Look for jokes or stories or riddles or brain teasers ... anything interesting will do ~

1 When I was a child, I played TV series Hunt and Rogue Tycoon. An old woman in the yard said, "Chasing the Fugitive is on tonight." . . . . . .

An unknown colleague is chatting with me, and the content of the chat is extremely boring. Tell me what happened to him and his girlfriend. What happened? I am speechless. After he talked for a long time, look at me. Maybe he said so much, so I have to make a statement.

In an instant, I really didn't know what to say, so I blurted out: Is your girlfriend a woman?

I have had a cold for a long time! ! ! !

In junior high school, when the teacher talked about the ancient Babylonian civilization and the Sumerians, the history teacher said excitedly that "there are still beauties in the two river basins", and more than half of them laughed on the spot.

4 buy a pot helmet to eat together, a man comes forward: boss, two helmets!

Good teeth, good appetite and delicious food. . )

There is a classmate named Huang Jiajian in my high school class.

One day, I didn't go to class. When the old class came into the classroom, I saw that his seat was empty.

Just asked: Hey, where's Huang Jiajian?

After the whole class laughed, they all called him Huang Gupo.

In the past, teachers handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." As a result, the boy sitting next to me said, "It's mine, it's mine." The whole class was chilling ~ ~ ~

I worked in a factory two years ago. One day, my master and I (actually older than me 1 year) went to the factory to handle affairs. The material engineer is a big sister named Dong, in her forties. After that, the host was very polite and wanted to say, "Sister Dong, you go." The result is: "I see."

8 ~ Another time, I went to buy breakfast and found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line. I was very nervous. After greeting, I summoned up my courage and said to the chef, "Master, please give me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" " ~

~ ~ ~ Woo ~ ~ It's the first time in two years to hear the boss laugh so loudly ~ ~ ~ Depressed ~ ~ ~

My friend's child is half a year old, so I called to care. After a few commonplaces, he came up with a sentence: Does your child eat human milk or your milk now?

10 One evening, I met an acquaintance and said, "Good morning." ...

1 1 In the evening, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly, "I watched the midnight edition of the beautiful ring today!"

12 that day, I went to buy watermelons, and I heard someone ask the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

13 A farmer was drying wheat in the yard, and several chickens came to peck the wheat. The farmer swept it, the chicken scratched it, swept it again, scratched it again. I can't take it anymore. I cursed, "you bad thing, I scratch, you sweep, I scratch, you sweep."

14 One day, I went shopping and needed to pee urgently. I found an internet cafe in front of me, rushed into the door and shouted at the stationmaster: Where is the toilet in your toilet?

15 bought rice in the canteen, saw the long-awaited tofu skin, and excitedly told the waiter that I wanted a potato skin, which startled everyone around me.

16 on business trip, I have to go to a certain bank in China to repair equipment. After getting out of the hotel and taking a taxi, I said to the female driver, "You go to China Bank and buy a knife at the hardware store." Sweat! I was going to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I was wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said, "Big Brother, I'm going to get off work. Please find a new taxi. " At that time, I was very angry and said, "What car did you stop at the hotel after work?" ! ? "The female driver looked at me and said," Eldest brother, I don't want the fare after buying the knife. You can find another one. "oh! ! ! Only then did I realize that I was wrong, and I quickly explained it for a long time. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry for the female driver.

17 A political teacher once said in a lecture, "Let me give you an example", and then thought it was wrong and said, "Give me an example".

18 do you still remember the new ironmaking materials brought by Zhang Qian when he came back from the western regions during the reign of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty?

Refined a good sword and showed it to Li Guang and kept repeating:

Your majesty, good sword (base), your majesty, good sword (base) ...

silent ...

19 is really a good donkey.

In junior high school, the teacher asked the translator who this person was.

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless.

2 1 When I went to McDonald's for the last time, he said to the clerk, I want a bag of potato chips, but they saidno. I said, what store doesn't even have potato chips? Then I turned and left. . .

In the mid-term exam of 22, the girl behind me has a trouser-shaped pencil box on her desk. As soon as I turned around, my pencil case dropped. I said, "Well, you dropped your pants."

I remember that there are dogs in Lu Yu, and MM exclaimed in surprise: Ah, there are no dogs in that tail! !

23 bask in too much ass.

I remember when I was a child, I went to buy round plastic bullets in toy guns and said directly to the old man in the toy store: buy a pack of original (round) bullets!

Author: Pink Dog 2007-3-2 2 1:48 Reply to this speech 2 Girls, give me a happiness. Unhappy? I'll make you laugh.

My classmates explained to me how to make an inquiry call.

I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there. I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person who answered the phone?" "

26 carrying a lot of things and gg looking for a place to store bags at the train station.

A policeman came face to face, and gg immediately stepped forward and asked politely, "Excuse me, how can I get to the place where the bag is buried?" "

In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section.

The teacher said, "Japanese samurai were all delivered by caesarean section before they died ~ ~ ~"

Once I called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a sweet-sounding MM, who told me his extension number. I didn't know if the king I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?"

When I was in college, a classmate just bought a mobile phone, got a mobile card and dialed 1860 to ask about it. I was excited at that time: I wanted to ask about your mobile phone business. . . From hands-free, we actually heard the telephone operator say politely: We are moving to bring business. . . The whole dormitory burst into laughter.

In the eleventh year of junior 30, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him:

"You in the past, someone will kill you. . . "

3 1 Yesterday, someone said that he would introduce me to a girlfriend. I wanted to ask "is it good?" but it turned out to be "cheap." Sweating to death!

The teacher told us: "go on road trip should be honest in spring and don't always throw his head and arms out." . . . "

My husband is thin. Once I was in a hurry and said, "Honey, you look as thin as a pig!" "

One day, I went to the famous Da Qiao Road food store in Tianjin to buy food. I want to buy an old lady cake almost every time! As a result, I saw a slightly smaller cake that looked basically the same, but I was not sure, so I asked the aunt of the clerk, "Is this the cake of the little old woman?"

As a result, the audience is neither humble nor supercilious.

My cousin runs a kindergarten. Once she was in a hurry and asked me to help her take care of the children 1 hour, play games and tell stories. Facing a dozen children for the first time, I was so nervous that I was tongue-tied: "children, today my aunt told you a story about Aladdin and the magic lamp." ...

36 concave, convex ....

Original broadcast: Two gangsters wounded me and fled 1 10 police.

The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded 1 10 police and fled.

(Huang Feihong reincarnated! )

In high school, my brother and I were in the same class, and he sat behind me.

One night, our geography teacher asked us: Who is your sister? Who is the younger brother? I stayed there.

I bought cold rice noodles once and went back to my dormitory. I went to another dormitory and came back to find my roommate eating my cold rice noodles.

When they saw me coming back, one of them said to me, why did you come back? Cold rice noodles are getting cold!

I wanted to drink soda that day, so I went to the cold drink stand and said a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I said in a hurry, "Boss, have a bottle of fart water", boss. ...........

4 1 Just now, a colleague read the newspaper and asked, "How many games did China win yesterday? China is one, but Singapore can't produce negative numbers.

In the past, there was a game called "a handful of dollars" on the red and white machine, which Europeans usually called "John in the wilderness"

Some commentators: Rush out of Asia, Rush out of the world!

Once, my husband and I quarreled, and he scolded me: "pig!" " I scolded him: "You are the husband of a pig. . "I really feel like a pig after scolding.

One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner:

Report instrument, examiner is normal ~ ~ ~ ~

I remember once, when I went to KFC with a sister, I heard her muttering in the queue, a chicken leg burger and a pair of chicken wings. Finally, it was her turn. As soon as she spoke, everyone laughed. She wanted to say "Miss, a chicken leg hamburger", but it turned out to be "a calf, a hamburger".

47 college students get together in the forest park. It's time for everyone to prepare dinner. Two boys volunteered to go to the canteen to buy beer. The monitor wants to remind them to buy beer and cans. Perhaps because they have been talking about international current affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted, "Beer should belong to Iraq."

We all fell. Two boys are crazy. . .

48 MM told me that KFC's new "flesh and blood connection" (mutton kebabs have brittle bones) asked me to take her to eat. It was extremely hot in Beijing these days, and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC: Please give me two "bloody", thank you! .............

Shame-_-!

I'm always busy at work. On Valentine's Day, I got off work late and rushed to buy flowers. My wife is cooking at home and waiting for me. She called to ask me when I would go home. I lied to my wife that it would be a long time. When I heard her hang up unhappily, I said to myself, this is a surprise for you ... I bought flowers, rushed to buy chocolate and rushed to take a taxi. I couldn't get a taxi for a long time. I finally found a car to go home. ! ! ! ! !

Respondent: Pearl Krabs-probationary period 2-24 12:59.

Never play' two little bees flying in the flowers' with your classmates again, because there is a word in this rhyme.

Two little bees mean two little insects.

Flying among flowers means that spring has arrived.

So there are two bugs under the spring. Isn't that just a word?

It's really' stupid'

References:

The title of a book is The Queen Mother is Crazy.

Respondent: Days in the Clouds-Pupils 1 Grade 2-24 13:23

She is wearing roller skates.

One day, God received three people who had just reported to heaven, and gave them transportation in heaven according to their loyalty to their wives on the earth.

The first man is a playboy and often goes out to have sex. God gave him a pair of skates.

The second man often went out to shoot pheasants, and God gave him a bike.

The third man is loyal to his wife. God gave him a Rolls Royce and regarded him as an example of heaven.

After the interview, the third man came back in his Rolls Royce. The first man and the second man rode bicycles on roller skates and went home in frustration. On the way, I suddenly saw the third person standing beside the car crying, so I stepped forward and said, "Hey! You sent a gas truck, why are you crying? "

"No, I saw my wife!" "Why do you cry when you see your wife?"

"She, she is wearing a pair of skates."

She is wearing skates.

One day, God received three people who had just reported to heaven, and gave them transportation in heaven according to their loyalty to their wives on the earth.

The first man is a playboy and often goes out to have sex. God gave him a pair of skates.

The second man often went out to shoot pheasants, and God gave him a bike.

The third man is loyal to his wife. God gave him a Rolls Royce and regarded him as an example of heaven.

After the interview, the third man came back in his Rolls Royce. The first man and the second man rode bicycles on roller skates and went home in frustration. On the way, I suddenly saw the third person standing beside the car crying, so I stepped forward and said, "Hey! You sent a gas truck, why are you crying? "

"No, I saw my wife!" "Why do you cry when you see your wife?"

"She, she is wearing a pair of skates."

Literacy rate in A Niu

In response to the government's call to improve the quality of the people in an all-round way, the village held a peasant night school to teach peasant brothers to read. Mr. and Mrs. A Niu are illiterate, and the village head appointed Mr. and Mrs. A Niu to attend. Based on the principle of teaching students in accordance with their aptitude and applying what they have learned, the teacher taught the peasant brothers some commonly used Chinese characters related to daily life. One day, the teacher taught the students to know the word "mud" and asked for a spot check the next day after repeated lectures. People in A Niu don't remember benzene. The next day, the teacher wanted to spot-check A Niu's word "mud". A Niu was scratching his head, but he couldn't remember what to read. A Niu's wife was worried, so she reminded A Niu, "This is really benzene. I don't know what I play every day. " At this moment, A Niu seemed to realize something, and he immediately replied, "Teacher! I think this word is pronounced' milk' and I don't know what to play every day. " Immediately caused a burst of laughter.

7 yuan money

There is a person who specializes in making counterfeit money. He thinks that city people are too smart and counterfeit money is easy to be seen through. He decided to use these counterfeit banknotes in the mountains. One day, he bought a pack of cigarettes with 3 yuan money in a small shop in the mountains. He took out 10 yuan counterfeit money, and the shopkeeper gave him a 3 yuan and a 4 yuan bill. Soon he used up thousands of counterfeit notes. Take back a bag full of money when you leave. When I got home, my wife opened it and found all the money from 3 yuan and 4 yuan.

long queue

An old man saw other young people waiting in line. He wants to see it. He asked the others. "Young man, why are you waiting in line?" The young man said with a smile; "Grandpa, we are getting passports!" Grandpa wanted it too, so he finally came. When it was his turn, others asked him: "Name", "Li Kanghai" Age: "86" People thought something was wrong. They looked up and saw an old man say; "Uncle, there is nothing you want here, please go back!" Grandpa said; "Why, don't you have a passport? You should have several bodyguards to protect me at my age! " Hearing this, people fainted on the spot.

foolish

At the tea party, a lady asked the person sitting next to her, "Who is that ugly guy across the street?" "It's my brother," the man replied.

The woman who asked questions looked embarrassed and tongue-tied. After a while, she stammered, "How stupid of me. Your brother looks alike. Why didn't I see it? " "

I also brought mutton skewers.

A boy is born with body odor and inferiority. Every time he goes out, he wears a lot of perfume under his arm to cover it. One day, he overslept and woke up too late to put on perfume, so he hurried to the classroom. He tried to sneak in through the back door, but he was caught red-handed. The teacher was very angry and said seriously, "How many times have I told you not to be late! This has greatly affected the normal teaching-this classmate is even more excessive. Even if he is late, why did he bring a kebab? "

Interviewee: Daying Xiong-probationary period level 1 2-24 13:37

1, the bowl fell off, and it was a big scar.

2. When I was a child, my sister asked me what time it was, and I replied: three poles (half past three)!

Once, I weighed myself at home and asked my boyfriend, how much is 47 kilograms?

4. The first thing I used to say when I went back to the dormitory was, "Did anyone call me ..."

When I was in high school, my classmates and I went to a restaurant. I ordered a few dishes, but I still want to add something. I was going to say scrambled eggs with tomatoes. I don't know what happened, but what I blurted out turned out to be-tomatoes fried with tomatoes. The boss thought for a long time. ...

6. Once I had dinner with my cousin at home, I accidentally poured the soup and used up all the tissues. Cousin shouted "Hurry up, hurry up, go to the toilet paper".

7. When something at the same table falls to the ground, bend down to pick it up and occasionally step on it with your feet. Unexpectedly, I stepped on his hand, and he was furious: "Dare to step on my foot? ! "

8, a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull!

Creepy! ! ! ! !

9, the exam score is very low, I complain in distress: my score is too cheap!

10, tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

1 1. When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XX and said, XX, stand on the wall for me!

12, once a foreign teacher gave a lecture in a big classroom to show Mandarin. I wanted to give him a face and praise him for speaking standard Mandarin, but exporting became your standard.

13, and MM in front of the booth selling soybean milk fried dough sticks, I shouted, "Boss, I want a bean paste", and MM smiled.

14, once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

15, there were so many people in the restaurant that I shouted: boss, a pepper without seasoning.

The waiter also loudly repeated: 1 1 table, add a pepper without seasoning! ! !

16, I: That's our physics teacher.

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry.

17. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

18, once, everyone was evaluating the back of a beautiful woman in front. I meant to say "her legs are thick", but I said "her soil is brittle" ...

19, before my mother went out to play mahjong, she said to me, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and clean up all the dishes in the washing machine."

20. Sit in a restaurant, just make a phone call, and the network management will serve.

2 1, one day my MM went out shopping!

Suddenly I saw a crow croaking in the sky!

Then a word popped out of her mouth: "This black frog barks like a green crow.

I feel dizzy.

22. In high school, the national flag was raised every Monday, and then someone spoke, mainly about some daily behavior norms. Once, I was honored to give a speech and accidentally read "Don't make noise in the theater" as "Don't make noise in the brothel". At that time, all the teachers and students were present, and there were many school leaders. I am so cold.

23. I want to say that qq can't be opened. It is said that QQ can't be opened.

24. When I was reading a text in junior high school, XXX was wandering in the corridor, and I was reading XXX Y D…… in the corridor ............................................................................................................................................

25. In high school, I went out to play with my classmates. There is a China Everbright Bank near the school, which has just opened, so there is still a red cloth hanging on the signboard ... But the cloth is hung on Chinese characters, which blocks the words ... I read it as "China Everbright Bank" ... The students laughed so hard that I couldn't hold my head for several years!

26. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

27. Once I listened to the radio, what was the shopping guide hotline? Someone called in and the host asked him, "What's your name?"

He replied, "Don't take your name!"

28, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

29. When reading the text in junior high school, the soldiers' joy of victory was beyond words: "We only worked hard to get a monument for everyone! (commemorative coin) "

30、

As soon as I got back to Chengdu, GG and my second brother drove to pick me up for dinner. As soon as I got on the bus, I shouted, Oh, I'm starving. Actually, I want to say that I am hungry. )

3 1. I tried to express that "customers are God" but said "customers are heaven", and my friends laughed at me ~ ~ ~

32. My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

33. I am discussing life with a friend. As a result, he said that he now wants to buy a piece of land in the country to raise chickens or something. Life is so boring! ! I said ... why bother, but living in the country is also quite leisure, all kinds of pigs, raising land ...

34. Go to the class for a physical examination in high school. When I took my blood pressure, my classmates found that it was actually a male classmate in junior high school. I seem to have done an internship there. That MM's sleeve will never pull up. When I was in a hurry, I said to the boy, Why don't I take off my pants? The boy's face turned red at once That MM may have frozen to death.

35. I am in a hurry. I tried to tell the truth, but the result was that "elephants are really white" and I was laughed at.

36. If you don't listen, drag your ass and beat your pants ...

37. Our classmates went to the Internet cafe to surf the Internet. We asked him which row he was sitting in.

He said, "Go and sit at the other end of the portrait row!

38. In the Internet cafe, I was thinking about getting off the plane. I wanted to pay the bill and shouted, "Boss, stop (grab) the plane!"

anxious ...

39, junior high school art evening, answering session,

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." Please raise your hand when I finish. "

Then I began to look at the topic and said, "Now ..."

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I'm still in my mouth, so why are you grabbing it? "

The audience burst into laughter.

40. When I got up in the morning, my mother asked my brother, "Did you wash your face?" My brother heard "what time is it", my brother said "8 o'clock", and my mother heard "wiping my face" and then said "wiping my face is washing my face". By this time, I was already laughing.

4 1, the bean skin of Wusanyou Old Tongcheng is delicious.

When I went to eat, the cashier said "a bowl of land"!

42.Xi An's name is rice. The students came back from Xi 'an, entered the restaurant and shouted, "Boss, a bowl of rice!" " The boss is cold!

43. The master gave me a roast chicken.

44. Once, my classmate stuttered, and I was anxious: straighten your tongue before you speak! !

45

Once my friend and classmate said he was really charming, but my friend corrected him, and then my friend spoke loudly; Should I splash? !

46 junior high school self-study early, Chinese class representatives write on the blackboard.

Read the text of lesson 15 silently. Here comes my deskmate. Read lesson 15 while watching the blackboard.

47. A boy who grew up by the sea boasted to us that he had eaten seafood since he was a child, saying that among birds, I usually don't eat pigs, cattle and sheep, but I often eat seafood.

On my way to school, I once saw an old man sweeping the steps. Because I often see him sweeping the floor, I also know that he volunteered. I'm really touched. I want to have a family talk with the old man when I go up. I wanted to ask how old she was, but it turned out to be: "How old are you?" When' tis once spoken, the sweat ...

49. When I was still at school, I went to eat in Sashido. When ordering, I ordered a "skin painting".

50. The political teacher talked about the inevitability of things in class. Speaking of human beings, give us an example, just one sentence: for example, people become apes!

5 1, I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of vipers ~!"

It's cold ~ ~ ~

52. When I was at school, one day a phone call came for me, and my classmate answered it, handed it to me and said, "Fuck you."

When I answered the phone, I casually said "a man and a woman". Everyone laughed wildly, and I was laughed for four years.

53. In junior high school, we hit a man and pushed him to the ground. He said: a scholar can be humiliated, but not killed!

One of my classmates once made a mistake. The teacher asked questions. He said: "People always make mistakes, just like eating sesame seeds and losing sesame cakes ..."

Why hasn't the old man's junk come yet?

56. When playing CS, I shoot your foot as "I shoot your foot".

57

Many years ago, my mother said a super classic sentence that I will never forget! Because she doesn't like to take bags when she goes to the street, and she has many trivial things to take, such as keys, wallets, mobile phones, paper towels and so on. So she felt it and wanted to say, "One day I will customize a pair of pants with multiple pockets." She said, "One day I will customize a pocket with many pants!" " As soon as I heard * $% @ * ~ ................................................................................................................................................................

58. I went to buy litchi to eat that day. I wanted to ask the fruit seller, "How much is your lychee a catty?" But the answer I got was "How much is your lychee a catty?" Because the litchi here is very cheap, and the vendors are red-eyed when they bargain. I am very angry about this question. "#% # # Are you afraid it's a little precious? Go away if you don't buy it! " Knowing that I was indefensible, I walked away bitterly and fainted myself.

59. A classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair coolly: "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!"

Boss: "... do you want rice noodles or onions?"

One of my classmates, physical education class, likes to put his foot in his mouth and play basketball one day. Another student accidentally hit the basketball on his head.

He suddenly shouted, don't hit my ball with your head! ! !

6 1, a host announced that XXX performed the following flute solo.

At school, there was a party, and the host announced: "Next program: belly flute playing!" " (flute solo)

References:

Yes. com/

Reply: llwszjh- Beginner in Jianghu 2-24 16: 19

fvwgt

Respondent: 12390 _ Sina _ com- Assistant Level 2 -25 13:34

In the Three Kingdoms period, who arrived at once?

A: Cao Cao.

The whole world knows it, all by mouth.

Traffic terminology

Act as if there is no one else nearby-think highly of yourself and ignore others.

Answer: all winners.