My 1649th day as a prison guard in the AIDS Ward

Monday

At eight o'clock in the morning, Dai Yi finished breakfast in the cafeteria at the entrance of the prison, walked to the sink, squinted at the green spot on the top of the hill, and turned his face I reached under the faucet and smelled a fishy smell.

Door A opens, and there are two layers of silver-white barbed wire on one side of the approximately five-meter-wide walkway. On the other side of the wall are the words "Leave the risk to yourself, leave the peace to the society." The two walls are tightly fenced. He blocked his view of the outside world.

Dai Yi entered Gate B. The inmates had just finished breakfast. Several people, led by their colleagues, carried plastic buckets and plastic tableware to the cell. When they saw Dai Yi, they immediately stood still and said, "Officer Dai. Okay." Their eyes were red, and their breath seemed a little weak under their hoarse voices. The other prisoners were walking crookedly towards the prison area. From a distance, they looked like a blue-gray snake.

This is the AIDS ward of a prison in X City, also known as Xinkang Prison and the Central Hospital of the Provincial Prison Administration Bureau. The top one is the 32nd Ward, which contains cells, wards, and nursing stations. The lower one is the newly built Third Ward, which is responsible for new prisoner education, out-of-prison education, kitchens and other functions. This road is called "New Life Road". The manhole cover weighing 220 kilograms on the road is a warning to anyone who wants to go to "new life" through other means.

The main building of the 32nd Ward is a small green and white building. There are many metal plaques with commendations hanging in the foyer, with a red slogan across them, "Infected until I am infected" - —This horrifying slogan is said to exist in AIDS prisons across the provinces.

Like other prison areas, there are toilets and water rooms at the end of the long corridor, with more than a dozen rooms scattered on both sides. The room for seriously ill prisoners is closest to the fence door, and outside the fence door is the nurse's station. Looking through the transparent glass wall, the blue bedding and bed cabinets make the place look like an ordinary hospital ward. Only critically ill patients who have been judged by doctors can enjoy the privilege of lying here. More of the doctor's workload comes from preventing cheating - yesterday we caught a guy who had a bite wound and dripped into his urine sample. At the end of the corridor, the fence on the door of the infectious disease room was sealed with transparent plastic to prevent the virus from spreading wildly in this fertile ground for immune deficiency.

An hour later, Dai Yi appeared in front of Jabba's bed. Jiaba is a Yi from the Daliangshan area of ??Sichuan. He was imprisoned for drug trafficking and cannot speak Chinese well.

"Sign the release money." Dai Yi said to him. "How are you today?"

Jabba raised his head with his right arm and said calmly: "Okay. Hello, Officer Dai."?

But he didn't look well at all. , AIDS combined with tuberculosis, her cheeks were sunken, and her sleeves exposed a section of skin covered with scars. The doctor came in carrying a tray, wearing a police uniform under his white coat, and his movements of raising his arms were a bit sluggish. There were red, blue, and white medicine boxes on the tray. Inside were bivudine, lamivudine, and Kaletra. Jabba had taken these medicines there last time. After he left, there was no stable source of medicines. He came in again. Already in the second stage of AIDS. In the words of the doctor, "The second phase will be difficult to treat."

Dai Yi walked away, Jabba gave up his strenuous support, and with the harsh coughing and spitting sounds, his body fell back, Like a piece of rotten wood sinking into the river bed.

Jabba's father died before he was imprisoned. Half a year after he served, his mother died of AIDS. The prison tried to contact his uncle and aunt, but they were unwilling to pick him up. They worked in Chengdu and had a daughter at home. The shadow of AIDS made them afraid. Dai Yi had long been accustomed to the indifferent attitude of the prisoners' family members. He recalled that his seniors had told him that before the "must be picked up and must be dropped off" system was implemented, a prisoner had a car accident on his way home. He had never had any family calls or visits before, and he suddenly appeared unexpectedly. A large number of relatives came forward and blocked the foyer of the government building with family members demanding compensation.

As a prison guard, one of Dai Yi’s jobs is to contact family members. The only person willing to pick up Jabba was his 80-year-old grandfather. Dai Yi thought of the rugged roads in western Sichuan and decided to try to contact him. Go to the local judicial office and see if there is anyone at the judicial office to pick him up.

There are many Yi people from Daliang Mountain here. As long as you respect their habits, they are actually much easier to "manage" than the Han people. For the Han people, "AIDS" and "jail" are two extremely heavy bridles. Prison guards have to beware of sudden emotional loss almost every day, but the Yi people seem to be more optimistic. A Yi prisoner once said to Dai Yi , as long as I can eat and sleep every day, it doesn’t matter where I am, “This is better than my home.”

”

Dai Yi recalled the last time he escorted a terminally ill prisoner back to Sichuan. Born in Jiangsu, he saw flash floods and landslides for the first time. The car was bumpy all the way, and the prisoner kept coughing and vomiting. The car was full of He had a sour stench. When he arrived in the county town at two o'clock in the morning, the local authorities called him and told him that he would have to wait for death if he was sent back. His whole family had been arrested for drug trafficking. What to do? Had no choice but to sell drugs. ”

The prison provides free medical care, food and accommodation. Everyone here is an AIDS patient and does not have to endure discrimination from the outside world. For some extremely poor AIDS prisoners, exchanging freedom for survival is a solution.

Jaba is 21 years old. Dai Yi sometimes even thinks that he is like a child. Jaba said that he actually has no idea about city life. He just goes out with a brother at home to see them. It took one day to get to the train station and take the next train to Panzhihua. Not everyone can make a living in the city. At first, Jabba didn't take drugs. He couldn't afford it until he met a friend at a party. "Please", he just "played". Their concept of drugs was not very clear. Jabba remembered that his grandfather used to smoke opium grown by himself after doing farm work. Opium is a good thing for relaxation and pain relief. , inviting you to dinner, the relationship is not good; buying this for you, the relationship is good. ”

Local young people were quickly drawn into the drug trafficking network. Almost every family in the village had someone involved in drug trafficking. Jabba followed his brothers and wandered from city to city. Drug trafficking became a social aspect for young people. The first step. “When I first came out, I didn’t understand anything. I was stolen from, cheated on, and all were friends. Your friends will look down on you if you don't play tricks. "When Jabba said this, the shame on his face made Dai Yi feel uncomfortable.

Two

Before ten o'clock, the prison district leader called Go to the back office and ask him to bring visitors from outside units.

Ward 32 is a typical prison tree. It receives visits from various systems almost every week. Dai Yi quickly memorized a few " A classic case of "saving prisoners".

The leader of the "white shirt" stretched out his hand to him, Dai Yi held it with both hands, feeling slightly moist. The women behind him moved forward cautiously, Dai Yi He could see their discomfort, and he was very good at identifying this expression. A few years ago, this kind of discomfort often appeared on the faces of his friends and family. ?

Dai Yi led the visitors to the display. In the room, prisoners’ dental cups, spoons, arc-shaped table legs and cabinets made of soft plastic are displayed. “We have isolation suits. In order to avoid giving the prisoners a sense of discrimination, we do not wear isolation suits or masks in daily work. . "Have there been any occupational exposure incidents?" "Someone asked immediately. "I have it myself. " Dai Yi thought that this story might have been told a hundred times by him.

The details of the story have now been plated with too many layers of gold, but the process is very simple. The droplets from the prisoner's cough hit each other. It reached his eyes.

Only when the previous imagination suddenly materialized did he really feel the weight that broke his ribs.

The nausea caused by the blocking drug. , dizzy and weak, his heart was filled with regret and fear, thinking of the things he wanted to do but had no time to do, and the fearlessness that stemmed from ignorance in the past, and loneliness enveloped him like amniotic fluid. Watching Tolstoy's "The Death of Ivan Ilych", I cried weakly

A month later, the HIV test result was negative, he stopped taking the medicine and went to work, "I will always be idle. I think it'll be better if I'm busy." When he met him, the prisoner was still as respectful as a mask. He left without saying hello after serving his sentence. Dai Yi felt hatred in his heart, but he couldn't show it. Except that the regulations didn't allow it, deeper down His concern was that some prisoners had retaliated against the prison guards after being released from prison. After this incident, he was even more worried about the safety of his family.

The deference of the prisoners to them came from their obedience to the violent machine, which had given them power. Through his false imagination, when the halo faded, he realized that the power of the system was weak in the face of the laws of the dark forest. When he opened his eyes, he was facing a group of smarter and more fierce opponents.

Dai Yi wanted to be transferred, but the leader refused, so he applied to be transferred to the back office. When the HIV observation period ended, he still had a year of anxiety waiting for him.

It was almost noon, and Dai Yi followed the leader to visit. When the group sent the minibus, he felt very tired when he thought about the unfinished ingredients. When he returned to the prison area, the prisoners were sharing meals. Each group gathered around a plastic basin and took a look. Today's dish was shredded potatoes. And green pepper minced meat.

Prisoners can eat large meat such as lumps of meat on weekends, but fish will never appear. Even if it is ribs, they are afraid of getting stuck in the throat and causing bleeding.

"Captain Li! Zhou Feng doesn't eat again!" The key criminal called his colleague Xiao Li. Zhou Feng was imprisoned for theft, and was diagnosed with AIDS only after being imprisoned. I heard that my behavior in other prisons was quite positive before, but since I was diagnosed with AIDS, my mood has become very negative. I have slacked off at work, refused to take medicine, and shouted to my colleagues in the cell that "the sentence is longer than my life." On a hunger strike.

Dai Yi decided to go out to eat quickly so as not to implicate him in anything unexpected.

During lunch, he had a short moment to look at his phone. Someone in the group shared a short video of a car accident. He didn’t want to watch it, so he quickly deleted it. After staying there for a long time, I don’t know if I have become soft-hearted or hard-hearted.

Three

When he returned to the prison area at twelve o'clock, Zhou Feng was still squatting in front of Xiao Li. Dai Yi looked at Xiao Li's back and remembered that he was only twenty-two years old when he first came to the 32nd Ward. He had just graduated from the police academy a few years ago. He had no experience and no target. He only had the ambition of a newborn calf who is not afraid of tigers. Although the 32nd Ward is dangerous, the salary is high and "there is a bright future!" The senior toasted him a second time at the dinner table, "The 32nd Ward won first-class collective merit in the past two years!" First-class merit, Apart from being here, what chance does a newcomer like him with no background have to get first-class merit? At that time, he was very drunk.

Everyone is like a bull that has been hammered by life. Today, Dai Yi can no longer remember those ambitions. When I first arrived, one person was responsible for the daily feeding, drinking, and eating of more than a dozen prisoners. He would often enter this door at eight in the morning and be isolated from the outside world for twenty-four hours before seeing the sky outside.

There are no labor quotas for prisoners in the AIDS Ward. They only need to do some time-killing work such as gluing cardboard boxes. However, the management pressure is very high, and the inmates do not have the physical strength to fight. When they are free, they use their brains to think of ways to exclude others without being discovered by the guards. The profit space that can be fought for in the prison is originally small, and the gains and losses of every stitch are of great concern to the inmates. Words are very important. No matter how peaceful a person was before, he will soon understand after being imprisoned that violence is only the most basic means of self-protection - the same is true for prison guards. However, compared to their colleagues in other prison districts, the prison guards in District 32 do not dare to take too tough measures. Breaking of bottles and smashing of prisoners has happened here before, which undoubtedly greatly increases the difficulty of discipline.

At 12:30, Dai Yi returned to the back office—the work in the back office was no easier than that of a correctional officer. He was overwhelmed by the large amount of judicial documents, case files, and sudden inspection activities. Turning on the computer, the large platform showed that there were five new prisoners waiting to be deducted. Since Ward 32 became a model, prisons across the province were actively sending AIDS prisoners to this place - the death of one person in one's own territory was a problem. Often the person was brought in on a stretcher yesterday and died tomorrow. Doctors are also recruited every year, and there are no recruiting opportunities every year. Working here not only means extremely high occupational exposure risks, but also means narrow promotion paths and almost non-existent room for technical improvement. Nowadays, the 32nd Ward is a little short on manpower and material resources. Last year, the original warehouse in the 3rd Ward had to be converted into a large prison room.

Xiao Li opened the door and came in, asking when Zhao's parole would be released.

"I'm dying. Maybe I'll be transferred to a higher-level hospital tonight."

"Are you going to follow me?"

"Yeah."

Dai Yi felt a little sympathetic to Xiao Li. Zhao was gay, had AIDS and hepatitis C, and had never had family visits. There are many homosexuals in the prison area. In order to prevent accidents, the bathrooms were transformed into fully transparent ones. Mr. Zhao is also considered a suspect among homosexuals. He insists on saying that he is a Christian. Others say, "You are gay and you believe in shitty religions." He insists on saying, "He gave me such pain so that I can have hope in the end." Because he was a bit nagging, Zhao had been bullied openly or covertly by his fellow prisoners. He masturbated several times at night and was beaten several times by his fellow prisoners. When others saw him being beaten and asked, "Why doesn't the Lord look after you anymore, he didn't make a fuss, but his face became grayer day by day." In the end, he always said that he was not feeling well and needed to take medicine. The other prison guards knew that he was actually fine, but he was too anxious and wanted to talk to a doctor.

Xiao Li has just come to work and has been actively talking to Lao Zhao. Recently, he heard that Lao Zhao’s production has improved and he can eat two-thirds of a bowl.

At dinner the day before yesterday, Zhao just took two bites and started vomiting blood.

“I have always encouraged him to have hope of getting out and hope of living.

Suddenly people are going to die, and in the end everything we do is useless. "?

Dai Yi knew that this was a typical period of confusion for Xiao Li. Everyone here would go through this process. Often they would send away a prisoner who had served his sentence, and he would come back a few months later. , maybe if he stays for a few more months, he will die.

Most of the prisoners were relatively calm during their final days. Sometimes their family members could not come, so the prison guards became their only support. Dai Yi still remembered that. A call came from the hospital in the middle of the night, saying that the always-difficult "Zhitou" wanted to see his prison guard. An hour after they left the hospital, the colleague on duty said that "Zhitou" was dead.

I remember the last look in "Prick Tou"'s eyes. The persistence was not to meet anyone, but the desire to live on.

"Do you still remember when Zhao Gang came in? That look was very confusing. Dai Yi turned to the silent Xiao Li. "He looks at people normally now." "

Thursday

In the middle of the afternoon, there was a call from the judicial office in Jabba's hometown. The other end of the phone said that there was a shortage of manpower and I'm afraid the queue would have to wait until the end of next month. "Can you answer it? Come here, please contact the family again. "Dai Yi also knows the situation. The township judicial office has only two people, and there are no more than ten contract workers. At least two or three people must go together to pick up a prisoner. The judicial office nominally belongs to the Department of Justice, and the actual finance is funded by the local government. In an area with a very high drug crime rate like Daliangshan, the local judicial office is stretched thin by the high transportation and labor costs, and the prisoners here are stranded in prison, which is also a headache for the leaders here.

Dai Yi. Returning to the prison cell, I wanted to ask Jabba if he had any other relatives.

"No. "

Dai Yi turned around, and there was a faint shout from behind.

He turned around, and Jabba sank into the bed, seeming to have fallen asleep for a long time.

He couldn't Determine if Jabba means "doesn't want to leave"

Five

At eight o'clock in the evening, Dai Yi finally finished sorting out the commutation and parole materials for the month. The phone rang, and Xiao Li said, "Hey." Zhao has died in the higher-level hospital. Dai Yi gave a brief hum. The computer screen shook. For here, the disappearance of a person is just a pile of unfinished materials, but outside, the forgetfulness of this person may have started earlier. .

It was completely dark, and the darkness in the mountains was even colder than outside. Dai Yi opened the third door. The armed police had changed their posts. He nodded tiredly to the young faces inside and opened the door. There were several mobile phones in the small storage compartment. He was too lazy to estimate how many colleagues were still inside.

Dai Yi got on the battery car and rode to the work dormitory. He had time to go back to himself during the holiday. It's an hour and fifty minutes' drive from home.

My roommate is on duty today, and his civil service application essay is spread out on the table. Dai Yi flips through it and thinks of his dusty judicial examination yellow book. After a long time, the fighting spirit was severely weakened.

The phone screen lit up, and the WeChat message from his mother said that he had introduced another person to him, and he was free to meet him on the weekend. He was in a high-risk occupation and had special working hours. , Dai Yi's blind dates always ended in failure, and he was a little tired of the girl across from him being surprised and then nervous. He calculated the duty schedule and replied with a wry smile: Dai Yi will be on duty on the weekend.

Go to bed. After falling asleep, I vaguely remembered my words to comfort Xiao Li: The so-called hope does not necessarily mean to go out in good health and let them know that there are one or two meaningful things in life. Just see that little bit of vitality.

The characters in the article are all pseudonyms

The author, Clockwork Jun, is currently a prison guard at a women’s prison