Diary about Huo Yingxiao (funny)

Recommend Xiao's nanny is super funny! I hope you will like the following excerpt.

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"I heard that you are a nanny, and I came to apply." I posted a notice yesterday that my factory closed down and the director owed me three months' salary.

"Well ..." The "Swirl Face" in charge of reception looked me up and down. Although I can't see his eyes, I know.

"I graduated from a famous university, I didn't repeat the grade, I didn't have a bad record ..." I volunteered quickly.

"We are not interested in this. How is your endurance? " He asked me.

"endurance? What do you mean? "

"Do you accept your employer's strange habits?"

How strange it is, I said to myself, and I readily agreed.

"The probation period is one month, and the monthly salary is three hundred and twenty. Do you want to do it? "

"all right." I am very helpless. I can't do anything in this world ruled by ninjas. I wish I could make money.

"Another one!" The speaker is a handsome guy with long hair. Later I learned that his name was Deidara. "I'm really not afraid of death."

"Well, we have gone crazy with 17 nanny, so we don't have to pay them. Very cost-effective. " It's probably the accountant of this organization called Xiao, with a cash box in his left hand and an account book in his right.

"This is the rule you should follow when you work here." Wow, sharks can walk on the road. A shark handed me a piece of paper. I saw a piece of paper that said:

1. Don't talk loudly day or night. (zero proposal)

Step 2 dress appropriately. (proposed by skunks)

3. Don't eat fish. (proposed by shark)

4. People who are tone-deaf are forbidden to sing. (Proposed by Deidara)

5. It is forbidden to quarrel with the employer. (A Fei proposed)

6. Atheists are forbidden to spread fallacies. (Proposed by Hidan)

7. Diligence and thrift. (All the corners have been put forward)

"Why do I have rules, you just casually! This is not in line with the labor law. " I protest.

"Who said we didn't? You see, our rules are stricter than yours. " The shark handed me another piece of paper. He has a lot of paper in his hand.

1, wear four corners when going out to perform tasks.

2. Potatoes are more alive and moist in public toilets, and they are not allowed to be washed.

3. Two people are not allowed to roll on the lawn (whether with the same sex or the opposite sex).

4. No jumping before midnight 12.

If you don't surf the Internet all night, you are not allowed to browse * * * *.

6. Those who haven't drunk a catty of wine are not allowed to fight.

7. Those who have no female (male) friends are not allowed to stay out all night.

8. If you don't catch up with a girl, don't ruin her appearance.

9. People who want to doze off during the meeting are not allowed to sit in the first four rows.

10, don't wear the cloak of dawn sign to affect the city appearance.

"This # ...%-* What rules!" Are the people in this organization crazy?

"Cut the crap and get to work!" I saw that everyone showed me weapons, so I had to obediently walk to the piles of dirty clothes and unwashed dishes.

dinner

"What do adults have for dinner?" Washing clothes breaks me down.

"Let's do meat dishes. Basically no one doesn't like it. " Teddy boy ordered.

"Where is the meat?" The kitchen is also a mess.

"Why do you ask everything? Can't you find it yourself? "

I rummaged in the kitchen for a long time, but I didn't see it. Probably put it in a warehouse or something. I went to the room behind the kitchen, where there was a whole rib and a pig liver.

Dinner was very lively, except for Committee member Xiao. Teddy boy and Jiao took off their masks. I really want to tell you what they look like, but Hidan cursed me. If I dare to tell them what they look like, I will never get married. So, please forgive me for the happiness of my life.

"Hey, have any of you seen my midnight snack in the warehouse?" Never came back, ran to the restaurant to ask.

"What midnight snack?" Deidara asked vaguely with his mouth full of food.

"I ate the man's remaining ribs and liver yesterday. I was going to eat it for dinner today, but it's gone. By the way, what do you eat? " Speak casually.

All the small members were stunned at first, then looked at the dinner on the table and immediately rushed to the bathroom to vomit. Adult skunks are really in danger, so they put down their chopsticks and sighed, "I don't eat, it's disgusting." Then he went to brush his teeth. The adult walked up to me with a livid face, and I quickly begged him: "Adult, don't hit me, I'm not a ninja who died in a dozen!" "

"I ... I will deduct your salary for one month. What are you doing? Throw this table of human flesh out! Next time this happens, I'll twist your neck into a bow! " Lord Jiaodu fought back his vomiting and flew into a rage.

"You're pretty good! I vomited everyone dehydrated on the first day. " Never eat supper (what supper, of course, alone), and dare not look at his face when washing dishes.

"My Lord, you are really joking. I didn't know this was your dinner. If I knew, I wouldn't touch it. " Imagine me cutting things with a kitchen knife. I want to throw up myself. "By the way, my Lord, why isn't there your proposal in the nanny regulations?" I asked strangely.

"Ha ha," I heard him chewing fragile bones. The sound is terrible. "I am more easygoing."

"Depend, is there an easy-going person who eats human flesh?" My heart says.

Drink as much as you want.

My room is next to the handsome Hidan, which made me feel very happy at first, but this happiness turned into a beautiful story at 4 am the next day. Lord Hidan recites the scriptures at exactly 4 o'clock every morning. Shit, I don't even know what language that scripture is. Sounds like Vietnamese and Thai. No wonder his next door is for nannies to sleep in.

Get up to make breakfast with dark circles, or save the alarm clock. After breakfast, I watched them in a daze, tidying up the dishes. I don't want to keep a diary, but it happened just like a diary. )

Every day, in the morning, I am a little busy. After I came, you adults began to pay attention to personal hygiene and wash clothes all day. The clothes of a giant like Lord Mako are like sheets.

In the evening, Teddy boy asked me to cook more dishes. They want to drink. Tomorrow, he Jiao will go on a mission. Today, I'm going to give them a farewell dinner.

In the evening, Lord Jiaodu was probably in a good mood and allowed me to sit down and drink with them (eldest brother, I am from the northeast, and drinking with my sisters is beyond my ability! )。 Japanese wine is like mixed water, so you won't get drunk after drinking it, which is also a benefit, because you can watch adults play with wine.

Skunk adults have the worst capacity for drinking. Pour three cups. Sleeping in an earthquake will not wake up;

An adult shark got drunk and wrote his birthday on my hand. His tongue was clumsy. He said, sister, if one day you leave, don't forget that you have a shark brother in the morning! Later, Deidara revealed that when he got drunk and caught a woman, he wrote his birthday on the palm of someone else's hand. )

Lord Deidara is loveliest when he is drunk. He touched the arms of the other members one by one, then poured the strongest one into his arms and began to coquetry.

A Fei got drunk and boasted that he had framed bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.

Hidan drank too much and was a little scary. He jumped into the sky waving a sickle. Some kind of ceremony, I don't know. )

Adults with focal power are the most BT. When you're drunk, you pay one by one. But don't be happy. When I woke up the next day, I had to go back.

Most adults drank too much and insisted on burying themselves in the ground and opening a flower for everyone to see. I quickly stopped them.

It was 2: 00 a. m. when some drunks settled it. I couldn't sleep for two hours and was awakened by Hidan's chanting. He won't delay when he is drunk. How pious

Secret Cutting

With Jiao gone, I can finally have a good sleep. When the adults in Jiaodu left, they left me a note, probably asking me to take time to buy some materials, leave some money (very little) and ask for an invoice.

Most adults have been very sad recently (although his face is always buried in plants), and one day he came to ask me if I had any laxatives while others were taking a nap.

"Are you all right, my Lord?" What do you need laxatives for? Have you ever eaten anything poisonous?

"No ... there are a lot of bodies to deal with these days ... so I'm a little ... constipated." Never wavered.

"If I had known this, I wouldn't have eaten so many indigestible things." At some point, I found a laxative from my luggage and gave it to him.

"Is it effective?" Half an hour later, I asked if there was any.

"No ..." He said sadly.

"You ate it all! ! ! ! "I shook the empty bottle. "People will die!"

"But I don't want to go to the toilet at all." I couldn't bear to see you in such pain, so I used my unique skill-Lotus JJ Jade Photo. I only took one look and immediately ran to the toilet, where I stayed 1 for several hours. When I came out, I held the wall with one hand and pointed at me feebly with the other: "I ... I accuse you of murder!" "

Fortunately, the metabolic system of most adults is unobstructed, so I advised him not to eat corpses raw all the time, which is unhealthy.

"But I have a body to deal with. What do you say? " He frowned and pointed to the body in the warehouse (I will never go to the warehouse again). "By the way, you said eating raw food is not good, right? Here you are, just make this 7 mature. " Throw me the dead man's heart (don't pick up anything I'll never throw to you again! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! )。

"wow! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "What do you think I will do when I catch a heart? Anyway, I am dizzy.

"Let you scare me with dinosaur pictures, huh!" Most adults took the heart from me and left without saying a word.

Pressure cooker incident 1

I have to buy the specified items according to Lord Jiaodu's instructions, and give me that money, which is estimated to make me bargain.

Everything is bought back. I put away the receipt and cooked the turkey in a pressure cooker for dinner at night.

When I got back to my room, I heard some noises in the kitchen. I ran to see what had happened. I saw Deidara squatting on the ground, not knowing what he was playing with.

"Lord Deidara, what are you doing!" I asked curiously.

"Hush, can't you see I'm defusing a bomb? Wow, what a complicated bomb. It was detonated by steam. When the pressure is high enough, it will explode. Hehe, I didn't expect to meet a talented blasting artist like me, who can not only make bombs, but also dismantle them. Look, I've defused the bomb, huh? Why is there a turkey in the bomb? What is the author of this bomb thinking? " Deidara said very seriously.

"... I was thinking that today's dinner was ruined. I interjected helplessly, "Lord Deidara, haven't you seen a pressure cooker?" I'm speechless. He dismantled the pressure cooker as a bomb.

"What? Pressure cooker! I am so disappointed. Whoever made it should make it into a bomb. Why did you turn it into a useless pressure cooker? " Said angrily left the crime scene.

"I forgot to warn you. Lord Deidara wrote down everything he saw, and our alarm clock was written down by him as a time bomb. " Teddy boy came running to watch the fun. "Oh, it's a pity that the new pressure cooker has become scrap iron!"

"Why did he leave without saying he was sorry!" I am very helpless.

"An artist just can't understand him with ordinary people's thinking." Teddy boy said to me.

It's crazy money, alas ~

Pressure cooker event 2

"Miss, your pressure cooker has been dismantled, which is not covered by our warranty." The service staff politely refused my request.

"However, I have only bought it for one day, so please bend the rules and help me reassemble it." I implore them.

"No, miss, this pot has been torn down, and our maintenance personnel can't fix it. If it is returned to the original factory, it must be a product with quality problems. This pot has no quality problems. "

"There is no quality problem. Can it be dismantled if it doesn't look like a bomb? The valve above is still steaming, which looks like a bomb to me, and there is indeed a fact that the pressure cooker hurts people. " I quickly argued irrationally.

"Young lady, it's really not our fault. If you want a pot that doesn't look like a bomb, I would recommend a pan. " Finally, they still refused to allow me to change the pot, so I took the parts back intact.

"What's the matter? Still not giving? " Teddy boy ran over and said.

"Well, they say it's not a quality problem ... but ..." I really don't want to learn the exact words of the clerk.

"What did you say?" The culprit Deidara also asked.

"They said that there was something wrong with the IQ of the demolished people, and they didn't give a warranty." I can only tell the truth.

"what! Say I have an IQ problem! ? "Deidara angry," dig out my IQ than they add a piece of half a catty! Come on, punk, let them know what they know! " Then he dragged me to the mall.

"Hurry up and finish what you haven't finished, because I will hit you later!" Teddy boy stood akimbo in the middle of the mall. Everyone saw two people in hongyun clothes, and they were very aggressive. What else can they do? They run faster than rabbits.

"Is it this kind of pot?" Of course, Deidara knew what the "bomb" he defused looked like, and jumped over and took one. "Let's go." They dragged me back.

The next day, the headline of the newspaper immediately wrote: Committee member Xiao Er went out and the goal was actually a pressure cooker! ! ! ! Ghost sharks and Jue are already laughing with newspapers. The ferret said to Deidara and Teddy boy in a heavy tone, "It's very serious!" Sure enough, I came at noon.

"What organization do you think Xiao is?" Sure enough, I know the boss, but I have style. "Liangshan robber? Grasping things is a fucking pressure cooker. Why don't you bring air conditioning back? " Zero Satire Punk and Deidara.

"I wanted to bring it, but I didn't bring it because I was afraid that adults with focal power would come back and waste electricity." A Fei was knocked down by 0 1 slippers as soon as he answered the phone. "I shut up." Teddy boy got up and said.

"And you, Deidara. Quite a big man. Will you stop fooling around like everyone else? In the past, when Scorpion was around, he stayed up all day and talked about art. Now he is a gangster who learns to rob a shop, right? You are really capable! " Said the other slipper. Deidara was speechless with scolding.

"Going out to do things in the future should pay more attention to Xiao's influence in the eyes of ordinary people. We want to rule the world, and we don't want people to laugh after TMD falls. " Zero was about to leave with his hand behind his back when he suddenly found me.

"And you, by the way, you. Deidara and punk are also your orders? What's your name? " I know he doesn't want to know my last name.

"I don't tell Jiao about this matter, he knows what to do. Stop being a nanny. " Say that and leave. I think I have to deduct my salary again.

A giant of focal power

A few days later, two adults, Hidan and Jiao Du, came back after completing the task. I could see that Jiao Du was in a bad mood and sat there counting money as soon as he came back (he counted money when he was upset, but it was cold after counting, and we were all bored to see so much money).

Lord Hidan was in a good mood and kept showing off how Asma was knocked down. I still like Asma very much, so of course I didn't listen to him. I went to see Lord Giotto with the receipt, and he told me from the beginning.

"... pressure cookers are expensive. How much did you spend on cabbage? "He took the books and checked the invoices.

"I, I, didn't spend money."

"Didn't spend money? Then how did you do it? " He looked up at me.

"I am on someone else's windowsill ... Shun." I thought he would lecture me. Unexpectedly, my eyes lit up and patted me on the shoulder and said, "Of all the nannies, you are the only one who understands my pains best. Come and talk to me. " Say, pull me out.

"When I was a child, I dreamed of owning a giant, twice as handsome as riding it, and then carrying my beloved girl in the twilight ..." Jiao Du recited prose there, and he thought I had never heard of it. It's a pity that I really read this essay.

"If you have any ideas, don't start." It's a little cold outside.

"Well, I just lost the limited edition giant ..." I knew it.

"Don't worry about breaking money and eliminating disasters." It's just a broken bike, my heart says.

"That's not the same. There are so many bicycles in other people's homes, why do you want to steal mine? "

"You are a famous brand, let alone a thief. I want to ... ride. " I persuaded him to say. "How did you lose it?"

"I just bought it. That boy Hidan asked me to drive him. I wouldn't let him jump ..." Angel began to ramble.

"My Lord, how did you lose this car? Can you tell me the key points? " Obviously, this man is not wordy in the cartoon. I guess he never stopped when it came to money.

"I don't know, I lost it when I rode."

"..." My head will hear that you can lose your bike like this. "All Angle of adult, haven't brush the bowl. If you are all right, I will go to work. "

It's all caused by big movies. No. 1

"Come and see, I bought the latest China blockbusters" House of Flying Daggers "and" The Promise "! Deidara came running in cheering with two DVDs in his hand. These two films are not new. How can they watch it? Regardless of them, I have work to do. Xiao, these idle people gather in front of the TV to watch.

I was washing dishes leisurely in the kitchen, and occasionally I heard a discussion in the hall:

Hidan: What endurance skills does this little sister practice? Is she immortal like me? Even if it snows, how can she not die?

Ghost Shark: How can China movies use English theme songs?

Deidara ran up to me and sang like Zhang Ziyi: There are beautiful women in the north ... Shit, the drake learned to talk like that.

It is estimated that after looking at ten faces, I began to look at infinity. I still cleaned up the kitchen, and soon there was laughter in the hall.

Absolutely: fucking funny comics!

Skunk (imitating Xiao Xie sissy): You will never feel the taste of love ~ ~ ~ (others laugh wildly).

Jiaodu: "I have meat to eat with you!" " You can fucking make money hanging out with me, can't you, nanny

Me: Ah.

Hidan: Do you want to know what's under the cloak? Then drop your weapon. (Super charming tone, others whistling wildly)

Me: ... (I have no attitude except being speechless)

It's all caused by big movies. second

The next day, Deidara still went to the stall to look for pirated CDs. In the afternoon, he brought back another one. I looked up, my god! *, Hollywood super disgusting horror movie!

"nanny! I'll make tomato fried rice for lunch today, and do nothing else. Come on, let's eat while watching. " Deidara told me, so I had to do it.

The movie started, and everyone had a tomato fried rice in their hands. They have a competition to see who can watch the whole movie and eat the fried rice in his hand without changing his face, so he is the referee.

Wow ~ ~ ~ There is basically no plot in this movie, but a group of zombies are biting each other, and the torn flesh is flying all over the screen. Add some maggots to the color and texture, just like tomato fried rice. At first, several people were bluffing while watching and eating, but then the speed gradually slowed down. I can't stand watching it. Deidara was the first to be defeated and rushed into the toilet, covering her mouth. The skunk's adult was the second to die, because the zombie intestines came out on the screen, and Teddy boy made an excuse to say that he couldn't eat (nothing, usually this little dish is not enough). Now there are only adult mackerel, adult Hidan and adult. Seeing that the film is about to run out, I decided to play one more game and bring me the jade photo of Hibiscus JJ posted in the toilet to see who can eat while watching her. As a result, you asked me the answer, and the three people vomited all the things they had just eaten. The scene is disgusting. I can't stand it. Let's stop here. I have to wash the dishes. I think the most uncomfortable thing is vomiting!

It's all caused by big movies. Ah ah ah ah ah.