Make you happy, laugh and joke.

Make you happy, laugh, humor and jokes.

When listening to other people's jokes, I feel funny and cold, but when I watch them, I laugh too hard. Have you ever had such an experience? The following jokes make you laugh, and I hope they make you laugh, too.

Make you happy. Humorous jokes 1 first, help.

In the lobby of the post office, an old lady walked up to a middle-aged man and said politely, "Sir, would you please write the address on the postcard for me?"

"Of course." The middle-aged man did as the old man asked.

"Thank you!" The old lady said, "Write me another short paragraph, will you?"

"all right." After writing according to the old lady's words, the middle-aged man smiled and asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Well, there's one little thing." The old lady looked at the postcard and said, "Please help me add another sentence below: I'm sorry for the scrawl."

Suddenly realized

If you refuse help, people will hate you for a week; If the help is not perfect, it is best. ...

Second, sad stories.

Three people went to new york for a holiday. They booked a suite on the 45th floor of a high-rise hotel.

One night, the elevator in the building broke down and the waiter arranged for them to spend the night in the lobby.

After discussion, they decided to walk back to their rooms and agreed to tell jokes, sing songs and tell stories in turn to reduce the fatigue of going upstairs.

After telling jokes and singing songs, we finally climbed to the 34th floor, and everyone felt exhausted.

"All right, Peter, tell a humorous story."

Peter said, "The story is not long, but it is extremely sad: I left my room key in the hall."

Suddenly realized

We are miserable, so we are humorous; We are humorous, so we are happy.

Third, seduce

An English celebrity and a French woman share a box. The woman tried to seduce the Englishman, but after lying down, she complained that she was cold. Mr. Wang gave her his quilt, but she kept saying it was cold.

"How else can I help you?" Mr. Wang asked in dismay.

"When I was a child, my mother always used her body to keep me warm."

"Young lady, I can't help you. I can't jump off the train to find your mother, can I? "

Suddenly realized

A man who knows amorous feelings is a good man, and a man who doesn't know amorous feelings is a good man.

Make you happy, laugh, humor, jokes, 2. It's wrong

In the restaurant, an extremely humble person timidly touched another customer wearing a coat.

"Excuse me, are you Mr. Pierre?"

"No, I'm not." The man replied.

"Ah," he breathed a sigh of relief, "then I'm not mistaken. I am him. You are wearing his coat. "

Suddenly realized

It proved not easy. People who are straightforward tend to feel inferior; And unreasonable people, heroes are like cattle.

Second, architects.

A lady called the architect and said that her bed would shake whenever the train passed by.

"This is nonsense!" The architect replied, "Let me see."

After the architect arrived, his wife suggested that he lie on the bed and experience the feeling of the train passing by.

Hardly had the architect gone to bed when his wife's husband came back. Seeing this, he snapped, "What are you doing in my wife's bed?"

The architect replied trembling, "I said I was waiting for the train." Would you believe it? "

Suddenly realized

Seeing is not necessarily believing, and this is how some misunderstandings arise.

Third, the spoon.

Mike went into the restaurant and ordered a soup. The waiter brought it to him right away.

As soon as the waiter walked away, Mike shouted, "Sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter brought him another soup, but he still said, "Sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter had to call the manager.

The manager nodded respectfully to Mike and said, "Sir, this dish is our specialty and is very popular with customers. Don't you ... "

"I mean, where is the spoon?"

Suddenly realized

Correcting mistakes is of course a good thing. But we are often right.

Make you happy 3 1 When the bell rang, a boy panted and ran into the classroom, explaining to the teacher: I came back with the school bus to save money. The teacher replied: next time you should run with a taxi, so you can save more money and not be late.

2. One day at school, the teacher said, "The topic of today's composition is for the teacher." As soon as the voice fell, a student stood up and said, "Teacher, please go to the hospital. We can't cure you. "

3. Even if 99% people in the world think you are ugly, there are still 75 million people on the earth who think you are ugly. Do you feel suddenly swollen!

4, girls are, small and fresh in front of relatives, quiet in front of outsiders, neurotic in front of acquaintances, and female hooligans in front of girlfriends.

Monkey, did you propose to Xia Zi with this ring? You are so funny! You don't have a half carat diamond, so no one cares about you! When Chang 'e was so ashamed of me, she said, Don't tell me if you love me or not. Look at the size of the diamond ring first! Alas, how realistic the little fairy is now. Alas, I tell you, with this ticket fairy, you will shoot her to death with a diamond brick, and she didn't even call for help!

6. There is really no coat like a school uniform: the mobile phone is hidden in the sleeve, the book can be put in the pocket, the pillow is rolled up and spread out as a blanket, and you dare to rub it anywhere. The key is that after wearing it, everyone can be evenly ugly. Sixteen, life is like some people singing, the first sentence is out of tune, and then everything goes wrong.

7. My wife baked cookies for the first time and they were burnt. I encouraged her to say, "My wife is great. She made Oreos." She was a little embarrassed: "No …" I said: "My wife must make the best!" When she was happy, she became excited: "Then you can eat them all."

8. The snail flew into a rage when checking out after dinner: "You are a little too dark. I just ate a small bowl of noodles here and charged my room rate. Please make it clear that the private room is my own, not yours. "

9. That night, I dreamed of the moment of parting. I stare at you and say to you gently, I hope I can stop crying when I turn around. But my eyes are blurred. I choked back my heartache and suddenly turned around. A tear fell on my hand. We broke up and agreed not to cry.

10, the woman is ugly and can't get married, hoping to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

1 1, not too long or too short, what you need is to devote yourself to the whole process, and you are doing your best from beginning to end. At this moment, you are in the best moment, no matter how persistent you are to win, as long as you run down, you are a hero.

12. Before I got married, I thought boys were the most handsome when playing basketball. After marriage, I suddenly found that it is the most exciting thing for men to cook, wash dishes and clean up the house!

13. After spending more than a year with my girlfriend, I finally understood two sentences. I can calm my girlfriend down by picking a word at random. The first sentence: You are right. The second sentence: buy.

14, never quarrel with your parents, because you will only be scolded if you win, and you will only be beaten if you win.

15, I went to work today and want to go tomorrow. This is a career; I went to work today, and I have to work tomorrow. This is a profession! I drank together today, and I want to drink again tomorrow. This is a friend. We drank together today, and we will drink tomorrow. This is the customer! I ate today, and I want to eat tomorrow. This is delicious food. I ate it today, and I will eat it tomorrow. This is a meal!

16, I went to my best friend's house, and she was actually reading a book. I asked her why she was so diligent. She said: color matters to people, and color declines gracefully. I asked what it meant, and she explained: I send selfies every day, and my friends are tired of watching them. So I'm going to make jokes and be an educated slut.

17, a dog grinned and the lion dodged. The little lion asked, "How shameful it is that you dare to fight with a tiger but avoid a dog." The lion said, "Fight with the dog and let the tiger know. Why don't you laugh at me? "

18, Jiaozi wants a divorce, and his wife asks why. Jiaozi: I fell in love with wonton. Madam: Didn't you say that you like my simplicity? Jiaozi: Now I realize that I prefer perspective clothes.

19, asking people to pay back money is like a secret love. I always feel embarrassed to say it! When you get up the courage to say it, you may not even have friends!

20. Xiaoming came to the forest and saw a bird playing mahjong. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird playing mahjong answers: I am a sparrow. Xiao Ming walked on and saw a bird taking a bath. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird in the shower replied, I am a magpie. Xiaoming walked on and saw a bird making a hole in the tree. He stepped forward and said, you must be a peacock! The bird gave him a white look: roll, I'm a woodpecker!

2 1, I work today and want to go tomorrow. This is a career; I went to work today, and I have to work tomorrow. This is a profession! I drank together today, and I want to drink again tomorrow. This is a friend. We drank together today, and we will drink tomorrow. This is the customer! I ate today, and I want to eat tomorrow. This is delicious food. I ate it today, and I will eat it tomorrow. This is a meal!

22. My wife baked cookies for the first time and they were burnt. I encouraged her to say, "My wife is great. She is making Oreos." She was a little embarrassed: "No …" I said: "My wife is definitely the best!" When she was happy, she became excited: "Then you can eat them all."

23, a sister. One day after dinner, my father looked at me for a long time. Suddenly I sighed and said, hey, I wanted to solve one bachelor for my country twenty years ago, but I didn't expect to be able to do two. My own dad, stop it. I want to be quiet. ...

24. What is a famous brand? If you add a zero to the cost price, it's called a famous brand. Cost plus two zeros is called luxury. How many zeros can be added after the cost price? This is called a cultural relic!

25. Frog, dog and goldfish participated in the swimming competition. The dog won the first place and the frog won the second place. Why did the champion go to the frog? There is no dog paddle in the international swimming competition, but there is breaststroke.

26. You are very handsome. You have a nest of cabbage on your head and a sack of kelp in your waist. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact you are the second generation of a failed God!

27. The world is so strange. Poverty limits my imagination, but not my weight.

28. Look at someone in Weibo who said that when he was in a bad mood, he went to chat with his aunt in the community, and in ten minutes, he would know who was worse off than you. I tried to find my aunt in the community and told her about my miserable life. My kind aunt patted me on the shoulder and said, what is this? Xiao Wang in Building 7 is much worse than you. I cried after listening to it, because I am Xiao Wang in Building 7.

29. When someone wants something from others in business, they will pester them and promise anything, but they always try their best to avoid it afterwards. On one occasion, he failed to fulfill his previous promise. He said to his friend, "believe me, I am by no means the kind of person who turns his back on others." The friend looked at him and said coldly, "Slip?"

30. The teacher asked: Why didn't dragonfly come to school today? The fly stood up and answered: yesterday, the street was being swept away and taken away. The teacher asked again, why didn't you get caught? The fly replied with a bitter face: the city manager said I was ugly and noisy, which seriously affected the city appearance. Get off the road.

4 1, Chunyu sang on the river: "Ding-dong, Ding-dong ..." The ice on the river melted, and the fish heard Xiaoyu's sweet song and happily performed a forward roll for Xiaoyu.

2. Send you a beautiful mood tree, give her sincere nourishment, caring temperature, free air, planted in your heart, and give you happiness, joy and joy every year!

3. In life, there is one person worth remembering, and that is fate; There is a person who misses himself very much and is very happy. The missed years bloom colorful flowers in loneliness, but they are barren in the spring and summer of reincarnation. I like to hold you tight at that moment, just like I got the whole world, you know? Inadvertently, your smile became the whole world.

4. Spend every day in happiness and move forward in happiness. Love others and cherish your family. Treat your friends and be honest with her. Face the society sincerely. Face life with tolerance. Treat people with humility. Keep a low profile. Don't look at people with lofty eyes, and don't despise others. Be a man. We must be confident, self-respecting, self-loving and self-reliant. It is better to rely on yourself than others. Cherish friendship, love and affection. Cherish the good times of life. Every day passes, we lose one day in this world. Love your neighbor as yourself, and remember never to hurt others. Don't leave regrets in the world, don't keep them in your heart. To be a person with conscience, there is no regret when you are alive. Be a kind person and be calm when you are alive. Cherish life and cherish time. Cherish every moment of life.

As long as I'm with you, I don't care what the cost is.

6. That night, I dreamed of the moment of parting. I stare at you and tell you gently that I hope I don't cry when I turn around. But my eyes are blurred. I choked back my heartache and suddenly turned around. A tear fell on my hand. We broke up and agreed not to cry.

7. Let me accompany you to drift in the sea, just to be an oar in your hand. No matter how thick the storm is, you will have me by your side.

8. I wish you happiness every day-happy birthday!

9. The distance is neither too long nor too short. What you need is to devote yourself to the whole process. From beginning to end, you are trying your best. At this moment, you are at the most beautiful moment. No matter how many times you win, as long as you run down, you are a hero.

10, are you lonely? If so, go downstairs and buy a rope and stick, tie the rope to the stick, and wave the stick on the roof when it is windy. What do people want to ask you? Just say: I have a seizure.

1 1, bright moon, flashing, hanging in the sky; Missing, a little bit, connected into a line; Memories, scene after scene, are just around the corner; Hanging, wisp by wisp, hidden in my heart; I hope, bit by bit, a spring; Luck, drop by drop, never decreases; Contact, season after season, will not be idle; Mid-Autumn Festival, year after year, looking forward to reunion; May you be sweeter than honey every moment.

12, when you can't help crying, keep your eyes open and don't blink! You will see the whole process of the world from clear to fuzzy, and your heart will become clear at the moment of tear drops. Salt. Destined to melt, perhaps in the form of tears.

13, the moment the pupa breaks out of the cocoon, it is the pain of tearing off a layer of skin. Many butterflies died of pain at the moment they broke out of their cocoons.

14, the sunshine is beautiful because of the comfort of friends; The stars are beautiful because friends decorate them; The moon is beautiful, because friendship is too precious. At this moment, let the blessing of SMS enter your heart. May you be safe!

15, "A touching strawberry, you really love fresh fruit; You are deeply in love with crunchy nuts; With a cup of plain matcha, you will fall in love with this elegance ... At this moment, you will understand that the sweetness of ice cream and the fragrance of tea can be combined so perfectly. " "Matcha" is like a beautiful green memory. In all the past days, "Matcha" ice cream has given people an indelible and elegant sweetness. Haagen-Dazs advertising language can be described as straightforward, making people unable to escape the temptation.

16, today is the birthday of the motherland. I said happy birthday to her. Today is a festival for you and me. I hope you can be happy, because you are happy, I am happy, you are happy, so I am happy.

17, like a person, will be very happy together; Love a person, together will be inexplicably lost. Like a person, it is always joy; If you love someone, you will often cry. If you like someone, you will smile when you think of him. Love a person, when you think of him, you will look at the sky blankly. Like a person, is to see his advantages; To love someone is to tolerate his shortcomings. -like, is a kind of mood; Love is an emotion.

18, what does a love need? If you could only fill in five, four, ..... among many options, what would you choose? What's the first thing? What I value is that when a boy is with me, can two people open their hearts and be honest with each other, face each other and make progress together.

19, I can't eat in the morning because I miss you; I can't eat at noon because I miss you more; I can't eat at night because I miss you crazily; I can't sleep at night because ... I'm hungry.

20. There are always people around you. Look at the way she is happy all day. She really looks like a child. Everyone envies her. In fact, where do you know: one second she was crying sadly, and the next she was smiling brightly. In fact, they can't be alone. In the dead of night, they always sit by the window and meditate on the frustration in the night sky. They are like sunflowers, always shining brightly on the front of the sun, but hiding sadness on the back that can't shine.

2 1, pistachio, you are happy when you eat it, and you are happier when you eat it. -Pistachio ads

22. I am glad to recall the days with you, although it was short. It's over now. It was really fast.

23. In my life, many people have given me knowledge and filled my mind with the source of wisdom. There are many people who give me happiness and make me grow up healthily. Once again, I sincerely ask everyone around me to be happy every day and everything goes well!

24. Life should be self-encouragement, and learning needs persistence. From this moment on, I am still me, but in a different mood. No matter what the future road is, I will silently encourage myself, stick to it and wait for the beauty of the cocoon.

25. When I break up with you, I want to be a tear in your eyes. When you call me, let me disappear on your lips.

26, all words are pale and powerless, I choose to wait for your return in silence! Maybe God can stop this moment, and I can hold your hand again …

27. At the moment of holding hands, I told myself that "love is eternal, love is persistence, and I don't give up". Today, I want to tell you that "meeting you is lucky, falling in love with you is sweet, and being loved by you is happiness".

28. From this moment on, you will be different.

29. Love should not be rekindled. Once rekindled, those good memories of the past will go up in smoke. If we hadn't been reunited, maybe I? Use his deep thoughts until the body rots; However, at this moment, I hate him. All the good days are gone forever.

30. Life, what a sacred word. From the moment I was born, I really enjoyed the happiness she brought me: my father's pain is happiness, my mother's pet is happiness, my friend's concern is happiness, and my teacher's teaching is happiness. Even if it is a piece of cake in poverty, a appreciate each other's eyes in trouble are a thousand pounds of happiness!

Make you happy, make you laugh. I am so cold.

A polar bear is idle and bored, so he pulls out his own hair, one, two, three ... When they are all pulled out, the polar bear suddenly says, "I'm so cold!" " "

Itchy

When an old man saw the train for the first time, he couldn't help touching the carriage of the train. At this moment, the train just whistled and made a loud noise. The old man exclaimed in surprise, "Oh, this guy is ticklish, too!"

The problem of elephants drinking water

I went to the cinema to watch Ice Age 4 this evening. A chicken asked the mammoth, "When you drink water through your nose, does the water taste like booger?" This question is so profound that I didn't think of it.

a family of three

A family of three went to a restaurant for dinner. After eating, my father paid the bill, and my mother said to the waiter, "Can I take the leftovers home to feed the dog?" "Sure, please." The son next to him jumped up with joy, clapped his hands and shouted, "Our family is finally going to buy a dog!" "

Sinful June

June is really evil. The first week of college entrance examination, the second week of senior high school entrance examination, the third week of final examination and the fourth week of examination. Now I finally know that Children's Day is in June 1, that's just to comfort me.

skill

Drinking yogurt often breaks the straw and can't insert it? Here's a trick: calmly take out the straw, and it's best to play with it in your hand for a while. Don't look at yogurt with your eyes, pretend as if nothing has happened, and then poke it while it is not paying attention!

6 1. There are two new people in heaven. One is wearing only underwear, and the other is a skeleton.

Out of curiosity, God himself received them both and asked the man who was wearing underwear alone: Why are you naked?

I'm a gambler, and all I lose is underwear!

God asked the skeleton again: How did you become like this, worse than him?

The skeleton replied: my god, I am a stockholder, and all the meat has been cut off.

I have been an intern in the company for half a year. One * * * We three interns, and the other two left one after another.

I have nothing to do recently. I joked with the department manager and said, "I have no task here. Why don't you leave me?"

The manager replied, "No, there are no temporary workers. What if something happens? "

3. Gan Long asked Liu Yong, "Where is the national silver?"

Liu Yong replied, "I fell into the river."

Gan Long asked again, "Why not fish?"

Liu Yong replied: "The river is deep (small Shenyang)!"

The king came to inspect and the local tribal leaders held a grand banquet to welcome him.

At the banquet, the king asked, "What will you do if the wolf comes?"

The leader said, "We welcome you, Your Majesty! Because a wolf only needs one lamb at a time, we don't need to receive it; A king wants 30 fat sheep at a time, which is very troublesome to put away. "

7 1. When my friend got married, the host invited me to the stage and said, "Today is your good brother wedding date. Why not come up and say something? " I am a little excited: "Then order sweet and sour carp and braised pork ribs."

2. Once I booked a hotel for my boss, I wanted to ask people if they had free Internet access. I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked them, "Do you have any special services here?" The other party: "What? Secret service? We are a regular hotel! " -__-! ! ! !

3. Old four in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Where are my slippers?

4. When shopping, my friend suddenly exclaimed, "Wow! Virgin bookstore! "I was shocked. I looked up and saw a plaque with four big characters-foreign language bookstore-_ _!

5. I once went to buy mutton kebabs and held out four fingers to say "three mutton kebabs" to my boss. How much did the boss take? I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

6. Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

7. My name is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of the unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

8. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" "(Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed and sprayed soup.

9. The teacher's four classic quotations: A: This is another subtitle. The PE teacher has something to do. I will come to this class. C: Are you talking or am I talking? Say it and you can come up and say it! D: You're the worst class I've ever had!

10. My parents quarreled, and my father said angrily, "I'll go out!"

1 1. When playing basketball in high school, after A got the ball, he selflessly passed it to B and B and scored easily. After a while, B got the ball and A shouted to pass it to him. B throw the ball yourself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I really blinded my dog just now ... the whole audience laughed.

12. In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ..... class be quiet.

13. When we were in college, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was. He said excitedly, "Manchester United lost and Beckham took two yellow plates!" "

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