Which one is connected to the Internet?

1. When a police dog saw an ordinary dog ??coming on the road, he ran to it fiercely and asked: I am a police dog, what are you? Ordinary dogs would look at it with disdain and say: Idiot, look clearly, I am a plainclothes man!

2. I have a request: treat me to dinner. I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I will write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front: Apply for a certificate. You also want to treat me to a good meal, or write: Marriage, both men and women are welcome, no conditions are required.

3. A cannibal father and son were hunting. The son captured a thin man. The father said: "Let go, there is no meat!" His son captured another fat man, and his father said: "Let go, it's too greasy!" His son captured another beautiful woman, and his father said, "Take her home and eat your mother at night!"

4. One day we went to a wishing well. I bent down and made a wish and threw a coin into the well. You also wanted to make a wish, but you accidentally fell into the well when you bent down. I was stunned and murmured to myself: It’s really amazing!

5. You and I are both angels with one wing. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I came to this world just to find you. After going through all the trouble to find you, I found out: TMD! Our wings are aligned!

6. A four-year-old boy kissed a three-year-old girl. The girl said to the boy: You must be responsible for me if you kiss me. The boy patted the girl's shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not children of one or two years old anymore!

7. Late at night, Bush saw Bin Laden standing in front of his bed, his hair disheveled. Bush was shocked and said: You are so bold, you dare to break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-length beard, smiled sinisterly, and said: Rejoice, you are so confident!

8. The monkey picked up a card. It wanted to see clearly what card it was, so it climbed to the branch to look. At this time, a lightning struck it. The monkey cried and said: It turns out to be an IP card!

9. Zheng Xiding’s daughter-in-law didn’t see her husband, so she went to her father-in-law’s house to look for him. Seeing my father-in-law washing his face, he asked: Dad, where is Xiding? The father-in-law was displeased and continued to wash his face. The daughter-in-law was angry and asked again: Dad, where is Zheng Xiding? The father-in-law was furious: Wash your face!

10. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I have pooped out whatever I eat, cucumbers and watermelons. How can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

11. Mouse: I am in love with a bat now. From now on, the children will live in the air and will not be afraid of you cats. The cat sneered, pointed at the owl on the tree and said: Did you see, she is already pregnant with my child!

12. When wolves invade, the small animals form a death squad to fight against them. Mantis: I have two swords. Hedgehog: I'm covered in hidden weapons. The longhorned beetle shook its tentacles and sang: Hum! I have nunchuck nunchaku! Huh huh haha!

13. The nature class teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Doesn't anyone know? At this time, a classmate stood up and said: That's because the mind is naturally cool.

/joke/xiaohua/11016483/20040817/11837055.html

Jump off a building gt;

If you want to jump off a building,

If you If you want to become meat sauce, please go to the tenth floor.

If you want to have a good time, please go to the ninth floor.

If you still want to take a breath, please go to the eighth floor.

If you still want to struggle, please go to the seventh floor.

If you still want to leave a last message, please go to the sixth floor.

If you just want to be disabled, please go to the fifth floor.

If you just want to be hospitalized, please go to the fourth floor.

If you just want to scare people, please go to the third floor.

If you are just interested, please go to the second floor.

If you want to be called crazy, please go to the first floor.

If you have good jumping ability, please go to the basement! ~~~~

lt; This stone looks familiargt;

A, B, and C went shopping and found a newly opened store with a slogan: "The latest technology---accurate After watching the computer IQ test, the three of them were attracted together.

When I walked into the store, I found a large chair connected to a helmet. There was a wire behind the helmet connected to the computer.

A sat in the chair first and put on his helmet. After a while, the computer responded and typed out a line of text: "Your IQ is very high: 275 points." A was very happy after reading this.

B sat on the chair again, and the computer beeped for a while and typed out a line of text: "Your IQ is average: 75 points." B was very unconvinced after reading this.

It was C’s turn. C was very nervous. He sat on the chair and turned blue. The computer kept buzzing. Finally, he typed a line: “Don’t joke about rocks.” C slumped in the chair for a while. .

Yi Bing was dissatisfied and determined to practice and compete again.

Five months later, the three of them came to the store again. A still had a high score of 275, and B also reached a score of 125. It was C’s turn again, and C shivered and sat down in the chair. The computer buzzed for several hours and finally typed out the following sentence: "This rock looks familiar."

"Mobile Boss Goes to the Bathroom"

One morning, a mobile boss was outside. Suddenly I felt anxious, so I had to go to the public toilet.

\"What are you doing?\" shouted the aunt looking at the toilet.

\"I am the boss of China Mobile and I am in a hurry.\"

\"Don't you know that everything is charged now?\" Auntie.

\"Okay, how much is it?\"

\"5 cents in, 3 cents out." The aunt looked at him.

\"You have to pay for anything?\" The boss stared.

\"What are you looking at? We have two-way charging here. If you get a toilet package, you can charge one-way.

\"Okay, I'll pay. \"The boss took out ten dollars.

\"Shit or pee? \"The aunt held the money and asked.

\"Shit, hurry up. \"

\"Well, do you need a set meal? If you poop fifty times in one go, we can give you a discount to poop another thirty times. \"The aunt said.

\"Stop talking, I'll go in first and come out to pay right away. \"After the boss went in, he chose the last pit seat and came out after a long time of fun.

\"Sir, you chose the pit seat No. 5. You have to pay the number selection fee of 5 cents. You are in there. I didn't say not to play music when I stayed, so I charged 60 cents each time. In addition, if you squat in there for fifteen minutes and one second, you will be charged 5 cents per minute for the first minute, and 40 cents per minute for the following minutes. Any less than one minute will be billed as one minute. In addition, since your excretion consumes our

sewer broadband, please pay an additional monthly fee of RMB 10,000. Finally, you can see other people entering the toilet through the small hole.

Please pay a visitor display fee of 1 yuan. \"The boss is already staying there.

\"So, Mr. Boss, we don’t use credit cards here. Boss, you have to pay 59.4 yuan. If you don’t pay after the due date, you will be charged 1,000 cents per day

The third fee will be calculated as a late payment fee and we will not notify you in advance. When the amount reaches one thousand yuan, we will use legal means to collect the payment\".

Just after the aunt finished speaking, the mobile boss fainted in the urinal with a "plop"! !

The mobile boss said in a daze: Is there any more royal law?

The aunt said: I have the final say on my territory

During World War II, there was a village. Surrounded by enemy troops...

Cannot get out or enter...At this time, there is not much food left in the village..

The village chief held a meeting~(all Village)

Village chief: "Now I have good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"

Village: "Let's hear...the bad news first."

Village chief: "The bad news is that we have no more food. We can only eat cow dung..."

Village man: "It doesn't matter~ There is good news~"

Village chief: "Yes~ we have good news!! The good news is...

There is still a lot of cow dung~ enough for us to eat for a long time...

During the little scout’s visit to the police station, Xiao Zhang saw the photos of ten wanted criminals posted on the notice board, and asked the policeman, “Are you going to arrest these people?” The policeman nodded, and Xiao Zhang asked again, “ Why didn't you catch them when you were taking pictures of them?"

The Emperor is Pregnant (This is a classic!!)

A professor in the literature department was famous for embarrassing his students? .

One day he gave the students a very depressing composition topic:

The content should contain both elements of nobility and love

The students had a very painful idea But a student handed in his homework the next day.

After the professor saw the homework... there was only one sentence in the composition: "The Emperor is pregnant."

The professor was naturally very angry. He called the student and asked him to add science fiction elements.

The student quickly added a sentence at the front, which became: "The Emperor of Aquarius is pregnant." The professor was furious and asked the student to add suspense elements. The student quickly added another sentence at the end. One sentence

became: "The Emperor of Aquarius is pregnant, who did it?" The professor went crazy and ran away, and finally he used the killer's book,

asked the students to join Religious elements.

The professor looked at his victory triumphantly and smiled.

The next day, the student handed the professor his completed manuscript

The article It goes like this: .

. . . "The Emperor of Aquarius is pregnant...Oh my god!, who did it?

There were N boys who were accused of smoking by their teacher. One by one, the teachers came to have a heart-to-heart talk: (The finale is here/...)

The first boy truthfully admitted that he had been beaten hard; after returning to the dormitory, he said:

Moji, I am the only one Everyone has taken the responsibility, so don’t admit it when the time comes.

Scene 1

Teacher: Are you honest about smoking?

Boy A: No.

Teacher: No? Well, let’s eat some fries.

Boy A naturally stretched out his fingers and took it...

Scene 2

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy B: No.

Teacher: Well, let’s eat French fries. /p>

Boy B heard about A’s situation so he took the fries very carefully

Teacher: Why don’t you dip some ketchup on it?

B accidentally dipped it in? There was too much, so I flicked it with two fingers immediately -

Teacher: Don’t smoke? You are very skilled in flicking ash. Call the parents...

Scene. 3

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy C: No.

Teacher: No, let’s eat French fries.

Boy C finished the French fries very carefully and sweating because of the previous two examples.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the chips back to your classmates?

Boy C took the fries and put them on his ears...

Scene 4

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy D: I don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good. Let's eat some French fries.

The boy finished the French fries with fear and put the French fries in his coat pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here.

The boy Ding quickly took out the chips from his pocket, threw them on the ground, and stepped on them with his feet...

Scene 5

Teacher : Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Very good. Let's eat French fries.

The boy just took the French fries.

The teacher said: Don't you want me to eat?

The boy quickly handed over the fries with both hands, and then took out the lighter...

Scene 6

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy: No.

Teacher: Very good. Let's eat French fries

The boy finished the fries with fear and put the fries in his coat pocket

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here.

The boy’s palms were already sweating and he lowered his head and said: Hello, principal!

Teacher: The principal will smell your mouth.

The boy took out the French fries from his pocket: OK, it’s still here, the fire hasn’t started yet...

Scene 7

Teacher: What the hell are you doing? Do you smoke or not?

Boys: Promise to God, I will never smoke.

Teacher: You really don’t smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries.

Boy: He took the fries very naturally and ate them all.

Teacher: What a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

Boy: [get carried away] Marlboro. . . . .

Scene N:

Teacher: Let’s eat some French fries!

Boy: [Shivering] Thank you, no.

Answer: Meimei 236 - Assistant Level 2 8-26 09:04

A collection of short and hilarious jokes

------------- -------------------------------------------------- ----------------

Source: China.com Forum

1. A police dog saw an ordinary dog ??approaching on the road and became aggressive. He ran to question it fiercely: I am a police dog, what are you? Ordinary dogs would look at it with disdain and say: Idiot, look clearly, I am a plainclothes man!

2. I have a request: treat me to dinner. I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I will write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front: Apply for a certificate. You also want to treat me to a good meal, or write: Marriage, both men and women are welcome, no conditions are required.

3. A cannibal father and son were hunting. The son captured a skinny man. The father said: Let him go, there is no meat! His son captured another fat man, and his father said: "Let go, it's too greasy!" His son captured another beautiful woman, and his father said, "Take her home and eat your mother at night!"

4. One day we went to a wishing well. I bent down and made a wish and threw a coin into the well. You also wanted to make a wish, but you accidentally fell into the well when you bent down. I was stunned and murmured to myself: It’s really amazing!

5. You and I are both angels with one wing. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I came to this world just to find you. After going through all the troubles to find you, I found: TMD! Our wings are aligned!

6. A four-year-old boy kissed a three-year-old girl. The girl said to the boy: You must be responsible for me if you kiss me.

The boy patted the girl's shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not children of one or two years old anymore!

7. Late at night, Bush saw Bin Laden standing in front of his bed, his hair disheveled. Bush was shocked and said: You are so bold, you dare to break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-length beard, smiled sinisterly, and said: Rejoice, you are so confident!

8. The monkey picked up a card. It wanted to see clearly what card it was, so it climbed to the branch to look. At this time, a lightning struck it. The monkey cried and said: It turns out to be an IP card!

9. Zheng Xiding’s daughter-in-law didn’t see her husband, so she went to her father-in-law’s house to look for him. Seeing my father-in-law washing his face, he asked: Dad, where is Xiding? The father-in-law was displeased and continued to wash his face. The daughter-in-law was angry and asked again: Dad, where is Zheng Xiding? The father-in-law was furious: Wash your face!

10. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I have pooped out whatever I eat, cucumbers and watermelons. How can I get back to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

11. Mouse: I am in love with a bat now. From now on, the children will live in the air and will not be afraid of you cats. The cat sneered, pointed at the owl on the tree and said: Did you see, she is already pregnant with my child!

12. When wolves invade, the small animals form a death squad to fight against them. Mantis: I have two swords. Hedgehog: I'm covered in hidden weapons. The longhorned beetle shook its tentacles and sang: Hum! I have nunchuck nunchaku! Huh huh haha!

13. The nature class teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Doesn't anyone know? At this time, a classmate stood up and said: That's because the mind is naturally cool.