Thank you for leaving me, even though you still love me

"He forgot."

I never doubted his sincerity when he was with me, but I still can't accept the fact that he has left me, just like an overdue ticket. Even if I feel sorry, I still have to throw it away.

How do I know him? How did we get together? Even if my friend asked me many times later, I would like to try to remember the scene when I first met him. Maybe his first impression is so good, otherwise how could I miss him longer than our days together? It's cruel. I thought I would never get rid of the memory he left me in my life.

He is a handsome boy with a smile. When we first met, his smile dispelled my helplessness and fear in a strange environment. My first job with my friends in Beijing was subway security. I felt relaxed at first, but there are some unknown bitterness and fatigue behind any glamorous work.

Fortunately, with him, my life is not so boring, and strange places bring me a sense of distance.

We stood in Class A, Class B and Class C. My friend and I were assigned to his Class B. I thought this kind of life could be spent peacefully, but the next joke started a different story.

It was an afternoon when we were employed for a month. As usual, when I got off work at 5 pm, my colleagues "committed crimes against the wind" because of boredom. During our work, we joked, chatted and fought with each other.

Compared with the gag between them, my friends and I are too cold. It can also be described as follows: my friends are cold, while I listen to them with my ears and occasionally participate. He also said that I was embarrassed to talk. What he didn't know was that I was listening to him carefully about Kan Kan, and I was already very happy.

It is also a farce to say how I got together with him.

At eight or nine o'clock that night, just after the evening rush hour, we began to gossip about who and who's love history.

I won't comment on this. I stood in the prequel and chatted with my sister. Just as I was talking about my love bean Zhang Yunlei, he stood in the second-hand quarantine bureau and tried to get into our conversation, but we deliberately ignored him. At that time, he looked funny.

This situation lasted about 10 minutes, and he finally participated in our conversation. In the countless assumptions that followed, I asked myself: If I didn't make fun of him, would there be no subsequent stumbling? Unfortunately, there is no if.

"Are you seeing someone, Juaner, huh, huh?"

The darkness of that night made people commit crimes. Otherwise, how could I hide my inner ripples with a smile when I heard his first confession?

"Juaner can have a crush on you, fooling around, hahaha."

The young lady who checked first-hand seemed to be talking to him in a mocking tone, but her voice echoed in the hall. It was an embarrassing and helpless move, so I had to hide this time with a smile.

He seems to be more frustrated and brave, and he smiles at me more rudely. "Let's get along with my partner, Juan son, ok? It's so decided. "

I didn't answer him, so he had to talk to himself.

This pattern lasted for nearly an hour. Before the break, I promised him 15 minutes.

In my opinion, this is a wanton joke. How can I be serious? He should have fun.

Gorgeous performance, just a performance, whoever is serious will lose.

But the question itself, if two people participate in the play, is it true or not, we missed the opportunity and it is difficult to start over.

From that day on, we seemed to be closer. We talked more on WeChat and met more frequently. Until one night off, my friend and I ordered takeout for dinner, and suddenly my WeChat message popped up-

"Object, what are you doing?"

"I am a little sister, please."

"Aren't you my date?"

"You want to be beautiful, who are you dating?"

"You."

Obviously, I was angry at that time. He didn't formally confess to me. We all know this is a joke, and who knows what will happen.

"Have you been drinking?"

"I drank a little, not drunk."

"Tell me when you wake up, I'm going to eat."

"Are you my date?"

In fact, my heart is shaken, because I don't know if he is serious or playing with me, so I can't answer him positively or romantically, and contradictions and entanglements are full of my heart.

"Can you be decisive and tell me formally that I don't want to be so ambiguous, you know?"

"I ... like you, Juaner. Can you be my girlfriend? "

"Really?"

"I'm serious."

"Ok, I promise."

My good friend asked me the answer countless times, and then I thought for a long time. Maybe I have a crush on him, too. Otherwise, how could I promise so readily?

In my love, if you like someone, you should like them seriously, and don't do things that hurt each other on the pretext of liking them.

"Later, why did you come to the end of the breakup?"

"Maybe he is too tired and I have no tears."

One week before our one-month anniversary, unfortunately, my friends and I were told to go to Tongzhou training camp for training, and we could return to our posts after getting the safety certificate.

I thought I was going to train after the anniversary, and everything seemed to be arranged in advance.

On the first night, it was windy, and my friends and I arrived at the training camp in Tongzhou by bus. It was a very remote place and the environment was very bad, so we had to put up with these four days.

When tidying up the bedding, all kinds of bugs and dirty things appeared in the dormitory. I endured the fear to clean it up. All the grievances were vented on him in the afternoon 10, and he just kept coaxing me. Even though he was surrounded by all kinds of tedious work at that time, he still put my emotions first.

Only then did I vent my dissatisfaction to him blindly, thinking that he didn't understand me, didn't take me to heart, and just perfunctory me.

Anger brought me into the dream and slowly welcomed the arrival of the next day.

The first quarrel was in the penultimate night in Tongzhou. At the beginning of evening self-study, I was thinking about his dull eating during the day. I was going to order him a takeaway to ease the episode during the day.

"Have you ever thought about our future, seriously?"

You know, sometimes a woman's sixth sense is really accurate, so accurate that you doubt your life and even hate your ability.

Seeing his news, I got up violently in fear, regardless of the surprised eyes around me, and rushed to the dormitory, crying with a wow.

My friend followed me out and often said, "He made you angry again. Let's ignore him."

"So far, I haven't really thought about our future. Even though I promised to be with him, I'm still trying. I didn't expect him to say it first. "

I was really scared at that time, obviously suggesting that I was just playing with him. There is no need to be so serious, but once the relationship starts, who can control it?

"What should I do if he breaks up with me?"

"At the beginning, it was obvious that he didn't deserve you, whether it was looks, family background or education, but you didn't listen. Besides, you knew from the beginning that you had no future. Why are you so sad? "

"But, the joke at first was really a joke, but since I promised to be with him, I never took him as a joke. I take this relationship seriously. "

After a long time, I sent him a WeChat, "Everything is an excuse except not loving."

After a while, "silly girl, you think too much. I say so much just to make you tolerate my shortcomings. " I know I'm stupid, and I won't lie to you. However, I am studying hard, you know, I am working hard for our future. "

"But you know, your news made me cry for a long time. I thought ... "

"What do you think?"

"I think ... I thought you didn't want me."

"Fool, I didn't want you."

Later, he put me to sleep and told me a lot, so I fell asleep in a daze.

Our relationship has soared since that night, but I don't understand what's wrong. I shook my head and put some things that bothered me behind me.

I seem to become more dependent on him and more serious than before. If he doesn't reply to my message for more than a minute, I will complain about him, get angry with him, and finally push myself to the wall.

My friends have repeatedly advised me to have my own life and not to focus on one person. It will be deformed after a long time.

I don't believe it. At that time, I was still thinking, if I like someone, then I have to share everything with each other. How could I hate it? But I forgot the simplicity and complexity of human nature.

I really like you, but I don't like you for a moment.

On the day of the end of the training, for personal reasons, my friends and I set foot on the bus home alone. I was angry with him all the way, but he seemed to deliberately avoid some questions, which made me very uncomfortable.

I came home late that day and we were all very tired. I stopped pestering him with videos as usual, and he didn't say anything.

There are still three days before our anniversary, and I'm looking forward to it.

The third day from the bottom.

The subway security check is very tiring, and my friends and I have been planning when to leave.

It seems that God has heard our thoughts. When we wake up in the morning, the company informs us to sign, and the salary will arrive at night.

I have some refusal in my heart. I was afraid that my friend would resign as soon as his salary arrived, so I followed, but he was still here, and it was difficult for him to face the next job.

The weather was fine that day, and the birds sang very well.

At noon, we arrived at the company, but it was a little late. The finance department closes and goes to work at 2 o'clock, so we will wait at the door. At this time, my friends and I sent me a message, "Juaner, your mouse is sick."

Do you know what it's like not to be trusted? He is the kind of person who has something to do. Even though he slowly opened his heart to me, he pushed me away by one meter.

"I see, thank you."

Later, I told my friend that I couldn't go shopping with her, and she laughed at my forgetfulness.

At 2: 30, on our way back from signing the information, I bought a lot of cold medicine and wanted to buy some fruit. My friend suggested that I buy it downstairs, otherwise I would be very tired all the way.

After taking the subway for an hour and walking for more than half an hour, I packed my luggage and came to his downstairs.

I talked to him on the phone before I came, and coaxed him to take some medicine all the way. Like a child, he didn't take it at all. He slowed down even when I went downstairs. I am angry, but I am distressed to cover up these unnecessary emotions.

Especially the moment I saw him, all the past gas seemed to vanish.

"What are you doing buying so many things? How tired you are. "

"If you have a cold, it is good to eat more fruits."

"Are you tired? Come on, I'll take you to dinner. "

Although he still had a fever, I let him accompany me home, had dinner and watched a movie.

When the movie ended that day, my salary arrived, which meant that my friends and I didn't have to go to work the next day, and it also meant that something had changed.

If I knew this was the last time I saw him, would I give him another hug and sincerely say, "I really like you, even more than you think", but he never had a chance to know.

The penultimate day.

I go shopping with my friends, buy clothes, do my hair, and make the best preparations for the anniversary.

He didn't tell me until three o'clock in the afternoon that he had to work overtime on the anniversary.

As a result, we broke up in discord. He asked me to be considerate of him, and I asked him to choose between them. Anyway, he must appear in front of me on the anniversary.

On the anniversary.

After 7 o'clock, a message pops up.

"I'm off work."

This also means that the matter has been solved, and I have not grasped his fault.

"Then go back to the dormitory and rest first. I'll see you at noon."

I want him to sleep a little longer, so that I have more time to dress up. Dressed exquisitely, then I went to Yong Wang Fu with my friend, who wanted to see the beautiful scenery.

It's just that what happened caught me off guard.

After 9 o'clock, he asked me where I was.

"I'm in the palace forever. You can come to me when you have a good rest. "

"Where is that?"

"Check the map and come and pick me up."

There was no sound, and it disappeared for a long time. I thought he had come to me, but the result was not satisfactory.

After 1 o'clock, I called him and asked him where he was going. His answer is still in the dormitory.

We had a big fight, and he explained that he suddenly had a job and the team had to eat. He is the backbone.

"What about me? Where did you put me? "

The quarrel that lasted for more than an hour was still unresolved.

We don't understand each other, but love ourselves more.

At about three o'clock, I begged my friend to take me home.

Until eight o'clock in the evening, he sent countless messages.

I remember clearly, "Juaner, I know you want to break up with me at the moment, but I'm sorry."

"Let's break up" I gave him a cruel and exciting message.

However, what I want is never to break up to prove my position in your heart.

It's just that I spoke.

Then I said to my friend, "I want to go for a walk. I want to be alone." "

It was very cold that night and it was raining lightly. Wearing sandals and a tulle nightgown, I ran all the way to the back garden of the community and sat in a chair. When I turned off my cell phone, I burst into tears.

Near 10, I turned on my mobile phone. He missed more than 20 phone calls and the last message from his friends. "Please call me back as soon as possible. I'm at the subway entrance now. I'm afraid something will happen to you. I want to call the police. "

I called her back and said, "I'm sorry, I won't do it again."

Five minutes later, my friend appeared in front of me and hugged me. "Don't do that again. You have no idea how anxious I am. "

"I'm sorry, I'm just sad."

"He also called me for a long time. Let me tell him that you are back after all ... "

"I'm not wrong. In his eyes, I will always be the last position. Forget it. "

In the afternoon 1 1, I didn't reply to his phone calls and text messages. I was very angry. My anger has not subsided. I can't give up. I want him to realize how serious his mistake is.

That night, our friends called me in turn, coaxed me and advised me to give him another chance.

I made up my mind that I would forgive him as long as he appeared in front of me the next day and apologized to me.

I fell asleep crying.

When the morning came again, he didn't "good morning" as usual. "Girl, remember to eat early," all kinds of concerned greetings are only one sentence. "Where did you go last night?"

I didn't answer him.

I waited and waited, but he didn't appear in front of me.

At 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I told myself that he was busy, but as long as he called me, I would forgive him.

However, what I am waiting for is not his apology, but his breakup.

At five o'clock in the afternoon.

"I have thought a lot about your kindness to me during this time, and I will keep it in mind, but we are not suitable. I agree with you to break up. I can't adapt to your personality and my temper is not good. "

"I can't give you the future."

When I read his message, the pain was not sadness, but fatigue. What should I do?

I panicked.

"I have been waiting for a long time, but you broke up. I said goodbye yesterday, but I didn't mean to. You know clearly that I just want you to fool me, but in the end, you are just a so-called good for me. "

He hasn't sent a message for a long time, knowing that I will cry is still indifferent.

Because I knew his personality and his heart, I gave him a choice, "I will wait for you at 12 pm, hoping you can give me a serious answer."

This time he quickly replied: "Go ahead, go bravely, Juaner, don't wait for me, you will meet better people."

Seeing this message, I repeated it in the dialog box, writing, deleting and deleting. I don't know what to reply. It seems that everything is useless.

I remember I replied to two messages, and no way back refused.

"You don't regret it, no, I will make you regret it."

"I will never see you again in my life."

He said a lot later, nothing more than some high-sounding words like "I wish you peace and happiness" How to listen when you have it? I deleted it, and I didn't leave any behind.

I thought I would be crisp, I thought I would be indifferent, I thought I would be happy, I thought I would let go.

In the end, all I think is what I think.

I cried for three days and nights, sleeping and crying. At that time, I felt that I had lost my soul and wandered between heaven and earth, unable to tell day from night.

My friend didn't like me like this and said, "I've been in love twice for more than a year, and I haven't seen you like this since we broke up."

A month's love is like a long talk to me. We are together almost 24 hours a day. Too close relationship may be a necessary factor for our separation. We are all too stubborn, and no one will turn back.

After breaking up for a month, I feel like a walking corpse.

Two months after breaking up, I chose to work in the last place I met. The Wallace family entertained guests with smiles during the day and went home to feel sorry for themselves at night.

Three months after breaking up, I thought I had come out, but the fact told me, no, I chose to resign.

There is an excellent person chasing me, and I once gave him a chance to learn to let go of himself, but I still can't.

I can't punish myself with the sincere feelings of others. It's unfair.

2020 is destined to be an extraordinary year. The northern drift ended in mid-March. This half year is like a dream. Like this relationship, I woke up. I should also choose to face myself and let myself go.

When I got home, I was silent for a while, and suddenly one day I woke up and forget it.

Everything's fine. It is normal for people to break up with others, and I am no exception. Get used to meeting, leaving and then leaving in life.

"Do you regret it, regret it?"

"It's a pity, it's also a pity. But what can I do? I have thought about getting back together countless times, but falling in love is a matter for two people. Breaking up only requires one person's consent. Do you understand? "

I updated my circle of friends before I came back: "Thank you for liking me, for not loving me, and for leaving me. This time, I really have to learn to move forward, although it is slow but good. "