A joke about a woman who won't let me go home

Planting grass won't make people lie down. Why don't you plant cactus?

2. I have a little thought, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not without it!

3. The difference between people and pigs is that pigs have always been pigs, but people are sometimes not people!

It turns out that as long as people are separated, people who are familiar with each other will gradually alienate.

5, go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I thought about it and said: 8 yuan! 12 can't eat!

6, men fool women, called flirting; Women fool men, called * *; Men and women fool each other, which is called love.

7. The government thinks about how to tax reasonably, the boss thinks about how to avoid taxes reasonably, and I think about how to sleep reasonably!

8. Time is for wandering, body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and soul is for singing.

9. Love is like a ghost. Many people believe it, but few people see it.

10, how far is it forever? Get out, boy!

1 1, met a writer's signature: it may look like it, but it may not. I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

12, no one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

13, I want to puppy love, but it's already late. ...

14, my god! My clothes have lost weight again.

The important task after 15 and 80 is to manufacture 08.

16, people have plenty of backgrounds, but I only have my back ~ ~.

17, gold always shines, but when there is gold everywhere, I don't know which one I am.

18, reminding everyone that it is very important to learn how to repair notebooks! Once upon a time, there was a man who couldn't repair his notebook ... and everyone knows what happened afterwards.

19, I'm not a fortune teller in the square, so I can't say so much as you like.

20. It's not that the ending of the story is not good enough, but that we are too demanding of the story!

2 1, flowers often do not belong to people who appreciate flowers, but to cow dung.

The difference between a lie and an oath is that the listener takes it seriously and the speaker takes it seriously.

23. It's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with people who try their best to get you to end it.

Sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you take the other person too seriously.

25. Even if you believe it, there are lies hidden in the middle.

26. Real good friends are not together with endless topics, but together, even if they don't talk, they won't feel embarrassed.

27, no other half 100 points, only two people 50 points!

28. The people who are willing to stay and argue with you are the ones who really love you!

29. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast; Not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is not high.

30. Nothing that can be solved with money is a problem, but I am poor.

3 1, only women and heroes are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find.

32. After seeing me, you will suddenly find-ah, handsome can be so single-minded!

33. Ask a colleague: "Did you buy PetroChina?" Colleagues said, "Bah! You just bought PetroChina. Your whole family bought PetroChina and Sinopec! "

34. I ordered two dishes in the canteen at noon. After eating the first one, I was shocked. "Is there anything worse in the world?" I cried after eating the second one. "There really is." .

When a mouse gets angry, everyone is a sick cat.

36. Life is like a coffee table. Although it is not big, it is full of tragedy.

37. Take your advice and leave me ten books!

38 years old and 0 years old, 10 years old is improving every day. 20-year-old dream, 30-year-old effort. At the age of 40, it is basically oriented, and at the age of 50, it is full of popularity. Playing mahjong at the age of 60 and wandering around at the age of 70. 80-year-old lesbians are very common, and 90-year-old lesbians are hanging on the wall!

39, boss, first come to two pounds of true love, take it back to feed the dog!

40. "Honey, I'm ... I'm pregnant for ... three months, but don't worry, it's not yours, you're not responsible ..."

4 1, we have a little difference: she wants me to turn stone into gold, and I want her to treat gold like dirt.

42. After reading the language of 10 years, it is better to talk about QQ for half a year.

43. Being lazy in bed in the morning, I took out six coins from my pocket: If all six are heads, I will go to class! Think for a long time, forget it, don't take the risk. ...

44. I spent 80,000 yuan on a pottery jar of the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Which Western Zhou Dynasty did this belong to?" This is from last week! "

45. I can tolerate that my figure is fake, my face is fake, my chest is fake and my ass is fake! ! ! But I just don't tolerate money. Yes! ! ! !

46. Scholars play dead for their confidants, while women have plastic surgery for those who please themselves.

47. Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly to discover that you are really ugly.

48. personals: The requirements are as follows: A is alive and B is female.

49. Give me a little sunshine, and I will rot.

You must eat a little properly to lose weight.

5 1, shake, shake to Naihe Bridge.

52. Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

Come back quickly, I can't fool you alone!

54. Life is the mouth of Song Like Zude, and you never know who will be unlucky next ~ ~ ~

55. If you fall, get up and cry ~ ~ ~

56. Besides teeth, there is love in the world.

57. A dinosaur went to the toilet when passing by Xi Jiaotong University. When she came out, she sobbed, "555, I finally don't have to worry about getting married in my life ..."

58. Life is simple. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

59. Asking how worried you are is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel. ...

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. In old age, mirrors are flat.

6 1, if something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first, and don't blame the earth for not having gravity when you are constipated.

62. clap your head to make a decision, and clap your chest to ensure that you leave.

We walk so fast that our souls can't keep up. ...

64, don't and the earth person general knowledge ~ ~ ~

65, come out to mix, the wife will change sooner or later!

When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me. ...

Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

68, why sleep for a long time, will sleep after death? ...

A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

70. You told me to get out, and I got out. You asked me to come back. Sorry, I'm leaving.

7 1, it's over, and you ignore me, too. I've become a dog ~ ~!

72. The bus I caught in the morning had already left when I got to the platform. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing." …

73. See you soon after graduation; Have a wife a year after graduation; Later I regretted having a wife; Later, there was a stepmother; I regret having a stepwife the most.

74. I won't hit you, you don't know that I am both civil and military.

75. I like you so much that you will die.

76. There is a grave in my heart, where widows are buried.

77. I allow you to walk into my world, but I don't allow you to walk around in my world. ..

78. Be patient or cruel.

Although you wear cologne, I can still vaguely smell that scum.

80. Journey to the West tells us that all monsters with backstage were taken away, and those without backstage were killed by a stick.

8 1, I accidentally want to grow old with you.

82. The merry-go-round is the most cruel game in the world, chasing each other, but always separated by a sad distance.

83. The ideal is full, but the reality is very skinny.

84. It is inevitable to blame the hand of time and write love as love.

85. Waiting for your concern until I close my heart.

86. When I love you, you are what you say. What do you say you are when I don't love you?

87. Love hurts.

88. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me?

89. If you are doomed not to give me the expected response, then keep a safe distance.

90. Our goal: Look at money and make money from it.

9 1, go to the supermarket to knead instant noodles when you are in a bad mood (super right! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! )

92, get out of here, keep rolling. ...

93. In the dead of night, missing becomes so presumptuous.

Please don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital.

95. Zhuge Liang didn't lead a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

96. Memory is a bridge, but it leads to a lonely prison.

97. I knew you were Uber as soon as I opened my eyes.

98. I am a passer-by who you turn around and forget. Why should I spend time with you on earth?

99. Happiness is a comparative level. You can't feel it until something is at the bottom.

100, it is said that Tianya is a stranger ~ what is Tianya? Turn around and turn your back on you. It's the end of the world now ...

10 1, pure, fictional, chaotic and beautiful.

102. Don't say wish me happiness after you leave. Who are you to wish me happiness?

103, there are some things that we know are wrong, but we must insist because we are unwilling; Some people, we know that we love, but have to give up because there is no ending; Sometimes, we know there is no road, but we are still moving forward because we are used to it.