Humorous sentences that make fun of friends

1, bus congestion is a comprehensive sport including Sanda, yoga, judo and balance beam.

Don't challenge my password with your Trojan horse. classic quotations

The doctor told me to do photosynthesis and not to stay up late.

4, little girl, give uncle a smile, don't laugh, uncle will give you a smile.

You haven't been doing well recently, and you haven't contacted me much. You have to apologize to me and invite me to dinner, otherwise I will see you on the telephone number wall, with a marriage hotline written in front and a condition added at the back. It's up to you.

6, people can't extricate themselves, except teeth and love.

I really want to make money into my hobby.

8, the explanation is cover-up, cover-up is equal to not being excellent, not being excellent is better than going home to rest!

9. In Egypt, a man can have four wives, which is very tiring. China is better.

10, fish farming is very troublesome. I have to change the water once a week, which I often forget. Then I have to change the fish once a week.

1 1, I asked for leave and met my teacher. My eyes are getting smaller, my hair is getting less, and people are getting older.

12, endure or be cruel.

13, you don't know what dependence is until you lose your belt.

14, the so-called natural awakening is actually awakened by urine.

15. If you feel cold, please call me! Please talk about feelings, work and life, introduce me, invite me to dinner, and hang up when you borrow money from me.

16, outside the Qingshan Building outside the mountain, you and San Xiao are going to jump off the building, and I'll shout come on downstairs.

17, the tortoise and the snake only have one ticket to go to the movies. The tortoise wrapped the snake around his neck. When he entered the park, the ticket inspector said, stop the car. The tortoise and snake panicked, the ticket inspector sarcastically said, look at your tortoise, still wearing a tie!

18, I am trying to write a poem. Only two people in the world know it. Now I am laughing and a fool is reading it.

19. If you wake up in the heat at night, don't forget to cover your roommate with a quilt.

20. I don't like to talk when I eat chocolate, lest a mouth make people think I'm eating shit.

2 1, in late autumn, leaves dance with the wind; The cold wind makes people feel slightly sad. It really hurts me to see you shivering in the wind. I walked beside you and shyly took off my coat for you: take it to wash and do something to keep warm.

22. The master is away. Where have you been? Just, just don't tell you! If you really want to find it, please press and hold the computer power button for two seconds and then leave a message.

No matter how happy a bachelor is, he will get married sooner or later. Happiness is not permanent!

24. If God wants to destroy a person, he will go crazy, but I have been crazy for so long. Why didn't God destroy me?

25. Love you forever; Pet you and never get tired of it; I love you every minute; Protect you, ups and downs; I can't eat a day without you, because I can't eat without you!

26. A true warrior dares to face his face without makeup.

27. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you get to know me later, you will definitely hit me.

28, don't look at me thin, I am full of muscles; Although I am black, my face is glowing.

29. I am a mute, and I usually speak in disguise.

30. Pigs have pig thoughts, and people have thoughts. If a pig has a mind, it is not a pig, but a pig.

3 1, if you are sad, just squat down and hug yourself.

32. I have been determined to be a wise man since I was a child, but I have only succeeded in half, and I am still in the second half.

33. What do you like about me? Can't I change it?

34. The plot is beautiful after all.

I can only describe your beauty as a vegetable. Face is melon seeds. The waist is willow leaves. Eyebrows are willow leaves. Eyes are longan. The mouth is cherry. Hands are lotus roots.

36. Low-key doesn't mean no accent.

37. When I passed you, I felt my heart beat faster, as if something on my body had been hooked by you. I didn't react until you were about to leave, so I shouted: thief, don't run!

38. Although he came to An, he was gentle and neat, and he could not see the elegance of Qin figurines at all.

39. The country is beautiful, the country is beautiful, the fish sinks, the geese fall, the flowers are harvested, the flowers are beautiful, and the color and art are all good. Don't be ashamed to admit it, I know that my image in your mind must be like this!

40. Throw away what you can't keep as far as possible. You might bump into something and bounce back.

4 1, you have to eat a little properly to lose weight.

42. What makes us unhappy are trivial things. We can avoid an elephant, but we can't avoid a fly.

43, the wife is valuable, and the child is more expensive; If you are lovers, you can throw them both.

44. I am proud of my flat chest. I save cloth for the country.

45. Your teeth are like the stars in the sky, brightly colored and far apart.

46. The weather is as hot as a joke and the days are like nonsense.

47. When time and patience are luxuries, we can only get to know each other through horoscopes.

48. I'm happy and carefree. I'm really infatuated with you. I'm worried about you. I've always been very sad and obsessed. I dare not change my mind. Don't be suspicious. I'm worried about writing it, and I'm afraid you're careless.

49. When I met God that day, he said that he would grant me a wish. I said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to handle. I took out your photo, hoping that he would make you more beautiful. God took your picture and said, take the globe and I'll look at it again.

50. Living wastes air, dying wastes land and dying wastes RMB.

5 1, I am too imperfect to bear your perfect love.

52. Some people are good-looking, some are ugly, and some are in between. It's ugly.

53. The most successful thing in a woman's life is to choose the right man.

9 1. If the quilt is the grave of youth, I would rather die in it.

92. You are too short! Let me borrow your telescope to see more clearly. Am I not handsome?

93. Don't always watch AV, and don't look at what is behind the letters A and V on the keyboard.

94. Try not to make any noise if you can. Try not to leave anyone alive!

95. Don't ask me questions. Baidu knows more than I do. Ask him if you have any questions.

96. I want the whole world to know that I keep a low profile.

97. Parents fool their children to call education, children fool their parents to call deception, and fool each other to call the generation gap.

98. Wear cheap goods and Wenzhou shoes, and the total amount of the whole body does not exceed 200 yuan. Only the bag in hand can be regarded as a high-grade leather bag, because its English name is Gaojipibao.

99. Really forced, dare to face your face without thickness.

100, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

10 1. When the fat mother applied for the membership card, she said, I am now 29 years old and a few months old. The staff looked at it and said doubtfully, how many months has it been? Fat mother struggled for a long time and said that it has been 66 months.

102, on the lonely road, only shadows accompany me.

103, since you stopped chatting with me, my internet speed has been much faster.

104, Meimei Meimei I love you, like a mouse loves rice, you are my bread when I am hungry, you are my fruit knife when I commit suicide, you are my heart, you are my liver, and you are three quarters of my life!

105, I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.

106, the wolf must be very rich, and the property price is so high. His home is very big.

107, your phone bill balance is insufficient, please recharge it according to the prompt: burn a hundred-dollar bill to ashes, open the back cover of the mobile phone, pour in the ashes and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation!

108, I am online, you are offline, I am invisible, you are online, I am alive, why don't you die?

1 10, with a grain of salt, it is the sea that loses his temper.

1 1 1, baby, I love you just like a mouse loves rice. You are a phoenix flying in the sky. I am a jackal chasing on the ground. I won't hit you or scold you. I torture you with my feelings.

1 12, a plum in the mountains, who do you love? I want to get along with you, and no one can stop me. I turn yellow as soon as I go to bed. I'm crazy. I will do it when it is yellow. I'm so cool.

1 13, you have the right to remain silent, but we will silence you soon.

1 14, don't look back, I only love your back.

1 15, the autumn wind whirled in the sky on September 9, and you shook your head and looked up at the sky in the cool of September 9. It's raining hard. I stood behind you and snickered. What are you still looking at? Give me your blessing quickly. Idiot!

1 16, if it does not harm people, it will contribute to society.

1 17, I am kind, but the reality has always been forced into prostitution.

1 18, the flowers on the other side are beautiful, just because they bloom on the other side.

1 19. When I became a swan, you were still an egg.

120, if my life is a movie, you are a pop-up advertisement.

12 1. When I was a child, I liked hide and seek. When all my friends are hiding. I will go home.

122, if you want to be loved by others, you must first make yourself worthy of love, not for a day or a week, but forever.

54. I have been suffering from insomnia recently. I wake up every 16 hours.

55, commitment, who can bear such a heavy, hypocritical.

56. All relationships that do not aim at marriage are obscene hooligans, and all relationships that aim at marriage are upper-class hooligans.

57. Legend has it that you are cruel. You are lying opposite the theater, occupying four seats. When someone calls you up, you just mumble and don't move. The security guard came over and said that friends are cruel enough. Which way? You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

58. The boy I once loved had the most handsome back in the world.

59. Many people in school dress so dangerously. Fortunately, they are safe!

60, memories in the traces of years, precipitated a good-looking look. Be careful not to spray humorous sentences that tease friends.

6 1, one day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said: I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally, one day you can't help but announce loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

62. The students are going to Japan, and everyone is seeing them off. A buddy said: See you later, I guess I can only download it!

63. The second row of letters on the keyboard means: I cried after falling in love with each other, and vice versa: it is love to attack and defend.

64. Lie down where you fell.

65. Geographical representative: Don't say that I am your classmate after graduation! I can't lose this man. And! The area of China is square kilometers, not square meters!

66. If you eat it, you will never spit it out again, so think about love before you eat it.

67. Life is only three days, and people who live in yesterday are confused; Those who live in tomorrow wait; People who live in the present are the most practical.

68. How many words do you know about eating shit? Do you find yourself eating shit?

I envy you knowing me at such a young age.

70. Don't argue with people who have no quality, because it's like wrestling with pigs. It is not honorable to win, but even more shameful to lose.

7 1, clear water means no fish; Being cheap is invincible!

72, according to statistics, more than 99. 9% people who look like pig heads use thumb buttons to read text messages! Hey, hey, don't change hands, it's too late, pig!

Humorous sentences that tease life

1. Facing the sun, there will be no shadow.

Don't be too kind to me, lest I commit myself.

Don't drill into sadness when you are unhappy, think of days when you have laughter.

If you don't want to answer my phone, just say so. Don't always let others move around to help you say you're sorry.

Smart women deal with men, stupid women deal with women.

6. Growing up, the only constant is the heart that doesn't like reading.

7. Parents fool their children to call education; Children fool their parents and say that their parents are derailed; Fooling each other is called the generation gap.

8. Wages are like a period, once a month and gone in a week or so.

9. Many people can't lose weight because they don't have a heart that really wants to lose weight.

10. The weather is fine today. I stayed indoors for a long time and am going to play in the living room.

1 1. Experience is extracted from pain.

12. Optimists see opportunities in disasters, while pessimists see disasters in opportunities.

13. The hope of tomorrow makes us forget the pain of today.

14. Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.

15. You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig!

16. Women like men who are not good-looking, and don't like men who are not good-looking.

17. Money is not the problem, but no money.

18. Since ancient times, no one has died, and whoever dies early will die late.

19. The biggest mistake in life is constantly worrying about making mistakes.

20. If you want to have a perfect friendship, you may never find a friend.

2 1. The journey of exploration is not to discover new land, but to cultivate new perspectives.

22. Play hard: You can only play if you have a life. If your life is gone, what can you play?

I can't find my tie again. Didn't you find a rag yesterday? 、

My future is not a dream, but a nightmare!

25. Our love died on this day just to give each other a chance to be reborn.

26. We always like those who worship us, but we don't necessarily like those we worship.

27. I'm not a prince, why do girls always think they should be a princess when they see me!

28. Before correcting others, reflect on whether you have made any mistakes.

29. Remember, every day is the best day of the year.

30. Did the leaves leave because of the pursuit of the wind or the failure to retain the trees?

3 1. If you are afraid of failure, you will never succeed.

32. Face the past with the least regret. Face the present with the least waste. Face the future with the most dreams.

Courage does not mean that fear does not exist, but that you dare to face and overcome it.

34. I wanted to eat my sadness in one bite, but I became fat in one bite.

35. When I grow up, I want to cut my hair short. Long hair and short knowledge show that I have culture.

There should always be a better way to start a day than getting up every morning.

37. There are always a few people. As soon as the kind teacher asks them to get up and answer questions, the whole class laughs.

Classic sentences of humor and ridicule

Classic sentences of humor and ridicule

1. You see, there are always so many things that make you sad in the world: lack of rain or shine, joys and sorrows, impotence and premature ejaculation.

No one has died since ancient times, and you don't need paper to shit!

Those who sow with tears will surely reap with a smile.

4. Go with the flow if you can't be strong, and be stable if you can't be strong.

Most people only do three things in their lives: deceive themselves, deceive others and be bullied!

6. If you take care of the seeds in your hand, it is the most thorough abandonment of the seeds ―― the same is true for children.

7. If you look like a steamed stuffed bun, don't blame the dog for following.

8. My life is always different from their calculations. I don't know whether they are wrong or I am wrong.

9. Give yourself an English name, called Pressure Mountain.

10. I like black! Black is more attractive, and the most important thing is that it has super hiding ability and is not afraid of dirt!

1 1. Only women and English are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find.

12. Mom said that the food is very expensive recently and the money is very cheap.

13. Learn more, be less proud, take advantage of opportunities and get rid of laziness.

14. Speaking of neutral wind: When a man and a woman walk side by side, can Ann tell whether I am a man or a woman?

15. Compared with conquering ourselves, all the victories are insignificant.

16. Snails can't walk fast because of the heavy load.

17. Married people do not necessarily fall in love after marriage; Those who are married in free love are not necessarily free after marriage.

18. "Queqiao" is an illegal animal protection law and an illegal temporary building, but people have existed for thousands of years. This is the most illegal building!

19. When your opponent praises you, you should consider what you did wrong.

20. If you don't like me, I will sing with you.

2 1. Stop dreaming and study hard!

22. The beauty of life stems from your love for life; The innocence of friendship comes from your sincere treatment of friends.

23. The premise of a person's luck is actually that he has the ability to change himself.

24. When the sauce of instant noodles changes from liquid to solid, otaku will know that summer is gone. ...

25. God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still made me heartache and tired.

26. Wonderful message for men to work overtime on weekends: Woman, you slowly clean up the house at home, and I will go out to sweep the world for you.

27. Failure is not terrible, the key is to see if this failure is a successful mother.

28. You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention, but God has a temper. You should live bravely to set off the beauty of the world.

29. Cherish every encounter, remember every happiness, care about every separation, enjoy every romance, bless every love, and wish the world a lover.

30. You acupuncture in one second, and I will solve it all my life.

3 1. I will dream when I take a nap at this moment; Study now, and you will realize your dream.

People often lament the lack of beauty in life, because they lack a pair of eyes to find beauty.

33. People are iron and fans are steel.

Leave it to me, you don't have to worry. There is nothing wrong.

35. The core of grassroots dinner is rice, the core of elite dinner is bureau, and the core of celebrity dinner is celebrity.

36. It is a mirror, always reflecting light ... It is gold, and it will always be used up!

37. Only those who have experienced severe cold know the warmth of the sun; Only those who have experienced the hardships of life can understand the value of life.

38. Handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!

39. I haven't seen the World Cup. I don't know. wolves have more meat than meat. I don't know Zidane, I don't know that I have a bad temper; I have never seen Yao Ming, and I don't know that he is too young; I don't know O 'Neill, and I don't know that I am a bird.

40. What is good luck? That is, I spent two dollars on the lottery and won five million. On the way to receive the prize, I bowed my head and picked up two more dollars.

4 1. lovelorn, you can look for it in spring; If you lose your will, you must sharpen it in winter.

42. What a person shows off shows what he lacks in his heart.

When you feel that the whole world has abandoned you, please believe that she just turned her back and brewed a better hug.

44. Not every effort will be rewarded, but every effort must be paid.

45. Excuse me! I'm already dead! But thank you for coming to see me! See you at eight tonight!

46. If you hate me, I don't mind at all. I don't live to please you.

47. The more proud people are, the more they hide, and the more miserable people are, the more they make a mountain out of a molehill.

48. The ideal of life is the ideal life.

49. Don't be a character when you are happy; Don't answer other people's books angrily.

50. If there is no health insurance and life insurance, don't try to be brave after dark.

Humorous sentences that tease people

1. Sister is sister and has never been surpassed.

2. Grandma Tianshan is beautiful in appearance, but there are 365 cracks in her heart. Every crack is written with the words of spring, summer, autumn and winter, and the vicissitudes are like demons.

3. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside.

The rich have a good ending, and everything will be fine.

If pigs can fly, who will buy a plane? Ride a pig to heaven.

6. Life is nothing more than making others smile and occasionally smiling at others.

7. Teacher, just follow the old lady! It's been a long time, teacher, please spare the old woman!

8. Part I: Heroes of the world bow down here. Bottom line: All virtuous women in the world come to take off your coat and skirt. Horizontal approval: heaven and earth are upright.

9. You bitch like to take advantage too much. If you took someone else's real hand short, you would have been paraplegic!

10. Girls in the world always think they are proud princesses (except for a few extremely ugly and smart girls). ——

1 1. When I get angry, winter comes; When you get angry in winter, you become a long-sleeved man.

12. I really love you, which is also a big adventure.

13. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years!

14. Fire can test gold, gold can test women, and women can test men.

15. Why is your voice so low? You shouldn't be here. You should go to a school for the deaf.

16. Review = fail, not review = fail, so review+not review = fail+fail, improve the common factor, (1+ not) review = (not+1) fail, approximate score, so review = fail. Shit, the truth is born.

17. You can never be an excellent college student, but you rely on excellent quality!

18. Look at a beautiful MM, but there is no way to strike up a conversation. Pick up a brick by the roadside and step forward. Classmate, did you drop this?

19. It's brave to face his face without makeup.

20. If handsome can be a meal, then my handsome can feed 654.38+03 billion people.

2 1. Some people say that long-distance love is hard, some people say that homosexuality is hard, some people say that sibling love is hard, some people say that teacher-student love is hard, some people say that long-distance love is hard, and I say that no one is fucking hard!

22. So you are the legendary 290? ! What is 290? 290 equals 250+38+2.

23. Being rich does not mean outstanding academic qualifications, quality image, connotation, poverty, inferiority, age and self-confidence.

24. You told me to get out, and I got out. You asked me to come back. I'm sorry. I'm leaving.

25. Your teeth are like stars in the sky, brightly colored and far apart.

26. One day, it was raining heavily outside. The teacher came into the classroom with a full face of rain. He doesn't know what he is looking for on the table. After looking for it for a while, he asked his classmates in the front row, where is my facial tissue?

When you feel sad and miserable, you'd better learn something. Learning will make you invincible forever.

28. I can't play chess, I can't write calligraphy, I can't draw, and I am tired of washing and cooking.

29. Do a good job, teach students well, make a good website, be a good writer and live a good life.

30. Take off your pants and dry the sky. I am the world!

3 1. That man looks, right? The pixels are relatively low!

32. Take your hand and drag your son away! If you don't go, you will continue to drag on!

33. Love makes people numb, but marriage makes people numb.

34. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship!

35. Other people's money and wealth are my property.

36. Shanglian: Don't cheat in the exam, and be a schoolmate in the coming year; Bottom line: I would rather have no personality than fail; Horizontal batch: I just want to go!

37. Mortgage is to push you to the ground and peel your skin layer by layer.

38. I can't help smoking at the thought of the motherland's disunity.

39. One kind of anxiety is that the computer is stuck and QQ keeps ringing.

40. I want to let the whole world know that I am very low-key!

4 1. You forgot to zip up after urinating, you are middle-aged; You forgot to zip up after you got on the small ship. You are an old man.

The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, but when I stand in front of you, you don't know that I love you.

43. Red beans don't grow in the south, but on my face. I really miss them!

44. What is a bad guy? Men who take off their pants during the day and women who don't take off their makeup at night.

45. Modern marriage is the product of emotion and the crystallization of competition.

46. Love, like gambling, gambles on organs for people with pink eye.

47. I knew you were a monster as soon as I opened my eyes.

48. There may be several women who don't eat, and none who are not jealous.

49. When I was a child, I lacked calcium, but when I grew up, I lacked love.

50. If you really love someone, you will be willing to change for him. If a person goes his own way in front of you and ignores the behavior you don't like, then he doesn't love you. So if you don't care enough about him or he doesn't care enough about you, then you don't love him or he doesn't love you. Don't think you are careless or believe that he is a careless person. Cowards will become brave when they meet people they really love, and similarly, careless people will become cautious.

5 1. When I was young, smiling was a kind of mood; When you grow up, a smile is an expression.

52. Libra has been weighing all his life; Scorpio is suspicious all his life; Shooter, playing all his life; Capricorn, struggle for a lifetime; Aquarius, dreaming all his life; Pisces, you don't know what you are doing all your life.

53. Don't engage in porcelain without Jin Gangzuan, and don't wear short skirts without golden hoops.

54. Only women and English are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find.

55. I was pulled out before I had time to have sex.

56. The stone instructor ordered everyone to count off in turn, and at the same time ordered the old man to make a concluding speech: two people were missing! Always say in a super normal but hilarious voice: two people are missing! Everyone laughed with the stone.

57. I won't bend over when money falls from the sky, because even pies don't fall from the sky, let alone money.

58. It is very important to remind everyone to learn how to repair notebooks! Once upon a time, there was a man who couldn't repair a notebook. Everyone knows what happened afterwards. If you have a pair of wings, you should be braised.

59. Dreaming about dream of eating spaghetti, I woke up in the morning and found my shoelaces gone.

60. A friend works as a temporary worker in a government agency, and the agency asked her to write anti-corruption materials. She thought of her rich and powerful colleagues and wrote: anti-corruption, they are corrupt, and I am honest.