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Some thoughts on a winter afternoon

When my fingertips feel cold, I know that winter has really arrived. Although the sun is still gentle, the cold wind invades my skin wantonly. Afraid, I often thought that I would not survive the winter and would die miserably in the winter, but I could survive winter after winter until I met the next spring performance.

I brewed a large cup of rose tea in late autumn and watched the scalding hot water pour into the transparent glass. The dry rose petals danced up and down under the guidance of the hot water, gradually stretching. , I held the hot glass and drank hot water in big gulps. When it is cold, I always crave something warm. Well, I need warmth.

I hate winter. The heavy clothes make me bloated. The cold temperature makes my thinking stagnant. Children with autism are generally quiet and don't talk much.

I hang out online all day long and meet a group of women who write exquisite words. Reading their words always makes me warm. Different life experiences, different life backgrounds, different life encounters, What they have experienced may be something I will never be able to experience in my life. They are a group of women shrouded in halo. They dance with pens and take pleasure in writing. Their lives are simple and comfortable. Their lives are also what I yearn for. , natural, casual, and with a little bit of taste, very bourgeois feeling.

I like a woman named Gan Wei and the prefaces she wrote in "Huaxi". They are just a few hundred words long, ethereal and as beautiful as poetry. I frantically searched for her ethereal words on the Internet, and I traveled all over the streets to search for the magazines she edited. Whenever I found them, I would hold them in my arms as if I had found a treasure, for fear of losing them.

When I got off work in the evening, I still couldn’t resist the cold wind, so I hid in a convenience store near the station and bought a sweet and spicy one. I scooped a lot of hot soup into a paper cup and held it. In my hand, the hot temperature is transmitted to my fingertips, and I feel warm in my heart while drinking the hot soup. It turns out that what I want is nothing more than the warmth of a cup of hot soup. That's all.

When I get on the bus, I like the seat by the window. I like the feeling of watching the scenery outside the window passing by, just like the scenes in a movie. Scenes flash by like this, just like life. Generally, the past never comes back.

I met a little girl with curly eyelashes. She was natural, without any cosmetics. Her eyelashes flew up and down with her twinkling eyes. She was so beautiful. I couldn't help but feel envious. Love, eyes are the windows to the soul, where is my soul?

The little girl and her classmates were chattering, and those things on campus seemed to have left me for a long time. I listened to them talking, and occasionally glanced at her curled eyelashes, and then smiled faintly. The days of childhood have passed by in a hurry, and they are already far away from me...

On the way home, I passed an overpass. I stood on the bridge and watched the street lights on the roadside shine brightly. They were all connected, and I suddenly had the urge to jump. I really wanted to know what it would feel like to dance in mid-air, and whether it would be beautiful. My nerves are slender and sensitive, and I am a bit neurotic. Sometimes I even think that I have I have a slight tendency to depression. Although I know the value of life, the pity of my family, and the love of my lover, I can really forget them all in an instant. What is the meaning of life, and what is the purpose of living?

When I was waiting for the bus at the station in the morning, I saw a solitary yogurt bottle placed on the trash can. The cold wind passed by, and it felt very desolate. I went nearby before the bus arrived. I bought a bottle of yogurt from a convenience store and drank it all in one gulp. The cold liquid penetrated my stomach and intestines and reached my spleen and lungs. After drinking, I quietly placed the bottle next to the previous yogurt bottle. It felt like we were in pairs. Well, you won’t be alone. We need each other to warm each other in the cold winter, because we are all children who are afraid of the cold.

I want to lock you in the room and not let you out. I just want to watch you quietly. It doesn’t matter if you don’t do anything. It doesn’t matter if you get married or not. As long as we can be together forever, anyway. It's just a piece of paper, you can throw it in the trash can, haha, but I don't know if this is really okay.

Lonely Sandbank Leng

(1)

Sha, I actually don’t want you to leave.

Seeing your smiling face reflected on the car window, getting further and further away, I think I shouldn’t have pushed you into the car so decisively. Because when I saw the car you were riding in gradually going away, I suddenly felt that I was the loneliest person in the world.

We were friends who held hands together for four years and agreed to watch the sunset together when we grow old. Sha, do you still remember those promises?

(2)

Oh, I was still so naive at that time. You had a long ponytail, but I still had short sporty hair.

That time I was sitting in front of you, you patted me on the shoulder and said, let’s be friends. So, we became friends with a smile.

Later I asked you why you want to be friends with me. You said, because you are wearing white clothes.

I hugged your neck and giggled.

(3)

Sha, at that time I liked you holding my arm and walking slowly. No matter it was sunny or rainy, you were always as jumping as a bird. Beside me, long hair was flying in the humid air, tickling my cheeks. Sha, I also want to have beautiful long hair like you, but you know, at that time, I was always impatient and would cut it off before it could grow long.

Sha, I still remember that afternoon, we were sitting back to back under the shade of the trees by the playground. You said, Kaka, when one day we are old, you will bring your wife to find me. Ah, definitely.

You smiled and narrowed your eyes brightly. Kaka, what will we become when we grow old?

(4)

Sha, later, we grew up. Before this, I always thought that we would always be children and did not understand hurt.

Sha, I started to grow long hair, as a person. I took care of my hair carefully, letting it fly in the air like yours, Sha, and I saw him smiling at me.

Sha, you start to dream every night, and when you wake up from the dream, you will tell me who you dreamed about last night.

Oh, it was really an eventful time. We are destined to be entangled in two different feelings.

(5)

Sand.

My hair is now waist-length, but it has long since broken away from its original growth purpose and has begun to fly aimlessly in the wind. Maybe they should have been short from the beginning. Every heartless look. I bought a long black trench coat, and they all said it suited me very well.

Maybe I should go back to the beginning, but I am too lazy to cut my hair and take care of it. Just simply tie them up or let them scatter around your waist, and you can't find the smell of your initial expectations in the wind. Sha, there are still scars from yesterday on that hair.

(6)

Sha, let’s walk together, maybe there will be a place where we will forget what loneliness is.

Haha, actually, it’s great to have you by my side.

Sha, you said that the person beside you is not the one in your dream. You are both sad in the same city. However, the world is like this. We can't bear to let go of that kind of vanity happiness, which leads to us still not getting what we want in the end. I don't like him, but I'm afraid that he will be sad, Sha, you keep telling me.

Sha, when we grow up, we let go of love.

(7)

One day, Sha, one day we meet the person we once loved again, maybe we will look at each other and smile, but then, maybe we will all The season of holding hands has passed, and your hair should have turned gray.

At that time, will you still yell and say to me, Kaka, we live for happiness.

Sha, some things are destined to be wrong.

Who should I miss when I pick up all the cold branches and refuse to lean on them, on the lonely sandbank?

Haha, when I wrote this topic At the time, I actually felt a little ridiculous.

Many people say that there is no real so-called friendship between men and women. Of course, it is men who say this most.

Maybe yes, there will definitely be some intention when we are together. Emotional attachment, cooperation at work, companionship on holidays, or for high-sounding love.

But friendship is different. It should be without intention. Be sincere.

But I still believe as always that there is pure friendship between men and women in this world. It's just that we have passed the most beautiful stage.

Friendship may be the most abundant and most real thing on campus. Really, I kind of miss that feeling.

The person who is truly kind to you may be far away. At the other end of time, the direction has been blurred. Many times I try my best not to think about it, because when I think about it, my eyes will slowly be flooded with tears. And I warned myself not to cry. So, I told myself not to think about it.

Y is the first boy who is really nice to me. Yes, it's a boy. Although he is now the father of a 2-year-old child. Even though he has become very confident and wealthy, he is already very strange to me. But I always remember his tears, the song he sang with all his strength for me, his shy smile, him waiting for me in the rain in my yard on a cold winter morning, and the bracelet he bought for me. , although it was vulgar and worthless, and although I threw it to my mother as soon as I got it, she wanted her to use it as an acting prop. I remember his lonely back facing the sea alone in the evening of weekends. I remember that he desperately went around borrowing cameras and buying film in order to keep a photo of me. 35 blank sheets of film are wasted just for one photo. I remember the physical chemistry tutorial textbook he gave me and asked his friends not to tell me that he gave it to me. I remember the encouraging letter he wrote me just after I left home to study in a distant place. I remember he knew I was in love with his good friend and smiled and said to me, come on, I will always be your good brother. I remember him riding a motorcycle to take me to the station. Others mistakenly thought he was my boyfriend, and his embarrassed smile when I loudly denied it...

So long has passed, but I still remember it. Even if this may not be friendship, I am nostalgic for this kind of love. Simple, beautiful love.

The story of Pan. Too much has been written. Until today, I finally understand why I am so attached to him. Maybe we weren't really in love from the beginning. It is a feeling that goes beyond friendship but does not yet reach the level of love. Perhaps it is precisely because of the element of friendship and the purest and most delicate feelings that I miss it to this day.

Army, yes. And the military. I think he is also a boy who is really good to me. Even though he is now married and about to have a child of his own. But I also always remember him. I remember his honesty, his kindness, and every touching word he said to me. I remember his blue bicycle, his off-white socks, the brand of cigarettes he occasionally smoked, his favorite tunes, the things he was most proud of, the way he smiled, and the way he accommodated me. My expression, I remember his stubborn way of pedaling hard without wanting to rest, I remember the shape of his best dish he cooked for me, I remember every gift he gave me, I remember he was very filial and down-to-earth when he called me mom. He looks so generous...

I don't know why he is so nice to me. I don't know why I don't cherish it so much. Maybe at that time, I didn’t understand what cherishing meant.

There are also people who are really good to me, structure, yes, I think structure too.

I don’t know how to define a feeling that is more than friendship and less than love.

Every time the song "Friends Don't Cry" slowly plays on the radio, I can't help but shed tears. My father's departure in the winter of 1999 really made me feel what friendship is.

The boys I had quarreled with or even fought with in junior high school took the initiative to write letters asking me not to be sad. The boys who once competed with each other for the sake of being a class leader and becoming the squad leader ran a long, long way to see me and express my condolences. A boy who liked me but was often rejected by me once called me for a long time, told me jokes and told me not to remember unhappy things. At the end, he told me that he had a girlfriend and said he was sorry to me. of harassment. There was also the song "Friends Don't Cry" that the whole class specially ordered for me. I think I will never forget it.

Today, I have never met such a person again. I don't know if friendship has moved away from us or we have moved away from friendship.

Today. When H sent me a message and said, "There are no real friends between men and women, NO FUCK NO FRIEND!", I suddenly felt a little sad. At that time, the radio station was singing the song "Friends Don't Cry". I didn't realize that I actually shed tears... 19:25 | Add a comment | Read comments (2) | Send a message | Permalink | View citations (0 ) | Written in the diary on November 26

Dear, I don’t miss you very much...

I don’t miss you very much, really not. I only think of you when I walk to a certain intersection; I only think of you when I’m halfway through watching a CD; I only think of you when I’m listening to a song; I really don’t miss you. , I just think of you when I don’t want to think of you.

This is great, I don’t miss you so much, I don’t miss you so much that I go crazy, I just miss you until my eyes get wet.

I wanted to go to bed, but I couldn't sleep. I was reading boring magazines in bed, and I thought of you while flipping through the book. I couldn't sleep, I shook my head to dare to leave your shadow, but it was printed on the magazine. So I threw the magazine away and turned off the light. Your look was so clear in the dark, so I turned on the light.

I don’t miss you, I just miss you when I can’t sleep, but I don’t know whether I miss you when I can’t sleep, or I miss you when I can’t sleep.

I don’t want to miss you so much. Before the beginning, after forgetting, the emotion is a headache. It really can’t last a day. A frown, a little head, is it a prophecy or a choice?

My logic is not so mathematical. It intervenes in your sight but not in your choice. I have read fairy tales, and the best version is "Snow White and the prince lived happily ever after" written by Andersen.

Far away in the sea: the water is so blue, like the most beautiful cornflower petals . So clear, like the brightest fragment. But so deep that no anchor chain can reach my heart.

Even if I miss you, it’s not to the extent that I miss you. Because in front of time, we have nothing left.

I don’t feel bad when I miss you. I feel happy when I miss you. Sometimes I am lonely. I think it would be better to be more happy.

I don’t miss you very much. I just think of you when I am happy and think of you when I am unhappy.

< p>I firmly believe that the person who gives me memories will not be deceived by the memories, but the people in the memories will be deceived by them.

The balance in the lover's heart is as fine as a hair. You laugh, my God. It's clear. You're silent, and I'm discouraged. I collect all your text messages to measure whether you are still as in love as before.

Dear, do you know that I am doing something boring and interesting? Things: Wearing empty pajamas and barefoot in the house, counting the traces you left one by one.

I don’t miss you, but I just miss you and don’t bother you. I know that some misses and some losses will be painful for a lifetime. I drink this cup of sweet wine brewed for love and feel the pain of love.

I don’t want to. I miss you, but my longing is so uncontrollable, it is a pain that hurts my heart and lungs. Let the infinite affection flow freely between the lines; let the sadness caused by longing gradually become the most beautiful scenery in the life process. .

Dear, I don’t want to miss you, but I really do, you know?

A little touched

Today, these little devils really moved me.

As usual, it was a mess when I entered the nap room, so I shouted at the top of my voice: "Quiet! Quiet! ”

Unexpectedly, no one came to listen to you. They even smiled at you!

It’s really a bit angry. I really want to catch them one by one like an eagle catching a chick. Pull it out. However, the sacred word "teacher" prevented me from doing so.

So, I pretended to be sad and took out my handbag calmly. He said to them: "Children, Teacher Sun is gone and goes home! ”

After saying this, the children actually became quiet.

Looked at me with curious eyes and asked "Why?"

"Because, I think you don't love Teacher Sun at all. You don't even listen to Teacher Sun's words. Alas!" After a three-second pause, "I think I'd better go home. If you want to talk, just talk. If you want to play, just keep playing. Goodbye!"

Everyone wants to play. His eyes widened and he looked straight at me. The nap room was surprisingly quiet.

Just as he was about to step out of the nap room door, he suddenly heard a burst of sad crying. Such cries are extremely sad. I didn't expect that the children would all cry sadly.

A boy cried and called me, "Teacher Sun, no! Teacher Sun, don't leave!"

Then the children all called me with extremely sad cries. "Teacher Sun, don't leave, don't leave, okay? Oh~~~~~"

To be honest, I was really touched at that time. I just thought I would just quieten them down. But I didn't expect that the children would be so sad and sad about my actions.

I feel a little warm. With a little bit of heartache. I can’t tell you what the specific feeling is. For a moment, I felt as if something was blocked in my throat. I was so moved that I wanted to shed tears.

Finally, I went back. He put the bag back to its original place and said to them, "Teacher Sun is not leaving. Teacher Sun loves you!"

The little ones actually answered together, "Teacher Sun, I love you too!"

After that, they all lay down quietly. Not a single noisy sound could be heard. Gradually, he fell into sleep.

Looking at their sleeping faces, I couldn’t help but sigh: Children, they are so innocent and cute!

Four Apples

When I carried the four apples home alone, I thought about many sad things.

I never know why I always feel sad? ! Even if I know that sadness is actually not a good thing.

When I walked alone along the narrow stone steps and opened my hands, I thought of A. A doesn’t know if he is still in Hangzhou. Do you still remember me? Would A also think about a similar night like this when he once held a girl's hand and helped her walk slowly and childishly down the narrow stone steps a long time ago? As I was thinking about it, I didn't know why I suddenly started to feel terribly sad again.

There are many unlicensed vendors on the roadside, pushing hand-pulled carts or riding tricycles. There were tofu skewers that smelled bad but tasted delicious. There are also stalls selling miscellaneous girly stuff that I have always been attracted to in the past. There are also vendors selling flowers on bicycles.

I slowly stopped. I think I should buy something. Even though I actually don’t need anything right now.

I also saw them when L was around just now. I even wanted to impulsively say to L, "Buy a flower and give it to me." But in the end, L said "It smells so bad" and swallowed it back.

I think maybe L just doesn’t like admiring this rare sight. Or maybe he’s seen too much. Or... haha, maybe, L is just L, and I am just me. L said he liked me, but he just said it.

When I slowly walked towards the flower vendor, the vendor seemed to be running away with his cart. Looking again, all the vendors were gone. They also reminded each other, "The city management is coming, let's go!"

So, I felt a little sad. Such a lively scene suddenly disappeared.

Sometimes, I hate these sanctimonious "civilizations"! It's true.

A man is walking in the underground passage, and a wanderer is playing a sad guitar. I stood beside him for a long time. . . .

I wanted to give him some money, but I didn’t give it in the end. I was afraid that if I gave him money, it would tarnish his perfect music.

Yes, even though it is only the simplest piece of music, it is occasionally incoherent. But at this time, I think it's perfect. The sudden interruption of the sound seemed so sad in the empty underground passage. . .

I squatted not far from him, took out one of the four apples, wiped it hard with my hand, and started to chew it. This is the apple that L just bought for me. It was very sweet, but I shed tears as I chewed it. . .

Three pieces of music are finished. The apple is also finished. There are three empty apples in the belt but they are heavy and dangling in my hand. I still feel so sad.

I walked out of the underground passage and called B. His friend said he went to take a shower. Let him call me back later. I smiled and said thank you.

Call S. S was very surprised why I called him so suddenly. He said he was listening to his daughter playing the violin and asked me if I wanted to enjoy it. I politely declined. He said goodbye hastily and hung up. Then deleted his number.

When I was about to put my phone away, S sent a message: It’s very late, go home early! Then the tears just fell. Saved his number again. Put it tightly on your chest. I felt a little warm.

There are orange lights on the sixth floor not far away. That's my home. With tears in my eyes, I accelerated my pace home. . .

Ambiguous

Ambiguous It makes people suffer so much

Can’t find any evidence of love

When to move forward and when to give up

Don’t even have the courage to hug

< p>I can only accompany you here

After all, there are some things that cannot be done

Beyond friendship but not love

What should I do with the scenery that is about to rain in the distance? You shouldn’t cry

Think too much about whether it’s me or you

I was very unconvinced and began to wonder

Whether the person in front of me is the same

< p>The real you

Ambiguity makes people greedy

Until waiting loses its meaning

I have no choice but you and me

Can’t write Ending

Let the regretful beauty stop here

That crystal necklace

I spent the weekend like this.

I still remember sitting here the day before yesterday and writing, "It doesn't matter to me whether it's a weekend or not." Think about it, time flies by really fast!

I never thought I would call so many people today. Including my dear mother and alumni I haven’t contacted for a long time. Of course, I didn’t expect to call H!

H said to go have tea and call his two friends, a man and a woman. Actually I have no opinion. It doesn’t matter who you’re with. I just don’t know why, but I still don’t know how to deal with friends of friends.

H thought I had a problem with his female friend. In fact, I'm just not used to getting along like this.

Let’s look at rings, necklaces and crystals together in Yuanhua. I felt a little dizzy watching it. I wish I could take it all in. Just, think about it again. Even if they are all mine, so what?

Diamonds are forever, and one will last forever. What a beautiful slogan. After hearing more, I naturally thought of getting married.

Oh, get married!

I think I am not a particularly picky woman. Clothing does not need to cost tens of thousands of dollars, and jewelry is about the same. Only as a special thing like a ring, I still want to buy something more expensive that I like. H’s friend said that it is better to go shopping for things like rings with your boyfriend. I think so. It’s such a romantic thing for two people to choose a wedding diamond ring together for the purpose of getting married. As I was thinking about it, I suddenly felt a little wet in my eyes.

H*** and I both fell in love with a crystal necklace. Rectangular style, simple and elegant. I tried it carefully. it's beautiful.

The saleswoman said it was a good deal and she could also give me a ring. I'm really tempted by that. H smiled and asked me to choose this and that. The saleswoman thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I said, I'm going to dream about it tonight. H said that he would dream about his money flying away tonight.

The saleswoman smiled, and so did I. For a moment, I was in a trance and almost thought H was my boyfriend.

Haha!

Should I really have a partner? Should I really consider getting married?

How long can I remain stubborn?

A sigh!

I don’t know why I suddenly thought of this topic, so I’ll just make do with it!

Time flies so fast, it’s the weekend again. For me, what’s the difference between weekends and not? But the funny thing is, when the weekend is not yet here, I am so looking forward to the weekend. Haha, people are really strange.

Listen to sad love songs and sneak away into various popular chat rooms. Why is it hot? Haha, because of the ambiguity! I think I use the word ambiguous more in a positive sense than in a derogatory sense. At least, it solves many people's psychological or physical problems. Men and women alike!

When did chat rooms become an institution for finding one-night stands? As soon as I entered, it was "Is it passionate?" "Is it a one-night stand?"... Haha, I feel that I am the one who is out of place, the one who is old-fashioned, and the one who cannot keep up with the times.

Join with colleagues to play tricks. They laughed and shared the results of their chat with each other.

"Are you watching a movie?"

"What movie are you watching?"

"A movie?"

"When are you going to watch a movie?" Come to me again, please."

After laughing, continue sharing

"Do you need it?"

"Yes. , I need it very much!"

"Oh, that's great."

"Yes, that's great!"

"Come on. Go!"

"Okay, then get ready!"

"What are you preparing for?"

"Nonsense, money!"

Hahahaha~~~~~

Laughing and laughing, but then I felt like crying again.

When did I become so bored? !

When the sad love song "Growing Old with You" started to play, tears finally fell. However, I still talked nonsense with the men in the chat room.

A man asked me after video chatting with me if I could be his girlfriend. I burst out laughing. He was surprised at my abnormality. Maybe he had played this trick many times. But he was wrong. He was wrong because he shouldn't have said such childish words in front of me. Because, I am no longer naive.

Is this a close approach? Out of date!

I didn’t even bother to say goodbye and fell silent.

I continue my stripped life~~~~

Suddenly I miss someone, a Sagittarius man!

Let go~

We put down our dignity, our personality, our stubbornness, just because we can’t let go of anyone.

Love or not love

"Do you love me?"

On the street at dusk, I suddenly asked him this .

"Love, love to a dangerous degree." He giggled and blushed slightly.

"Dangerous?" I was slightly surprised. Is it dangerous to love someone? "How dangerous is it?"

"Ha, because I met you, I can no longer live alone." He whispered in my ear.

My heart beats fast. But he still said seriously, "What if I don't love you?"

He pretended to be sad, "Then let's go to West Lake!"

"West Lake? What are you going to West Lake for? Are you Want to dance in the West Lake?" I covered my mouth and laughed.

He looked frustrated and quickly said, "You guessed it right again. Add 10 more points!"

I could only pretend to be ashamed and leave immediately.

Anxiously, he shouted from behind, "Auntie, can you always walk slower? There must be an unknown force in this world that controls people's life and death, and controls people's parting." . Also, the fate with someone.

Perhaps, some love is destined to have no ending; some people are destined to meet;

I believe in fate...

< p>It doesn't matter whether we are together or not, as long as we believe that at this moment, we are in love.

I think I am satisfied with this.

I just want to find someone. A shoulder that can bear my tears when I am happy.