Why do some people treat the people closest to them poorly, but treat others well?

There may be two reasons why this kind of person has completely opposite attitudes towards relatives and others.

On the one hand, it is caused by objective factors.

First, relatives are indulgent and indulgent. That is to say, relatives do not interfere or stop such people's wrong words and deeds, and allow them to develop. What is the closest person? Nothing more than parents, husband and wife and children. The closest people, because they often live together, think that they know this kind of person well and let this kind of person be stronger to avoid suffering losses outside. As a result, such people have no worries or fears in front of their loved ones, and can release their emotions freely without concealment. Unexpectedly, this kind of person looks completely different when he goes outside. I have concerns about interacting with others, I am timid, and I don’t dare to make mistakes.

The second is that relatives are too tolerant. Even if such a person has a bad attitude and causes a certain negative impact, relatives will treat him with tolerance and kindness. Over time, this kind of person's personality changes drastically, and even if he tries to provide guidance, it has no effect, and he regrets it. Others know the nature of this kind of person, and if they find that this kind of person goes out of line during interactions, they will immediately fight back, forcing this kind of person to disguise themselves, treat everyone with a smile, and be cautious in everything.

The third reason is too much pressure. As the pace of life accelerates, the pressure in life, work, economy and other aspects increases. Such people cannot vent their emotions and relieve stress in front of others, so they vent all their grievances on their loved ones. His face was ugly, looking for trouble out of nothing, as if he had thorns all over his body.

Fourth is forced by the living environment. This kind of person may be forced to make a living and put on a smile in front of others in order to ask for help. Sometimes when asking for help, you run into trouble, and you have no choice but to please others in order to get out of trouble. This kind of person feels that he is "inferior" by being out there for the sake of his family. Therefore, if you have a bad mentality, you will talk harshly to your loved ones in everything.

On the other hand, it is caused by subjective factors.

First, taking oneself too seriously creates bad emotions. The poet Lu Li said: "It is better to think of yourself as clay. If you always think of yourself as a pearl, you will always have the pain of being buried." If a person takes himself too seriously, it is easy to mislead his relatives to indulge him and breed bad things. mood. He made mistakes again and again, unable to extricate himself, and was eventually cast aside by others.

The second is that you let yourself go too much and cannot control your emotions. A person who does not get angry when encountering problems does not mean that he has no emotions, but that his mind is not trapped by emotions. If this person regards the tolerance and kindness of his relatives as weakness and can be bullied, and indulges his inappropriate words and deeds, his mind will inevitably be trapped by his emotions; if he always alerts himself to the tolerance and kindness of his relatives, and treats his relatives with kindness and tolerance, his emotions will definitely be controlled by his mind.

The third is that it is too hard on oneself and it is difficult to transform emotions. Lao Tzu said: "What a great sage? Such a false reputation, I have long thrown it away like a worn-out shoe. And if you call me a cow, a horse, or a mouse, what does it matter? It can't change anything, I am still me."

In life, when faced with sudden difficulties, we either shrink back timidly or lose control and get angry. In the end, the problem is not solved and we end up injured. No matter if the pressure is too great or the environment forces you, you just can’t push yourself. If you adopt the mentality of "I am still me", cheer yourself up, turn stress into motivation, transform bad emotions, and rise up in difficult situations, you can improve your ability to control your emotions.

Weak people are as angry as tigers and easily become slaves of emotions; strong people are as calm as water and can easily get rid of bad emotions. Therefore, people who have a bad attitude towards their loved ones should strengthen their study and cultivation, learn to control and transform their emotions, and become a strong person with noble morals and consistent appearance and appearance. They have a bad attitude towards their own family members but a good attitude towards outsiders. This is the external manifestation of most people. The reasons are worth exploring.

Why is your attitude toward your family so bad? It is generally caused by the following factors: 1. The family environment is relaxed, without restraints, and does not require fortification.

The family can be said to be the freest little world in the world. You can be unrestrained and say anything. It doesn't matter if you say something wrong; no one will blame anyone. If you make a mistake, you can do it again, and you will not be attacked or slandered, because no one will be hostile.

2. There is no circle without rules.

In the final analysis, these bad habits are all acquired through habit, and they all grow secretly in an out-of-control environment. As the saying goes, there is no rule without rules. The interpersonal relationship in the family should also be governed by three chapters, and everyone should be self-disciplined and supervise each other in their words and deeds; otherwise, the spread of liberalism will inevitably cause family conflicts, large and small, and destroy the harmonious and united living atmosphere.

There is a song with very good lyrics: A family is the smallest country, and a country is composed of thousands of families. Families also need to set many rules: respect the elderly and love the young, be united and help each other, be tolerant and generous, be diligent and thrifty in housekeeping, work hard without complaining, and strive to be an example of self-discipline. Personal shortcomings and shortcomings should be restrained and not allowed to go unchecked. As the ancients said, "Be a good person with your tail between your legs."

Everyone gathers firewood and the flames are high. When everyone can regulate their own behavior, a family relationship of unity, friendship and harmony will be formed, and the happy atmosphere will warm everyone's heart. As for why you don’t lose your temper easily with outsiders, it’s because outsiders won’t buy your fault! They don't eat from you, don't use you, and don't owe you anything, so why should they look at your face? Why should I be angry with you?

Besides, "people need face and trees need bark." Who wants to expose their shortcomings in front of the public? Who is willing to bear the huge pressure of public opinion? People go to higher places, and water flows to lower places. Anyone who has fans is willing to put it on their face, all for the sake of a good reputation. In short, there are indeed flaws in human nature. The above-mentioned internal presumptuousness and external disguise are the best portrayal of this defect. At a time when people's hearts are aligned with others' thoughts, it is imperative to strive to be a consistent person both internally and externally. Treating people is both a knowledge and an art, which requires our efforts to study and practice. Let the spaces we live in, large and small, be filled with friendship and fragrance. This is exactly what is needed to build modern civilization, and we should work hard for this.

This kind of thing happens a lot among colleagues and friends, both men and women.

They (them) handle things very well among colleagues at work, speak in a pleasant manner, and never lose their temper. But when they come home, they are different, as if they are a different person. Mainly The reason is that there are cracks in the marriage. The two never look for their own reasons. They all follow their own temperaments. They even bring their emotions at work to home. If they are unsatisfactory at work, they take out their anger on their family members.

They (they) do not know that what determines the happiness of a family is not poverty or wealth, health or disease, but the temper and emotions we show to our families.

Their (their) biggest mistake is to leave their kindness, tolerance and kindness to outsiders, but give the worst and worst emotions to their loved ones.

There is a colleague in my workplace, Lao Zhang. His wife is a primary school teacher. When we meet, we call her Ms. Liu. Her family is wealthy and her children have also been admitted to a good university. However, this family has recently heard that News of their divorce.

After asking, I found out that the relationship between the couple has long been like fire and water. They have a small quarrel every day and a big quarrel every two days. It is because of the child that it has been maintained until now.

The final reason for the outbreak was that Lao Zhang had problems at work and was depressed. He forgot to change his slippers when he returned home. Teacher Liu, who was doing housework and was sweating profusely, scolded him severely. After a while, the two of them stopped giving in and started to quarrel.

From quarreling to throwing things, the impact of the hard-working family finally rang the final tomb bell.

Losing control of your emotions is a sharp sword that will destroy your family with your own hands. It is destined to be a tragedy.

So when we face our loved ones, we should treat each other warmly, learn to control our emotions, and don’t blame them casually. No one is your punching bag.

Layman’s answer, thank you for reading!

There are ups and downs on the road of life, so how can you always control your emotions when dealing with others? The reason is very simple, because others don't treat you badly, so you can never be rough with others. There is a saying that "people are equal, don't compete with others, don't be impatient", which leads to being kind to others. Let’s talk about why you have a bad attitude towards the people closest to you? The reason is very clear, because the people closest to you are running into each other day and night, and they play a physical role in the running-in situation, such as tone of voice, movement behavior, and body contact sensitivity. These factors cause a messy phenomenon and human emotions. When you are feeling down, you will develop disgusting and resisting behaviors. There will be gossips and quarrels at the beginning, and then it will escalate to the whole family. Eventually, a storm will inevitably come, and you will become enemies with those close to you. , this also corresponds to the saying, "Those who are close to you hate your enemies, but those who hate you are happy", so why treat others well if you have a bad attitude toward those closest to you? As the saying goes, friction causes trouble when you are close, and you stay away from the edge in all walks of life. If you want to get close without quarreling, you have to be alone.

Because people live in this world, it is impossible to show their personality anytime and anywhere. If you are taciturn, you are said to be cool; if you are lively and active, you are said to be coquettish; if you are honest and frank, you are said to be simple-minded; if you are cautious, you are said to be sinister and cunning... No wonder people often lament that being a human being is difficult. Indeed, all living beings have different personalities, joys, sorrows, and joys. In a group, there are people you can get along with and people you don’t like. You can’t express your disdain for him or her directly. That way It will offend others. Be careful if others try to trick you behind your back. You won’t know where you will die in the end. Therefore, people try not to express their opinions on their faces in front of outsiders, but hide them in their hearts. They often mean what they say and appear hypocritical. This is also unacceptable. Unlike Westerners, Easterners are more reserved and restrained.

When you return to your home and face the people you are closest to, you can say whatever you want. Sometimes you go too far and seem to have a bad attitude towards the people closest to you, but he ( She) may be angry for a moment, but then quickly forgive and forget. Therefore, at home, people can hide nothing and speak directly. This is a direct expression of temperament. If you talk too much, you will inevitably overdo it or say the wrong thing. This is completely different from how you behave in front of outsiders, but life is like this. Home is a safe haven. All discomforts and dissatisfactions can be expressed when you go home. Otherwise, if you hide them in your heart, won't it make you worse and worse for your health?

Some people have a bad attitude towards the people closest to them because the people closest to them have no ability, no money, no identity, no status, and are not as knowledgeable as some people. It also reflects that some people are jealous of their parents, dislike the poor and love the rich. From the perspective of the survey, it shows that these people have low moral character, and they are groveling and looking down on money.

Treating others well is because some people dare not treat others badly, and others will not let them be treated badly, and they may even beat them!

A considerable number of people in life are like this. They treat people close to them very poorly, but they are very kind to outsiders. I summarized it, and there are probably the following reasons.

1. I believe that in front of people close to me, I no longer need to pretend. I can take off my mask and be my true self. I can say whatever I want, do whatever I want, and lose my temper whenever I want. When you lose your temper, you no longer need to cover yourself up.

2. After working outside or running around for a day, you may have suffered a lot of grievances and frustrations, or accumulated a lot of dissatisfaction, or you may be very tired physically and mentally, and return home with all this negative energy. At home, if you are not careful, you can easily transfer these negative energies to the people close to you, causing the people close to you to bear these unnecessary disasters.

3. Believe that people close to you naturally need to understand you. If you do not meet your requirements, you will easily lose your temper with them.

The people close to us are called close people because they are more important to us than outsiders. Therefore, our practice of not distinguishing between closeness and distance is actually very harmful to them.

So, from now on, we should change our thinking and treat the people close to us as the most important people, so that our attitude towards them will naturally improve.

I don’t know either.

My husband is such a person, and I have no choice at all.

He talks and laughs with people outside, but his face changes immediately when he comes home. What I hate most is looking at his face. He can argue or hit him, but I just can’t stand the look on his face, as if you owe him how much money you owe him. Face.

When I asked him why he had such an attitude, he said that if you show off to others, who will pay attention to you, you and your family should not be so tired. However, if you are not tired, I am tired, and I would rather eat three meals a day. Just hit him, as long as you don't look at his donkey face

In fact, this phenomenon often happens in every part of our lives, and sometimes I am such a person myself.

Especially for my own children, as a child in school, I can educate them for a while and then choose to tolerate, forgive, and let go. But for my own children, I will definitely let them cry. Until he realized his mistake.

During a 10-minute break after dinner today, a child got a book to read, and then he tore up the whole book. I just educated the child, and he just realized his mistake. .

Similarly, my husband, he has no work, the children make trouble, or when his parents talk about him, he has a very bad attitude. She acted very irritable and started arguing whenever she said something to him. But when someone calls him, he can speak very gently, and his face changes faster than us women.

I once laughed at him for having a bad temper with his family. He said that I was already irritable and was out there just to maintain my image and face. But for you parents, if I still behave like this, I would really go crazy. .

Because of closeness, familiarity, and because parents want to accommodate and tolerate you, most people have a bad temper when facing relatives, friends, and parents.

People who treat the people closest to them poorly but treat others well are unprincipled good people. I've met such people. They have a humble status and always want others to look up to them. He doesn't have much ability, so he can only do his best to be kind to others, but he is so kind that he has no principles. Why is it bad for the people you are closest to? Because you are tired of pretending to be outside and there is no need to please them at home. In other words, there is no need to fawn over relatives, especially if your wife is married, you should treat her better. If a family member is hurt, he will not fall out with him. If an outsider is a little unhappy, he will not be able to eat well or sleep well, fearing that others will ignore him and have no friends. Such people have poor inferiority complex at work. Tell a true story. Such a man, his colleague's family did not have a car, and his colleague's wife wanted to go to the city for more than 60 kilometers to attend a class reunion. He asked him to deliver her, and he readily agreed without saying a word. I accompanied someone else's wife around the city and couldn't find a hotel. I didn't feel impatient at all. It was already late at night when I got home, and I didn't even complain. The next day his wife told him to go back to her parents' house and asked him to deliver it. He immediately scolded her, "Didn't you go without buying a car?" You don't know how to take a taxi? His colleague's family of three went mountain climbing. He got up early and stayed up until late at night to see them off and pick them up. He never tired of it. When his son went to school and it rained, he asked him to drop him off, but he said he wouldn't drop him off. He didn't feel any pain at all when his son was soaked in water. As long as outsiders asked him, even if it was a trivial matter, he would do his best to handle it. But he doesn't care about his own family affairs. Is this stupid or perverted?