Collect jokes

1. The passenger asked: "Miss, there are flies in the cabin. Why do they fly without buying a ticket?!"

Answer: "They are adding a crew!"

2 ． Flight attendant: "Hello, what would you like to drink?"

The passenger said sheepishly: "No, no."

Then the flight attendant whispered: "It's free.

Passenger: "Ah? It's free! I want a cup of orange juice, a cup of cola, and a cup of coffee." So he took out a bottle from his bag and said, "Here's more." I’ll put some soy milk in it! I want to drink it for my plane ticket”

3. A passenger held a clean plate (not even the leaves were left) and said: Miss, your food is so bad, it’s just like dog food! !

4. Guangzhou tourists like to ask: Does the lady have milk tea?

Hainan: Yazi juice (coconut juice)

North: Ask for wine

Children; ice tea

Girl; Yoghurt

The one who leaves us speechless; Miss, are there any bird's nests?

5． Flight attendant: "Which one do you want, chicken rice or pork rice?"

Passenger: "We are pigs and he is chicken!"

6. A three- or four-year-old British girl ran over from the front cabin, as if she was looking for something. The flight attendant enthusiastically stepped forward and asked,

"HI, HOW ARE YOU?"

Unexpectedly, the little girl Turning around, he shouted, "Mom, come on, there is a seat here"

7. One day, the flight attendant and a flight attendant welcomed the passengers, and a black foreigner came up. The flight attendant whispered to the flight attendant, look, that foreigner is really black! (Laughs) In the second second, the foreign black man turned around and said to the flight attendant that you are the right one

Before the flight attendant could ask when the meal was served, the passenger shouted: "Tell the kitchen chef that I don't eat pork. Don't cook pork for me!

8. Passenger: Miss. Why does this plane look like a toy?

After boarding, the security guard replied, "Do you have any toys at home?"

The passenger was speechless

9. One day, while serving drinks, the flight attendant said: What would you like to drink? Passenger: Is there any milk? Flight attendant: Yes. Passenger: Is there any yogurt? Flight attendant: You have to wait until the milk expires!

10. That day, there was a black man with pigtails sitting in front of the two flight attendant seats. Before taking off, the flight attendant discussed in Shanghainese: "This hairstyle looks really dirty. It must have been a long time since I washed it."

Unexpectedly, the lovely black friend answered them in Shanghainese: "Please, it's very expensive!"

11. Flight attendant: "Hello, we have chicken rice and beef noodles, which kind do you want?"

Passenger: "I... want food~~~~

12. ． Passenger: "I want a Coke."

The flight attendant asked uncertainly: "Are you a Coke?"

Passenger: "No!"

Flight attendant: "What are you?"

Passenger: "I'm a human, I want Coke!"

13. One day when welcoming guests, a gentleman came to me with a boarding pass and asked: "Miss, can you open the trunk? I'm a little cold and want to put on some clothes!"

14. ． Passenger: Miss, why does your plane smell so bad?

Stewardess: Sir, because our plane is crossing the ozone layer...

Result: Complaint...

15. ． One day, while flying.

A security officer saw a passenger turning on his cell phone and immediately walked over and said seriously: "Don't masturbate on your cell phone!"

16. ． Passenger asked: Miss, what model is this Boeing?

Answer: Airbus 320

Passenger: Let me ask you what model it is

Answer: 320

Passenger: (loudly) I asked you what Boeing number it is

Answer: It’s Airbus 320

Passenger: Why are you so stubborn! It's Boeing! !

Answer: 320

Passenger: You said Boeing 320 is not enough, the flight attendant doesn’t even know this!

17. ． More than 30 hatters came up, almost all old people, with a man in his 30s among them. When I got on, I looked at the plane and shouted: The wind is strong in front, so all the old people are sitting in the back!

18. There was toilet paper (the paper used to line the toilet). A little red riding hood went in. When he came out, he put the toilet paper around his neck and was very proud of it. The excited elephant group members ran over and said: Go to the toilet quickly and take this. I will eat without dripping on my body! In an instant, the plane was filled with toilet paper~~~

A customer sitting on a chair next to the restroom of 767-300 stopped the flight attendant, "Hey, miss, ask the chef to fry some fish-flavored pork for me. Silk."

The flight attendant replied: I'm sorry, sir, the meals on our plane are all prepared in advance, and cooking is not allowed on the plane."

The passenger shouted angrily: "Don't lie. "Pointing to the direction of the bathroom\"I can hear the sound of cooking."

......

The flight was at 3:40 pm one day, route flight time 1 hour.

A passenger was delivering water and said to the young flight attendant: "Miss, can you give me a meal? I'm hungry."

The young flight attendant looked at his watch and said "What time is it now, and you are so hungry at home? If you are not hungry at home, why are you hungry here?"

The old flight attendant who was delivering water at the same time fainted immediately,

The guests were fine...

Everyone was surprised...

19th day! A passenger came over holding a blanket on the plane and asked: "Miss, can I take this with me?"

Answer: "Sorry, this is a blanket provided for passengers on the plane. You can't take it with you." take away.

The passenger immediately said with a look of dissatisfaction: "My cousin took two beds home last time she took a plane!" "

Mr. 203, we have rice and noodles. Which one do you want?

Yes!

Which one do you want? < /p>

What are there?

There are two kinds of rice and noodles, which one do you want?

I pondered for a long time and asked: What is rice made of and what are noodles?

Answer: Rice is made, noodles are made of flour!

Pour! /p>

Nowadays the most popular words about cow

If you don’t call people, they call them------------------------------------------------------------- by people). p>

Young people are not called young people, they are called----Little P boy

Cockroaches are not called cockroaches, they are called----Xiaoqiang

What are you not calling them? Call it----Xia Mi

No, no, no, call it----Biao

If you like it, call it like, call it----porridge

Like this If the child is not called like this, it is called----Jiang Zi

If it is good, it is called----Qiang

If it is not called strong, it is called----Gong although

The card game is not called a card game, it is called----murder

If you are bitten by countless mosquitoes, it is called----~~~New Mosquito Lianbo~ ~~

Pornographic films are not called pornographic films, they are called ----av

Chasing girls is not called chasing girls, they are called ---- MM

Look at MM It’s not called looking at MM, it’s called----appraisal

It’s called good-looking, it’s called----eye-catching

xx is not called xx, it’s called----日

Excitement is not called excitement, it is called ----high

Eating and drinking is not called eating and drinking, it is called ----corruption

Inviting people to dinner is not called a treat, it is called -- --Anti-corruption

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I eat whatever I eat, cucumbers and watermelons. How can I get back to normal? The doctor was silent for a moment. , then you can only eat shit

The blind man was riding a bicycle with a stutter, and he stuttered to look at the road. Suddenly he saw a deep ditch, and the stutter exclaimed: Ditch, ditch, ditch!!! The blind man sang back: "Oh, oh, oh, oh." Oh!" So the two fell into the ditch.

A swimming coach was shopping in the mall. A beautiful lady greeted him. He looked closely and saw that it was one of his students. So he said loudly To: "You put on clothes, I really can't recognize you! ”

A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? Drunk man: I don’t know, I just arrived!

It is said that one dark and windy night, on the longest and scariest road, the taxi driver drove by, and a woman waved on the roadside and got into the car. The whole journey was quite quiet until the woman. The person spoke. She said to the driver, "I'll give you an apple. It's delicious..." The driver thought it was great and took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it delicious?" The driver said: "It's delicious!" "The woman replied again: "I remember I also liked eating apples when I was alive..." Wow...&*$#@... When the driver heard this, he was so frightened that he rushed the car and turned pale... I saw that The woman slowly tilted her head forward and said to the driver: "But I didn't like eating it after giving birth! …”

I dreamed about God yesterday and he said he could grant me a wish. I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I want this person. Become beautiful. He thought for a moment and said, "Let me take a look at the globe."

.Do you still remember us eating roast duck together? You like to eat duck butts. As soon as the food was served, you grabbed it and stuffed it into your mouth like an arrow. I whispered: Why can't you see the duck butts? You pointed to your mouth proudly and said: "The butt is here!"

Little Piggy established a club and said: Members should be called by nicknames, call me Little Piggy! Puppy: Call me Puppy! Kitten: Call me Kitty Cat! The little chicken blushed and said calmly: It's really boring, let's go first!

College entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be converted into each other, B can produce C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in the air, D has the smell of rotten eggs

Can you tell me about ABCD? What is it?

My answer: A is chicken, B is raw egg, C is cooked egg, and D is of course rotten egg! (These guys are the ones who asked the question!)

Beijingers, Frenchmen, and Americans were walking in the desert together and were about to die of thirst. Suddenly the three of them found a magic lamp. When they touched it, they found a magic lamp and a demon. He said, "I can satisfy each of you." "Three wishes." The American said first, "I want a box of dollars." "There are two more." "Well, another box of dollars." "The last one." "Well, the last one is to send me back to the United States." Hey, The Americans disappeared, and the French were also anxious. "I want a beautiful woman." came "Well, I want another beautiful woman." "There's another one." "Well, send me back to France." Phew, the French also disappeared, leaving only The Beijinger said calmly, "Give me a bottle of Erguotou," "I have two more wishes," "Another bottle of Erguotou," and "There's one more." The Beijinger saw that it was pointless to drink two bottles of wine alone. Speaking of "bring them back and drink with me", the Americans and the French are back again.

So the three of them continued walking, but with luck, they found another magic lamp and took out a magic lamp. "Haha, I am the younger brother of the magic lamp just now. My spells are not good." So high, I can only grant two wishes for each of you." This time the French and Americans thought that it was useless to say anything and they would die if they let him come back again. They asked him to speak first, so they pushed Beijing away. When we got to the front, the Beijinger said, "Give me a bottle of Erguotou first." Boom, a bottle of Red Star Erguotou, "Where's the other one?" Beijing took the wine and touched his head and thought about it, but didn't say anything for a long time. The French and Americans were both anxious. , urging him, "Speak quickly." So the Beijinger suddenly said, "Well, I don't have anything else to do, you can go back." After a few seconds, the god and demon went back

Rookie: Please be my master!

You're welcome, it's just a discussion~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Rookie: I have a question that I can't figure out.

Prawn: Please speak.

Rookie: I’m a bad guy, so don’t laugh at me!

Drawn: I swear to God, absolutely not.

Rookie: What does oicq mean? Does it represent the pinyin abbreviation of "I love Chongqing"?

Drawing:...Can I take back the oath I just swore? ! (In the middle of spraying...)

Rookie: I like a girl, and she asked me if I have a "Yimeier". I said no, why do you laugh at me for being old-fashioned?

Prawn: You should apply for one right away...

Rookie: There is only one scoop for the weak water! I will never apply for another mm!

Prawn: I'm dizzy...

Rookie: I heard that computers have two startup methods, cold boot and hot boot.

Prawn: Yes, that’s right.

Rookie: Cold boot means pressing the power switch directly to turn on the computer, but hot boot doesn't work no matter what I do.

Prawn: To hot start, just press alt+ctrl+del.

Rookie: Yes, I pressed it, but there was no response.

Prawn: Did you press it at the same time? You have to press these keys at the same time to be useful.

Rookie: Press at the same time... This is a bit difficult...

Prawn: Try it and you will get used to it.

Rookie: I tried several times, but it still doesn’t work.

Prawn: No way? It's very simple.

Rookie: Yes, a-l-t-c+c-t-r-l+d-e-l... But first, how can I press the "l" key three times at the same time?

Prawn:...fainted~~

A, B, and C went shopping and found a newly opened shop sticker A slogan read: "The latest technology---accurate computer IQ test" and the three of them were attracted together after reading it. When I walked into the store, I found a large chair connected to a helmet. There was a wire behind the helmet connected to the computer.

A sat in the chair first and put on his helmet. After a while, the computer responded and typed out a line of text: "Your IQ is very high: 275 points." A was very happy after reading this.

B sat on the chair again, and the computer beeped for a while and typed out a line of text: "Your IQ is average: 75 points." B was very unconvinced after reading this.

It was C’s turn. C was very nervous. He sat on the chair and turned blue. The computer kept buzzing. Finally, he typed out a line: “Don’t joke about rocks.” C slumped in the chair for a while. .

Yi C was dissatisfied and determined to practice and compete again.

Five months later, the three of them came to the store again. A still had a high score of 275, and B also reached a score of 125. It was C’s turn again, and C shivered and sat down in the chair. The computer buzzed for several hours and finally typed out the following sentence: "This rock looks familiar."

"Mobile Boss Goes to the Bathroom"

One morning, a mobile boss was outside. Suddenly feeling anxious, I had to go to the public toilet.

\"What are you doing?\" shouted the aunt looking at the toilet.

\"I am the boss of China Mobile, and I am in a hurry.\"

\"Don't you know that everything is charged now?\" Auntie.

\"Okay, how much is it?\"

\"5 cents in, 3 cents out." The aunt looked at him.

\"You have to pay for anything?\" The boss stared.

\"What are you looking at? We have two-way charging here. If you get a toilet package, you can charge one-way.

\"Okay, I'll pay. \"The boss took out ten dollars.

\"Shit or pee? \"The aunt held the money and asked.

\"Shit, hurry up. \"

\"Well, do you need a set meal? If you poop fifty times in one go, we can give you a discount to poop another thirty times. \"The aunt said.

\"Stop talking, I'll go in first and come out to pay right away. \"After the boss went in, he chose the last pit and came out after a long time of fun.

\"Sir, you chose pit number 5. You have to pay a 50 cent fee for number selection. You are in there. I didn't say not to play music when I stayed, so I charged 60 cents each time. In addition, if you squat in there for fifteen minutes and one second, you will be charged 5 cents per minute for the first minute, and 40 cents per minute for the following minutes. Any less than one minute will be charged as one minute. In addition, since your excretion consumes our

sewer broadband, please pay an additional monthly fee of RMB 10,000. Finally, you can see other people entering the toilet through the small hole.

Please pay a visitor display fee of 1 yuan. \"The boss is already staying there.

\"So, Mr. Boss, we don’t use credit cards here. Boss, you have to pay 59.4 yuan. If you don’t pay after the due date, you will be charged 1,000 cents per day

The third fee will be included in the late payment fee. We will not notify you separately. When the accumulation reaches one thousand yuan, we will use legal means to call for payment\".

The aunt just finished speaking, the mobile boss\" "Plop" and fainted in the urinal!!

The mobile boss said in a daze: Is there any way to rule?

The aunt said: I have the final say on my territory!