A joke that amuses girls.

Jokes to make girls happy (5 selected jokes)

Girls are emotional and easily influenced by emotions, so if we can cheer her up with humorous chatting skills in the chat, it will be very helpful for the improvement of goodwill. The following are jokes to make girls happy, I hope you like them.

jokes that make girls happy 1

1. "I went to see a doctor yesterday."

"oh! What did the doctor say? "

"The doctor said, have you seen enough? !”

2. The young man asked the Zen master, "I work very hard, but I haven't achieved anything in my career. What should I do?"

The Zen master said, "It's very hot at 9 degrees, but can it make the water boil at such a water temperature?"

The young man hesitated a moment and said, "I grew up in Lhasa."

3. Xiaohong said to Xiaoming, "You got me pregnant, so you should be responsible!"

Xiaoming exclaimed, "Kissing has nothing to do with giving birth?"

Xiaohong: "Of course! If you don't believe me, go back and ask mom and dad if they are their own! "

4. My girlfriend's aesthetic taste in buying clothes is very poor. The clothes that she thinks are good-looking are actually quite ugly.

because of this, I broke my heart and my mouth, and finally I wanted to open it. If she had high taste, she wouldn't have a crush on me.

5. A friend planted some garlic seedlings in the dormitory, saying that it would add some greenery to the dormitory. He worked hard to raise them for two weeks.

yesterday, when I was cooking noodles, I felt a bad taste, so I pinched two of them and put them in the bowl.

As a result, when he came back, he cried with the remaining garlic seedlings in his arms and insisted that I pay for it.

as for it? I had no choice but to give him the cabbage I had raised for two months. Jokes that amuse girls 2

1. Chu and Han contended, and Xiang Yu was besieged. In the camp, he thought about drinking and lamenting: "If you pull out the mountains and make the world angry, you will not die when it is unfavorable. What can you do if you don't die?"

The lyrics are desolate and sad, and the concubine in attendance, seeing her beloved overlord's lamentation of being deeply immersed in love with children and being short of heroic breath, drew her sword and danced with a soft song: "The concubine who was seventeen years old recalled the little things of her childhood ..."

2. Er Kang dared not sleep alone every time. Once Ziwei went back, only to find that she didn't hear the news that Erkang couldn't sleep.

puzzled, she asked Erkang, "How can you fall asleep this time?"

Er Kang sang shyly, "I'm not afraid to sleep alone. Yongqi is a quilt, so I'm not afraid."

3. One day, Nezha met the Monkey King and defiantly said to him, "Demon, dare you?"

the Monkey King was stunned: "Love me like you said?"

4. Dayu managed water for three times and didn't enter the house, so his wife sang at home every day and missed him "Dayu missed in those years, love missed in those years!"

5. Huang Rong was poisoned, and his body itched terribly. Although Hong Qigong couldn't detoxify, he still used his internal force to relieve itching and delay the attack, so that Guo Jing had enough time to ask for help.

Seeing that Huang Rong was in a stable situation, Qi Gong took Guo Jing aside and whispered to him, "Although I only suppressed itching, but ..."

Guo Jing hesitated to take over and sang, "Green ... green grass is more fragrant because of you?" Jokes that amuse girls 3

1. I sing lonely sandbar so cold that I can't go out of tune, and the first two sentences will be miserable as soon as I get to the back. Originally, I sang a "grandfather" one night after another. My grandfather in heaven must be very warm to hear it.

2. At noon, I chatted with a big brother in the hospital. I was told that he was mentally retarded at night, and now I doubt my IQ.

3. Just dialed 186, the customer service lady asked me what I needed, and I said to her, "Nothing, just to celebrate the New Year for you." I heard the customer service girl almost cry, and then gave me her phone number.

4. O said to Q: Look, brother, we've only been in the bureau for a few years, and our waists are thick and our bellies are round. Only you and I know what we've done, but don't let anyone pull your pigtails, or we'll both be finished. On the surface, I'm naked and have nothing, and I thought it was a zero.

5. Mother Tofu came to the kindergarten to pick up her children. The teacher asked, Mrs. Tofu, do you like hot pot? Mother Tofu: I like it very much! Teacher: That's great! ..... When playing hide-and-seek in the afternoon, your child hid in the refrigerator.

6. A cockroach passed by you that day. You greeted it and said, "Xiaoqiang, where are you going?" Xiaoqiang was dumbfounded, looked at you in surprise, and then said to you, "Pig, how do you know my screen name?" You also wonder why even Xiaoqiang knows that you are a pig. I was watching, and I felt guilty. I told him. Is it humiliating to let others know that you are a pig? Why can't Xiaoqiang know?

7. Feng Gong: "Audience friends, I miss you so much. Did you add me to Weibo?" Jiang Kun: "The times have developed greatly and science and technology have made great progress. Hey, I also used a new gadget recently, called Weibo." Huang Hong: "The Internet is very popular, and everyone is wearing a scarf. If you find a college lover, don't tell your wife." Guo Donglin: "Wife, I really didn't add her Weibo first!

8. Q said to Q: Stand up straight and don't get down. Q said to q: it's too rigid and easy to fold, and it's hard to be confused.

9. My good friend recently wanted to rob because he was short of money, but he didn't have stockings at home and couldn't afford equipment, so I took out my mask and put it on him thoughtfully!

1. A cat caught a mouse and was about to bite. The mouse begged, Brother, if you let me go, I will tell you a big secret. The cat asked: What secret? The mouse said: I found that your wife has an abnormal relationship with a cat. If you let me go, I will tell you who he is. The cat bit the mouse angrily and said, how dare you lie to me? I've been divorced for a year. Jokes that amuse girls 4

1. One day in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon is all dead." At this time, many students said, "We also died." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up: "I'm not dead yet!" " The teacher said strangely, "The whole class is dead. Why don't you die?"

2. Before eating peanuts, a monkey should put it in his ass before taking it out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core couldn't be pulled out. The monkey was scared. Now it must be measured before eating.

3. Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid child?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy ..."

4. Tell a story: "Once upon a time there was a eunuch ..."

Someone couldn't help asking, "What's next?"

continue the story: "below? It's gone ... "

5. A man just learned a foreign language, and he accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot on the street that day. The man quickly said," I'm sorry, "and the foreigner also politely said," I'm sorry too, "and the man quickly said," I'm sorry three, " The man said helplessly, "I'm sorry five,"

6. A letter from the Tang Priest to the Monkey King

Dear Wukong:

I wrote this letter very slowly, because I know you can't read quickly!

We have rained twice this week, the first time for 4 days and the second time for 3 days!

Did you have a good time in Huaguoshan? I have a bad life in heaven. Because there is no gravity, my stool, urine, tears and nose can't fall off. Do you think it's bitter?

The beef noodles here are delicious. Let's go to the restaurant in West Street to eat hot pot when you come another day!

Your Guanyin elder sister is going to have a baby, so I don't know whether you want to be an uncle or an aunt for the time being because I don't know whether it will be a boy or a girl!

have you received the clothes I sent you? I was afraid of being overweight when I was going to post it, so I cut off the button and put it in my pocket!

It's late. Come to my place to play when you are free. Remember not to drink more water, otherwise it will be very uncomfortable if you can't pee here!

P.S wanted to send you money, but the envelope was stuck!

7. Xiaoming's uncle is very strict with him. Xiaoming is a little afraid of his uncle. On the contrary, his aunt and cousin MengMeng spoil him very much. One day, his uncle teased him: "Xiaoming, will you treat me to a big meal when you are rich?"

"no!"

"Then who are you inviting?"

"Aunt and MengMeng, please!"

My uncle couldn't help singing.

　。

8. When someone went to Shanghai on business and lost a dollar in the street, the policeman said, "We will definitely help you find it." One month later, the man went again, and he lost his money. The street was dug up for road construction, and he couldn't help sighing, "What is in Shanghai is real."

9. One day, an ant was sunbathing, and suddenly he saw an elephant coming slowly, so he got up and straightened his front legs, and the rabbit next to him asked if you were there. The ant said, "Shh ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him."

1. The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces to play badminton. Mother earthworm thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid? You'll die if you cut it so badly! " Father earthworm said weakly, "... I suddenly want to play football to make girls happy. 5

1. One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word" stupid "was the male and which was the female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. The cow scolded: What an ass, a man left and a woman right!

2. Seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project to build a 3-meter chimney. The construction period was two months, and the cost was 3, yuan, but it needed to be funded. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. Shit! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig a well!

3. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What happened? Drunk: I don't know, I just arrived.

4. The doctor asked the patient how he broke the bone. The patient said, I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with the telephone pole. Some fucking asshole passed by, thinking I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two sticks!

5. On a certain day, turtle's father, turtle's mother and turtle's son decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pie and two cans of underwater chicken and set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor and unloaded their equipment to prepare for dinner. As a result, I found that I didn't bring a can opener!

turtle son: "... then I'll go back and get it.

turtle dad: "good son! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back and have dinner together. Go back quickly! "

turtle son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! "

So the turtle son set foot on his way home ...

Time flies, and the years fly by. Twenty years have passed in a blink of an eye, but the turtle son has not yet appeared.

turtle mother: "wife ... shall we have dinner first? I'm so hungry that I say ... "

turtle dad:" No! We promised our son! Well ... wait for him for another five years, or leave him alone! "

it's been five years in a blink of an eye, and turtle son still hasn't been seen. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start.

I took out the pie and was about to eat it ...

Suddenly, Son Tortoise poked his head out from behind the tree ...

Son Tortoise: "Shit! I knew you'd steal! Trick me into getting the can opener? I've been waiting for twenty-five years, and I finally got it! I hate being lied to!

6. Xiao Ming is a junior, but he still doesn't have a girlfriend.

egged on by his buddies in the dormitory, he decided to go after a girl he had long admired.

One day, he saw the girl walking alone in the playground, so he followed her. Xiao Ming was very anxious because he didn't know how to speak.

Seeing that the girl was getting farther and farther away, he had to pick up something from the ground, bite the bullet and catch up and say, "Beauty, did you drop this paper?"

7. A boyfriend and a girlfriend are sitting on a park bench in love, and the girl suddenly wants to fart.

Say to the man: I am a cereal bird. Does it sound like it to you?

men really want to listen.

So, under the cover of the birdsong of "cuckoo cuckoo", the woman let out a loud fart.

female: does it sound like a cuckoo?

man: the fart is too loud, I didn't hear you clearly!

8. The tortoise is injured. Let snails buy medicine. After two hours. The snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise scolded in a hurry: if I don't come back, I'll die! At this time, there was a snail's voice outside the door: Besides, I'm not going!

9. If someone keeps a pig, he will get bored and abandon it. However, if the pig knows the way back, it will be useless to abandon it. One day, he drove a lot and abandoned the pig. He called his family late at night and asked, "Is the pig returned?" Answer: "I have returned!" Its roar: "Let it answer the phone, I'm lost! "

1. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants they nest climbed onto the elephant. The elephant shook its body and the ants all fell down. At this time, there was another one around the elephant's neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it". Jokes to amuse girls 6

1. The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution.

Student A: Make the lunch box blue

2. On the plane, an air hostess asked a little girl, "Why doesn't the plane hit the stars when it flies so high?"

The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will' flash'!"

3. A polar bear and a penguin were playing together. The penguin pulled off the hairs one by one. After pulling, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold! "When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said," It's really cold! "

4. American: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?

China people: No!

American: Then why is the Chinese word "cup" beside the wooden word?

China people: Isn't there a "no" next to the word "cup"? That is to say, it is not made of wood.

5. One day, when the national war was in full swing, the guild leader came to the front of the prairie to inspire morale ...

The guild leader asked: What was the situation?

the archer of the league member reported: report to the leader! There is an archer of Bezos by the tent 2 meters ahead, but his accuracy is very poor. He has shot many times these days, but he didn't hit anyone.

After listening to this, the colonel asked: Since the archers of the enemy were found, why?