at me for a few seconds, and sure enough, he stopped arguing.

18. What do you want others to say?

The priest asked his parishioners, "What do you want others to say when you are lying in the coffin?"

One person said, "I hope others will say that I am a family-oriented person."

Another person said, "I hope others will say that I am helpful."

The third man said, "I hope others will say,' Look, he seems to be moving!'" " "

19. Doors that cannot be pushed open

Patient: "Doctor, I always have the same nightmare recently. What's wrong? "

Doctor: "What dream did you have?"

Patient: "I kept dreaming that I came to a door, so I pushed and pushed, but I just couldn't open it!" " "

Doctor: "What's on the door?"

Patient: "There is a word" pull "..."

20. Know the good and the bad.

The child who studied well before the exam said, "I went to the exam!" " "If you don't study well, just say," I'll go! Exam! "

2 1. Hold my hand

Before the execution, the warden asked the condemned man sitting in the electric chair, "Do you have any other requirements?"

Death row: "I just hope you can hold my hand during the execution and make my heart feel better."

The child who studied well after the exam said, "I'm finished!" " "Those who are not good at learning say," Shit! It's over! "

2 1. I can't stand this lesson.

After the winter vacation, the school just started. In a class of Grade Two in primary school, 80% of the students are doing their own things.

The teacher was angry: "Do whatever you like! You can't take this course. "

A classmate calmly raised his hand: "Teacher, can I shoot?"

The teacher said casually, "Whatever."

The student casually took out a set of firecrackers from his schoolbag and put them in the classroom. ...

22.

My son came home trembling: "Dad, I only got 60 points in the exam today." Dad is very angry: "Don't call me dad next time you fail the exam!" " "The next day, my son came back:" I'm sorry, brother! " "

23.

Who has more loyal bodyguards, China or the United States? The United States ordered bodyguards to jump off the 10 floor. The bodyguard knelt down and said, "Come on, I have family." . So the president of the United States gave in. China * * * ordered the bodyguard to jump, and China's bodyguard was about to jump without saying anything. The president of the United States quickly caught him in fear. China's bodyguard said, "Come on, I have a family."

24.

Teacher: "Daxiong, the teacher gave you 90 yuan, and then you borrowed 10 yuan from Pang Hu, so how much money do you have in total?"

Nobita: "0 yuan."

Teacher: "You don't know math at all!" " "

Nobita: "You don't know anything about Pang Hu! ! ! "

25.

Patients in the intensive care unit of a hospital always die around 11 o'clock on Sunday, which makes doctors confused and even makes them think that this is a supernatural phenomenon, so they set up an expert group to investigate the reasons. On Sunday, the clock just struck 1 1 point. Through the monitor, it was found that the cleaner who cleaned on Sunday walked into the intensive care unit, unplugged the wire plug of the life support system of seriously ill patients, then plugged in the vacuum cleaner and began to clean. . .