A joke told to his girlfriend.

1. One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

Seven years after graduation, I finally accepted a big project to build a 30-meter chimney, with a construction period of two months and a cost of 300 thousand, but it needed funds. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. ! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig wells!

3. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. One of them passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

5. The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours later. The snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry to scold: if I don't come back, I will die! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: you said I wouldn't go!

6. Someone raised a pig, annoyed him and abandoned it, but the pig knew the way home and abandoned it for nothing. One day, he drove a lot of cars and abandoned the pig. He called home late at night and asked, "Is the pig coming back?" Answer: "I have come back!" " It growled, "put it on the phone, I'm lost!"

7. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants that built their nest climbed on the elephant. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it".

8. One morning in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon was all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are dead, too." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up and said, "I'm not dead yet!" " "The teacher said strangely," the whole class is dead. Why don't you die? "

9. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

10. When I was a sophomore, all the girls in the dormitory liked Emil Wakin Chau's songs, and one tape was borrowed by everyone. One day, the girl in the upper bunk asked: Where is my Emil Wakin Chau? The girl in the lower bunk replied, It's in my bed! There was silence for two seconds, and then everyone fell on the bed.

1 1. Sleeping in class: A student sleeps in class and is found by the teacher. Teacher: "Why do you sleep in class?" A student: "I didn't sleep!" " "Teacher:" Then why do you close your eyes? "A student:" I'm closing my eyes! ""Teacher: "Then why do you nod?" A student: "What you just said is very reasonable!" " "Teacher:" Then why are you drooling? A student: "teacher, you speak with relish!" "

12. I am very happy to think that the children are all afraid of me, but my wife later said,' Only you are the most obedient and obedient at home! Go and buy me a bag of salt' (in the end, it only means that I am a good boy)

13. Once upon a time, there were two people, one named Zhuang and the other named Xiao, who disappeared one day. Zhuang happened to see a group of people fighting, so he went to pull and said, I'll find Xiao! The gang paused and said, are you faking it? Yes, I am!

14. The mother once again called her son to get up:' Jacques, good boy, it's time to get up. You have heard the cock crow several times.' What does cock crow have to do with me? "I'm not a hen"

15. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. People ask how they are together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

16. My husband took an orchid bowl and solemnly said to his wife, "You can't break the bowl again. This bowl was left by your mother. There are only two left at the moment, and you have to break the others. " The wife gave her husband a white look and said, "Then don't be angry with me in the future. I was dumped by my mother, too, leaving me alone. "

17. I have four children who are very naughty. One day, I came home from work and the children were quarrelling at home. When my wife saw me coming back, she said happily,' It's great that you finally came back'. I am very happy to think that all the children are afraid of me. I didn't expect my wife to say later:' Only you are the most obedient and obedient at home! Go buy me a bag of salt.

18. the so-called love at first sight is just a matter of seeing the color; The so-called long-term love is just weighing the pros and cons. The so-called buddies are the best, but they are just arrogant. The so-called sisters are the biggest waves, but they are only pretending. Have a good time.

19. Khrushchev visited the farm, and the reporter took a photo of him and the pig in the pigsty. The next day, I saw a postscript in the newspaper: the third from the left is Comrade Khrushchev.

20. Children are thinking about "heredity and environment". Mom interjected: This question is very simple. As we all know, children who look like their fathers are inherited. Like neighbors, that is the environment.

2 1. Before I met you, I never knew the feeling of missing and the sweetness of love. Please allow me to start from this Valentine's Day and let this feeling accompany me all my life!

22. You whisper that you love me, let me cling to your chest, and gentle words gently touch my heartstrings. The international community belongs to both of us, and our hearts are closely linked.

23. There is a true feeling that can be silently forgotten in the rivers and lakes. Friends of gentlemen, or strangers, can quietly love, quietly understand, quietly fill their hearts with wishes, wave their hands, let the spring grass continue and become a red array.

24. Days pass in different spaces, and I miss coming at different times. No matter how things change, you will always be my only love.

25. I met you by chance, which was organized by me; I love you unconsciously, not intentionally; I really love you; I am willing to treat you wholeheartedly; But having you for a lifetime is what I want most!

26. I am the one who has been pursuing you, and I am the one who has been thinking about you. When I first saw you, your charm conquered me. You are the most worthy pursuit in my life. Only you can save my life, you know? Renminbi.

27. I heard that you are looking for a job recently. I gave you a name. Go to the interview. The work is simple, the salary is good, and more importantly, it is a world-renowned enterprise with absolutely good development. The position is toilet cleaner. Remember to go!

28. Busy? Please answer some of my doubts: I always have insomnia and woke up once when I was a child; I don't want to work seven days a week; Laugh at the thought of harassing you. Hurry back, I only ate three meals today, and I'm hungry!

29, don't worry about eating, just bow your head; Don't worry about your job, I've taken care of it for you; You don't have to worry about marriage, but express your feelings with your eyes; Don't worry about buying a house, someone will repair it at home; Don't worry about talking, you will brag naturally, because you are a big stupid cow!