Do you have any funny jokes?

1. The train was very crowded during the Spring Festival travel rush. A certain person took advantage of the stop and stuck his butt out of the window to defecate. The inspector under the car noticed the fat man holding a cigar, put his head back.

2. Go buy peaches. The peach seller is an ugly old man who is picking. The old man points to a pile of long peaches. The crooked and ugly peach said: "Young man, don't look at these peaches that look as ugly as me, but they taste the sweetest." He laughed and tasted one. It was indeed very sweet, so he bought a lot.

3. I often use a kind of vaginal cleansing wipes. Since they are personal items, they are hidden in a drawer even at home... I was at work yesterday, and the male colleague sitting next to me was holding and I wiped my face with the exact same wet wipes. After wiping them, I patted my face and said, "It feels really good." Ask me if I want it. I looked at the two big characters "Jie Yin" on the package. Don't you recognize them?

4. A buddy named Wu Jiawu, and a new colleague named Deng Yushi came to his office. (Five plus five equals ten)

5. There is a girl in the class who is thick-skinned and narcissistic, but she dare not compliment her on her appearance. . . . . . One day during the self-study class, she suddenly said to her deskmate (male), "Only those boys who own cars and houses are worthy of me." All the girls in the class looked at her with admiration. Her deskmate said without even raising her head, "I'll sell my car and house when I get home." All the boys in the class worshiped her!

6. This morning, one of my buddies accidentally broke the back cover of his beloved "Ai Feng" 4S (without a protective cover). As a result, he squatted there and cried for a long time...I said: You are so stupid. Didn't the man just break an apple and cry like this?" He cried and said to me: "It feels like his own eggs were broken"!

7. There once was a little fart The child only got 18 points in the exam, then he added a horizontal line with a red pen, and it became 78, and then added an extra half circle on top of 7, and then he gave the paper to his mother. Look, his mother said: With such an obvious change, do you think I can’t tell that you actually scored 78 points?

8. On July 7, 1937, the Japanese used the excuse that a Japanese soldier was missing at Marco Polo Bridge and asked to enter. Then the eight-year war of resistance began... Now another Japanese bicycle was missing in China. The heroic uncle JC in Wuhan found the bicycle and returned it, shattering the Japanese conspiracy! !

9. I once asked my husband if I had a difficult delivery, would you protect me or my daughter (we both like daughters), and my husband replied, of course I would protect you. When asked why, he said naturally: " You can use it as your daughter, but can your daughter use it as yours? ! ”

10. At the grade party, we played a guessing game and regarded the White House as our own palace! He placed his right hand on the crotch of the girl he liked and started to cut her wildly! ! ! The girl couldn’t guess how much I was doing! ! Hundreds of people in the class were stunned at first, but I couldn’t even find my mother anymore! ! >

11. I’m talking about a friend who lives in the countryside. Everyone knows the small basket he carries his children on, and the big iron pot he uses to cook pigweed. One day, his mother was carrying him very seriously to cook pigweed. He was very happy to stir it up in various ways, and then he bent down and dropped it into the pot.

< p>12. I said to my wife, let’s get divorced. I’ll give you the house deposit and I’ll cleanse myself and leave the house. ----- She put the kitchen knife on the chopping board and said, come on, cleanse yourself first, and then you can leave.

13. When my parents were watching If You Are the One, I asked my parents if I would take one with me. My mother said that the lights would probably go out in the first round. My father said, "You should take two with you." Go ahead with the lantern, otherwise I'm afraid the lights in the studio will go out as soon as you go on stage..."

14. One day the devil kidnapped the princess, and the princess kept screaming.

The devil: [You can Call Broken Throat...No one will come to save you...]

Princess: [Broken Throat... Broken Throat...]

No one: "Princess ..I'm here to save you..."

Demon King: "Say Cao Cao, Cao Cao will be here..."

Cao Cao: "Devil King..what did you ask me to do... ”

Devil: “Wow...I saw a ghost”

Ghost: “Damn! I was discovered...”

Damn: “A ghost, You can see me..."

Devil: "Oh, MyGod!"

God: "Who called me?"

Who: " No one calls you..."

No one: "Where am I? I'm pretending!"

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me?"

Who: "Me again? Are you looking for trouble?"

Trouble: "Which one is looking for me?"

Which one: "Looking for you? I'm not... Hey, there are a lot of people here."

A lot of people: "I just arrived. Who are you?"

Which one: "I am not who."

Who: "He is not me."

Princess: "Are you all here to save me?"

Everyone: "I am not here to save you, I came here to watch the excitement."

Excitement: "What can I see?"

God: "It's none of my business, let's go first."

< p>Devil King: "You answer one question before leaving. Why are so many people saving the princess? How can I continue to act as the Demon King?"

Go on: "If you don't want to be a good Demon King, why do you play me?" ”

Princess: “If no one plays the devil, I can leave.”

No one: “If I play the devil, how can I let you go...” < /p>

How could it be: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the fun."

The fun: "What are you watching me do?"

What: "You You actually want to "fuck" me? You scoundrel!"

You actually said: "How can I?"

Me: "What does it have to do with me?"

Demon King: "Fuck! I'm going crazy..."

Fuck: "Why are you calling me!..."

Crazy: "You want me to do it?" What?”

You want me: “I don’t know anything!”

I don’t know anything: “I don’t know!”

I Unexpectedly: "I'm here! Is someone calling me?"

Someone: "I didn't call you!"

I didn't: "Who called him?" ”

Who said: “I didn’t accuse you wrongly...”

I didn’t: “I didn’t accuse you wrongly...”

You: "I'm sorry you don't dare."

Forgive you: "Who says I don't dare!?"

Who: "Please... I didn't say anything." "

I have nothing: "What do you want me to say?"

I have nothing: "...You...aren't you my long-lost brother? "?"

My long-lost brother: "Hao... even if I have such a long name... I will be called..."

Who: "...I want to leave this place of right and wrong as soon as possible"

Right and wrong: "So this is my territory..."

I have nothing & nothing: "You guys Don't bother us, we are talking..."

Don't bother us: "I am not talking..."

I am not: "I am not talking! .."

I have nothing: "-_-\\\\\\"...Let's go outside and talk..."

Let's go : "I'm sorry...(cowardly)"

I have nothing:

"It's none of your business...flash..." (The two brothers walked out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Ugh...why did you drive me away..."

p>

Why: "I didn't drive you away...be good...don't cry"

I didn't: "Oh...it's none of my business anymore"

What does it have to do with me: "What? Did someone call me?"

Someone: "Who wants to call you..."

Who: "I really I'm leaving...T.T"

Leaving: "I'm really sorry...*V.V*"

None of your business: "...You are not me Cousin?"

None of my business: "...Cousin...Long time no see..."

Long time: "I'm not here... ”

Devil: “Are you done?”

Ended: “He doesn’t have me.”

You guys: “I don’t have him.”

p>

Me: "Who said that?"

Who: "What do you want me to do?"

I: "You actually want to fuck me?"

You: "I don't know how to fuck him"

Me: "Who said I can't do it?"

Who: "It's unfair! I didn't say."

p>

Said: "What do you want me to do?"

You two: "You two are so shameless!"

You two: "I want it! I want it!"

p>

Face: "Who wants me?"

Who: "I don't want it"

Devil: "Hurry up, I'm going to chase you away"

p>

People: "Drive me out? Looking for K"

K: "Who is looking for me?"

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name again. I'll fuck him too!"

He: "Don't fuck me"

Me: "Who wants to fuck me?"

Who: "Finally let me catch you Find one and kill him..."

One: "Don't arrest me"

Me: "I've had enough. I will never let anyone mention my name again. Let you go!"

Who: "Look at my Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms!"

Me: "Look at my Nine Yin White Bone Claws!"

Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms: "What's good about me?"

Nine Yin White Bone Claw: "What's good about me?"

What's good about me: "Brother, I I finally found you!"

What's cool: "Brother, let's go out and chat."

Devil King: "Damn... this is a marriage recognition meeting... ”

It is said that the Devil has suffered from schizophrenia since then

Do you think the joke ends like this? In fact, this is about people being lazy, and this has an end! I will tell you the ending now, so please don’t be moved to tears by this!

Ending:

It is said that after the devil's schizophrenia healed, he captured the princess again.

This time, in order to prevent others from running out to disrupt the situation, the Demon King decided to go straight to the point and cut the story short...

The Demon King: "Stop struggling! Listen to me. , marry me!"

Princess: "Okay!"

So "I" happily held the princess's hand and walked into the wedding hall, accepting everyone's blessings. Only the devil with his mouth open like a hippopotamus and his body dumbfounded remained in place...

15. The elephant said to the camel: Why does your breast grow on your back?

Luotuo said: I won’t talk to a guy with a penis on his face

16. A farmer named Jiao went to the city to see a doctor

The doctor asked him : "Where do you feel pain?"

He said: "I feel pain here!"

Doctor: "Then go for a blood test, urine test, and stool test!"

The farmer gritted his teeth and nodded.

After a while, the farmer came back and said: "I swallowed blood, urine, and stool!"

"Then you go back and take medicine. No sexual intercourse for a month or something like that!"

"Why? My father's surname is Jiao, and my children are all surnamed Jiao, why can't I be surnamed Jiao?"

17. There is a person. His child's name is Huang Jun. One day, he and his child went to take a bus. When they approached the bus stop, they found that the No. 8 bus had already arrived, so he hurriedly said to his son, "Huang Jun, run! No. 8 is coming." ”

18. A said to B: I have two bad habits. Person B asked: What bad habit? A: The first one is sleeping naked. B: This is not a bad habit. A added: But the second one is sleepwalking. B fainted after hearing this.

19. The best way to preserve bananas is to hang them. Because they will think that they have not been picked yet. . .

There was a guy who liked to talk on the phone, but he finally hung up. . . Experts suggest that breakfast should not be eaten on an empty stomach.

Pinocchio went to work as a news anchor. On the first day of work, his head shook from left to right, and he saw the video camera suddenly tilted

, and then the whole country The screen of the TV was filled with snowflakes...

A friend’s son, 5 years old, didn’t study well that day and was repaired by a friend. His son said to himself: “How many kinds of things are there in the world

p>

Stupid birds, one kind flies first, one kind doesn’t fly, and the other kind lays an egg and places its hope on the next generation.” Then his son

’s head fell. There is one more bag.

Every time Duan Yu likes a girl, Duan Yu's father will say: "Your sister"! When Duan Yu's mother was dying, she told Duan Yu that you are not your father's biological child. You can marry your sisters as you please. Duan Yu sighed: Mom, you are not "cheating my father." "!

One summer, Jones went on an adventure in the jungles of Africa. Unfortunately, he encountered a cannibal tribe, and his heart went cold at that time. Sighing to the sky: "Ah! God, I'm done now!" Unexpectedly, God's voice came from the sky: "No, you're not done yet. Hurry up and kill the leader in front of you with the stone under your feet." Jones immediately complied. God then said: "Now you are finished!" He looked around and found that more than a hundred Tu people were staring at him with angry eyes.

Looking for a costume TV series. The plot is that the male protagonist falls into a cave, eats mushrooms and becomes very powerful in martial arts? Some people said it was "Golden Sword and Eagle Feathers

", some people said it was "The Legend of the Condor Heroes", and the last person answered: Super Mario...

I heard that there was a gangster brother in the Xisi area back then. He was very generous and generous, so he was proud of being a rough man. When others say he is uneducated, he just stares: What's wrong with being uneducated? Liu Bang was uneducated, so Guan Yu and Zhang Fei followed him around.

I dated a girl online. Her online name was three long and two short. I was a little confused as to why she chose such an unlucky name, but I didn’t care.

After chatting for a while, I felt good and booked a room. The next day, when I looked at the online name again, it turned into three long and three short,,, wipe, wipe,,,

In the university study room, my sister was drawing her eyebrows. I wanted to ask the handsome guys in the back row for some advice, so I said, "Look at my eyebrows, are they fierce?" The result

I accidentally said: Do you think my chest hair is beautiful? The study room was silent for two seconds, and then... it started to boil...

In ancient times, there was a small country whose treasury was exhausted due to frequent wars. The emperor hurriedly called a minister in the court and ordered him to confiscate his property to the public for military expenses. The minister was unwilling but did not dare to disobey, so he asked timidly: "There are so many ministers in the court, why me?" The emperor walked up to him, patted him on the shoulder and said: " Because I love you, I will not be sad easily..."

The Smurf sang affectionately: "When I grow up~~~I will become you..." "What a good child. ! "Avatar was moved

and said endlessly.

Actually, I quite like the airport, especially the announcement there. It gives me the feeling of being the king of the world. "Passengers on flight XXX, please prepare

to ascend to the throne."

< p>Before the wedding, the groom asked the host: "How much does it cost to host a wedding?" The host said: "The more beautiful the bride, the more expensive it will be

!" The groom embarrassedly gave the host a piece money.

The host was stunned, looked back at the bride, and then found another 5 cents

...

I screamed and sat up from the bed, covered in cold sweat. My wife at the desk turned around and asked me what was wrong. I said I had a nightmare.

In the dream, there was a demon drawing the book of life and death with blood next to me, and smiling slyly at me. . My wife calmly consoled me: "

It's just a dream." Then she picked up the marker and continued to take notes on "A Complete Guide to Shopping in Paris, New York and Venice".

Before his death, Zhuge Liang predicted that Wei Yan would rebel after his death, and secretly asked Ma Dai to kill Wei Yan. There are many talented people among the Shu generals, but Ma Dai is not very strong in martial arts. Why did Zhuge Liang choose Ma Dai to take on this important task? Because, Ma Dai is called Ding Lin, and Martin Lin specializes in treating Wei Yan.

20. On March 8, my daughter came home and said to her mother, "Mom, go cook something delicious. Dad and I will Enjoy it', the mother asked 'why', the daughter said 'you don't know, today is Father and Daughter's Day (women's)'