Why do you want others to feel important?

In real life, some people have communication barriers because they don't understand or forget an important principle-making others feel important. They like to show themselves and brag about themselves. Once things are successful, the first thing to show is how much credit and contribution you have made. This is not to make others think that you are really not very important. Invisible, they hurt others, and of course, it is not good for themselves in the end.

One day, I was waiting in line at the post office at the intersection of 32nd Street and 8th Avenue in new york to send a registered letter. The clerk behind the counter is obviously impatient with his work-weighing, taking stamps, changing change and writing receipts are all the same monotonous jobs year after year. So I said to myself, "I hope that clerk likes me." In order to make him like it, I obviously have to say something nice-not myself, but him. "I asked myself again," what's commendable about him? "Sometimes, this is really a problem, especially when the other person is a stranger. However, it seems not difficult for me to praise this employee in front of me. I immediately found something I could praise him for.

When he weighed my letter, I eagerly said to him, "I wish I had your hair."

He raised his head and looked at me with a smile on his face: "Oh, not as good as before!" " "He replied modestly. I told him that although it may not be as beautiful as before, it is still in good condition. He was very happy, talked to me for a while, and finally said, "Many people praised my hair. "

I bet this gentleman will walk in the wind when he goes out for lunch, and will tell his wife about it when he comes home at night. He will look in the mirror and say to himself, "What beautiful hair!" " "

I once mentioned this in my speech, and someone asked me afterwards, "What do you want from that person?"

What do I want from that man? What can I get from that man!

If we are so selfish, once we don't benefit from others, we won't express a little appreciation or sincere gratitude to others-if our souls are not much bigger than wild sour apples, how pitiful our hearts will become.

Yes, I hope to get something from that old gentleman. But it's priceless. I've got it. I got the pleasure of helping others, and this feeling will remain in my memory forever after things change.

There is an extremely important rule in people's behavior, which is to make others feel important at all times. If we follow this rule, we probably won't cause any trouble, and we can get many friendships and eternal happiness. However, if we break this rule, it will inevitably bring trouble. As the famous philosopher john dewey said, "The deepest driving force in human nature is the importance of hope." Also, william james, a famous psychologist at Harvard, said, "The most eager need in human nature is to be affirmed by others." I have also pointed out that it is this demand that makes human beings different from other animals; It is this demand that produces rich human culture.

For thousands of years, many philosophers have thought deeply about this problem. They only came to one conclusion. This rule is not new, it can be said to be as old as history. 2500 years ago, Sol Roya Hester taught this principle to his disciples in Persia. More than two thousand years ago, Confucius in China also earnestly persuaded his protege; Laozi, the ancestor of Taoism, said the same thing in Hanguguan. 500 years before the birth of Christ, the Buddha taught all beings by the sacred river bank. Even Hindu classics record this ... this is probably the most important rule in the world: "Treat others as you want them to treat you."

If you want to be recognized by your friends, you need others to know your value; You want to have a feeling that you are important to others in your own life world. You don't like cheap and insincere compliments, but you are eager for sincere compliments. You like friends. As Charlie Job said, "Praise others sincerely and generously." We all like this.

So, let's sincerely follow this eternal law-treat others as you want them to treat you.

So, when should we do it? Where to do it? How? The answer is: anytime, anywhere.

For example, if you order French fries in a restaurant and the waitress brings you potatoes, we say, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I prefer French fries." The waitress might reply, "No, it's no trouble at all." She will be happy to change potatoes. Because we have paid our respects to her.

Besides, we can also use many daily expressions to relieve the monotony and busyness of our daily life, such as "Sorry to bother you …", "Can you …", "Would you like to …" and "Thank you".

Let's look at another example.

When we started classes in California, Ronald Roland was our lecturer and also taught art classes. He once told the story of Chris, a student in a primary handicraft class.

Chris is a quiet, shy and confident boy who seldom attracts attention in class. One day, I saw him working hard at his desk, so I went to talk to him. There seems to be an invisible flame in his heart. When I asked him if he liked this course, the shy boy, only 14 years old, had a great change in his face. I could see that his mood fluctuated greatly and he tried to hold back his tears.

"You mean, I didn't behave well enough, Mr. Roland?"

"Oh, no! Chris, you did a good job. "

That day, when leaving the classroom after class, Chris looked at me with bright blue eyes and said firmly and forcefully, "Thank you, Mr. Roland!" " "

Chris taught me a lesson that I will never forget-our inner self-esteem. In order not to forget myself, I hung a sign in front of the classroom: "You are very important." In this way, not only can every student see it, but also remind me that every student I face is equally important.

This is a plain fact: almost everyone you meet thinks he is better than you in some places. Therefore, the best way to move their hearts is to subtly show that you really think they are important.

Donald McMartin is the manager of a gardening design and maintenance company in new york. He told me such a thing: once, I designed a garden for a famous connoisseur, and the owner came out and made some explanations, telling me where he wanted to plant a heather and azaleas.

I said, "sir, I know you have a hobby, that is, you have many beautiful and famous dogs." I heard that you win several blue ribbon awards in the exhibition of Madison Square Garden every year. "

The effect caused by this small compliment is not small.

The connoisseur replied, "Yes, I get a lot of fun from keeping dogs. Do you want to see them? "

He spent almost an hour showing me all kinds of dogs and prizes, and even explained to me how pedigree affects the appearance and wisdom of dogs.

Later, he turned to me and asked, "Do you have children?"

"yes." I replied, "I have a son."

"Oh, does he want a puppy?" He asked.

"Of course, he will be very happy."

"Well, I'll give him one." The connoisseur declared.

He told me how to raise a puppy, but he stopped halfway. "You probably won't write it down easily. I'll write you a note. " So, he came into the room and gave me a description of blood and reproduction. He not only gave me a puppy worth hundreds of dollars, but also squeezed 75 minutes out of his busy schedule for me. This is entirely because I sincerely praise his hobbies and achievements.

Disraeli, who once ruled the British Empire, said, "Talk to people about themselves and they will be willing to listen for hours."