Funny jokes

: There was an ugly girl who could not get married and hoped to be abducted. One day her dream finally came true

She was kidnapped. The kidnappers thought she was ugly and sent her back to her place of origin. The woman was determined not to get out of the car. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet and said, "Let's go." . I don’t want the car anymore! ! !

2 The spider loved the ant deeply, but was rejected when he expressed his love. The spider yelled: Why? Why is all this happening? Ant timidly said: My mother said that those who stay online all day long are not good people!

3 I will build your happiness; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will make concessions to your willfulness; I am the only one who loves you, so who can give in? I am a professional pig farmer. (To be continued)

4 If you want to treat me to dinner, if you don’t meet my request, I will write your mobile phone number on the wall with two words in front: Applying for a certificate

5 Yesterday I had a dream, and the Lord said that one of my wishes could come true. I took out the globe and said, I want world peace! The Lord said it was too difficult! I took out your photo and said, make this person beautiful! The Lord was sweating profusely and said: Bring the globe and let me take a look again!

6Do you want to get rich? Do you want to be lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to stay young forever? Do you want people all over the world to be crazy about you? ———————— Stop thinking nonsense, wash your feet and go to sleep!

7 It’s a rainy day, so wet, and your mood is so wet... Every night, you just stare blankly out of the cold window, watching dreamily. I walked over and said softly to you. You said: "Wangcai, go in, the person delivering the bones won't come today.

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8 This may be the last time I send you a text message, I'm hesitating Do you want me to tell you that I am going to the United States in the near future? All the procedures have been completed, but there is nothing I can do, really! Bush said he couldn't deal with Saddam without me.

9 One day, I went to the zoo to see orangutans, and I vomited; another day, you went to the zoo to see orangutans, and the orangutans vomited! They are the same people, so why is the gap so big? (To be continued)

10. Monkey-hunting revelation: I lost a small hairy monkey. Characteristics: dirty and dirty, face full of runny nose, carrying a mobile phone, and reading short messages. Love the monkey after reading the text message, please reply to the owner quickly! The owner misses you so much!

11. I heard that you were abducted and trafficked, which really scared me. Although you are a child, you are harmless to society. A man is so bold that he dares to sell you. I'm really worried for him. It would be strange if he sells you!

12. I told my mother: I like you! After getting along with you for such a long time, I feel that I can't live without you. I want you to come to my house and accompany me every day! But my mother disagreed. She said: puppies are not allowed in the house!

13. I changed my job and now work in a bank, the one not far from you. Come to me when you have time. Go to the bank and shout my name, and I will know. That’s right! I changed my name because it was too vulgar. I called him Qiangjie first.

14. Yesterday, I saw on the Internet that the model of mobile phone you used emits extremely high radiation. I was shocked. Just when I was about to inform you, I saw that it does not work for people with IQs less than 50. I feel relieved about this. Don’t worry, just keep using it

15. Top-secret document of the 16th National Congress: In order to improve the quality of our population, the country has decided to eliminate a group of mentally retarded and ugly children with the appearance of Sun Guo. Hurry up. Pack your things and leave quietly! Don't thank me! be safe! (End)

Do you still remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students: "The first row counts!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly: "Count!" So, you turned around reluctantly and hugged the tree!

Latest news: The main transmission route of SARS is currency in circulation. For the health of you and your family, sort out all the cash in your home and seal it in plastic bags. I will collect it at your door for a small fee.

Sometimes you can’t see me beside you on our journey of friendship. It’s not that I forgot you, let alone let you walk alone. It’s that I choose to walk behind you, when you don’t If I fall down, I'll run up... and step on it!

Shall we go on a date on Saturday? Please agree to my sincere request! Because I really want to walk on the beach with you and listen to the sound of the sea. I will take you to climb the highest stone on the beach and then... kick you down!

Yesterday, I dreamed of you. Really, the sky was so clear and quiet, the sun was so bright, and the sea was so vast. You were standing on the blue seaside, and I poked you with a stick. Hey, this little tortoise has a pretty hard shell.

My love is empty and my feelings are empty, and I am wandering in the street; my life is empty and my money is empty, and I am single and working hard; my work is empty and my career is empty, and I am going crazy thinking about it; my mobile phone is empty and I have no money to recharge, and life is not easy under pressure; in short All four are empty.

The moment I made up my mind and turned away, you cried helplessly behind me. The heart-rending pain made me instantly understand how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: This pig is not for sale.

I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly reached out to the barcode scanner and saw the screen display: Pig's trotters 8 yuan. You thought the machine was broken, but you turned your face over and looked at it. The screen showed pork head meat for 5 yuan!

When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth, and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly----Pig ! ! ! !

Are you lonely? If so, then go downstairs and buy a rope and a stick, tie the rope to the stick, and go to the top of the building to wave the stick when the wind blows. What will others ask you for? ? Just say: I have a convulsion. . .

Life is so tiring! Standing and thinking about falling asleep, I have to queue up to get on the bus, I suffer from unrequited love, eating has no flavor, drinking easily makes me drunk, I am very tired at work, I don’t know how to rob, I have to pay taxes to earn money, ugh————! Even sending a text message to Xiaozhu is charged!

It’s just a gust of wind, but it’s so eternal. It’s just a dream, but it’s so real. You lower your head and say nothing, but I can’t calm down. I finally can’t help but say to you: Next time you fart, say it first!

One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from!

Dear user: Your phone bill is less than 0.1 yuan. Please hand over the phone bill within the next few days: sell your son, daughter, rice, sell iron, sell some blood, sell land, house, wife. cooperate! China Telecom

Valentine's Day Promotional Gift: Dear male customers, if you buy a set of Homecoming brand moisturizing underwear for your lover during Valentine's Day, you will get a free set of regular returns for your wife. Home brand colorful cotton underwear, and only the colorful cotton underwear and the full selling price are reflected on the credit card. Home Underwear Shop

I wrote your name in the sky and was taken away by the clouds. I wrote your name all over the mountain and was carried away by the wind.

I wrote your name all over the street, kao, I was taken away by the police

In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleeping classmate to answer a question. The classmate was confused and couldn't say anything... the teacher said : "Can you do it? Why don't you squeak too!" The student said: "squeak"

Dear user, because most of your text messages are sent to the opposite sex, it has caused great harm to society. Bad influence, we have suspended your text message function. Please bring your own bench tomorrow and go to the nearest police station to learn about work style!

I dreamed about God yesterday and said that he could grant me a wish. I took out the globe. He said he wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult. Let's change it. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to become beautiful. He thought for a moment and said, take the globe and let me take a look.

You go! Find someone worthy of your love and love... I don’t know you and your feelings well enough. I know that some things cannot be forced and some distances cannot be crossed. Just like yesterday, I really can’t believe that you left with someone just for a bone

I can no longer think about what you want; I no longer have the style to dress; I can no longer have a relationship with anyone; I am no longer popular wherever I go; I can no longer keep up with Lenin when I think about problems; my heart stops even when I am fine. Pneumonia is no longer typical!

Monkey hunting notice: I lost a miscellaneous hairy monkey. Characteristics: dirty, snotty, face full of runny nose, has a mobile phone on me, and can read text messages. .Love monkey has read the text message, please reply to the master quickly! The master misses you so much now

6 met 9 and said: Just take two steps, why do you do handstands? 0 met 8 and said: If you are fat, You are fat, why should you wear a belt? 7 met 2 and said: Okay, don’t kneel down. I won’t marry you even if I kneel down again. 2 met 5 and said: I haven’t seen breast augmentation in a few days!

One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest and approached him and said: I am Hong Tao Liu. The foreign guest said: I am still the Seven of Diamonds!

Not every flower can represent love, but roses can; not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplars can; not every pig can read short messages, but you Did it. congratulations!

You are the sun in my heart, but it is raining; you are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; you are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it is a pity that it has bloomed; you are the sky Chang'e came to the world, but unfortunately she landed face first...

What's going on? I just called your mobile phone. After the ringtone, the mobile phone prompted a voice saying: The other party is running naked, please wait and call again. I can't believe it! I called again and it said: Sorry, the user you dialed has left the service area, please wait and call again.

In my eyes, you always look so carefree, you always eat with relish, and you always sleep soundly. . . I really envy you. Sometimes I think about it, it’s good to be a pig