Looking for classic dialogue

"People floating in the river's lake, who can not get a knife? White camel mountain strong bone powder, taken orally and externally, has a miraculous effect. Took a knife, drew a bag and thought

Get the second knife, flash your waist and eat a pack, and you will not be old until you are 200 years old. Keywords white camel mountain strong bone powder, youth powder, friendship powder,

Huashan Lunjian's designated nutritional products are sold in Yiguang, a major pharmacy in this town. Please look for the anti-counterfeiting mark of black toad when buying.

Gung, gung ... "

Hand over the rotten eggs and release the hostages ......

"Only when we reached the top of the mountain did we realize that the wrong road and the right road were only a few steps away."

"Sometimes catching a thief is as simple as that."

Lv Xiucai: I stabbed you with a sword, and you only said four words. I stabbed you with two swords and you said 36,000 words. Why?

Guo Furong: …

Lv Xiucai: When I stabbed you with the first sword, you said "hero, forgive me", and when I stabbed you with the second sword, you said "36,000 words"!

Listen, people inside, hand over stinky tofu and release the hostages! ! !

"Ah, my hot biceps brachii ~ ~ ~! ! "

Thief: Is there a thief like you? Stealing and cleaning other people's houses

Stealing Saint (White): Can it be done without cleaning? I have to follow the footprints.

Thief: You have something. You will return them to others in a few days.

Theft of Saint: Can I not send it back? You are not in a hurry to lose things!

"Do you think I love money so much?"

"You are!"

"I'm ashamed"

"It's good to know shame."

"Shame and joy"

Mo Xiaobei: You just sent her to hell!

Boss: Do you want to die? ! Wait till you finish learning!

Xiaomi: What's this?

Passerby: A penny.

Xiaomi: Do you know what day it is today?

Passerby: ...

Xiaomi: Today is the fifteenth day, and the fifteenth day of the first day is a beggar's rest day. Here you are.

The next day, Xiaomi met passers-by again.

Xiaomi: Give me my money back.

Passerby: Don't you want it?

Xiaomi: Yesterday was fifteen, today is sixteen. I go to work.

Xiaomi: Beggars have dignity.

Xiaomi: Why did you rob my bowl?

Laobai: Nonsense, you are the only one on the road who won't rob you.

What Li Dazui said when his mother scolded him was also quite funny.

Mom: I eat more salt than you eat ~!

Li Dazui: That's your mouth weight ~! ~

His mother: I have crossed more bridges than you have! ~

Li Dazui: That's because I'm too lazy to move ~! ~!

Guo Furong, the head catcher, is really a bully in the town of the Seven Chivalrous Man!

Li Dazui: Who is that mother?

Lv Xiucai soliloquized when practicing to collect debts from Guo Furong:

Guo, how have you been recently? If you have any difficulties, just say,

Say ~ even if there is no difficulty in making difficulties! ~!

Are you sure? Are you sure? (Guo Furong)

Beckham pinched three clay figurines.

One is Zhang Fei, the other is Yue Fei, and the other is Faye Wong.

Lotus and scholar PK that explosive:

Furong: Suppose I can shoot you to death with three hands. Every time I clap my hands, you will scream "Woman, please forgive me". So, how much do you want to say before you die?

Scholar: I refuse to answer this question.

Furong: That's a waiver.

Scholar: Scream three times, four words at a time, one word *** 12.

Furong: Wrong! It is nine words!

Scholar: Why?

Furong: The first palm goes down, "Women forgive", four words; The second palm goes down, "woman forgives", eight words; The third palm goes down and you die immediately. You only said one word "ah", 8+ 1=9.

Q: Why did you rob him?

Is there anyone else in the street so late?

Q: Why did you steal his bowl?

A: Does he have anything else?

Exhibition Hall: Acting School? ! Call me acting school? ! ! This is not swearing! ! ! I am an idol! ! !

Xing Capture: Where is the scene? Where is the body? Witness, material evidence, temporary residence permit ... = =! !

Lv Xiucai: What can I do?

The proprietress looked at him and said, just live well.

Then he pointed to the counter and said, stand there.

Lv Xiucai: Why?

Boss: Save your energy and eat less.

Lv Xiucai immediately ran to the front of the counter, expressionless and motionless.

Today, Laobai and the criminal captors are cool.

Laobai: "Where's your knife?"

The person in charge of criminal detention: "There is no knife in hand, but there is a knife in my heart."

Lao Bai: "Wrong, the highest state is that there is no knife in the hand and no knife in the heart."

Then two people open posture-rock, paper, scissors!

The punishment was defeated and the head was scratched to protest: "Isn't it said that there is no knife in the hand and no knife in the heart?"

Laobai: "Yes, I am scissors, not a knife!" " "

Bai Zhantang's flick of hair is so interesting.

"I am the body of the young master, and I am the life of running errands!" Toss your head and go out (soliciting customers ~)

How many times a month do you take a bath 10, and how many times a year?

120 times.

wrong

Why?

Bathing is not allowed in the first month

Seeing you like this, I want to be savage ~ ~

Do you want to report the toll?

No, the court gives subsidies every year.

What story are Xiao Guo and the proprietress making up? Lao Xing is very serious, pointing to his head: "What do you think this is?"

"。 . Yes . It's your head. . 。"

"yes! But there is no water in it! "

Grave robber: We are human beings too! We also need recognition, and we also need awards! ! !

Don't talk, even the window! !

You really can't help Dou.

Who is Dou?

In Xu Shui, 109 will

You don't know. Her face changes quickly and her acting skills are high. Only Xia Qing and Yu Man can compare with her in this life. "

That's because she's not normal, and so is Xia Qing Yu Man ... "

Xiao Qiang is not as strong as her ~ ~

I have good news and bad news. Which one should I listen to first?

Good news.

-I won't pursue this matter.

What's the bad news?

You must give me 20 taels of silver. . . . .

Wait for the board meeting and say goodbye to your charming ass ... = =! !

Exhibition hall: I'm fine. Thirteen Pacific gold bell jar, I practice ass. ....

This is a good performance! There is no good actor in this idea!

Tong: If a person makes me feel grateful, I will dedicate my life to him. If a person touches me, I will give myself to him!

Bai: ok. Have you learned to embroider penguins?

Tong: That's Yuanyang! !

The Spring Festival couplets of Xiaoguo: The Year of the Monkey is the Year of the Rooster.

Bottom line: The Year of the Rooster is the Year of the Dog.

Horizontal batch: one year is one year!

Scholar: Then why not let me write Spring Festival couplets?

Boss: Your handwriting is too thin to celebrate. I'll let you write when I get to Tomb-Sweeping Day!

Guo: Do you choose the person you like or the person you like?

Wife of shop-owner: Tired of it?

Guo: You must choose what you like!

Boss-in-law (sorry): Are you tired?

Guo: Because nobody likes you!

Commentary: Ji Wuming, an outstanding master, tried to kill the scholar, but he was killed by the scholar. ...

Ji Wuming (hereinafter referred to as Ji): I will die as you want me to.

Scholar: Wait, you can kill me, but first, whose hand did I die?

Ji: nonsense, I.

Scholar: I … am … who …

Ji: How do I know who you are?

Scholar (laughs): Here comes the question.

Ji (puzzled): What do you mean?

Scholar: This must start with the relationship between man and the universe. You've always had problems.

Ji: What do you mean?

Scholar: Me, who is it?

Ji: Well, I already know.

Scholar: No, you didn't. Do you know who you are? Ji wuming? No, it's just a name, a code name. You can call Ji Wuming or I can call Ji Wuming. They can have both. Who are you after you take off your code name?

Ji: I don't know and I don't need to know.

Scholar: OK, OK, then answer me another question: Who am I?

Ji: This question has already been asked.

Scholar: No, I just asked for the ID, and now I'm asking myself.

Ji: What's the difference?

Scholar: For example, I have a conversation with my code name, and your code name is also me. What does this mean? Does this mean that you are me and I am you? ...

Ji: This question is meaningless.

Scholar: Then ask some meaningful questions. Where did I come from and where did I die? Why should I appear in this world? What does my appearance mean to the world? Did the world choose me, or did I choose the world?

Ji: That's enough!

Scholar: Do I have a necessary connection with the universe? Does the universe have an end? Is there a time limit? Where did the past time disappear? Where will the future stop? Is the question I'm asking now still the question you just mentioned?

Ji (big head): I'll kill you!

The scholar shouted, Who killed me? Who did I kill?

Ji (stunned): I killed me?

Scholar: Correct answer! Do it!

As a result, Ji Wuming, a great master, died.