Eight classic humorous English jokes

The following are the classic humorous English jokes I compiled. Welcome to read them!

Classic humorous English joke: newborn baby

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor have a seven-year-old boy named Pat. Now Mrs Taylor is pregnant with another child.

Pat has seen babies in other people's homes, and he doesn't like them very much, so he is unhappy with the news that there will be a baby in his own house.

One night, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor are making plans for the arrival of the baby. Mr. Taylor said, "After the baby is born, this house won't be enough for all of us."

Just then, Pat came into the room and said, "What are you talking about?" "We are saying that we must move to another house now, because the newborn is coming," his mother replied.

"It's no use," Pat said in despair. He will follow us there.

neonatus

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor have a seven-year-old boy named Pat. Now Mrs Taylor is pregnant with her second child.

Pat has seen babies in other people's homes. He doesn't like them very much, so he is dissatisfied with the news that there will be a baby in his home.

One night, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor were making plans for the birth of their baby. Mr. Taylor said: with the baby, our house is too small to live in.

Pat came into the room at this moment. He asked, what are you talking about? His mother replied, we said we must move now because the baby is coming.

Pat said in despair, it's no use. He will go there with us.

Classic humorous English jokes: What are two words?

A very kind old lady said a few words to her granddaughter. Dear, the old lady said, I hope you can do something for me. I hope you can promise me never to use two words. One is? Is it disgusting? And the other one? Does it swell? . Can you promise me?

"Of course, Grandma," said the girl. What are these two words?

What are these two words?

A very noble old lady has something to say to her granddaughter. Dear, the old lady said, I hope you can do me a favor. I want you to promise never to use two words. One is? Annoying? And the other one? Excellent? . Can you promise me?

Oh, of course, grandma. The girl said: What are these two words?

Classic humorous English joke: What's your name?

A very strict officer is talking to some new soldiers he must train. He had never seen them before, so he began to say: My name is Stone, and I am harder than Stone, so do as I say, or there will be trouble. Don't play games with me, so we will get along well.

Then he went up to each soldier one by one and asked his name. He said, speak loudly so that everyone can hear clearly, and don't forget to call me' sir'.

Every soldier told him his name until he came to the last one. The man kept silent, so Captain Si Tong shouted to him, "When I ask you a question, answer me! "I ask you again: What's your name, soldier?

The soldier was very unhappy, but in the end he replied. "My name is stonemason," sirhe said nervously.

What's your name?

A very strict officer is giving a lecture to a group of recruits who have been trained by him. He had never seen these recruits before, so he began to introduce himself: My name is Stone. In fact, I'm harder than a stone. That's why I want to tell you my name. Don't try to play any tricks on me, so that we can get along well.

Then he began to walk up to each soldier and ask their names. Speak louder so that everyone can hear you clearly. Besides, don't forget to call me sir. He said.

Every soldier told him his name. When he came to the last soldier, the soldier kept silent. So Captain Si Tong shouted to him, "When I ask you a question, answer me! "I ask again, what's your name, soldier?

The recruit was very unhappy, but in the end he answered. My name is stonemason, sir. He said nervously.

Classic humorous English jokes: no problem

A bald man sat down in a beauty salon. How can I help you? The stylist asked. "I had a hair transplant," the man explained, "but I can't stand the pain. "If you can make my hair look like yours, and it won't make me feel any discomfort, I will pay you $5,000.

The stylist said no problem, and then he quickly shaved his head.

no problem

A bald man is sitting in a barber shop. The stylist asked: What can I do for you? The man explained: I had a hair transplant, but it was too painful. If you can make my hair look like yours without any pain, I will pay you 5000 dollars.

The stylist said no problem, and then he quickly shaved his head.

Classic humorous English jokes:

The great painter was asked to draw a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. Shortly after the film started, there was a problem with the cost, and Huo Jiasi found that he had to complete the commission with about half of the expected amount. When the work is finished, customers are invited to visit. In fact, this painting is just a touch of brilliant red.

What is this? The buyer said loudly. In this famous festival, I ordered the Red Sea.

"That's it," Hogarth replied.

But where are the Israelis?

They're all over.

Where are the Egyptians?

They all drowned.

One day, the great painter was asked to draw a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. Soon after the painting began, there was a problem with the reward. Hodis found that after finishing this painting, he could only get about half of the money he wanted. After the work is finished, customers are invited to see the painting. In fact, this painting is just a touch of bright red painted at will.

What is this? The buyer shouted. What I want is the Red Sea, which is the famous great voyage.

"This is it," Hogarth replied.

But where are the Israelis?

They all succeeded.

Where are the Egyptians?

They all drowned.

Classic humorous English joke: When do people talk the least?

Teacher: Tom, what is the plural form of man?

Teacher: Tom? Men? What is the plural form of this word?

Tom: Men.

Tom: Men.

Teacher: Good. What is the plural form of child?

Teacher: Good answer. So what? Children? What about the plural form of?

Tom: Twins.

Tom: Twins.

My husband just came in.

The couple sitting in the restaurant seemed to have a good time. But when the lady looked away from the dining table, their waiter suddenly rushed over.

There is a couple sitting in a restaurant. They look happy. But when the woman glanced at the side, the waiter came running at once.

? Ma 'am, you see? He said. ? Your husband just slipped under the table. ?

? Did you see that, madam? He said,? Your husband slipped under the table. ?

? No, he didn't? She replied. ? My husband just walked in. ?

? No, he didn't. She replied? My husband just came in from outside. ?

There are two pairs of trousers

A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,? She said. When I ironed your suit, I burned a big hole in your trouser leg. ?

When the husband came home from work, he found his bride upset. ? I feel so uncomfortable. She said. ? I burned a big hole in the hip of your pants when I ironed your suit. ?

? Forget it, okay? Her husband comforted. ? Remember me? I have an extra pair of trousers to go with that suit. ?

? Nothing. The husband comforted her and said. ? You forgot that I have two pairs of pants in this suit. ?

? Yes? The woman said happily. "What about it? You are so lucky. I use them to fill holes. ?

? Yes? The wife said happily, fortunately, you still have one, and I used it to fill the hole later. ?