Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Mood Phrases: You stinky men say this every time!
Mood Phrases: You stinky men say this every time!
After getting my driver's license, I asked my brother for the car keys and said to my parents and sister-in-law: I will take you for a drive. . . . Mom said: I should go shopping! Dad got up and walked out: Lao Zhang downstairs called me to play chess... My sister-in-law held her stomach: Ouch, my stomach hurts, I have to go to the toilet. . . . My little niece and I were the only ones left in the room. Before I could say anything, my little niece knelt down in front of me and said, "Please let me go, I'm still young!" !
Today I went to Dicos to eat and a primary school student was using the wifi at the door. The waitress seemed to have noticed the primary school student’s intention and wanted to drive him away. The primary school student looked at her pitifully: I will just stay outside and promise not to go in. Then the waitress blushed and scolded fiercely: You stinky men say this every time!
Today Xiaoming’s school has to pay 100 yuan. Xiao Ming called his father and asked for 200 fast. His father told his mother: His son’s school needs to pay 500 yuan quickly. His father went to work, and his mother told Lao Wang: Her son had to pay 800 yuan to school. Lao Wang told his wife that he could lose 1,000 yuan in mahjong. Lao Wang’s wife asked Xiao Ming’s father for 1,500 yuan. Who was injured in the end?
The girlfriend asked her boyfriend: "Your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, who did you save first?" The boyfriend said: "You try." "Just try." The girlfriend jumped into the water, but , but the boyfriend's mother did not jump. The two discussed on the shore: "Do you want such a stupid wife?" I picked up one of the black fruits and tasted it. Don’t tell me, it was really fragrant. So I picked up a big bag and took it to school to share with my friends. Everyone thought it was good, so I picked one every day. The big bags were sold at the school gate, and I was expelled for selling sheep shit.
My friend told me about his son’s cheating. One day, he sent his son to the kindergarten. When he arrived at the door, his son asked him to buy some fruit. He saw that he was almost late, so he refused to buy it. When he sent his son to the door of the class, the teacher asked him, "Where are the fruits you brought?" His son said directly, "What a scam!" Good dad...
I chatted with a girl online and she said: "I'm fat. I asked: "How many pounds?" "She said: "120" I thought to myself: "120 is not too fat, it is quite cute. "Then I went out to take a look. I saw that my mother-in-law is tall and tall. She is about 1.4 meters tall... I saw a young and strong man begging at the street corner. I went over and persuaded him: "Young man, what are you doing with your hands and legs?" Do this? The young man said: Brother, what kind of job can you find where you can make money just sitting there without doing anything, with a monthly salary of 10,000 yuan without paying taxes, without breaking the law, without risks, and without relying on your family and friends? I thought about it for a long time? , said to him confidently: Boy! Move over! Don’t move any bowl!
I chatted with a girl online, and she said: "I am very fat. I asked: "How many pounds?" "She said: "120" I thought to myself: "120 is not too fat, it is quite cute. "Then I went out to take a look. I saw that my mother-in-law is tall and tall, and she is about 1.4 meters tall... I saw a young and strong man begging at the street corner. I went over to persuade him: "Young man, what are you doing with your good hands and legs?" Do this? The young man said: Brother, what kind of job can you find where you can make money just sitting there without doing anything, with a monthly salary of 10,000 yuan without paying taxes, without breaking the law, without risks, and without relying on your family and friends? I thought about it for a long time? , said to him confidently: Boy! Move over! Don’t move any bowl!
When I was in high school, I was caught climbing over a wall to eat, and I called my parents. My father went to school and cooperated with the teacher to train me all morning. At noon, the teacher asked my father to have dinner with me in the school cafeteria, and we talked about my decline in study. He took two mouthfuls of food, threw away his chopsticks, and said to me: "From now on, if you don't have enough money to eat out, I'll give you more. The food is just like feeding pigs. How can I keep my studies from declining?" ”
I had a fight with my girlfriend and ignored me for a few days during the cold war period.
In the morning, I fed the dog and combed it. When my girlfriend saw it, she said, why are you playing with pigs? I was overjoyed, thinking she had spoken to me, and quickly replied, "This is not a pig, but a dog!" She said lightly, "I'm talking to that dog!"
My wife is getting fatter and fatter. When she goes to bed at night, she turns around and snatches away all the quilts. I finally understand that sentence now! Some people fall into a blanket as soon as they turn around! Don’t deny it, no man can escape these temptations!
Don’t deny it, even men can’t escape these temptations!
Don’t deny that it is a temptation that no man can escape.
Career
Perhaps the biggest temptation for men is career. Success and fame should be for most men. dream. Many men are willing to give up everything, even women, for their career, which shows how tempting career is to men. Of course, men do not need to refuse this temptation, but they must properly balance emotions and marriage. If they only understand career but not life, this career will be too boring.
Money
Women can’t resist the temptation of money, and neither can men. It’s just that many women don’t rely on work and career to satisfy the temptation of money, while men mostly rely on Work hard and do your business to earn more money. The temptation of money to men is actually partially connected with the temptation of career to men, but it is not exactly the same, because in addition to satisfying men's desire for money, career also includes the pursuit of power and the satisfaction of vanity.
Women
Men are a temptation to women, and women are a temptation to men. It can be said that it is the first and most irresistible temptation for men. Men are all The sentence "lustful" can be said to be the best explanation of this. Should men resist the temptation from women? Of course not, but do not indulge in improper eroticism, be passionate but not sentimental.
Adventure
Most men have an adventurous nature. Men always like to do this and that risky thing. Only those who dare to take risks are like men. Risk-taking includes both physical risk and spiritual risk. Men are brave because they dare to take risks. They are mature because they dare to take risks. They are also full of charm because they dare to take risks. To a certain extent, it is adventure that makes a man. Men cannot do without adventure, and naturally they cannot resist the temptation of adventure. Wherever there is adventure, there are men.
Games
Just like taking risks, being playful is also a man’s nature. Even when a man grows up, he still cannot get rid of his playful nature, which can also be said to be a disease. . And all kinds of games are the best stage for men to be playful. There is no man who doesn’t like to play. Men are cuter because of playing, but they also appear childish because of their playfulness, and even miss their business. Adventures and games have similarities, but they are not exactly the same.
Career, money, women, adventure, and games, these five things can either make or destroy a man, so men do not have to reject these temptations, but they must also view these temptations correctly and be tempted but not tempted. .
The most important supplement: children are one of the biggest temptations for men and women.
The temptation from children is irresistible at any time. Baby is God's most beautiful creation. Whether it is a woman or a man, children are one of the greatest temptations. We may be able to resist any other temptation, and we may refuse any other person's request, but we can never resist the temptation from our children, and we can never refuse our children's requests.
Life Advice
Human beings are the most advanced animals on earth, and they may also be the most greedy. We know that happiness is in our hands, but we daydream without thinking that there may be more. Okay, so I gave up the happiness I already had in hand and pursued the illusory beauty. Who knows, doing this can only get a sour and bitter fruit. If you exchange the originally plump and sweet fruit, you will have to lose something.
No matter whether you are sad or happy, there is no way out, no matter whether you love or not, there is no way back. When the road ends, if you turn at the right time, you will always see something in front of you; when it is dull, if you accumulate little by little, there will always be something wonderful.
If you can't explain clearly, don't speak, and it's rare to be silent; if you can't think clearly, you don't think about it, and it's rare to have peace of mind; if you can't do it, you don't do it, and it's rare to be quiet.
Don’t be bribed by money. People who are burdened by money are the most miserable. Don't be a slave to money, be the master of it. If you don't have money, then you have to have manners and character. If you have money, then you must have wisdom and thinking.
In fact, it is not that there is no injury, nor is there no pain. Maybe the pain is too deep, so you know better how to hide your heart when you look back. Compared with the flying tears, you are more devoted to the truth. There are many things in life. People and events are fleeting, like a gorgeous dance. Just a moment ago, they were cuddling with each other, but in the blink of an eye, there was no trace.
Giving up on life is a kind of stupidity that desecrates life. Only with life can there be hope. There is no endless suffering in the world. As long as we can persevere in difficulties, we will surely usher in the dawn of life. If we give up life, we give up everything. This is the greatest stupidity.
How many people who pursue career success are not proud of their modest achievements? How many people can feel ashamed despite being proud? Only a peaceful mind can eliminate intolerance and arrogance, and abandon impetuousness and vanity. If you face life with a normal heart, correctly treat gains and losses, and take every step in a down-to-earth manner, your life will become calmer and calmer, and you will be able to be sublimated.
Fame and wealth are like a suitcase. When we use it, we lift it up and when we don’t use it, we put it down. If you still carry it in your hand when not in use, it is a burden. Spending your life pursuing fame and fortune, even if you are in a happy fairyland in the mountains, your spirit will fall into the abyss of pain.
Enlightenment can be encountered but cannot be sought. The more tightly you pursue it, the more you will fall into a quagmire that is difficult to extricate yourself from. Don't deliberately pursue anything. The process of enlightenment is the goal in itself. Enlightenment is not a tangible treasure that can be grasped by clenching your hands. It requires both personal hard work and the opportunity for enlightenment. Although enlightenment is achieved in an instant, long-term practice is also indispensable. 2021 Sad mood phrases Every time you get hurt, tell yourself to be brave and don’t cry
1. The love you want and the happiness you want is just holding hands and looking at each other day by day; it’s just the passage of time day by day. Just a simple greeting day by day; just warm care when we get along; just one day, the beautiful moment when we entered the marriage.
2. Some fates are destined to be lost, and some fates will never bear fruit. Those who are together may not necessarily love each other, and those who are not together may not not love each other.
3. The memories that a person thinks are unforgettable have long been forgotten by others.
4. You have to believe that there is a person coming to you, and he will bring you the most beautiful love. All you have to do is take good care of yourself before that person shows up. After that person appears, cherish it.
5. You have more new loves than I can count.
6. The flowers on the other side bloom without leaves, and the leaves grow without flowers. We miss each other but cannot see each other.
7. The love that I once regarded as love, everything looks like happiness, because love will not be sad easily, so that warm time only fulfilled our desires. The blending of water and fire, but Erer, neatly folds up the memories about you, that pounding heartbeat, goodbye.
8. If you want to leave, don’t give me a reason to miss you; please leave strongly so that you will no longer be in my memory; if we never meet again, don’t give me a reason to wait. excuse; please reject ruthlessly and let me accept helplessly. The story is over. I am confused in the past and future, but I am obsessed with the present; those memories that have fallen like autumn leaves are always crawling between the existences. Finally, in When the autumn leaves fall, I finally choose to forget.
9. I traveled across mountains and rivers to find you, but I didn’t want to see a tombstone covered with weeds in front of your house. My name can be clearly seen engraved on the hard stone tablet. It turns out that I am You have been dead in your heart for so, so long.
10. In fact, those beauties are innocent, they are just too beautiful.
11. If you had a time machine. What do you want to do? Maybe I won't remind myself not to love you. I just want to tell you about myself after leaving me. Be brave and don't cry.
12. Spending time alone, except for a few friends, I think that after many years, I can forgive myself for being young and frivolous at that time, and find a warm fulcrum to support me to quit being young and frivolous. Mistakes made by frivolous people
13. The saddest feeling is that we have all become so-and-so in other people’s mouths, and our old lovers don’t count. So we learn to wipe away our tears and be ready to leave at any time.
14. We finally no longer belong to each other. My dear, do you know how much courage I should have to say such generous words? What about you? I know that from the beginning to the silence, you have never belonged to me. I heard that sex has nothing to do with love. In fact, this sentence is very true. However, we once said, dear, sex can really enhance feelings. However, I once deeply liked you, and what about you? Haha, all the people who have ever been to me My smile looked so ridiculous until later. The words "you like me", the words "dear, come again during the holidays", all the warm words seemed so ridiculous, but I once believed them without any doubt.
15. Some injuries can never be forgiven. Some pain can never be healed. Some wounds never heal. Some scars can never go away. Some debts can never be made up for. Some pain can never be forgotten. No matter how hard you try and force yourself to not mind, no matter how loud you say you don't care, it will still hurt. It will always hurt.
16. All the endings have been written, and all the tears have started, but suddenly I forgot what a beginning it was. In that ancient summer that will never come back, no matter how I pursue it, young you just pass by like a cloud shadow. And your smiling face, very light and very light, gradually disappears in the lagging behind. Then I opened the yellowed title page and found that fate had bound it extremely poorly. With tears in my eyes, I read it again and again, but I had to admit that youth is a book that is too hasty.
17. The saddest sentence in life is holding hands, because after holding hands, you let go.
18. I think it is a habit, getting used to caring for someone and being cared for by someone, getting used to two people being together, getting used to having someone hold you tightly, getting used to having a touch of love Kiss, get used to having a warm smile, get used to having someone in your heart, get used to having someone coax you to sleep, get used to having someone call you baby, love is getting used to the habit of another person.
19. In this chasing game, when I am running away, you are chasing me, and when I am chasing you, you are running away. Maybe life is like this sometimes. Believe too much in eternity, and naively believe in how pure love can be constructed from a blank piece of paper.
20. I can’t resist the hasty marks you left on me in my old dreams. In every boundless and pitch-black night, I passionately embrace every moment of tenderness with you, and my addicted heart instantly sighs at the memory you left me. The traces are so clear and distinct.
21. Those things that are seen, invisible, sweet, sad, tender, and deceptive, maybe we all know that these are all unintentional. Who would want to hurt whom? So, when it comes to love, we are not bad, so why should we hate others or be complained about? The dearest you have become the dearest stranger. These classic quotations are right, and they really are.
1. As long as we were young, everyone will leave a little softness in their hearts for the lost youth.
2. You are safe and sound in the world without me, and I pretend to be strong in the world without you.
3. The feeling of meeting your soul mate is like walking into a house you have lived in before - you know the furniture, the paintings on the walls, the books on the shelves, and the contents of the drawers: If you were plunged into darkness in this house, you would still be able to move around freely.
4. Learn to maintain your happiness, be constantly grateful, and keep facing the place with light.
5. Emotions other than family affection will drift away if you are too lazy to maintain them.
6. When you are sleepy, you will feel angry even if your best friend wakes you up; when you are tired, even if your lover asks you to carry her, you will look disgusted; poor Sometimes, when you see others buying like crazy, you will feel unreasonable; when you are depressed, when you hear others laughing loudly, you will feel extremely disgusted. Our love and kindness to the world often depend on how well we live in the world.
7. When you grow up, not many people seem to care about whether you are happy or not. Everyone only cares about whether you are successful or not.
8. God will not make inexplicable decisions for no reason. He makes you give up and wait in order to give you better. All deceptions, insults and injuries are the prelude to gentle compensation in this world. Those little bits of light eventually become the blazing fire that burns life. Everything is the best arrangement, don't belittle yourself, don't live in the past.
9. If a man really loves you, he will only work hard because he is afraid that he will not be able to take good care of you. If he cares about everything with you and loses his temper with you casually, it just means that he loves himself and does not have the ability and ability to love you.
10. I was very thin before and I will be very thin in the future, so I need to gain weight for a while now, otherwise my life will not be satisfactory.
11. The most intense quarrel lasts only one minute, and what you said in that minute is something you can’t make up for in a hundred minutes.
12. Someone asked me if I should pay if I can’t see a certain future. All I can say is that not every effort is in pursuit of results. Sometimes on the road of giving, what you can gain is to clearly see what you want or don't want. This is not a precious result. Destiny will favor a gentle and affectionate person better than a cold heart.
13. This world is a carnival of fools. We are all so stupid that we are willing to do it, so we have the courage to be ourselves and waste our lives heartlessly and seriously. In fact, it is your amazing self who is always with you.
14. How does it feel to give up someone you like? It's like a fire burning down the house you've lived in for so long, and you look at the wreckage and ashes with despair. You know it's your home, but you can't go back.
15. Many parents say to their children: After you graduate, go back to your hometown, and we will ask someone to help you find a job, buy a house, find a good man to marry, and live a secure life, so will we. But isn’t everyone born to see the world? If we all become little fat sheep's sheep, KFC's chickens, born to die, I would rather never have been born. Love is understanding, not imprisonment. Life is knowledge, not living.
16. Why do people have to work hard in life? Because the most painful thing is not failure, but what I could have done.
17. People will grow up three times. The first time was when I discovered that I was not the center of the world. The second time was when I realized that no matter how hard I tried, there were still some things that I couldn't do anything about. The third time is when I know I may not be able to do something, but I still try my best.
18. Happiness means that the point of tears is very high and the point of laughter is very low. The feeling is that if you see my childishness, I have no scruples about you. Just passing by, you think I am cold, talkative, and strong-willed.
19. Will people who are slow to warm up miss a lot? If you don't seize that moment, you will miss it for the rest of your life.
20. Anyone leaving you is not a sudden decision. People's hearts are slowly getting colder, the leaves are gradually turning yellow, and the story is slowly coming to an end. And love turns into no love because of too many disappointments.
21. After two people have been together for a long time, they will inevitably complain: You have changed. In fact, we have not changed, we are just getting closer to the real each other.
22. The most painful way to leave in this world is that from the moment you separate, you have no way to enter his life again, but he is everywhere in your life.
23. Don’t let others tell you what you can’t do. As long as you have a dream, you must pursue it. Those who can't do it will always tell you that you can't do it either. If you want something, you have to work hard and pursue it.
24. When you look at people you don’t like, learn to settle your inner dissatisfaction; when you look at people you like, learn to hide your inner emotions.
25. You are very courageous, you have great ideas, and you are not willing to be mediocre, but you are lazy.
26. The feeling of meeting your soul mate is like walking into a house you have lived in before - you know the furniture, the paintings on the walls, the books on the shelves, and the contents of the drawers: If you were plunged into darkness in this house, you would still be able to move around freely.
27. The most sad thing in a relationship is that for a moment, you are suddenly not sure if it is him.
28. One of the biggest breakthroughs in my life is that I no longer worry about what others think of me. After that, I was really free to do what I thought was best for myself. We become free only when we do not need external approval.
29. If one day, I cannot help but ask you, you must lie to me. No matter how reluctant you are, don't tell me that the person you love most is not me.
30. When people in love quarrel, it is often not because they have no feelings, but because they are too affectionate. When both of you are deeply in love, even the slightest contradiction will hurt you deeply. Because I attach too much importance to it, I can’t let it go. True love is not about not quarreling, not getting angry, not showing off tempers, and not making nonsense, but that after quarreling, crying, and scolding, in the end, it is the other person who loves each other the most.
31. Only children will ask you why you ignored me. Adults tacitly distance themselves from each other.
32. Our long-held thoughts and feelings will one day be revealed by a stranger. I hope Qi Yanjun can be that stranger who speaks your mind clearly.
33. Many people feel disappointed because they have violated their youthful aspirations. I think I am mature, I think I am sophisticated, I think I think I am shrewd, I used to be naive, but I finally see through it and think through it. As a result, we become the kind of people we hated most when we were young.
34. If one day, I suddenly alienate you, don’t think about what happened between us. You're not wrong, I just got sick suddenly and will be fine after a while. This is true of friendship, and so is love.
35. I never thought about how strong I wanted to be. I just wanted to be that kind of girl. No matter how many injustices I have experienced and how many pains I have experienced, I would live with an open brow and a peaceful heart. Clear and open-minded personality. Occasionally pretentious but not pretentious, venomous but not bitter, not resentful, not bitter or bitter. Be sincere to everyone, be enthusiastic about everything, and believe that everything in this world will slowly get better.
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