Thoughts on "Love to the Sun" Paying Attention to Children's Spiritual Growth

-a letter to the vast number of caring people

Reading in a tree hole and the moon

Foreword: A normal marriage begins with a good beginning, but sometimes it ends. It is reasonable to say that any relationship between people breaks down. If it was originally an absurd marriage, the result need not be said.

The essence of marriage is a stable and long-term relationship between two adults, which is to form the same body of interests and meet each other's needs, mixed with numerous interests and complicated feelings.

Ending a marriage must pay a corresponding price, which will often cause various injuries to varying degrees, especially for underage children in this relationship, and family education is very important for the formation of a child's character. Children who grow up in a torn family environment will be somewhat lacking in character, and some mental injuries will even accompany them all their lives.

According to relevant surveys, psychological diseases such as "problem children", "autism" and "depression" are closely related to the growth environment of patients. Children are the future of a society and a country. For these children who have suffered misfortune, can our society give corresponding help to alleviate the harm that should not be borne by them?

1. Premise and background

1. Analysis of social status quo:

With the rapid development of market economy, the pace of people's life keeps up, and the divorce rate is also rising year by year.

According to incomplete statistics, the divorce rate in 22 is 43.83%. Because of the high divorce rate, there are more and more single-parent families. According to the statistics of China Women's Federation, 67% of divorced families have children. During the investigation, a class teacher said that he had ten single-parent children in one class. Compared with the past, this huge group of children from divorced families is enough to attract the attention of all walks of life.

2. the result of divorce:

many women or men are hit by divorce, stimulated, recessive depression, hysteria, extreme behavior, irritability, schizophrenia and so on. People who have experienced this, no matter who has custody of their children, can have a normal environment and education for their children.

After the divorce of ordinary families, financial problems will also become a factor that binds parents. How can single-parent children get enough care and companionship in this situation?

Second, the pain of the night hurts the soul

We use tree holes as windows to explore the personal privacy and secrets caused by those unknown marriages. They appear as senior intellectuals, military officers, business leaders, civil servants and ordinary workers during the day, but because of the failure of marriage, due to reputation, face and jokes from relatives and friends, they hide the injuries in the dark night, and the truth is always covered by masks.

Every child is an angel. Normally, there should be six relatives, grandparents, grandparents, parents and their genetic inheritance and love. Single parents can cause half or more of children's love loss, and this imbalance comes from the mutual harm of adults.

Helpless: Divorce due to infidelity, cheating, domestic violence, personality failure, etc. "No one will divorce easily unless they have to, especially if they have children", which is the common aspiration of all parties. "I used my whole life to heal the scars and shadows left by my childhood", which is the heartfelt words of a person in an unfortunate family.

Hatred: Most people get divorced when they can't get used to it. Property problems and children's tug-of-war are many fights. Many women get divorced in domestic violence and become enemies from relatives. "If I hadn't had a child, I would have killed that person." More than one person said so.

love that is hard to give up;

A single parent said to his child, "The most terrible thing about divorce is that the person closest to you becomes the person you hate the most. If one day, you have to divorce, don't instill the hatred of your parents into your child. When he needs love most, he is forced to hate the person he once liked best. How pitiful. "

This is a poem written by a mother on the way to give her one-year-old baby to her partner:

A tearful eye

A tearful eye

contains unspeakable expressions

parting all the way

distressed-only

an angel who is one year old "sings" <

You should never be involved in the arrival of an ignorant baby.

This fate is doomed by a helpless ending.

My baby will start a long and incomplete life in the future.

My baby's eye is crystal clear.

One eye is glistening with tears.

Our telepathic communication

makes my heart window!

I can't help crying again.

Baby, we love you! Love you helplessly

You can only accept this undeserved fruit

No matter we leave the ends of the earth

You are my eternal love and torture

Parenting books also say: Don't spread hatred in children's minds, and don't turn adult grievances into children's burdens. It is cruel for a child to make a choice between two people who love him/her and lead to destruction. And let the children realize that if their biological parents don't love him/her, it will hurt them as much as giving them back to their father.

Visiting question: Although the law stipulates that a single parent has the right to visit, no matter who has custody, it is the most painful thing for those who are unwilling or unable to afford the lawsuit.

There was a divorcee. Her husband cheated on her, and her child was eight years old. After the divorce, the man ran away with the child and hid it. The woman missed the child and left her job to look for it for half a year. The whole person was stimulated. She couldn't see other people's children. How many years did it take to return to normal life?

when a child is divorced over one year old, Party A forms a new family, saying that it is for the good of the child, and will cut off the visits of Party B and his family forever.

One of them had to go to work after divorce, and his father died early, leaving his mother to take care of the children alone. The old mother said with tears, "You know how difficult it is for me to take care of the child alone. This child has chained me forever and made me sick." Children who could have been loved by six people all fell on two shoulders.

There is a family whose grandparents always took care of their children before the divorce. After the divorce, they regarded each other as enemies. The man not only refused to let his mother see them, but also his grandparents refused to visit them. The family was miserable because they missed their children.

There are many single parents, and her children have been added for thirty-five, and there is no object for fear of marriage. There are many single-parent unmarried girls and boys, and their growing environment and education are self-evident.

III. Irrecoverable kindness:

Some analysts say that emotion will affect the body, and the operation of a single organ will affect all other organs; The past will affect the present, and the present will affect the future; The relationship with one person will affect the relationship with others. Why is the ability to forgive inseparable from goodwill? When it comes to forgiveness, the diversity of this internal interaction is particularly obvious. If we are burdened with resentment, we cannot be good but evil; If we are too stubborn to ask for forgiveness, we can't be kind; If our feelings are distorted by guilt and resentment, we can't be kind. For most divorced people, it is impossible to reorganize kindness because of resentment. Only when the past no longer dominates us can we be kind.

In a thousand words, parents are children's first teachers. If teachers are problem teachers or become problem parents, how many children can correct themselves when they grow up? There are many successful cases of single-parent inspiration in Kenning, but most of them are single-parent children of different ages who have lost the balance of love and suffered from different spiritual devastation.

Although both parents love their children, it is impossible for a person who has experienced marital failure, family cultural background, personal economy and maturity to have a sunny and warm home with their children.

problem children: There is a mother whose child is four or five years old. When she visits her child occasionally, she finds that the child doesn't like to talk and doesn't fit in with others. When she hears the noise, the child shivers unconsciously. The mother holds the child in her arms and cries bitterly. What did the child go through?

There is a single-parent child who has been in the sixth grade and has been hiding that he is a single-parent family at school. He is afraid of discrimination from his classmates. What will that child experience?

There is a boy who is active, rebellious and out of control. It is obvious that problem children, what has he experienced?

Some single-parent families add 35, because they hate men and women. They fear of marriage, what did they grow up through?

"He loves me, why doesn't he come to celebrate my birthday?" Why doesn't my mother come back to my house after work? Why can't I see my mother?

When children can't stand the pressure, they turn themselves into "problem children".

Not only single-parent families, but also many make-do marriages in family of origin lead to children's diseases. "I have basically never seen my parents speak normally, and two people don't talk without quarreling. Why don't they get divorced? I grew up in a panic. "

There was an associate professor at Xueba level. His wife was cheated by others and lent money to swindlers. The family was heavily in debt, and Xueba was afraid to tell both parents that the children in Grade Two were not divorced. Can the children be mentally healthy in such a family environment?

family of origin is partial to children, which has brought spiritual trauma to another child.

4. Consequences of mental injury: Children with unhappy families are prone to psychological problems as follows: 1. Autism 2. Inferiority 3. Self-blame 4. Anxiety 5. Depression 6. Jealousy 7. Rebellion. Mental illness (long-term accumulation leads to physical illness) and behavioral deviation (hyperactivity, irritability, eating disorder, online love, puppy love, dropping out of school, rebellion, inferiority, arrogance, depression, schizophrenia, etc.) are never isolated and personal phenomena. Especially in single families, how many failed marriages eventually turned into hatred, and how many destructive divorces implicitly hurt children's young hearts. Some children have changed their temperament under the psychological stimulation of their parents' divorce. Some children suffer from mental illness under the persistent and strong influence of negative emotions, such as emotional disorders, poor adaptability, personality defects, learning difficulties and poor social development.

Where do the sources of autism, depression and mental illness come from? As the saying goes, only by defending in advance can we prevent problems before they happen.

what education brings to people should be beauty, hope and strength, as well as confidence and motivation to change one's own destiny and win a wonderful life. In short, education is to awaken children's inner potential energy.

Cai Kangyong said, what is the most precious thing for parents to children? It is to give them an ideal environment and let him become himself, not the person we want him to become.

Yes, a really good parent is not to let a child be a copy of his parents, nor to let him live what his parents want, but to let him be himself.

A class teacher said: Without love, you will feel inferior psychologically, become timid, suspicious, crying and insecure, and rarely have a bright smile on your face. Single-parent children are really emotionally fragile. I rarely see them happy in several single-parent children in my class. Their faces are always the same, and their emotions never appear. What they leave me is more: timid, crying, not active and not confident. I really hope that all children can have the complete love of their parents and a complete home. Now, more and more people realize that parents should not be completely separated from their children when couples divorce. They see that one of the most destructive effects of divorce on children is the loss of one parent in reality.

how to solve the above problems? Seeing those who donate blood, those who donate to poor children without marriage after divorce, those who donate to children from single-parent families, etc., makes people moved and admire. Are you concerned about the healthy development of some single-parent children's minds? I hope love can shine on the earth like sunshine.

V. Brief program of "Love Xiangyang" school

In order to improve the physical and mental health of single parents and problem children, family of origin, the "Love Xiangyang" education foundation was established. The foundation is composed of caring fathers Ma, Wang, Dong, Zhang and other people who are willing to engage in education, and people who are financially strong and have a reputation in society. Recruit corresponding professional basic talents in sociology, psychology, education, law, management and so on as management, and set up special boarding kindergartens and schools.

goal: considering the mental health of children from single-parent families, we will set up "love sunny" boarding schools for children to senior high schools in various cities.

Teachers are organized in the form of loving parents (father Wang, mother Deng), aged from three-year-old kindergarten to 18-year-old high school graduation. We build a bridge between parents and children in divorced families, which makes the relationship between parents and children more harmonious. At the same time, through our efforts, we can improve the psychological status of children, which can reduce the burden on families, especially the psychological burden of divorced parents. Basically, it is a boarding school, but the difference is that we should pay attention to spiritual care and balanced love.

Give children a normal family. You can take your children home every Saturday and Sunday. In order to avoid seeing divorced enemies (mom's home for a week, dad's home for a week), let your children enjoy the warmth of the family.

Pre-planned site selection: There are not very good private schools in diploma mill. It can be converted into a "Love Xiangyang School" by means of acquisition or combination.

Teachers: In addition to normal teachers, we should recruit caring teachers and caring class teachers, and life teachers who know psychology to manage and educate the life mind as parents.

enrollment plan: divorced families can enroll their children as long as one of them applies. Can be publicized to the women's Federation street offices to recruit children from single-parent families; Six relatives in family of origin, two of whom can receive it if they apply; Provide psychological counseling services to children over three years old, and all children with problems can be recruited.

Special arrangement: the school has established a legal office and reached an agreement with parents that children can be picked up on the sixth day of each week, one week at the father's house and one week at the mother's house. In this way, divorced couples don't have to meet each other, and they can see their children directly to the school, grandparents and grandparents. So that children can get the love of six people in a natural and balanced way. Solve children's lack of love, and at the same time reduce the mutual harm and homesickness of adults.

social care; Encourage those old people who like children, donors, Dink families, etc., to actively participate in the activities of loving the sun, sign an agreement to form a temporary home with children during the winter vacation or summer vacation, and experience the education of love and companionship respectively, so that happiness can accompany everyone. Let children feel the care from society and family, build up their self-confidence, cultivate healthy, cheerful and optimistic characters, and then improve their psychological problems and set sail for their life path.

Gratitude feedback: In the first year of work, students who have graduated from the study of love in Xiangyang can take out one month's salary to be grateful to the school and pass on their love.

Thomas Carlyle, an English writer, once said, "People who have not cried at night are not enough to talk about life". The author investigated many orders.