Who has the complete script of Zhao Benshan's "Fortune Telling" sketch? Urgent request! ! ! Email bbaal21@ 163.com

Characters: Zhao Benshan as Zhao Laogen (50 years old, a fortune teller) Song Xiaobao as Xiaobao (the fortune teller’s shill, an exaggerated and neurotic young man) Liu Xiaoguang as

Zhao Si (a stingy, stingy blind date) played by Zhao Haiyan

Haiyan (a kind-hearted single mother who adopted several orphans) Scene: Park. There is a bench in the middle of the stage and two stone piers on the right. Opening: Zhao Benshan came on the stage (wearing antique sunglasses and holding a flag with the words: "Everything is like a god"), followed closely by Song Xiaobao. Zhao Benshan (turning up the lens and facing the audience): The competition in today’s society is too fierce! The old lady sells tea eggs and now opens an online store! The little old man sells rat poison, and he starts activities and puts up small advertisements! Even the legal couple has a third competitor who is causing mischief! If I, the fortune teller, don't take any action, I will have no choice but to lose my job and go home to perform a duet! (Pause, to Song Xiaobao): Child! Do you remember everything I told you? Do you know what to do later? Song Xiaobao (laughing silly): Master! Remember it! Isn’t it just a daycare job? Don't worry! When there is someone later, I will definitely blow you away! Like a fairy descending to earth. Zhao Benshan (glaring at Song Xiaobao angrily): I'm sorry! I am a fairy man, and a sunny fairy man! Song Xiaobao (twisting): Wrong! It's a god descending to earth! I forgot you were a man! Zhao Benshan (sternly): How many times have I told you! This is not called shilling. From an economic point of view, this is called "disguised promotion."

Why are you so uneducated? Song Xiaobao (laughing apologetically): Oops! uncle! You are so cultured! Zhao Benshan (satisfied): That’s right! ,,,,,,child! It seems that your eyes are extremely sharp! I'm wearing such thick clothes, but you still tell me that I'm educated! ,,,,child! I’ll tell you the truth! I have studied for ten years just what I learned in the first grade! Other classmates have graduated from junior high school, but I am still studying diligently in the first grade! You said that they only study for one year in each grade, can they have as solid knowledge as I did after studying for ten years? Can I live without culture? Song Xiaobao: Oops! uncle! You are too cruel! Are you in ten first grades? I'm only on six! You are too willing to put in the effort! Zhao Benshan: There are only two courses that I put the most effort into! Song Xiaobao: Which two courses? Zhao Benshan: Physical education class and lunch break class! ,,,When I was a child, I studied day and night! Winning first place every year! At that time, the teacher also liked me very much and refused to let me upgrade. He often praises me! Call me hard! He said that as soon as I close my glasses, I have lunch break! As soon as I open my glasses, it's physical education class.

Song Xiaobao: Uncle! I know why you went to ten first grade! If you are promoted to second grade, you won’t be taking the physical education and lunch break exams either! Zhao Benshan: Are you stupid? How much extra does it cost to go to second grade? I'm not as stupid as them! What a bargain it is to go to first grade! save money! Song Xiaobao (stunned): Wouldn’t it be cheaper for you to go home directly? (panicked) Oops! Someone is coming! uncle! Someone is coming! Zhao Benshan: Remember! Don’t reveal your secret later! (Take out 20 yuan) Here! There will be a commission after everything is done! Song Xiaobao: Thank you, uncle! Uncle, you are so meaningful! You are so stylish! Zhao Benshan: Go quickly! Song Xiaobao (exiting): Hey! Zhao Benshan (hurriedly planted the flag on the ground and sat on the stone pier): The only thing you need to travel in the world is your brain. The first-grade knowledge is enough! With just a pinch of your fingers, you can have food, drink and money! Keep up the good work, (put down the lenses) I am very optimistic about this industry! Liu Xiaoguang and Zhao Haiyan entered the room shyly, sitting on opposite ends of the bench respectively. Zhao Haiyan (shy): Fourth brother! I'm tired of walking! A little thirsty! Liu Xiaoguang (with his face turned away, nervous, rubbing his hands): I’m not thirsty! Zhao Haiyan: But I’m thirsty! Go buy me an ice cream? Liu Xiaoguang: Fifty cents? Or one piece? Zhao Haiyan: Anything is fine! I'll eat whatever you buy! Liu Xiaoguang (suddenly enlightened, turned his face): Didn’t I just buy you one? Why eat again? ,,,,,,I don’t even have any change on me! There are only five or ten yuan left! How to buy it? Zhao Haiyan: What a person you are! ,,,,,, (more shy) Hey! Fourth brother! you say! After we get married, shall we live in your house or mine? Liu Xiaoguang: Of course I’ll stay at your house! The electricity bill there is so expensive! It’s only 60 cents per degree, isn’t it only 55 cents at your house? I don’t have a TV at home either! I can still watch Ultraman every day when I stay at your house! Zhao Benshan (peeking at the audience): The target finally appears! It is still a pair of secondary discharges. Although the charge is not strong, it can still create flames! If I don't take them down, I will help the United States pay off its national debt! Zhao Haiyan: Then you are not afraid that people will say that you barged in? Liu Xiaoguang: I’ve already barged in twice, and I don’t care if I barge in again! Others put cow dung on flowers, but I put cow dung on flowers everywhere! Get used to it! Zhao Benshan: If you ask me what love is in this world, I just ask the old man to pledge himself to me! (Liu Xiaoguang and Zhao Haiyan discovered that Zhao Benshan was talking!) Zhao Benshan (the phone rang, answered the phone): (humming "Going Home") Dudududu! Toot toot! Are you still running around because of poor financial luck? Are you still worried about bad feng shui? Are you still paralyzed by belated love? The legendary divine divination in the world can help you solve your problems and predict the past and present life. Please contact the busy man Zhao Laogen. What are you still hesitating about? Quickly pick up the phone in your hand. Mobile users edit the text message "Fortune Telling" and send it to "Yaoguai Yaguai Dongdongguai" to participate immediately. (Changes voice, holds throat) Do you like this ringtone? China Mobile Group's ring back tone business,,,, hello! ,,,Why! Hello! Hello! ,,,,ah! ,,,The calculation is accurate! Just calculate it accurately! ah! No thanks! OK OK OK! good! If you have any questions, you can call our post-calculation service hotline! ah! goodbye! Liu Xiaoguang: Fortune tellers all use ring bells! Is there a post-calculation service hotline? Zhao Haiyan: Hey! Fourth brother! Come on, go and settle the matter between us? (walks to Zhao Benshan) Master! What about fortune telling? Zhao Benshan: Big sister! What about blind dates? Zhao Haiyan (embarrassed): You! you! You fortune teller, why do you talk like this? Zhao Benshan (angry, tough): Big sister! Why are you so uneducated? You can insult my person, but you can't insult my beautiful career! This is called "scientific prediction".

Zhao Haiyan: Ah! So,,,how to test it? How much does it cost? Zhao Benshan: Big sister! You are in luck today! Today is the 50th anniversary of my fortune telling store! We do event promotions! I'll give you a discount, 50! Zhao Haiyan: How old are you? Have you been telling fortunes for 50 years? Zhao Benshan: Ah! It’s been 50 years with or without work! Liu Xiaoguang (surrounding him): What about no discount? Zhao Benshan: 40 Liu Xiaoguang (confused): Why is it more expensive even with a discount than without a discount? Zhao Benshan: Ouch! When others offer discounts for events, they are discounted from inside! Our discounts are extended outwards! That’s 50! ?Liu Xiaoguang: Then you’d better not discount! Zhao Haiyan: That’s too much! Fortune telling anywhere else costs 30 yuan! Zhao Benshan: 30! That’s the membership price! Zhao Haiyan (pushing Liu Xiaoguang): Fourth brother! Walk! Let’s not forget it! Zhao Benshan: You two, please stay! How about this! Let me give you two a sweet and refreshing set of love! It is the past life, this life, plus your eight generations of ancestors, the trinity! We only charge you 100 yuan! And after all the calculations, there are also exquisite gifts to give away! Zhao Haiyan: Hey! This is pretty cost-effective, it only costs 100 yuan for three hangings! And also gave us gifts? Is that what you mean? Zhao Benshan: Oops! Big girl! Your understanding ability definitely exceeds that of preschool students! Too ahead of its time! Liu Xiaoguang: Can we enjoy after-sales service? Zhao Benshan: Sorry! Only our VIP members can enjoy post-calculation services! The post-calculation service hotline is a value-added service provided to our VIP members! Liu Xiaoguang: No! We won’t count it! (Liu Xiaoguang pulled Zhao Haiyan and was about to leave. Song Xiaobao came on the stage, holding a banner with the words: Zhuge is alive and a half-immortal in the world.) Song Xiaobao (excited): Master! You are such a master of rejuvenation! Sin buster! Your calculation is so accurate! Zhao Benshan (pretending to be modest): Child! Low profile! Low profile! Don't be arrogant! Just you alone know it! Don't let too many people know! I don’t want to reveal too much secrets! Song Xiaobao (to Liu Xiaoguang and Zhao Haiyan): Oops! You don’t know, this uncle’s calculations are so accurate! A month ago! My tabby cat is missing and I can’t find it! I'm so anxious inside! I thought to myself, 80% of them were kidnapped by someone to participate in that competition! It's the one who walks the catwalk (imitates the walking of a model). What kind of competition is it? Liu Xiaoguang: Bikini Contest! Oh no! Yes, yes,,, it’s a model contest. Song Xiaobao: Yes, yes! That's it! oops! I almost despaired at that time! I feel like jumping off a building! Later, I asked my uncle to give my cat a break. This uncle just pinched it with his fingers and said, "Ah!" Boy! Your cat was not lost, but went to fall in love with the mouse! And the mouse's conditions are pretty good, he has a car and a house, and he's also a pilot! Don’t worry, it will be back in a month! Guess what? Sure enough, it came back today! Are you saying God is not God? Zhao Haiyan: Are there rats and pilots? Song Xiaobao: Ah! Aren’t bats the pilots of mice? ! Liu Xiaoguang: Then why did it take a month to come back? Zhao Benshan: Did you go on your honeymoon? Liu Xiaoguang, Zhao Haiyan: Ouch! Song Xiaobao: So I made a banner to express my gratitude to the uncle! (Hang the banner on the bench) Zhao Benshan (patting his leg): My child! Why can't you be more low-key? Why can't you keep silent? Liu Xiaoguang: Otherwise! How about we both settle the matter? How about a cold set meal? Zhao Benshan: It’s a sweet love refreshing package! Liu Xiaoguang: Yes, yes! Here it is.

Zhao Benshan (excited, turning over his glasses): Big brother! You are so handsome! Liu Xiaoguang (angry): You are so handsome! Zhao Haiyan: Hey! Are you not blind? If you are not blind, what are you doing here? It's a lie, right? Zhao Benshan (stands up and circles around Zhao and Li): Are fortune tellers necessarily blind? So according to what you say, those who don’t go out must be homebodies? The people in the detention center don't go out every day, and some don't even go out once in their lives! Are they all homebodies? Zhao Haiyan: Then when you advertise, don’t you say that to predict the past and present life, please ask the blind Zhao Laogen? Zhao Benshan: Yes! Am I very busy? I'm busy telling your fortunes! Zhao Haiyan: Are you busy? Is this what busy people do? Zhao Benshan: Ah! Liu Xiaoguang: Stop being so long-winded! How to calculate it? Do you look at your hands first? Zhao Benshan: Others look at faces and hands, but I look at faces and mouths! Come and open your mouth! ah! Liu Xiaoguang (opening his mouth): Ah! Zhao Haiyan: You only need to look at the mouth when buying livestock! Zhao Benshan (looking at Liu Xiaoguang): You are a dog! Liu Xiaoguang: How did you know I was a dog? ! Zhao Benshan: With sharp teeth and an outgoing tongue, he is not a pig, but definitely a dog! And you are still a stray dog! Liu Xiaoguang: Then, what is a stray dog? Zhao Benshan: It means that if you change the host more than once, you have to cut the door upside down! You've barged in the door upside down more than once! Liu Xiaoguang: Oops! Can all this be calculated? Zhao Benshan: You have four very long teeth. It seems that you are the fourth child at home! Zhao Haiyan: Hey! yes! He is the fourth child, and his name is Zhao Si! Zhao Benshan: Zhao San is your third brother! Liu Xiaoguang: Oops! So amazing! So accurate! Song Xiaobao (pulling Zhao Benshan aside): Uncle! How did you know? How do you calculate it? Zhao Benshan: I heard what they were talking about just now! I analyzed it with my great wisdom! Liu Xiaoguang: What else? Zhao Benshan: You also have a younger brother! His name is Zhao Xiaowu! Zhao San: No! This is wrong! I have four brothers! I don’t have a younger brother! Zhao Benshan (had an idea): That’s because you violated Tai Sui and ran away with your brother! He was thrown into the wrong place and called the wrong mother! Liu Xiaoguang: Is that still my brother? Zhao Benshan: Why not! You have caused harm to your brother! If he were reincarnated into a donkey family, he would be kicked by donkeys every three days! The kick was horrific! Even to drink water, I have to ask someone to cover it! Lie on the bed and let someone carry you! Do you know why he is so miserable? It's because you have a tough life and are guilty of Tai Sui! He was simply taken away and reincarnated into someone else’s home to suffer! Liu Xiaoguang: Is Tai Sui a crime? Zhao Benshan: Ah! Look! Tai Sui has weighed down your hair! Liu Xiaoguang: I, I, I don’t believe it! Zhao Benshan: Don’t believe it? Where have your former wives gone? Liu Xiaoguang: The first one ran away with someone else! Zhao Benshan: What about the second one? Liu Xiaoguang: The second one fell in love with someone else! Song Xiaobao: Doesn’t that mean the same thing? Zhao Benshan: This shows that you have a tough life! Think about it! Such an outstanding man like you looks so extreme! My mind is so full of energy! Even the hairstyle is so domineering.

How could they be so stupid as not to follow you? Unless there is only one explanation, that is, your life is too tough, and they can't control you at all! So they can only choose to escape! Liu Xiaoguang: Oops! That’s so true! oops! A thousand pieces of gold are easy to come by, but a confidant is hard to find! Zhao Benshan: Big brother! You haven't had any nightmares lately? Liu Xiaoguang (recalling): No! I just dreamed that a hunter was hunting rabbits with a gun last night! This is nothing! Zhao Benshan (voice): Oops! What do you mean it's nothing? This problem is really serious! I beat the rabbit last night, I will beat you tonight! Liu Xiaoguang: Then I didn’t do anything to him! Why did he hit me? Zhao Benshan: What happened to the rabbit? Does he have to use a gun to shoot rabbits? Didn't your brother mess with the donkey? Why did the donkey have to kick him? Zhao Haiyan: What sign is this? Zhao Benshan: This is his fifth brother asking for his life in a dream! Liu Xiaoguang: Isn’t my fifth brother still alive? How can you entrust me with a dream? Zhao Benshan: Huh? ah! That's because his father-in-law helped him! Think about it! You hurt the old man's son-in-law so badly, how could they not shoot you with a gun? Song Xiaobao: Uncle! How evil! You almost achieved success in cultivation! Liu Xiaoguang (scared): Isn’t that a dream? I don't believe this evil! I just believe that Big Big Wolf can't beat Pleasant Goat every time! Evil cannot prevail over good! Zhao Haiyan: That’s right! Fourth brother! It's not that serious, don't take it seriously! Zhao Benshan: Big brother! You are so cruel that you have driven away all your relatives. A hard life not only defeats people, but also destroys wealth! Judging from your divination, you are going to lose money today! Big brother! Liu Xiaoguang: Brother! Your calculation is so accurate! I really broke the bank today and spent a dollar to buy ice cream for her! Can you figure this out? Awesome!