Funny quotations full of wisdom

Quotations are what people say. Some words are full of wisdom, some words make people laugh, and some words make people laugh with wisdom. I made up funny quotations full of wisdom. Welcome to appreciate and learn from them.

1. If people are bored, they can play with nose bubbles.

If you haven't experienced the crash on Monday morning, you won't know the value of Friday afternoon.

3. What are the bad guys, men who take off their pants during the day and women who don't take off their makeup at night?

4. Real warriors should dare to face up to beautiful girls and face up to bleak singles;

You can't treat me as a holiday just because we have problems.

6. Push yourself and others.

The road in Xiu Yuan is very long, so I'd better take a taxi.

8. My website, you are the landlord.

9. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside.

10. What I was most afraid of when I was a child was not dreaming that I couldn't find the toilet. Is that people haven't wake up, the toilet has been found.

1 1. I think there must be a lot of people who secretly love me, because no one has confessed to me for so many years!

12. I have always had a question in my heart. For several years, for a whole year, what did the wolf eat? ...

13. A person's longest love history is probably narcissism. ...

14. Three elements of success: persistence; Shameless; Insist on shameless. Did you do it?

15. Donor, the poor monk is here for alms. Do you have a sauce elbow? Fried chicken legs will do. It's good.

16. My brother's previous love life was also quite chaotic.

17. I spent 10,000 yuan on a pottery jar of the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty?" This is from last week! "

18. You can never be an excellent college student, but you rely on excellent quality!

19. I want the whole world to know that I keep a low profile!

20. Unload the baggage that can't be unloaded, no way back; Endless tears, chasing an untraceable future

2 1. Fireworks blooming at the same time in the night sky can see each other's beautiful moments, but I can't light up your life. ...

22. We don't know what we have until we lose it.

23. keitel, why are you crying? Is it because your ass is too hot?

24. Man is iron and rice is steel.

25. My heart is not a bus, it is not that you sit down when there is an empty seat.

26. A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard, and all you can come up with is a fart.

27. I am in Jianghu, but there are no legends about me in Jianghu!

28. Besides teeth, there is love.

29. The brothers in the dormitory decided to punish Mr. Zhang as follows: let him hold the telephone pole covered with advertisements of old Chinese medicine and cry with tears: My illness has finally been saved!

30. I want to puppy love, but it's too late ...

3 1. Rats never waste time at night, but we humans waste one-third of our time every day.

32. Deliberate study, deliberate work, deliberate life, and deliberate life like an individual!

33. Put down your college student's shelf and find a bowl of rice first!

34. Don't fire me because I have a caller ID.

35. The best way to ruin a good song is to set it as an alarm.

36. The difference between an affair and an affair is that the former is together and the latter is not together.

37. As the saying goes, near Zhu Zhechi, near Zhu Zhechi. It's not your fault that you like eating. In the final analysis, it is because there are too many pigs around you.

38. The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, nor between love and ignorance, but between beds in winter.

39. When others are holding hands, I will take my dog for a walk and swim to see who is unhappy with a bite.

40. In chemistry class, the chemistry teacher asked, "What should I do if your gas leaks?" Don't panic, light a cigarette and calm down.

4 1. The difference between classes: primary school is expensive, junior high school is expensive, senior high school is expensive, and college is expensive. ...

42. I have been poor and crazy recently, and I have no money to buy big cakes, so I can only eat steamed buns; If you want to eat pie, pat the steamed bread flat; If you want to eat noodles, comb the steamed bread with a comb a few times!

43. Now I know that the house slave Li Bai bought a set of uncompleted residential flats, which is evidenced by poems: the foot of my bed is so bright-there is no window; Is there frost already? -The door is not installed; Looking up, I found it was moonlight-the roof was open; I sank again and suddenly remembered home. -It hurts.

44. People like me are ugly, have poor figure, poor grades, have no courage and perseverance, are timid, have no special skills, can't talk, have fun, have poor memory, can't play games well, have no ambition, and are afraid of difficulties and failure. I really don't know what to do in the future.

45. We should know how to cherish and protect everyone around us, because looking back on the broken neck in our previous lives, we only met in this life.

46. Spring is sleepy, summer is weak, and winter is just a deep sleep.

47. The meaning of "There are plenty of fragrant grass in the sea, why unrequited love for a flower" has always been-"There are so many men in the world, why do you have to like a woman!"

48. Women are plump when they are fat, slim when they are thin, slim when they are tall, and delicate when they are short. Men are fat pigs, thin ribs, tall bamboo poles and short wax gourd!

49. I only trust two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

50. Life is interesting because life plays with me.

5 1. Love is mean, and it is mean again and again. When you stop being a bitch, women come!

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

53. The Internet is like a prison. You stole a wallet in, but you know everything when you go out.

54. No one born is afraid of death, and no one was born with TM, so don't pretend to be TM!

55. Remember what should be remembered and forget what should be forgotten. Change what can be changed and accept what cannot be changed.

56. The existence of tears proves that sadness is not an illusion.

57. There is a saying that if a man squats down on the main road to tie your shoelaces, you can marry such a man! I mean, do you want to settle accounts?

58. The wife's initials are LP and the beautiful initials are PL. I suddenly understood that a wife is often the opposite of beauty.

59. Squat down and touch your own shadow. I'm sorry to have wronged you.

60. I am finally indifferent to your bright head.

6 1. Don't tell me you love me. I feel sick after hearing this sentence …

62. I sent my heart to the wrong address. Would you please give it back to me now?

63. Wandering the streets, asking about the whereabouts of happiness …

64. There is only one road, or simply a dead end.

65. I'm actually in good shape, fat but not greasy.

66. I don't accept junk, so I can't let you be on call!

67. Not every kind of milk is called Sutron, and not everyone is as pure as me.

68. Why not let the devil make the mare go?

69. Obesity is the pain of breathing. It lives in every corner of my body. Eating KFC hurts, eating McDonald's hurts, and even drinking water hurts. Obesity is the pain of breathing, rolling back and forth in the blood, regretting the pain of not losing weight, hating the pain of not dieting, and wanting to be thin most.

70. It's really troublesome to meet strangers, and you have to tell a lie again.

7 1. Baidu couldn't find you, so it had to enter sogou.

72. I wanted to eat my sadness in one bite, but I got fat in one bite.

73. How can I get married without going through it? No one can be a mother.

74. Hunger, if done well, is called losing weight; Pinch this thing, well done is called massage; Being in a daze, doing well is called profound; Being lazy and doing well is called enjoying; Persistence in doing well is called persistence; Playing dumb, if done well, is called great wisdom.

75. Fool!

76. Some people say that long-distance love is hard, some people say that homosexuality is hard, some people say that sibling love is hard, some people say that teacher-student love is hard, some people say that long-distance love is hard, and I say that no one is the hardest!

77. A fool stole a beggar's wallet and the blind man saw it. The mute gave a loud roar, which startled the deaf. Camels come forward and lame people fly. Asako said, look at my face. The madman said: that is, people should be rational.

78. If marriage is the grave of love, then blind date means looking at feng shui for the grave, confession means digging the grave, marriage means double suicide, empathy means moving the grave, and a third party means robbing the grave.

79. Shanglian: I didn't bring my student ID card, admission ticket and ID card; Bottom line: I didn't do any listening, reading, composition or writing questions. Horizontal recognition: focus on participation.

80. A woman loves you and you are her husband. Several women love you, and you are a man. Ten women love you and you are a lover. A hundred women love you, and you are an idol. Thousands of women love you. You are a hero. Millions of women love you, and you are the leader. Women all over the country love you, and you are the people.

8 1. coins. Women all over the world love you. Oh, you are a sanitary napkin.

82. When you are in a bad mood, go to the toilet. After you finish, you look ferocious and say to the toilet, "shit for me!" " Then flush the toilet.

83. Li Ao commented on men's love: ① If you don't take the initiative, beautiful women will let other men climb on you. (2) Don't refuse, there will be ugly women crawling up to you. Without commitment, no woman will let you climb on her. Li Ao commented on men's work: ① Don't take the initiative, others will take it away if you take a good position; Don't refuse, everything will be arranged for you; Without commitment, no leader will believe you.

84. What if mosquitoes are caught alive in summer? Of course you have to support him, send him to school, buy him a house, help him marry and look after the children, otherwise what can you do? After all, this is your blood. ...

85. Rumor, well done, is called hype; Sleeping, doing well is called stealing dreams; Flattery, doing well is called praise; Father, well done. My name is Li Gang. Soft candy, doing well is calm; Inferiority, doing well is called modesty; Narcissism, doing well is called personality; Streaking, well done is called art; If you work hard, doing well is called sacrifice; Work, well done, is called entrepreneurship; Comments, well done, are called originality; Walk-on, well done is called friendship performance!

86. Execution log: get up in the morning: punch; Morning meeting: take a nap; Eat at noon: burp; Go to work in the afternoon: hit ha; Working overtime at night: playing cards; Evening entertainment: sex; Going home late at night: fighting.

87. China's parents: Year old: Son, I signed you up for the Children's Palace. Years old: Son, I signed you up for the Olympic class. Years old: Son, I enrolled you in a key middle school. Years old: Son, I enrolled you in the college entrance examination surprise class. Years old: Son, I'll sign you up as a civil servant.

88. Year old: Son, I signed up if you are the one.

89. Men chat, seven points talk about ideals, three points talk about women; Women talk about men for seven points and ideals for three points. Thus, men conquer the world and win women; Women conquer men and win the world.

90. Don't compare people with dogs. Dogs are at least loyal.

9 1. Send a text message to someone you like. If he doesn't reply, don't send it again.

92. Beauty generally thinks that men are stupid, while men generally think that beauty is a pig's brain.

93. Not once in a thousand years, but Zhou Libo. You think I'm a turtle!

94. Bowing for so long is not for clapping. Actually, I mainly want people to check my head.

95. Now our stock market in China has become an accident.

96. The average leader is ignorant.

97. I am very careful. I found that in swimming pools, especially female compatriots, the angle of these swimming trunks averaged 20 degrees for five years.

98. Last time I opened it from the computer, I saw a poster of Chris Lee was beautiful, and the little girl was very sunny! The following is a slogan of the family planning commission, called: it is the same for boys and girls.

99. How can there be experts in the stock market? There can be no experts in the stock market! The stock market has only losers and winners.

100. There is a text called Mulan Joining the Army. I was killed at that time. I don't believe Mulan will join the army without being discovered! It's impossible! I didn't know until I met Chris Lee! This is technically feasible!