Humorous quotations

Buying a computer without broadband is like becoming a monk before eating. The following are humorous quotations I shared with you. Let's have a look.

1. Learn not to be angry first, and then learn to make people angry.

Nowadays, children's paper is really rude. It always doesn't talk to me in class.

3. The current playboy is because the original one cares more than anyone else.

4. Women now: Looking back, the weather is good. Looking ahead, particles will not be harvested.

I want to be as strong as a cactus, and I must learn to stab bad people.

6. I just wanted to turn gracefully, but I accidentally bumped into the wall.

7. With your understanding ability, you may not understand what I explained, and you can continue to be vague.

8. Sorry, I can't forget you. Maybe you hurt me deeply. Maybe I love you, even myself ... Remember, I love you.

9. Thank all the people who have accompanied me to the present, especially those who intend to go on with me.

10. You see, so many people, such a big world, I met you, you met me, how nice.

1 1. Face the damn life with a nonsense attitude.

12. The so-called good students just did bad things without being discovered by the teacher.

13. If you meet someone you like, you must take the initiative to be a bitch.

14. Barbers can never understand the concept of cutting it shorter.

15. If I don't beat you, I will turn against you.

16. Fat man's voice: I enjoy it in my mouth and want to be thin in my heart.

17. I love you sincerely. This is also a big adventure.

18. Men who are bad to women will be reborn as sanitary napkins in their next life!

19. Sitting in front of the computer all night, staring blankly in a waiting posture.

20. No one will accompany you all your life, so you have to adapt to loneliness; No one will help you all your life, so you must continue to struggle.

2 1. Tell you a ghost story, school will start soon, and hard work is coming.

22. You will gradually find that your friends who say they want to accompany you to your old age are all dogs.

23. Sometimes I don't know what I'm insisting on, but I know I've been trying to embarrass myself.

24. The highest level of boredom is to turn on the computer, press the phone and watch TV.

25. More often, we don't have watermelons, beer or relatives around us.

26. I always thought that I had not wronged anyone, but now I know that what I am most sorry for is myself.

27. I have been mixed up until now, and all I can afford is chopsticks.

It is said that the tears you shed are the water in your head.

29. In the face of beauty: save people when there is danger, and create danger when there is no danger.

30. During my internship at the Meteorological Observatory, I finally figured out the probability of precipitation tomorrow ~ (Image from the Internet) The director found ten people in the office and asked, "Please raise your hand if you agree that it will rain tomorrow". As a result, three people raised their hands …

3 1. I love apples. I like eating apples slowly because I'm afraid of choking, but without the prince to save me, the play can't be performed. So I can only turn a blind eye, otherwise what should I do if I am kissed by a pig?

32. I'm so pure, I'm a little shameless!

33. Some people say that if you have a baby, you won't have dysmenorrhea. Have one!

If you pay taxes in the mirror, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.

35. Hands are willing to be rough for women.

36. There is an attitude called nonsense, that is to say, our life is too hard to explain.

37. People who can't lose weight are always in turmoil, and people who can't gain weight have nothing to hide.

38. It doesn't matter if your head is empty. The key is not to get into the water.

39. Is Maya's prediction accurate? If I am accurate, I won't have to do my homework.

40. If I look listless, I may be tired, I may be ill, and it is very likely. hungry ...

4 1. I never leave my name, only my business card.

42. After I am full and have nothing to do, I always think of the serious matter of losing weight.

43. There are always a few friends who are gentle when they meet for the first time, and a few days later they don't know that they are discharged from that hospital because of mental illness.

44. The crowd searched for him for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, the man was at the entrance of the canteen.

45. I received a short message yesterday asking me to remit the money to an account of China Agricultural Bank. I replied: Don't worry, I'll burn it for you right away!

46. Gradually, gradually, some people will become cheap.

47. where you fall, you get up ... always fall there, I suspect there is a pit!

48. When you go home during the Chinese New Year holiday, you should kneel down first: Sorry, Mom, I still don't have a girlfriend.

49. Whenever I face delicious food, I always tell myself, "Eating too much will kill me." But it turns out that I'm really not afraid of death.

50. Rome was not built in a day, nor was it built in a day.

5 1. It's almost the end of the world. If you have money, spend it quickly. If you die, it's useless.

52. I'm not RMB. How can everyone like me?

53. A man's words are like an old lady's teeth, how much is true.

54. When you buy baked sweet potato, please ask the boss loudly what the stuffing is.

55. Ask what a sunny day is and ask someone to add a pair of cotton trousers.

56. The difference between me and Telunsu is! I have low purity, and Telunsu has high purity!

57. Since dating is not allowed, don't give out school uniforms in case others say they are lovers' clothes.

58. What is the head teacher? Is to ruin your friendship! Destroy your love again! Don't let go of your family's fear of X elements!

59. The alarm clock is the third place for all sleeping things and sleeping, so I must keep it the same.

60. I haven't weighed myself for half a year because I know it very well.

6 1. I have two hobbies, static and dynamic. Sleeping statically, turning over dynamically.

62. Girl, turn on Bluetooth and send me some love.

63. I hope Santa Claus can put the final exam answers of all subjects in my socks at the bedside on Christmas Eve.

64. It is not necessarily a virgin who cries, but a bitch who seduces a man.

65. If I don't hit you, you won't know that I am both civil and military.

66. Women conquered men with stockings, and men conquered banks with stockings.

67. Rogues are not terrible, but afraid of being educated.

68. Heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at their age!

69. Have a big milk name and enjoy the second wife treatment!

70. Not necessarily the prince riding a white horse, but the Tang Priest; Those who have wings are not necessarily angels, but also bird people!

7 1. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

72. Can eggs from all over the world unite to break stones? ! So be realistic. ...

73. I'm not afraid that my enemies are like tigers, but my teammates are like pigs!

74. Women's clothes are called capital, while men's clothes are called perverts.

As a typical loser, you are really successful.

76. According to the pig's aesthetic, I am basically a handsome guy.

77. Life is sometimes like being raped by a eunuch-resistance is pain, but not resistance is still pain!

Everyone says I'm ugly, but in fact I'm beautiful.

79. In order to cooperate with the completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

80. Without money and power, if I don't treat you better, can you follow me?

8 1. I smoke because it hurts my lungs and I am not sad.

82. Sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art!

83. You look very creative and live a brave life!

84. My real life: Count money until I wake up naturally and sleep until my hand cramps. ...

85. Buying a computer without broadband is like getting ready for wine and meat and becoming a monk before eating.

86. Missing after breaking up is not missing, but being mean.

87. It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked as a chef for too many years!

88. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them take a taxi to find it.

There is an old legend that people who can see beautiful women on the campus of Beihou University will live forever. ...

90. A lover who can be taken away is not a lover.

9 1. If the leader doesn't give me a raise next month, I will resign. Before I resign, I will give him two more Chinese and then kill him.

92. If pigs can fly, who will buy a plane? Ride a pig to heaven.

93. I can't find my tie again. Didn't you find a rag yesterday?

94. In Egypt, a man can have four wives, which is very tiring. China is better.

95. You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is unbearable!

96. Even if I were a toad, I wouldn't marry my toad mother.

97. I definitely don't think there is a catty of white wine, because I drank half a catty and died.

98. Reading newspapers in the toilet is equivalent to wiping your ass after defecation, which is a process, otherwise it is not called completion.

99. If the son doesn't obey, he can fight properly, otherwise he won't show the majesty of Laozi. Taiwan Province x problem is such.

100. For my mother's birthday, it's better to send two bundles of bones for cooking, at least as a snack.

10 1. Grandpa is from his grandson.