Looking for the most incisive jokes. If you’ve heard them before, don’t tell them again.

1. Just forget about scolding you. Only when I beat you will you know that I am both civil and military.

2. Every time a day passes, I mark a circle on the calendar. On Sunday, I realized that my days had been marked by ellipses.

3. Lovers will eventually become house slaves, and those who own houses will eventually become married.

4. Galvanized coffins are of course more durable, but wooden coffins are good for health.

5. Xiao Ming asked his father to tell him a story. Dad said, do you want to listen to the long one or the short one? Xiao Ming: It’s long! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing...Xiao Ming: Dad, please keep it short Bar! Dad: Once upon a time there was a fly, buzz, pop!

6. In order to attract business, the hotpot city wrote this sentence on the billboard: "Self-service hotpot, 30 yuan per person, children under 1 meter in height are free." The aunt in the kindergarten was extremely excited after seeing it. , she carried 30 yuan in her arms and led 50 children in her class to the hot pot city

7. A child asked a rich man: Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: When I was a child, I had nothing like you. My father gave me an apple, so I sold that apple, used the money I earned to buy two more apples, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child was thoughtful and said: Sir, I seem to understand. Mr. Rich said: You know your sister. Later, my father died and I inherited all his inheritance. "

8. When a loyal party member died, God was unwilling to accept the soul of an atheist in heaven, so he sent him to hell. A month later, the King of Hell came sweating profusely and said: "Hurry up Take that guy away, he's almost turned all my brats into Young Pioneers! God accepted it, and after another month, the King of Hell gloated and asked God: "What happened to the party members?" "God said: "First of all, please call me comrade..."

9. Whose bodyguard is more loyal to the Chinese leader or the American leader? The American leader ordered the bodyguard to jump from the 10th floor, and the bodyguard knelt down. He said: "Don't be like this, I still have a family. ". So the US president relented. The Chinese leader ordered the bodyguard to jump down, and the Chinese bodyguard jumped without saying a word. The US president was so frightened that he quickly grabbed him. The Chinese bodyguard said: "Don't do this, I still have my family.

10. There is a very tall coconut tree. There are four kinds of animals: orangutan, ape, monkey and King Kong. They climb up the tree to pick bananas. Which one do you think will pick it first? Test the kind of person you are.

The answers are: 1. Monkeys are the most typical 250; 2. Orangutans are mentally retarded; 3. Apes are the precursors of Alzheimer’s disease;

4. King Kong is the head quilt Idiot with a jammed door; have you ever seen bananas growing on a coconut tree?

11. Your complex facial features cannot hide your simple IQ....

12..A little girl once said to me upstairs: Brother, you are so handsome. !I immediately replied: He’s not handsome, he looks whatever he wants.

13. Heehee and Hahaha were good friends, very good friends. One day, Hahaha died. Heehee was very sad. He walked to Hahaha’s grave and said: "Hahaha, you die.

14. The sentence I heard most clearly in today’s level 4 listening test: Now please take out the tape and turn it to side B and continue listening.

15. Beggar: Sister-in-law, I haven’t eaten for two days. Can you give me some cake? Sister-in-law: I only have rice here. Beggar: It’s okay, but today is my birthday!

16. Asking a man, "Am I good-looking?" The man said: You are like the sister of Mona Lisa now. The woman said: Really, who is her sister? The man said: Zetta Martha.

17. The sandstorm blows Taiwan. Many old people took to the streets, opened their hands, looked up at the sky at 45 degrees, burst into tears, took a deep breath, and said excitedly: 60 years, 60 years, and finally I can smell the earthy smell of my hometown.

18. My younger brother went to play basketball in a certain elementary school and heard a girl in the lower grade ask a boy in the lower grade: "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly: "My mother gives me 3 dollars a day." Yuan, two and a half of which I gave you to buy snacks, tell me whether I love you or not

19. I once had an opportunity to add clothes and I didn’t cherish it until I did. I couldn’t regret it until I caught a cold. If God gave me another chance, I would add all my clothes without hesitation.

Female: I want to find a boyfriend. Man: I’ll help you. “We have a good one in our dormitory.” Woman: Don’t you feel bad that I’m with him? Man: Don’t worry, I have nothing to do with him.

21 .Three men went to the woman to propose marriage. Parents: Let’s talk about their respective situations. A: I have 10 million; B: I have a mansion worth 20 million; the woman’s parents were very satisfied and asked C, what does your family have? C: Me. There is nothing but one child. Now the child is in your daughter’s belly. A and B are speechless and gone. This case tells us a simple truth. The core competitiveness is not money and houses, but key positions. You have to have someone of your own

22. Once upon a time, there was a little cucumber. She thought she had too many acnes on her face, so she sliced ??herself into pieces and applied it on her face

23. Who did McDull have a crush on? ? Answer: Doraemon. Because of "McDull Ring (Thinking of) Jingle Bell" 24. When I was a child, the teacher told me: There is a hardworking person and a lazy person in the human body. When you are hesitant, They know how to fight. In elementary school, the diligent guy often beat the lazy guy. In junior high school, it was a tie. In high school, the lazy guy often won. But when I got to college, I suddenly found that they didn't fight anymore. Mom. The diligent villain was beaten to death.

25. On Christmas, every Lan child without an aluminum child can only tighten his collar at the cold windy street and listen to the wind. Come on, the sad and sad songs resound throughout the city... "singleboy!~singleboy!~singlealltheway!~~~"

26. The most useless words in the world: 1.police: Don't run! 2. National football team: Must win! 3. Teacher: Students, please stop sleeping! 5. Woman: No, please stop it. 7. Criminal: I am wronged. Yes! 8. The sentence on the cigarette pack: "Smoking is harmful to health" 10. "God will bless you" 11. When breaking up: "I'm sorry"

27. Xiao Ming was transferred to another school by his parents because he was not good at math. I went to a missionary school and got straight A’s in math after half a year. My mother asked, “Is it the nuns who teach me well? Is the textbook good? Is it prayer? ..." "No," Xiao Ming said. "On the first day I entered school, I saw a person nailed to the plus sign. I knew... they were serious. ”

28. North Korea:...Brother, I want to fight South Korea! China: Automatically reply YES! North Korea: Brother...you have to help me then! China: Automatically reply YES! North Korea: Brother... Then I'm going! China: Automatic reply Huh! ...China: Damn, I just went to the toilet. What are you talking about? Are you crazy? North Korea: Automatic reply Hello, I have something to do. I will contact you later

29. Yingzi said to Xiaoqiang: "I will kick you during the exam today, and you will have to look at me. "When it was time for the exam, Yingzi kicked Xiaoqiang, and Xiaoqiang replied: Meow

30. A sculpture was completed in a new building of a university: a girl holds a book in her left hand and a symbol in her right hand. The pigeon of peace. The school publicly solicited names from students, and many people’s slogans coincided with each other - reading is useless!

31. I went to worship Guanyin and said that he could give me a pigeon. Wife, I saw Guanyin wave her hands and say OK