Should my partner ask for a checkup when she goes out?

I don't think my partner should ask for an inspection when he goes out. Because this involves two issues, one is distrust and the other is a sense of control, and these two issues are taboo in feelings.

1, will the inspection crack your trust?

My roommate Wen Wen has a very good boyfriend. He is very tall and talented in Shuai Shuai, and his family is very rich. At first, Wen Wen thought her boyfriend was too good for her. She is always worried about being pried away by others, and her boyfriend often travels on business, which makes her even more insecure, so she has to check the post through video almost every night.

Once, Wenwen's boyfriend went home to celebrate his grandfather's seventieth birthday, and the whole family sat together for dinner. Wen Wen called. When he heard the noise over there, he asked him to turn the camera around to make sure he was with his family. Although her boyfriend did this at that time, there was still an argument afterwards. His boyfriend also said that if he didn't trust him, he would simply leave.

You see, although my roommate's idea is that she has no confidence in herself and is afraid of losing, it also expresses her distrust of her boyfriend, and this distrust will make the other person feel bad, and if it is serious, it will destroy the relationship.

2. What will the examination do to your partner? The feeling of being controlled

Sometimes, the reason why checking hurts feelings is not the act of checking, but the sense of control behind checking, which will make the other person feel disgusted and want to escape. In the past, there was a popular saying on the internet: feelings are like quicksand, and the tighter you hold them. Will it drain? The sooner. Probably about being controlled.

Because of insecurity, I am afraid that the other party will betray and leave, so I will verify my partner's sincerity again and again. When you try to hold him firmly, he will run away. In this way, your relationship has formed a "one chase and one escape" model. Finally, in this mode of getting along, one of you is tired of chasing, or one of you is tired of escaping. If you don't want to get along like this, you will separate.

In fact, why do we have to use the method of post inspection? We can completely change the way and turn the feeling of being controlled into the feeling of being needed. Wouldn't that be better? For myself, I will never check my boyfriend's post. Every time he goes out, he tells me his plan. If he is away for several days, he will take the initiative to call me by video, because he knows that I am more dependent on him, and I will be a little scared and insomnia when he is away. He knows I need him, so he doesn't have to check his post at all.

Therefore, we don't need to ask for an after-the-fact inspection when our partner goes out, giving ourselves more confidence and giving each other more confidence and understanding. There is no need for two people to get along so tired. We can also try to turn the after-the-fact check into a signal that we need each other? In this way, you are sure to get enthusiastic feedback.