Funny classical Chinese treatise

1. Funny treat notice

It is said that in 20** AD, the Jade Emperor’s son, the Jade Emperor, finally passed the exam founded by Sun Wukong after N years of tutoring and hard work. Undergraduate from Huaguoshan University, the Jade Emperor was very happy. After discussing with the Queen Mother, he decided to banquet guests and broadcast the official invitation to the gods and demons on the Tianting TV station. The full text is as follows:

Tianfa [2009] No. 01

Notice about the Jade Emperor’s study banquet

Fairies and demons:

Today, my son, the Jade Emperor, and the two emperors are honored at Huaguo Mountain On the occasion of college, in order to thank the gods and demons for their support and love for my son, after discussion at the joint meeting of the heavenly court, it was decided to hold a banquet for my son's entrance into college. The specific matters are notified as follows:

July 31, 20** 2. What are the text messages in classical Chinese for inviting people to dinner

1. I prepared a little wine and prayed that my labor would be sufficient, so I had a drink in my humble house. I want to do it this Saturday~ As a host, the wine is thin and tasteless. I hope everyone can add fragrance to it. I am very lucky.

2. In gratitude for the brotherhood between you all over the years, I would like to set a certain day of a certain month in a certain year. I will prepare a small amount of wine in the hotel, and I sincerely invite you to come to the small gathering.

3. Sending a message saying sorry is actually not what I want; sending a message saying repaying a favor, that is what I said wrongly; sending a message saying remuneration, you will not give me money. Sorry, I sent a message to say my best wishes, just to invite you to have a meal. Treat me when you have time!

4. In this era of soaring prices, I suddenly found that eating alone is too luxurious: I have to occupy a table, which wastes a lot of money. Would you like to save some money with me? Let's have dinner together tonight.

5. Whether you have eaten well recently or not, remember to have a reasonable diet; three meals a day are indispensable, and balanced nutrition is the most important thing; overeating is not advisable, and dieting and losing weight are not advisable; when friends get together, laugh and spend time together Eat in a good mood.

6. May you have communication skills and have many friends so that you will not be lonely; may you have the ability to direct and be a manager. If my wish comes true, you can treat me to dinner then.

7. What you eat at work is always fast food, work meals, and business meals. It’s finally the weekend, so you should comfort your working stomach and have a big meal together in the evening.

8. The wind is blowing gently, and the text messages are flying. There is a party tonight, and I invite you to attend. If you shirk the invitation, you will not be accepted. You will be fined three drinks for being late. Don’t drink and drive. Make preparations in advance.

9. Flowers are blooming all over the ground, bringing joy to people. I have a happy event to tell you. Tomorrow is a good day, and my brother is going to marry a bride. I don’t know if my brother is free. Come over quickly and send me your blessing. If tomorrow If I don’t see you, let’s see how I punish you!

10. Dear friend, I heard that you met a happy event just now. This time you have to treat me to dinner. What? Don't you know what the happy event is? People say you just got off work? Is it true?

11. The so-called friend is the person who can have a meal together regardless of whether he is happy, sad, happy or sad; the so-called friend is the person who can have the meal together for no reason. Let's have dinner together tonight.

12. The three years of high school have gone by so fast, and now we have to go our separate ways. For this reason, my family has specially arranged a party and wants to invite you to come. Let’s get together and reminisce about the past. .

13. Since the last time we had a meal together, it has left me with endless aftertaste. It is hard to swallow when eating alone. I don’t know if it’s because I’m with you or because I don’t have to pay.

All in all, I miss you very much. Come and have dinner together when you have time?

14. I originally prepared a plate of fried shredded pork with green pepper and a plate of sweet and sour pork loin. I heard that you have a bad stomach and cannot eat spicy and sour food, so I specifically asked my wife not to put those on the table. There is only one plate of shredded pork and one plate of dry tenderloin. Bring some wine and let us have a few drinks!

15. Life is not afraid of dullness, happiness is not afraid of ordinaryness, fantasies are not afraid of distance, wishes are not afraid of vagueness, friends are not afraid of distance, blessings are not afraid of frequent blessings, dinners are not afraid of trouble, and when you are free, do you want to eat together? 3. Looking for a funny version of classical Chinese

Chirp, chirp, chirp, Mulan is flying a plane, what kind of plane is she flying? Boeing 747! I asked my daughter what she was thinking about and what she was remembering. She was also thinking about it. She had no money to buy an airplane. Last night I saw a military post saying that bombers were needed. There were twelve airplanes and I couldn’t afford them. My father didn’t have much money, and Mulan didn’t have much money. Gold and silver, I am willing to buy steel and build airplanes from now on. Buy blueprints in the east market, screws in the west market, glass in the south market, and iron sheets in the north market. Once I leave my mother-in-law, I will stay in the old hangar at night, and I will not hear my mother-in-law calling for a girl. But I heard the iron scraping against each other. I left the hangar in the morning and went to the military camp at dusk. I didn't hear my mother-in-law calling for a girl, but I heard the general yelling hahaha. After flying the plane for thousands of miles, it didn't pass the mountain. The heat spread through the wings and the sun shone on the glass. The general was frightened to death, and the spirit of the warrior had flown. He flew into the emperor, who was lying on the hospital bed. He was rewarded with twelve slaps in the face. The Khan asked what he wanted, but Mulan did not want to enter the cell; she was willing to drive 747 and fly back to her hometown. . When the father and mother heard that their daughter was coming, they raised their machine guns; when the sister heard that my sister was coming, they raised their pistols; when the younger brother heard that his sister was coming, he sharpened his knife to the mentally retarded person. Open the door of my plane, enter my cabin, take off my combat robe, and change into Put on a flight suit, load more hand grenades, and set up a machine gun for the outside. When they go out to plant bombs, relatives and friends are all frightened: after twelve years of separation, Mulan has become rampant. The madman stamps on the ground, the idiot's eyes are closed, the two of them walk side by side, who can say that I Abnormal?

Chirping again and again, I want to eat KFC. I don't hear the sound of saliva, but I hear the woman sighing. Ask her what she is thinking about, and ask her what she is remembering. Women think about burgers, women think about chicken wings. I saw chicken coupons last night, there was a big sale on the holiday. There are twelve chicken coupons, and each one has chicken wings. My grandfather has no older children, and Mulan has no eldest brother. I would like to go to KFC and eat for my grandfather from now on. Buy burgers in the east store, drinks in the west store, chicken wings in the south store, and French fries in the north store. I bid farewell to my parents in the morning and stayed by the Yellow River in the evening. I didn't hear my parents calling for girls, but I could smell the fragrance of hamburgers. But I left the Yellow River and arrived at the top of the Black Mountain at dusk. I didn't hear the mother-in-law's voice calling for the girl, but I could smell the fragrance of chicken wings and their chirping. Thousands of miles across the Great Wall, Mount Everest is like flying. The bank gave away gold coins, and the emperor gave out sweaters. The hen dies every year, and Mulan returns every ten years. Returning to see Confucius, Confucius was sitting in heaven. Twelve chicken coupons can buy hundreds of baskets of chickens. Confucius asked what he wanted. Mulan didn't want to be an angel, but she wanted to fly thousands of miles away and send her son back to her hometown. When the mother-in-law heard that her daughter was coming, she went out to help the general; when the sister heard that the sister was coming, she wanted to eat KFC; when the little brother heard that the sister was coming, she sharpened her knife and got ready to eat. Open my East Pavilion pot, take my West Pavilion spoon, take off my war robe, put on my dinner napkin, pick up bowls and chopsticks by the window, and eat in front of the mirror. When I went out to see my companions, they were all frightened: they had been together for twelve years, but they didn't know Mulan was so greedy. The male rabbit has a three-petal mouth and the female rabbit has blurred eyes. Two rabbits are eating next to each other. How can they tell whether I am hungry or not?

Accumulation after accumulation, if you don’t know it, you don’t know it; if you don’t know it well in the test, you don’t know it; when you go to class, you don’t know it, and you make trouble in many ways; if you study the same knowledge on your own, you will accumulate knowledge; if you don’t know it, you will learn it; Chinese people have a Chinese soul. If I want to learn English, it is impossible to do it. If I am not qualified in English, it shows my character. If I am not qualified in mathematics, the teacher is fully responsible. If I am not qualified in Chinese, there is nothing I can do. If I do well in the exam, It’s all about isolation; I can’t do well in exams and I can’t do anything in isolation; I’m even more worried when I go to school every day, and the teacher’s lectures make no sense; I feel like I’m sleepwalking, and I’m criticized again and again for no reason; I have so much homework that I feel like I’m taking revenge. Doing things in the wild is like fishing for money; going back to school is a left-behind thing, and you are being punished every day; homework is all copied, and the first one is not handed in; when you go back to school, you wait for the end of school, and drink Coca-Cola after school; after ringing the clock, everyone flies away, just another day

Hee hee hee hee, the pretty girl is getting on the plane; I don’t hear the dialing sound, but I hear the girl sighing. Ask the girl what she is thinking about, ask the girl where she is remembering; the girl has nothing to think about, and the woman has nothing to remember. I went online last night and was really shocked by what I encountered. There were twelve letters from my sisters, all of whom invited me to meet them online.

The pretty girl was already married and had adopted someone else's surname; she used the Internet for her own entertainment and to make new friends.

The east version is full of leisurely feelings, and the west version is to write an autobiography; go south to express your heartfelt feelings, and go north to chat. In the morning, I go online, and at dusk, I go online; I don’t hear the husband calling his wife, but I hear the constant calls of insects.

As soon as I left the chat room, I went to the quit chat board again; I didn’t hear the cries of insects, but I saw invitation posts flying all over the sky.

When I go off the Internet to see my husband, he bursts into tears; he is addicted to the Internet and owes hundreds of thousands of dollars. When asked where she wants to go, she confesses that she wants to be her father

Mother; she borrows money to travel thousands of miles and goes to appointments to express her true feelings. When the father-in-law heard that his daughter was coming, he hid in all directions; when the elder sister heard that the younger sister was coming, she quickly locked the doors and windows; when the younger brother heard that the younger sister was coming, he climbed up the east wall in panic. Open my old door and move your Arhat bed; pry open my old cupboard and search your

password box. Count the money at the window and go to the airport immediately. The eyes of netizens shine when I meet them thousands of miles away; I have been online for a month and I don’t know how pretty the pretty girl looks.

Dinosaurs are also shy, beautiful girls are also arrogant, they all chat on the Internet, An can tell who I am 4. Funny ancient prose

Silent alone in the bar, the lights are numb, the crowd is lonely late at night Sprinkling hops and vomiting after drinking too much, I’m still drunk, especially because the smell of alcohol is in my heart 1.__________, I feel haggard because of Yixiao. The classmate answered: I will never regret taking off my clothes and belts (the correct interpretation is “As the clothes and belts get wider, I will never regret it”, I admit it. This is a problem with my thinking.) 2. When asked where the canal is so clear, classmate __________ answered: There is a clear spring in the heart (the correct answer is "Only living water comes from the source", but we are still a little bit attached to the water~~~) 3. Why When *** cut the west window candle, __________ classmate answered: The couple sat together until dawn (the Chinese teacher fainted with laughter while marking the papers.

Later, when I mentioned this in class, I fainted again! The correct interpretation is "stop talking about Bashan" "When it rains at night") 4. The earthworm shakes the big tree, __________ student's answer: not moving at all (the correct interpretation is "ridiculous and unreasonable". Not moving at all, impressive, very consistent with the fact) 5. The beauty of a gentleman's adult, __________ student's answer : The villain wins the love of others, a poem answer in the exam 6. If you are poor, you will be alone. __________ Student answer: If you are rich, you will have many wives and concubines. Looks like Saddam 9. He has a colorful phoenix with two flying wings, __________ classmate’s answer: A plucked phoenix is ??not as good as a chicken. Also: The husband and wife both return the home (the correct interpretation is “the heart is connected and connected”) 10. The sun rises in the east and rains in the west, __________ classmate’s answer : fight at the end of the bed, get married at the end of the bed, and: get on the wrong sedan chair and marry the right man 11. __________, the wife of a bad man will not go to bed. The classmate answered: the husband of the married woman will not go to bed. 12. I hope that people will last forever, __________. The classmate answered: a heart will be passed down forever (at that time Laughing wildly, now I think it’s quite classic.

The correct answer is "Thousands of miles away *** Chan Juan") 13. Egrets fly in front of Xisai Mountain, __________ student answers: Turtle crawling by the river in Dongcun (that's right) 14. I urge God to cheer up , __________ classmate answered: God roared at me three times (the correct interpretation is "referring talents in any way", Gong Zizhen) 15. I am born with talents that will be useful, __________ classmate answered: I show my magical powers at critical moments. Another classmate answered: The son of a mouse can dig holes. (The Chinese teachers in the entire office laughed wildly without any image) 16. If the sky is affectionate, the sky will also grow old, __________ The classmate answered: If you are not romantic, you will waste your youth! (The correct interpretation is "If there is no hatred for the moon, the moon will be full" Li He's "The Golden Bronze Immortal's Song of Han Dynasty") 17. Relatives and friends in Luoyang asked each other, __________ classmate replied: Please don't tell him (the correct interpretation is "A heart of ice is in a jade pot") 18. There is a couplet in the final exam. The first couplet is a hero's sword. The second couplet that a third-year junior high school student paired is: My mother is rich and charming. 19. Good medicine is bitter and good for the disease. __________ The student answered: He is a fool if he doesn't take it. Since ancient times, no one has died. __________ Student’s answer: It’s just that people die in sequence 20. There is bright moonlight in front of the bed, __________ Student’s answer: Li Bai’s sleep is sweet , Flying into the homes of ordinary people. Classmate’s answer: Konka Caiba TV 23. Grape wine luminous cup, __________ Classmate’s answer: Lots of money and beauties 24. __________, Pedestrians on the road want to die, the masterpiece of a first-year junior high school student: Ghost knocking on the door in the middle of the night 25 .There was another test on Tao Yuanming's "I can't bend my waist for five buckets of rice." The classmate answered "Just give me six buckets of rice."... 26. Laowu Lao and the old of the person, __________ The classmate answered: Wife, my wife, and the wife of the person ( When the teacher later graded the paper, he said that the classmate was particularly dedicated, haha) 27. I remember back then, when we were strong and powerful, __________ students answered: Look at today, they are stalking each other (the correct interpretation is "to swallow thousands of miles like a tiger") 28. A fifth-grade student I got "Three Stooges, __________" in one exam. The student replied: The odors are all the same (which made the invigilator and the principal outside laugh). A student in the first grade of junior high school said to the couple, "Climb the city and take in the scenery of the mountains among the white clouds. __________" The classmate answered: I went to the hotel to hug the lady to bed (his Chinese teacher almost vomited blood and died on the spot) 30. If the love lasts for a long time, __________ The classmate answered: It is time for the two to get married. 31. Thousands of sails passed by the side of the sinking boat. __________ Student’s answer: There are many ways to spread a peacock’s tail. 32. You will regret less when you use books. __________ Student’s answer: There is not enough money to spend at the end of the month. 33. If the sky is affectionate, the sky will also grow old. __________ Student’s answer: If people are affectionate, they will die early (the correct answer is “ "If there is no hatred for the moon, the moon will be full") 34. Since ancient times, no one has died. __________ Student answered: Who has pooped without paper (no words.) 35. Once, I was tested on Li Qingzhao's "Like a Dream", "Do you know?" ___________" The student answered: SORRY I, DON'T KNOW.

(The correct interpretation is "It should be green, fat, red and thin") 36. Once, Mr. Lu Xun was tested on a certain sentence: "___________, I splashed Xuanyuan with my blood." The classmate replied: He used his sword blade. 37. Chinese language test, There is a revolutionary poem in the fill-in-the-blank section: "The door for people to enter and exit is locked, _______________, and a voice shouts: _______________ I long for freedom, but how can a human body crawl out of a dog hole..." Student answer: Climb for a dog The hole he came out of is also locked/ Damn, it’s all locked! Holding the hand of the child, one knows that the child is ugly, with tears streaming down the face. If the child does not leave, I will leave. 38. Love is always the same in thousands of mountains and rivers. ___________ The classmate answered: Can I give you one more? (The marking teacher corrected: Love is love. , points are points, even if you give more than one, it won't do.) 39. When I was in the first year of high school, during a monthly exam, the sentence "Looked up to the sky and went out laughing, (correct answer) I am not a Penghao person." Someone in the class wrote: I accidentally twisted my waist.

There is another sentence, the previous sentence: "Clear water brings out hibiscus, (correct answer) nature removes the carvings." Some people wrote, Lotus roots emerge from the mud; others went even further and wrote: Heroes emerge from troubled times. 40. When I asked you how much sorrow you can have, ___________ the student answered: Just like a pot of Erguotou (the teacher commented, "You drank too much again...").