I want to tell my wife a joke every night. Ask for short and funny jokes. I'm here to thank you.

1, live on campus, the weather is sultry at night, and there is no electricity, so I put the mat in the corridor to sleep. As soon as I lay down, I was surrounded by mosquito formations ... I rummaged for a plate of mosquito-repellent incense to put under my feet, and then I slept peacefully ... Less than an hour later, I was awakened by a man's scream, and I was furious. I saw a figure shaking and saying, "You, your uncle!" " It's scary enough to lay a straw mat and light a candle in the corridor ... "2. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I am dead, God help me!" " "When the light came on, I saw a voice from the sky:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead." 3. This is the smell. Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel sick all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! " 4. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment?

X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there?" X's colleague replied, "He is no longer in the personnel." Friend: "Ah? When did he ... "Colleague:" Last week. " Friend: "I don't know anything about it … I didn't give him a lift …" Colleague: "Never mind, just go down and find him?"

Friend: Ah, you are really joking. ...

Colleague: I'm not kidding. When he left, he said that if anyone missed him, he was always welcome to visit below.

Friend: ... this is inconvenient ...

Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day. I'll ask him to come to you at night! ! 6. When I got up in the morning, I saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! ! 7. Anonymous quarreled with her husband and felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was asleep, I squatted on his head and farted to let him smell Japanese. I didn't expect that I pulled too hard and shit on his face. It's funny, but it's also disgusting. Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him in the past ... 9. Once upon a time, Americans went to Russia for sightseeing. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 10, Tomb-Sweeping Day has arrived. Last night, my family and I went downstairs to burn paper money to worship our ancestors, leaving my sister to look after the house. As soon as I came back, my sister said to me, "Brother, a few people talked to you on the Internet just now, and I helped you reply!" " "I looked at the message record curiously. It turned out that ... Oh, my God, my sister actually replied to me: I'm sorry, my brother is gone, and he can't come up to talk to you unless I help him burn paper ...