The story of Miss Kuizi

Do you really want to say it? Miss Kuiko was sitting on the bed in her university dormitory, holding her cell phone and closing her eyes, but countless other magnificent waves had already surged in her heart. My fingers trembled as I typed a line of text. I gritted my teeth and clicked send.

"Let's be together."

I have imagined the scene of the final confession countless times. In person, indirectly, verbally, literally, implicitly, crazy. Unexpectedly, it ended up with these six words, plus a period. I thought that once I said it out, my heart would feel at ease. But another heart picked up again. The other party didn't answer, didn't say anything. Silence stretched out Miss Kuiko's memories until that hazy summer of 2011.

That is really a boring and cliched story.

(1)

Registration, new student registration, military training. High school life began so plainly. When I first saw that boy, he had broken bangs, a clean face, and clear eyes. It doesn’t feel like much, just a new classmate, nothing more. Let’s call him Mr. Calm for now, because although he is funny and funny, he is always so calm when things happen.

At that time, Miss Kuizi was very naughty. She always liked to change seats and laugh with different people during evening self-study. It just so happened that Mr. Ding Ding was also very playful. It happened that Mr. Ding Ding's deskmate was a day student who did not attend evening self-study. After going back and forth, they became familiar with each other. Miss Kuizi discovered that this boy had many of the same hobbies as her, and his words were as sincere as hers. From now on, the evening self-study sessions will be fixed next to Mr. Ding Ding. Gradually, we formed a circle of friends, and we often hung out together. The days are dull, simple and happy.

If I want to talk about something exciting, maybe it was that night. It was the weekend and everyone was coming back from playing. Miss Kuizi and Mr. Dingding fell at the back. They met a drunk teacher at the school gate and they decided to send him home. There was no one in the teacher's house, so he wouldn't let her move or get close to the teacher who was talking nonsense and vomiting all over the floor. She just sat on the sofa at the teacher's house and watched him hold the teacher on the bed, quietly clean the stains on the teacher's body, and carefully wipe off the vomit on the floor. Miss Kuiko just watched quietly, feeling that this calm gentleman was really cute.

It was finally finished and it was getting very late. On the way back, Miss Kuizi suddenly felt a cramp in her stomach. Mr. Ding was frightened at first and then calmly carried Miss Kuizi on his back. Unfortunately, the door to the dormitory was closed, and Mr. Ding was carrying Miss Kuizi on his back as he walked around the school. Lying on his back, you could hear his heartbeat so clearly, so Miss Kuaizi’s heartbeat was faster than Mr. Calm is even faster. The moonlight shone on them in pieces, reminding Miss Aoiko of the broken bangs on his forehead when she first met him. They sat on the stone bench and chatted, each listening to music with headphones. Finally went to an Internet cafe to stay up all night. It was the first time that girl Kuizi was carried on a boy's back, the first time she didn't go back to school at night, and the first time she stayed up all night in an Internet cafe.

Nothing happened after that, the happy time continued like that. The English teacher on the podium always emphasized the importance of paying attention to the time adverbials in sentences. After hearing this countless times, we couldn't help but complain and said, "I know, I know." At such moments, Miss Aoiko would pretend to look back casually, then her eyes would quickly fall on Mr. Calm and then quickly look back. When going to and from class for exercises, I would look around and then drag my friends to rush through countless people. In fact, I followed Mr. Ding's route all the way to the playground to do exercises and then back to the classroom. She never bothered to wash off the school uniforms that Mr. Ding Ding annoyingly wrote his name on and said he could buy them when he became famous. No one noticed these actions, and Miss Kuiko herself didn't think there was anything wrong. After all, Miss Kuiko has always been a girl like a man. How come I have a secret love? I don’t even believe it when I tell you.

On April Fool’s Day in my freshman year of high school, the dormitory went crazy and called many people to “confess” to me. Miss Kuizi called Mr. Ding Ding anxiously and said, "I like you. Do you agree?" The other person was stunned for a while and said, "There is no time adverbial in your sentence." Miss Kuizi laughed, and he laughed too.

Summer is here again, and arts and sciences are divided. Miss Kuizi writes, and Mr. Calm explains. So Miss Kuizi would sometimes jokingly say that she would marry a man in science and engineering in the future, someone who could work in the hall, in the kitchen, and repair various electrical appliances.

After liberal arts and science are divided into classes, one for liberal arts and one for science cannot be in the same class, there is no doubt about it.

During the summer vacation, Mr. Ding helped her move into the dormitory, and he took all the big and small things. Miss Kuizi never left her mobile phone during that holiday. She did not like online chatting, so her typing speed increased sharply during that holiday, and she sometimes made phone calls. In short, she chatted very late every day. From poems and songs to philosophy of life, from celebrity gossip to daily trivial matters. The calm man on the other end of the phone could always make her laugh until she was trembling with laughter. Occasionally, we talk about life, ideals, and the future. They found each other confused. When I asked which university I wanted to go to, I didn’t even know. Miss Kuizi said, I’ll tell you when I think about it. I don't seem to get tired, and I can talk about anything all day long. He said he liked Xiamen University, he said he wanted to be a filial person, he said he wanted to learn to cook a lot of delicious dishes, and he said he would help her carry her luggage when school started.

If Miss Kuiko hadn’t discovered her thoughts before, she was basically sure of it now. No matter how manly and rough Ms. Aoiko is, she is still a girl. She is a pseudo-literary young man who reads a lot of literary magazines, likes Mori girl style, listens to songs, sheds tears when she hears them, and often writes diaries. So I never admitted my little thoughts verbally. That summer vacation, for the first time, Miss Kuizi hoped that the vacation would go by faster, and for the first time, she looked forward to the start of school.

(2)

When school started, Mr. Ding did not break his promise and helped her move into her dormitory, just like he did during the holidays. Miss Kuizi still remembers that he was wearing blue plaid clothes that day. It was very similar to the snakeskin bag that Miss Kuizi used to carry her luggage. When he discovered this joke, Miss Kuizi laughed loudly behind him without caring about the image. Mr. Ding Ding turned around with the snakeskin bag and asked her why she was laughing, and she laughed even harder. . Sitting on the stone bench in the school and panting, it was the stone bench where they sat and chatted together that night.

In the second year of high school, they were separated into arts and sciences from the same class and became the same school, and the front and back desks became upstairs and downstairs. Miss Kuizi, who doesn't like surfing the Internet, rarely chats with him online after school started. Miss Kuizi always felt that she should be more reserved. Even if she finally found him, she would control herself to no more than ten sentences. Mr. Calm is upstairs, and Miss Kuizi will deliberately wander in the stairwell between classes. She will frequently go to find her best friends upstairs, and then take a detour to pass by their class. Her heart beats as if he was carrying her on his back that day. She was so fast. She would sometimes go to his class to borrow books, labor tools, and various other things for various reasons. Once there, it was a whole class break. Hip-hop fights, dislike each other, and tease each other.

Kuizi girl, who did well in the placement test, was assigned to the fast class and felt the pressure of studying for the first time. While still carefully paying attention to Mr. Ding Ding, I didn’t dare to slack off in my studies. She started to get up very early to memorize vocabulary words, stay in the dormitory until very late doing math problems, and drink a lot of coffee to prevent herself from dozing off in class. At that time, Miss Kuizi didn't know what the future would look like. She only knew that she wanted to do many, many things. She had imagined many futures related to Mr. Ding Ding, and imagined that being with him would be very happy and sweet.

Miss Kuizi finally told someone about her feelings for the first time. Her best friend, whom she has known for five years, was not surprised at all and said, "You finally admitted it!" Miss Kuizi had no time to think about her best friend. How did he see it? I was wondering, could he also see it? So what did he think? Before she could figure out these issues, in the second week, during the evening self-study break, at the door of the classroom, her best friend carefully made a lot of preparations to tell her that Mr. Ding Ding was in love. When she heard the news, Miss Kuiko's heartbeat seemed to miss a beat, just one beat. Because the next second, she smiled and said to her best friend: "I didn't know, he was so uninteresting." She forgot what the two said and what happened. I only remember that when she came back from the classroom door, she was in a daze for self-study all night. She wrote in her diary all night that day. I can’t remember anything I thought about or wrote in my diary when I was in a daze. The day she was afraid of finally came. She thought she would cry, cry hysterically, but no. Is she sad? Of course, it’s like feeling sad when someone picks a flower you’ve been waiting for all season. Is she heartbroken? There was a bit of pain, like someone pricking your finger with a needle.

That girl is a classmate in Mr. Ding’s class. She is lively and cute, and has a nice smile. When she met Mr. Calm, Miss Kuizi no longer joked with him as usual. Instead, she pretended to be happy and joked with the people around her, and then watched him walk by out of her peripheral vision. They were silent with each other in such a tacit understanding, without speaking or contacting each other.

Time goes by like this, and life returns to calm without any disturbance. Miss Kuizi tried desperately to turn all her attention to her studies, but her grades were drifting away just like the past between her and Mr. Ding. She couldn't see through it, couldn't grasp it, had nowhere to exert effort, and was helpless. I don’t want to care or inquire about anything anymore. It’s just that the school is small, but there is a lot of gossip. Occasionally, I hear something about Mr. Calm. I hear that he is quite happy. I hear that sometimes his girlfriend complains that he doesn't take care of others. I hear that they quarreled and that they broke up. When she heard this, Miss Aoiko was quiet and kept smiling. She felt that that was it, and she didn't want to force anything anymore. I just want to finish the college entrance examination as soon as possible so that I can start a new life. Even if you still like it, let it sit quietly and let nature take its course.

(3)

The sophomore year of high school is about to end, and we are faced with another class division and dormitory move. The girls' dormitory was very lively that day, and all the boys in the class came to help the girls carry their luggage. Miss Kuizi was packing huge piles of information amidst all the noise, when suddenly the phone rang. I picked it up and saw that it was the number I knew by heart. At that moment, the amount of work done in Miss Kuiko's brain was no less than the amount of finishing a math final question. The state is pretty much the same, it's just a mess with no ideas, no way to start, and occasional short circuits. The phone kept vibrating, and I pressed answer without much time to think:

"Hello?"

"Hello, where are you?" It was that familiar voice.

"I'm in the dormitory," Miss Kuizi joked first, "Yo yo yo, it's rare for you to call me. What's the matter?"

"Today is not about moving to the dormitory. I'll help you."

"Really? I don't need you. It doesn't matter if I have one more. Come on, I'll treat you to something." ”

Her tone was very relaxed, with a hint of disgust and happiness, like receiving a call from an old friend she hadn’t seen for many years. After hanging up the phone, Miss Kuiko was silent for a long time. She was always like this. When she was nervous, she would talk a lot of nonsense to cover up her embarrassment. At the same time, I also hate my own incompetence. What if I promised not to think too much about it? It's just a phone call and a few words. The calm heart is always broken by him so easily. They didn't talk about anything else after Mr. Ding Ding arrived. They started to fight as soon as they arrived, complaining about why there were so many and heavy things. He said, "I remember there weren't so many things in the first year of high school." It was as if nothing had changed, and neither of them mentioned anything. The incident with Mr. Calm’s girlfriend did not mention the mutual indifference during this period. The tacit understanding was as silent as the original silence. Miss Kuizi also rolled her eyes at him and said, "Please pay attention to the time adverbial in the sentence. Does the first year of high school mean now? Now is the second year of high school, okay?" He laughed. At that time, Miss Kuiko felt as if she had really returned to the past.

Kuizi, a girl from the third-grade high school class, did not do well in the exam and was assigned to a parallel class. I no longer live on campus and rent a house next to the school. Occasionally, Mr. Ding Ding will come here to play with his classmates. If they are tired of eating in the cafeteria and around the school, they will come here to change their taste. It was also here that Miss Kuizi ate the noodles cooked by Mr. Dan Ding for the first time. It was not that delicious, but she still remembers that after she took a bite, Mr. Dan Ding took the chopsticks she had just eaten and said she wanted to try it too. Miss Kuizi was surprised when she saw him wearing a floral apron put the pair of chopsticks into his mouth. She remembered that one time he drank the water he drank without hesitation. At that time, Miss Kuizi felt that her His face felt hot and he quickly lowered his head. I remember that Mr. Ding Ding also washed the dishes. Miss Kuiko doesn't know how to cook, and the chore she hates the most is washing dishes. Mr. Ding said more than once that she would be disliked and unable to marry in the future. Miss Kuizi said: "Then don't get married and live alone, how cool it would be." In fact, she wanted to ask: Do you dislike it? I didn’t ask in the end. I turned my head and imagined how he would cook at home in the future, and I smiled secretly as I thought about it.

Seniors in high school do not participate in any group activities in the school, except for school sports meets. Since it was the last time, everyone cherished it very much, kept taking photos, and shouted cheers with all their strength, no matter who was competing. During the men's 4x100m relay race, my best friend came over and told Miss Kuiko that Mr. Tranquility was temporarily substituted, so remember to shout "Come on." Miss Aoiko nodded vigorously and kept saying "Yeah, yeah!" This was the last game of the day, and her class was also in this group. Miss Kuizi's voice was hoarse from shouting. When she saw Mr. Ding Ding reaching the finish line, she originally wanted to run over to pick him up, but she backed down when she saw people from her class swarming up and swamping him.

When the show was over, Miss Kuizi tried her best to find Mr. Ding Ding in the crowd and ran to her class's seat, but everyone was gone. I was about to continue looking but my classmates pulled me away and said that someone over there had vomited and went to take a look. Miss Kuizi was absent-minded. She only saw a man holding a trash can and vomiting with his head down, but he still couldn't be found. Walked away frustrated.

The next day, Miss Kuiko’s class was next door to Mr. Ding’s. She passed by their class countless times trying to say something to him and explain what happened yesterday. When she passed by for the seventh time, Mr. Ding finally stopped her.

"Hey, did you know that I went for a run yesterday?" The tone was like waiting for praise for doing something good. The broken bangs in front of his forehead felt as if they were flying with pride.

"I know. I even shouted cheers for you, did you hear me?" I replied pretending to be nonchalant.

"No."

"Damn, then I shouted in vain. It's not worth it! Are you going to die if you pretend to hear it?"

"Okay then. I heard you."

"Well, my voice is hoarse, please forgive me."

"Oh, I even ran away and vomited, and you didn't even look at me. "

"What? You were the one who vomited yesterday? It's a pity that I didn't recognize you! I told you not to look so popular!" The girl's excited tone may have frightened him as well as herself. After being silent for a long time, Miss Kuizi whispered: "I'm sorry, are you okay now?"

"It's okay." Mr. Ding Ding still replied calmly. After returning to her class, Miss Aoiko sat in the corner and no longer wanted to shout "Come on." Her best friend ran over and took her to buy snacks. On the way to the canteen, my best friend was even more excited than me when she found out. He pulled me forward and said:

"Oh my God, he vomited! Do you know that I was next to him when he came on the field yesterday, and I said I asked Kuizi to shout cheers for you and asked Kuizi to pick you up at the finish line. He was so firm when he nodded. He definitely wanted to see you and hear you cheering. It would be great if you went. Why didn't you go? He was always in good health. Why did he vomit? What? "

"..."

Miss Kuizi listened with tears streaming down her face. Maybe in the eyes of others, this is really nothing, just a small thing. Miss Kuiko felt guilty because she cared too much. For the first time, Miss Kuizi felt that Mr. Ding Ding cared about her. She was very sad why she didn't stay with him when he needed it most, and why she missed him at a turning distance.

Although Miss Aoiko later naively bought a drink to apologize. At that time, I was surrounded by classmates and there were all kinds of noises and cheers at the competition site. The two of them squatted behind the crowd, and Miss Kuizi took a drink and started talking a lot of nonsense again. As I talked, I didn't care about the strange looks in other people's eyes occasionally, and just cried like this. Mr. Ding Ding was at a loss and just kept saying, "It's okay, it's okay. Am I such a stingy person?" As a result, Miss Kuiko cried even harder.

That night, Miss Kuiko wrote in her diary: I want to be with him.

There were not many interactions after that. As graduation approaches, various mobilization rallies and slogans fill our lives, and various major and minor exams occupy recess exercises. The strong aroma of coffee and the smell of paper ink mixed in the air. It was the urgency of going to the toilet and coming back to the desk covered with weekly newspapers. While working hard to become stronger, Miss Kuizi deliberately did not think about Mr. Calm. The rare encounters were just to say hello. She wanted to graduate quickly and end this breathless life, and then do what she wanted to do. thing. She did not ask Mr. Ding which university he wanted to go to, nor had she figured out which university she wanted to go to. Just numbly gnawing at the big book of information.

(4)

Graduated.

On the day when the graduation photos were taken, Miss Kuizi put away the school uniform with Mr. Ding Ding’s name on it and put on another one for everyone to sign. Countless songs were sung, countless messages were written, countless photos were taken in front of the complex, and countless familiar names were written on the white school uniforms. Miss Kuizi saw Mr. Ding Ding from afar, and his bangs were still so clean and beautiful. Mr. Ding Ding walked over from the corner of Miss Kuizi's sight. When he got closer, Miss Kuizi pretended to have seen him accidentally and said, "Oh, you are here, come here, sign!" and then handed him the marker. Mr. Ding Ding looked at the densely written school uniform and said, "There is no room for me!" Finally, his name was written on the right cuff. Just as ugly as the one on the other school uniform.

No pretentious words were said to each other, not even a goodbye. It's like it's just a summer vacation and we'll be back when school starts.

During that time, everyone seemed to be very busy. Before the exam, they were busy sorting out the textbooks and materials that had been messy in the classroom for three years, busy with the final review, and busy familiarizing themselves with the examination room. After the exam, I was busy partying, busy on graduation trips, busy confessing, and busy breaking up.

Miss Kuizi and Mr. Dingding always have a tacit understanding, just like this time, they also have a tacit understanding not to contact each other again. In fact, Miss Kuizi had no courage at all. Even if there was no pressure from the college entrance examination, she would not dare to say those words. On the third day after the college entrance examination, Miss Kuizi silently bought a ticket to Xiamen. She simply wanted to visit the place Mr. Ding Ding wanted to visit. She told her mother on the way that she didn't blame her, but just said calmly: "Silly boy, come back soon."

When she was standing at the gate of Xiamen University, she really wanted to call Mr. Ding and tell him. Here she comes. But she didn't. On Gulangyu Island, I saw a boy who looked like Mr. Ding and wanted to send him a text message to tell him, but she didn't. On the way back from Xiamen, in the early morning, Miss Kuizi found out her score. She felt uneasy about not living up to the score she had worked so hard for so long. She wanted to ask Mr. Ding what score he got, but she didn't. Nothing. It's like nothing happened. After returning from Xiamen, Miss Kuizi spent the whole holiday at home eating, sleeping and playing with her mobile phone. Until it was time to fill in her application, Miss Kuizi had not decided which university she wanted to go to. She wanted to ask Mr. Ding what application he had filled in, but she was afraid that her future would be different if she found out. So she still had sense and didn't ask. Miss Kuiko filled out her application in a mess, and later she was admitted to a major she had never heard of that was used as a fill-in at the time. The university is in a southern city.

Miss Kuizi never saw Mr. Ding Ding again. Later, I saw Mr. Ding’s update. He stayed in the province and went to the best university and the best major in the province. Miss Kuizi was secretly happy for him.

When the university started, I thought I would forget about it after a long time. But Miss Kuizi didn't. She began to miss Mr. Ding Ding and often looked at the photos in a daze. She felt that she was too cowardly, and she felt that she should not miss it again. After struggling for a long time, she finally took the initiative to find him and started talking about everything as before. Miss Kuizi asked him, didn't he like Xiamen University before? Why don't you go to Xiamen University? Mr. Ding said: "Please pay attention to the time adverbials. The past is not the present, okay? And the scores are not allowed!" Miss Kuizi smiled happily. There was a tacit understanding between each other and they didn't mention why there had been no contact for a while. Yes, it's like nothing happened.

The story picks up at the beginning. Two days have passed since Miss Kuizi sent those six words plus a period, and Mr. Ding Ding has not replied to the message.

Miss Kuizi’s heart fell to the bottom.

She had been restless for a long time, but Mr. Calmness still seemed to be very calm. He was so calm that he didn't even say no.

Later, her best friend asked for her and sent her a screenshot of the chat. It probably means that Mr. Ding Ding only regards Miss Kuizi as a good friend. Miss Kuiko didn't know what went wrong, so she hid in the toilet alone and cried. It's very sad, like a flower you've been waiting for for several seasons to finally bloom, only to find that it's not yours. It's very heartbreaking, a little more painful than being pricked on your finger by a needle.

Miss Kuizi started to hate Mr. Ding Ding a little, so she deleted Mr. Ding Ding from the list.

Since then, Mr. Ding has not been contacted again, and the chat history stops at those six words plus a period. Things have passed for a long time, and Miss Kuiko is no longer so sensitive and childish. I no longer hate Mr. Ding Ding, why should I hate him? There's nothing wrong with Mr. Calm, right? Miss Aoiko always said: "It's like nothing happened." She said it as if nothing really happened, but the fact is that nothing happened. Isn't it true that he will deal with Miss Kuizi if she comes to her, but ignores her if she doesn't? Where did so much tacit understanding come from? Miss Kuiko was happy and a little regretful when she recalled this period of time. It's a pity that if I hadn't been impulsive, we might still be good friends. I regret that I couldn't make Mr. Calm fall in love with me.

We will love many people in our life, but only once will we love someone the way Miss Kuizi loves Mr. Calm. The man was wearing a white shirt, with clear eyes and broken bangs. He may not be good, tall, or even that good-looking.

But he has participated in your entire youth, enriched your green years, and is the splendor that cannot be erased from your black and white memories. And you are always just passing through his world. And even so, you are still happy, and he is still beautiful. You use his name to write a story about yourself.

Miss Kuizi wrote a story about herself only under the name of Mr. Calm.

(5)

Mr. Calm:

Do you know? I heard that the novels we read in the past have been made into movies. I heard that the box office was pretty good, and I heard that the reviews were mixed. I don’t know much about movies, but I went to watch it anyway. Because it always reminds me of the past, when we were both young and you loved chatting and I loved laughing.

Even though I know it has nothing to do with now. Thinking of my high school, thinking of me then, you then, us then, youth then.

Memories scatter to me in fragments like sunlight through leaves. I don’t remember how it started and how it ended, all the spots are your blurry smiling faces. It’s the way you looked arrogant when I first met you. It’s the way you spent countless nights wasting study time and fighting with you. It’s the way I sat next to you watching “Those Years” together. It’s the way we were embarrassed and speechless after getting into trouble. The way he looked like he was lying on your back in a daze, the way he and you went back to the dormitory at night and the door was locked and he couldn't get in, the way the two of them wandered around the school all night and finally fell asleep in the Internet cafe. There are little details about you. And Qiqian Aai, which I directed and acted by myself.

How good we were at that time, it seemed that the future was full of countless possibilities, and it seemed that we would always be laughing and joking. It’s your words that make me remember your secret joy for many years, your smile that makes me happy for a long time, your frown that makes me think hard to find the reason.

Everyone agrees that we are together, everyone thinks that we will be together in the end, everyone thinks that we should be together. ?

But those "everyone" include me, but not you.

I don’t know when I started liking you. It may be the little things that accumulate over time, it may be an inadvertent moment, or maybe it has never happened. It was only later that I suddenly felt that if I could be with you, that might be the happiest thing I could think of. ?

We were never really together until the end. Until the very end, your silence told me that everything was just me acting with myself. I pulled you and deceived everyone to accompany me to perform this three-year carnival alone. The curtain came to an end and everyone went their separate ways. But I couldn't get out. I stayed on the stage like a clown and refused to leave. Until I finally saw you, you seemed to be saying:

"It's over, goodbye." ?

It took me a long time to finally understand and convince myself that everything was really because I thought too much. . This one-person carnival is finally over. Everyone thought we should be together, but in the end we were not together.

This story is actually only me from beginning to end.

We were too stupid and naive at that time, and we really thought that if we said forever, it would really be forever. I can't tell the difference between friendship and love, and I don't know whether it's Lan Yan or her boyfriend. We are not sure of our own thoughts, the feeling of liking is far away and close at times, and love is a luxury that we dare not mention.

Despite this, I am still grateful for your existence, which makes the already tasteless youth look less thin.

It has been such a long time, and looking back on those years, I can finally say with certainty that I really loved you! It was at that time that I loved you so seriously.

Please pay attention to the time adverbials in the sentence.

(End)

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