A humorous essay.

A humorous essay. In daily life, we can watch more humorous jokes in our spare time, which can make our mood happy and full of vitality. Next, I will take you to know more about humorous jokes.

Humorous joke essay 1

1, centipede was accidentally bitten by a snake when going out! In order to spread the toxin, we must amputate immediately! The centipede comforted itself: "Fortunately, I have many legs!" " The doctor also comforted: "Yes, brother, relax, you will be an earthworm in the future!" " "

The zoo held a discussion meeting! The host asked, "Can cats climb trees?" The eagle scrambled to answer: "Yes!" Moderator: "Please give an example!" The eagle said tearfully, "that year, I fell asleep, the cat climbed the tree, and then there was an owl!" " "

A couple in love are close at home! But the man didn't move after lying on the woman! The man said disapprovingly, "We are connected now!" The woman is very unhappy and ignores it! At this time, the man began to attack violently! The woman immediately shouted loudly: "Mobile is better than Unicom!"

My wife came home from work and found her husband unhappy and covered in scars! The wife asked, "Husband, what's the matter? Who dares to hit you! " Husband is silent. . The wife asked eagerly, "What for?" My husband said aggrieved, "I was on the bus and my colleague called me!" " The wife is puzzled: "Did you call?" "The husband said angrily," Isn't it because I used a fake mobile phone? "! I was startled by the people around me, and they surrounded me together! "

2. A man knocked down a strange old man by motorcycle in downtown! That man was scared out of his wits! More and more people are watching! Suddenly, the man hugged the old man and cried in tears: "Dad, wait for me, I'll find a doctor for you!" " "After that, he ran. . . The old man struggled and shouted angrily, "Come back!" "Everyone expressed their feelings:" This son is really filial! "

The manager of the company asked people to hang the slogan "Do it at once if you want" on the wall, hoping to inspire employees! After a while, a friend of the boss asked him how effective this measure was. The boss said angrily: "The cashier ran away with 654.38+ 10,000 yuan, and the office director eloped with my female secretary, and dozens of employees asked for a raise together!"

One night, the husband wanted to make out with his wife! The wife pointed to the sleeping child beside her and said, "The child is awake." The husband said, "I must have fallen asleep after all this time." If you don't believe me, try. " He took a nickel and put it in the child's half-open hand to see if the child responded. I only heard the child say unhappily, "Do you need fifty cents for such a big thing?"

Cats are forced by life to sit in a fox-run hair salon! One day, the mouse came to the hair salon and named the cat night. The cat vowed to die! The mouse was furious and said, "I was chased to death at the beginning, but now it's prude to send it to my door!" " "

Two humorous jokes 1

1. The grocer said to his wife: Don't go to the grocery store opened by Lao Wang next door today. The wife asked inexplicably, dear, why is that? The husband said, because he borrowed weighing scale from me today.

2. Zebra went to her boyfriend Baima's house and asked Baima: What's your mother's impression of me? A: My mother said that girls who don't like tattoos. Q: What did your father say? This girl is very nice, but a little poor. Buy her something to wear.

Dad has been complaining that the price of oil is rising too fast. The son who just went to elementary school said, Dad, it rains a lot in our family in spring! Dad asked: Why? Son: The text says that spring rain is as expensive as oil. Just drive with the spring rain!

When my daughter was watching TV, she suddenly interrupted an advertisement. She hasn't finished watching it for five minutes and kept repeating it. I saw that she pressed the "mute" button and said angrily, Are you speechless? Strangle you!

Medical experts remind that the winter diet is mainly tonic, but it should not be the same. If you want to make up for your shortcomings, let it be. I asked them what you want to add, and they suggested that you eat more pig brains!

6. I saw Polaris crying in the night sky. I asked Polaris why she was crying. Polaris said: Alas, nowadays the little stars are more and more self-hyped. I'm afraid the honor of my compass won't last tonight!

7. Mom: Mom went out to buy food. You can play at home. Don't open the refrigerator. There are bugs in it. Son: I see. After a while, my mother came back hot and sweaty, so she opened the refrigerator to get a drink. Son: Mom, don't open the refrigerator, there are bugs in it.

The bank cleaner asked to resign on the grounds that the president didn't trust her. PRESIDENT: How can you say that? I even left the key to the safe everywhere. Cleaning lady: Yes, but none of the keys can open the safe.

9. The doctor said: Give a sedative to the patient who will be discharged today. The nurse asked inexplicably, why are you sedated when you are about to leave the hospital? The doctor said: I have to pay the bill later, I'm afraid he can't stand it!

10. On the way to climb the mountain, a stingy person accidentally stumbled and was about to fall into the valley, just when you could grab his hand. You should speak quickly and take my hand. Can't speak fast. Give me your hand.

the second

1, don't say you are single dog, the dog died at your age.

No matter where I go, I always put a photo of my wife in my wallet, not for anything else, just to remind myself why the money is gone!

I always treat money like dirt, and anyone who wants money treats me like dirt.

If eating more fish can make people smart, then I must have eaten at least one pair of whales. ...

5. People have to enjoy it when they are alive, and those they like bravely pursue it. Otherwise, how do you know that people don't like you at all?

6. Women may lie to you, brothers may betray you, but math won't. Math can't!

7. "What would you do if your boyfriend fell into a cesspit and needed artificial respiration to get him out?" "Even the cesspit can fall into the silly man still take him? Hurry and poke it with a stick. "

8. There are generally only two kinds of people who pay too much attention to me, one is secretly in love with me, and the other is plotting against me, 99% of which are plotting against me!

9. All rich children in Korean dramas have a disease, that is, they must fall in love with poor girls.

10, if the whole world doesn't want you. Please remember, I don't want you if I have you.