There is nothing more important to a child than the sense of security given by his parents. "I love studying, and studying makes my mother happy." A slogan put up by a middle school in Shenzhen tells

There is nothing more important to a child than the sense of security given by his parents. "I love studying, and studying makes my mother happy." A slogan put up by a middle school in Shenzhen tells the truth, but we really can't laugh it off. The back of the slogan has this subtext: Studying makes me unhappy. Turbine energy supercharging can improve engine power, but parents blindly supercharging may cause children to lack motivation to learn. A child who lacks internal drive is like a car without oil. Every step needs to be pushed forward by the parent. In the end, both parties must be very tired. The psychological logic behind this is: everyone will look for reasonable psychological attributions for their behavior. When there are fewer external reasons that can be found, the more necessary it is to find internal reasons. Providing people with opportunities to construct their own internal reasons is a way to It is a big step towards establishing a lasting personal value system, which is also the starting point towards self-discipline.

Why do games make children addicted? In addition to satisfying children's fun of exploration, fresh stimulation and challenges, another important reason is its timely feedback. The more you play, the better your skills are, the higher your rank will be, and these achievements and glory will be recorded in time. Timely positive feedback constantly stimulates your fighting spirit and makes you want to stop. The above two examples illustrate the same truth from different angles, that is, let children work hard to satisfy themselves and surpass themselves, rather than to meet the expectations of their parents.

Continued anger and disappointment can turn into toxic stress

Another disadvantage of encouraging others is that such parents will become disappointed and sad because their children cannot meet their own requirements. , even angry. Children can detect these negative emotions of their parents at a very young age and will do their best to avoid them.

Losing control over the environment is harmful, leading to a state of mind called "learned helplessness" and damaging a child's brain. The child becomes aware that he has no control over negative stimuli and feels that he cannot escape the situations that caused them. For example, a third-grade child is beaten and scolded by his parents every day when he goes home, but he has to go home, so the home is like hell. He will feel that he has no way out, and finally has to accept everything and stop running away, even if Later, if he really had the opportunity to leave this environment, he would not try. This psychological state is "learned helplessness".