Since ancient times, great gods have been commented upon. What impressive “god replies” have you seen?

Q: When Chinese leaders visited Japan, the Japanese side was relatively cold, and they didn’t even hang a welcome sign at the airport?

Answer: How to hang up? Warmly welcome old friends to Japan?

Question: What’s more disgusting than eating a piece of shit?

Answer: Eat two lumps.

What's more disgusting than that?

Answer: My teeth are stuffed.

It is said that there are three obvious signs before a major earthquake:

① Abnormal well water;

② Abnormal reactions of livestock;

③ Experts come out Refute rumors.

God’s reply: The second and third items are repeated.

A forum comment, the original text is as follows:

First floor: Everyone, calm down, come over and listen to what the fifth floor has to say? !

The second floor: I think what the fifth floor said makes sense.

The third floor: The fifth floor speaks the voice of the people

The fourth floor: The fifth floor really speaks well!

Fifth floor: Everyone upstairs is SB

Boys who play football and basketball are handsome are just farts.

As long as you are handsome, you will be cool even if you bounce a glass ball.

Playing golf if you are ugly is like shoveling shit.

I have seen through this world!

No more talking, I’m going to play glass balls! !

I was once known as the God of Bacchus, and I could deal with more than a dozen people in one night.

I injured 5 of them and knocked down 6 of them due to drinking, which frightened countless people!

No matter it is red, foreign or white, if there is wine, it will work! !

But now why do I withdraw from the world and live in seclusion in the mountains?

After two cups, it will be poured, and after three cups, the story will be discontinued?

What made me change so much! ?

Is it hatred? Or love?

Pick up your mobile phone,

edit the text message "I'll treat you to dinner" and send it to my mobile phone.

Communicate face-to-face with the former Dionysus, listen to the story behind Dionysus, and feel the glory of Dionysus and the sadness behind it.

Question: Why do some people feel much more handsome and beautiful after taking a shower and washing their hair?

Answer: Because my brain is flooded with water.

Question: How to express anger gracefully?

Answer: Use your middle finger to push your glasses.

Question: What is the weirdest advertising slogan in history?

Answer: Garbage classification starts with me.

Question: Why can’t we wear slippers in the library?

Answer: To prevent a fight between someone who flips through the book and licks his fingers, and someone who reads and picks his feet.

Question: How to complain about a bad movie?

Answer: There are 17 rows of seats in the theater, with 32 seats in each row. There are 48 lights on the ceiling. There is a black spot in the lower left corner of the screen that always appears. The frequency is about 1 minute. Once every 20 seconds.

Question: How should a child answer "Why can adults hit me if I do something wrong, but I can't hit them if they do something wrong?"

Answer: Because you can’t beat it. Once you can beat it, adults will start to reason with you.

Question: Summarize this summer vacation in one sentence.

Answer: I want to take winter vacation.

Question: What group dance is suitable for two boys and 25 girls? It’s not about what dance needs to be performed, but what theme and plot should be performed. There are only two boys in the class and you have to take care of them.

Answer: Skipping rope.

1. Why do you always kneel down on one knee when proposing marriage?

God replied: Kneeling down on both knees is to visit the grave

2. The man said to the woman: Look , when did the heroine in novels and movies mention the house or car to the hero?

God’s reply: That’s because you don’t understand at all. You can’t be a leading actor without a car or a house!

3. What do our favorite goddesses have in common?

God’s reply: They all told me, “Just give up, I won’t like you!”

4. Tell me about something that happened that you don’t believe in

God's reply: I've never been afraid of ghosts, haha, I don't believe it can suddenly appear and press my head on the keyboard sdklo2ijhioajd209u1j2jjasjd, the u card crashes and looks at the phone hj982 according to the time period u2189123jsfdiy12hjk,.

5. Why do I feel ugly when I look at myself in the mirror in the morning

God’s reply: Because early morning is the time when judgment is clearest in the day

6. How to look at “the world is so ugly” "Big, I want to go for a walk" this resignation letter

God's reply: The wallet is so small, you can't leave

7. I dreamed that three TFboys beat me together, but I I dodged it easily

God replied: Because their left and right hands were in slow motion

8. There were many couples on the road today. Just like last year, they relaxed as soon as I appeared. Opened my boyfriend’s hand

God replied: Then he called you: Dad, it’s not what you saw!

9. Why do they always ask the woman to see a doctor when they don’t have children?

God’s reply: If you can’t grow crops in your land, why should your cows go to the vet?

10. What to do if you encounter a tiger

God’s reply: Kowtow and call daddy directly, because tiger poison will not eat its seeds

I am here to share with you some “God’s reply”

I remember we were having dinner with some good friends. While chatting, one of the sisters said to his boyfriend: I originally thought that handsome people have no money and rich people are not handsome, until I met you. Only then did I realize that you can have both."

Everyone started booing: "How can you praise your boyfriend like this? It's almost time to leave. I know your boyfriend is a good guy and you wouldn't be like this..."

The girls looked at each other and said: "Damn, he is ugly and has no money..."

There is another one I saw online. This glove buyer probably went crazy in the end... ...Just look at the picture, long picture, be patient:

1. What is the word bigger than the universe? Reply: Examination scope

2. What did I do wrong? What the hell, I ended up in such a bad university. Reply: You got the question wrong

4. Host: How do boys act coquettishly? God’s reply: How do people know about such things?

5. God replied: How happy?

6. God replied: You are too happy.

7. What are you thinking about when you have insomnia? God’s reply: Want to sleep.

8. What is the best way to solve insomnia? God’s reply: Go to sleep in the classroom. 9. What pants do you wear to look younger? God’s reply: I really can’t think of anything that looks younger than wearing diapers. 10. I like you. God’s reply: Yes, you have great taste. I also like myself.

10:58

A: Another pineapple oil came out today, it looks delicious

B: I won’t eat it. I’m so fat. If I don’t eat, I want to lose weight.

A: Then I need to eat.

B: No, I won’t eat. I will lose 10 pounds by the end of the year!

12:00

A: It’s dinner time, what do you want to eat? Vegetables or fruits?

B: Huh? Me, I've already found someone to pack two portions of pineapple oil for us~

A: .......

B: Let's go eat now, the pineapple oil will be waiting for us Arrived just now.

A: Didn’t you say you want to lose weight?

B: Which is more important, losing weight or studying? Of course it’s learning! There is a final exam at the end of the year. How can I delay the exam just because I am fat? Eat and eat

:)

When I was a junior high school student, one of my roommates was in arrears on his mobile phone. He used my mobile phone to call his father and asked him to charge the bill. The roommate turned on the speakerphone and he Dad's place is a bit noisy, so he talks a bit loudly. How much should I charge? My roommate also said "full" loudly, which made the whole dormitory burst into laughter. . .

Reading the article is not interesting, the main thing is to read the comment area!

The shady netizens are really funny!

Be responsible for my laughter for a year!

The Zhihu comment that impressed me the most is this one, okay? ! It’s rare for close friends to have such a tacit understanding! ! Emma, ??you are laughing so hard (*@ο@*) I am impressed by the power of Chinese netizens!

Meet the study committee members

This is the God’s reply joke I just saw!

! Is university the place where dreams begin?"

God replied: "Yes, I slept very soundly. "

! Use one word to describe your husband's love for you!"

God replied: "If you ask for something, you will be tough"

! "What skills do boys have that will make girls shine?"

God replied: "Welding. "

! What is the difference between loneliness and loneliness?"

God replied: "Loneliness means that others don't want to talk to you, loneliness means that you don't want to talk to others."

! "How to tie a ponytail to look good?"

God replied: "The secret to tying a ponytail is just three steps: 1. Make it look good. 2. Make it look good. 3. Tie it casually."