Weaning joke

Introduction: Two girls were visiting the supermarket, and one girl saw the old altar sauerkraut beef noodles with BT spicy. So she asked another girl. "What is BT spicy?" The girl said, "It's very spicy." The first girl, "I thought it was not too spicy."

1, there is a female colleague whose son is one and a half years old and has not been weaned. At a dinner party, her son wanted to eat milk. Nima has a big table. My colleague was embarrassed to feed him, so he lied to his son and said, "I didn't bring it out and put it at home." My son had to continue to eat white rice in disappointment, which is ok!

At noon, the couple at the next table quarreled. After a few quarrels, the woman shouted, "I don't want to hear it!" " I don't want to hear it． "I think it will be interesting to see how this person solves this problem. Then I heard the man shout, "OK, OK! Depend on you! Don't pretend ... waiter! A large bottle of coke! " The woman couldn't help laughing and making up.

The boss called me to the office, praised me and said that he had given me a raise. Since this month, I have been happy to say this and that, and I finally got paid today. Shit, 2 156 yuan. I got 2 148 last month. Made me happy for several days and worked overtime. My friends are still clamoring for me to invite you to dinner, and I can't fucking tell them that I only added 8 yuan. I really want to die. ...

4, new mobile phone, my wife tried to take a selfie, and the border of facial recognition marked female 35 years old. My wife was surprised that this software is quite accurate. I immediately put my faces together and showed that the man was 56 years old. Dear, don't leave me …

I went shopping with my mother at the weekend. A monk sold it to us with a symbol and a bracelet. Just like 10 yuan, you know. I took my mother away and said, "Our whole family believes in Jesus and don't want this thing." Unexpectedly, the monk took out a cross from the cloth bag and insisted on selling me! Why not play cards according to the routine!

6. On the day of the college entrance examination, my cousin sent a text message to cheer him up: "Work hard, play a normal level and get into an ideal university!" After a long time, he replied faintly: "Brother, if you play normally, you will not be admitted to an ideal university."

7. Just after Tanabata, the weather is unbearable. A young man asked the Zen master how to deal with the high temperature in the natural state. Jackson said nothing and pointed to the side. There is a kitten there. Although the weather is sultry, she is still playing with the ball happily. The young man suddenly realized, "Master, what you said is to put your heart elsewhere like a cat, that is, is it natural to be calm?" The Zen master shook his head: "There is no air conditioning, ask a wool!" " "

8. I took a bus with a sister today, and there was no seat. She stood behind me. When she got off the bus, she said excitedly, "I just took your pocket alone!" " "I said," why didn't you say something just now? " She said calmly, "Because I know your pocket is fake, I just want to see how long he can hold it!" " "I'm ... sorry, thief!

9. My wife said to me, "Husband, I have used my mobile phone for two years. Should I change it? " Me: "We have been together for three years, should we change?" Never put off till tomorrow what you can regret, decisively kneel to the glass slag. ......

10, son: Dad, what does anxious to return mean? Dad: I want to go home as quickly as an arrow, describing my desire to go home. Son: How do you make sentences? Dad: I have told you all the meanings. Can't it be built yet? Son: Dad anxious to return. Dad: Well, yes! Do you know why dad is in a hurry to come back? Son: Because mom asked uncle Wang upstairs to go home and fix the air conditioner.

1 1, I: "What if I am gay?" Husband: "Just right, take her with you."

12, I work part-time in a kindergarten, where all the children are lovely. They are going to primary school. I asked, "Will you come back next week?" ? The teacher won't see you in the future. "I thought the child would say something sentimental, but the child said," Teacher, are you blind? "

13, lz's high school math teacher, a middle-aged man, gave a lecture in class one day, and his chalk handwriting was very light and inconspicuous. So, in silence, a girl in the class said, "Teacher, try harder." It boiled in an instant.

14, very naughty when I was a child, always wrestling. Once I ran too fast, fell to the ground and slipped for a long time. My arms and knees are skinned and there is a lot of sand in them. I told my husband that I made him feel bad about me, but I didn't expect him to say a long sentence: "Oh! I see, that's when your breasts disappear! " What a painful understanding!

15, followed my husband to attend his classmate's wedding, and then went to KTV to sing at night, a large group of people I knew but didn't know. The music was very noisy, and my husband squatted in my ear and shouted, "Eat more fruit, anyway, we don't buy it at ordinary times ..." At this moment, the music came to an abrupt end at the right time. The one with a thousand knives just finished cutting the song, and his mouth shook, and the word "Shang" swallowed back!

16, Go to the store by bike Today, Lu Yu rode with a sister, and her sister accidentally fell down. So I stopped to let my sister sit down. I didn't expect this cock to pedal like Viagra, and my sister was chasing after it. I want to say that my sister will come to me after breaking up.

17, a small staff member of my design institute took out his mobile phone and played XX Cool Run for a while, ready to relax. Suddenly my boss came to me: "Xiao Li, don't always play with your mobile phone at work, and work hard!" " ""boss, I didn't play with my mobile phone! "I'm a little guilty sophistry. The boss suddenly took out his mobile phone and shouted at me, "Then why did your cool running rank suddenly surpass me?" "

18, a gentleman asked the Zen master: "Three suspects, two men and one woman, were arrested at the scene of sweeping pornography. After investigation, only one of the two male suspects was involved in the case, but both of them denied their crimes. How can we solve the case as quickly as possible? " The Zen master smiled and took out two eggs: "How to distinguish a broken egg from a good egg?" A gentleman stared at the egg for three seconds and suddenly realized, "Fight!" The Zen master threw an egg at him: "Why don't you ask the chicken?"

19, working in a convenience store, the boss told me not to accept counterfeit money when I checked out, or I would be deducted from 50 yuan's salary for every counterfeit money I received. I took my boss's words to heart and changed all the hundred-dollar bills in the counter into counterfeit ones that night.

20. I just went to get a pedicure with my friends. I guess it's a little irregular. The topic of conversation is quite open, and the friends are quite handsome. Chatting and chatting, then the technician said to his friend, handsome boy, don't go tonight. I promise you one night in 500 yuan. I jokingly said to my friend, well, then I won't go back, earn some money for tomorrow's road fare, and then I will go back first. Then the technician said, don't go either, I have to earn 500 yuan from you for him. I'll go. This hurts my self-esteem. Now I'm lying alone in the hotel, and my friends are making money. ...

2 1, my wife is reading Japanese comics. After watching it for a while, she suddenly said to me, "Loli's advantage is that she is soft and easy to push down." Do you think I look like Lori? " Without thinking, I said, "You are not like Lori, you are like Lohan". Then, I knocked on the kneeling keyboard and knelt down until now. ...

22. Generally, boys are asked whether they have a house, a car or work ability, family background and so on. I heard from a friend the other day that a boy was dating. The woman actually asked, "Are you kidney is not good?" The man's face twitched and asked out of courtesy, "Why do you say that?" The woman said, "I think your hair is loose. I think it should be kidney is not good. For my future happiness, forget it. " The man was speechless and choked up.

23. I went to a classmate's house for the night. His father came back drunk and lay on the sofa, shouting, "Son, the TV is stuck again!" " The classmate walked over and patted the fish tank, and the fish in it ran around. His father said thank you and watched the goldfish for a while before falling asleep. I looked at the TV that didn't turn on at all, and I was puzzled. The classmate said, "He looks at the underwater world." Me: ...

24. A female colleague watched China on the Tip of the Tongue. What she said was bracken. She asked a friend next to her, "Do you have bracken at home? I think bracken is particularly delicious. " It is dinosaur's favorite food. "

25. I feel bored after dinner. I said my husband helped me get a fruit, and tomatoes without fruit will do. My husband will come and stand at the door later: If there are no tomatoes and leeks, I will wash some for you. ...

26. A friend's true story: a friend's husband went to a driving school. One day, the coach asked him to buy a bottle of water After getting off the bus, my friend's husband suddenly said to the coach: You haven't given me money yet. The coach gave me ten dollars with a black face and said: By the way, buy yourself a bottle.

27. My sister bought a new dress with a row of English in front and a row of English in the back! It's embarrassing to wear it to school. Students look it up in the dictionary and say "extra large" at the back and "pan" at the front!

28. I am a Tibetan girl. When I first started learning Chinese, I remember that it was getting dark every day. I saw my head teacher go home with several other teachers. The head teacher is Han nationality, about 0/00 meters away from me/kloc. I wanted to say that the teacher should be careful on the road, but I blurted out, "Be careful, teacher."

29. When I got off the bus this morning, I was too close to the woman in front wearing a long skirt and stepped on her skirt. This is not an orgasm. The climax is that her skirt falls off to reveal a sexy thong. Up to now, Wuzhishan on my face is still there. ...

30.lz male, a student, entered the girls' dormitory with passion on the first day of part-time job today, and stood in the passage watching the beautiful women coming and going. I started to work and shouted: Have you ordered bottled water?

Editor's note: A police officer asked the policeman who followed the prisoner but let him escape: "Why did this happen?" "I followed the prisoner until he walked into a cinema. However, I saw this movie last week. "

Miss, it should be beautiful.

First, a lifetime of love, dilemma, looking back three times, autumn water hurts, I am silent, two disabled, three strings are not bleak, rain is like wine, clouds are like dreams, and there is no clear feeling. Ink dyeing is still a thousand times, easy to knot and difficult to understand.

Second, in the morning. The sunshine is very good. Shine into your heart through the gap in the window. Warm. The air is filled with sweet love songs. Smile and say goodbye to those so-called sadness. The cold fingertips began to have a warm temperature. I think. Maybe spring has really come. 1, the origin and extinction, the edge is thick and the edge is light, which is beyond our control. What we can do is to cherish the short time when karma met.

Third, you can be silent, no matter how anxious I am; It's none of my business if you don't reply to the information; You can take my concern as a reason to upset you; You can put my ideas in the corner and ignore them. You can smile at others, you can hug others, you can be good to the whole world, but forget that I was sad. You like you just because of me, which is the only reason that makes me humble.

Fourth, why should we forget someone so painfully? Time will make you forget. If time can't make you forget people you shouldn't remember, what's the point of our lost years?

5. Missing doesn't mean it's a pity. Goodbye doesn't mean the end. Good memories will last forever. It was definitely worth having you with you in those days. Tao?

Sixth, many times we don't need rationality. Reason makes us hesitate and let us miss what we love. Many people didn't know each other at first, but they met by accident. They still have to face separation I look forward to the vastness of darkness in the infinite day, and I choose to cry at night and stay awake all night. I know that only the night doesn't dislike my tears, and you all selfishly dislike me. I want to forget you, but I know I'm deceiving myself again. So, my pain really nobody hurts.

Seven, if, at the end of the side is really not you. After so many ups and downs, we have to part in the end. If the story is over, there are others around us. If we say that memories, promises and determination to fall in love are insignificant in the face of reality. No matter what happens in the future, no matter how it ends. Now I am still willing to love persistently-we are together waiting for our last, last, last.

Eight, a person will cry because of pain; The reason why a person hurts is because he cares; A person cares because he has feelings; A person has feelings just because you are a person! So you feel, care, hurt and cry, which shows that you are a complete person. When you are sad, forgive yourself. You're just one person. There is no need to see yourself as so indestructible.

Ninth, we all want to be winners. We did better in the exam than Daniel next door, scored higher than Mike in the team, and never lost to Nick in the company when drinking. We want to win everything, even our feelings will choose to forget but maybe remember the ups and downs. It's the winner, Peter Ho.

Ten, learn the truth, to have the truth, we don't need to get the so-called love to live, because we only know how to love, know how to be loved, and we are the biggest difficulty.

Eleven, when you want to continue, never say goodbye; Never give up when you can still bear it; When you are reluctant to part with someone, never, never say that you no longer love him or her.

Twelve, SMS, SMS, telephone, online message. I began to make some people fade out of my life. I don't believe that anything in this world can last forever. You are not mine, and I am not yours. My heart is very small, there are not many people I can meet and not many people I can give. The tenderness left in memory will eventually overshadow the ordinary happiness in front of you. Even if it is just a small lamp, so we can only see the present, and then live a simple life, the difference is only the heart.

Thirteen, I have missed the flowering period when I came, so let this feeling be sealed in my heart. Sometimes, it's not as good as a flash in the pan.

Fourteen, many things are mysterious. For example, if you clearly want to say something, why can't you say it? You dare to disguise it, hand it to him like candy, wait for him to open it and expect him to unlock my password.

Fifteen, from the moment the pupa breaks out of the cocoon, it is the pain of tearing off a layer of skin. Many butterflies died of pain at the moment they broke out of their cocoons.

Sixteen, miss, it should be beautiful.

Classic love says: You should be a dream, and I should be a gust of wind.

1. You drink your green tea, I taste my spirits, and you and I will never meet again.

My love for you is freedom and indulgence, not bondage. If you want to fly high, I will let go with a smile.

I don't know if I'm looking for someone or your shadow.

I am zero degree ice, and I need a hundred degrees of love to boil.

The ferry that nobody cares about is always full of wild flowers, just like I love you but can't talk.

Maybe my concern makes you unable to breathe.

7. Actually, it doesn't need to be cold. I never thought about it.

8. liking you is an addictive thing that can never be enjoyed.

9. You never know how gentle the eyes of people who avoid your eyes look at you at the last second.

10. May he have wine, meat and girls in the future, be poor and always smile.

1 1. If you give up everything and chase a boy for a long time, he still doesn't show it, then give up. True love can't be pursued only by pursuit. Leave your last dignity, don't cry, thank him with a smile, thank him for being with you for so long, and then quit his life with a smile. This is your last pride.

12. Will you see me and turn your loss into my sadness?

13. There is no one I love very much, but there is one I can't forget.

14. When you had a serious relationship and finally broke up, it's hard for you to like others again. You don't want to spend time and get to know each other, just like you are almost finished writing an article, but the teacher says you have been scribbled, tearing up your homework and asking you to write it again. Although you remember the beginning and content, you are too lazy to write, because an article consumes all your energy and only one ending needs you to start all over again.

15. Why do you enlarge a simple feeling into love, and then exaggerate it into love?

16. The most wonderful thing in the world is that when you hug someone you love, he actually hugs you tighter.

17. May your life be clear, do what you want and love the person you want to love.

18. Later, your comments turned out to be unbearable for me to delete.

19. At our age, there is no long-term only treasure.

20. When you are infatuated with other girls, you don't know that a large number of boys are pursuing your girlfriend.

2 1. Still waiting? No, why? Why?

22. Didn't the teacher teach you? If you can't do this problem, skip to the next one. If you can't catch up, you can catch up with others.

23. Even if I say I love you a thousand times, it only takes one sentence to break up. This is so-called love.

24. You should be a dream, and I should be a gust of wind.

25. People you really like can't be friends, because you still want to have them.

26. It is better to be swayed by considerations of gain and loss than to lose stability.

27. Sometimes I choose to leave first because I feel redundant.

Good morning: You should be a dream, and I should be a gust of wind.

When you really like someone, you will think a lot, and it will be easy to do stupid things and say stupid things. Anthony is the little prince.

You can be kind, but don't let your guard down on the world, because some people are not human at all.

Don't stay in the comfort zone of your own mind. Sometimes I feel depressed, lonely and miserable. This is the correct state. Therefore, the real enjoyment comes from your positive interpretation of the bitterness of life, rather than the worthless sense of security you expect. Yishu

Don't pursue a person who doesn't love you with dignity; Don't spend time waiting for a feeling that doesn't belong to you.

If you have a bad temper all the time, it only means that someone has been spoiling you. Actually, not everyone has such a good temper; If you happen to meet someone who is willing to accommodate you, please remember not to polish his feelings.

Later, I realized that only by earning enough money to make myself feel at ease can I live a simple, comfortable and free life and make myself more confident. So, spend more time and energy and less time being melodramatic.

You should be a dream and I should be a gust of wind. Gu Cheng's You and Me