Personalized and funny sentences

1. I am stupid, I am happy. Me two, I am healthy

2. It is the compulsory education that took over my youth

3. The green hills are still there, just a little red.

4. Men cannot be spoiled, the more they are spoiled, the more they become jerks. A woman must be pampered, and the more pampered she is, the more valuable she will be.

5. Don’t act recklessly when you are young. What will you say when you are old?

6. If you destroy me now, I will destroy your future.

7. When you speak ill of me, can you please stop adding more fuel and vinegar to it, thinking it’s just a stir-fry?

8. I fell in love with you because my brain was filled with water, but now my brain is dry.

9. When I say I can’t afford to be hurt, that’s the day your house will be burned down.

10. Big head, thick neck, and moves like a pig!

11. In the current weather, instant noodles can be soaked directly in tap water.

12. The soil is for digging, and the pit is for burying you.

13. When will the bright moon come? Ask Yi Zhongtian!

14. If you can’t reach it, try stepping on the right foot with your left foot.

15. Some people are alive, but she is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died long ago!

16. Do you drink water, water, or water? Take your pick!

17. Say what you should say, and whisper what you shouldn’t.

18. Don’t think that just because I am handsome, you think that I am unreachable and unattainable. In fact, I am open to all rivers.

19. Eating is what I want, and losing weight is what I want. I can’t have both, so I’m done with it.

20. I will not offend others unless they offend me. If someone offends me, I will give in three points. If someone offends me again, I will eradicate the root cause.

21. If you pour cold water on me, I will definitely boil it and pour it back on you. If you don’t believe it, just wait and see.

22. People who don’t understand me, please don’t use your SB thoughts to point fingers at me. After all, we are not familiar with each other, and you really don’t have the qualifications.

23. If you love me, put me in a wedding dress and then strip it naked with your own hands.

24. When you point your index finger at others, don’t forget that there are three fingers pointing at yourself.

25. You all said: If you had known this, why bother? "Then I say: Why are you still alive when you know you will die?"

26. I don't want to know that you are sick. Don't be so obvious.

27. I am fine. Thank you for the hurt you gave me, which made me see clearly that there are still dogs in this world.

28. Promises are like farts, earth-shattering at the time, but pale and feeble afterwards.

29. When someone pushes you down, no matter how hard or tired you are, you must stand up and give her a hard slap in the face.

30. Damn, I’ve been waiting for news from you for a long time, but all I got was a haha, you thought I was telling a fucking joke. 30 Funny Quotations_Classic Funny Quotations

1. I just saw a man taking a taxi to his girlfriend at the intersection. Before leaving, the man said don’t worry,

I’ll remember the license plate. Down!

The driver was furious: Damn, are you insulting my taste? !

2. When the girl you like confesses your love to her, you should be straightforward.

Push her directly to the wall and say domineeringly: I will support you from now on.

After you finish speaking, you must kiss her. Don’t give her a chance to refuse or think.

I have been to the police station several times just by relying on this trick.

3. I met a friend on the street today and saw a bloody mark on his neck.

I was surprised and asked: What's wrong? Who hit him?

My friend said in a dumbfounded way: You are right, you cannot buy fake gold necklaces!

The quality of the product is so good. I was robbed by a thief when I was riding my bicycle on the street, tmd.

They dragged me away for a long time and almost strangled me.

4. I am a hard-working courier, and today there is a courier called: Grandpa.

This is not for LZ to call and ask who you are: grandpa.

Are you obviously taking advantage of LZ? I'm not stupid either.

As soon as I got through the phone, I asked, what is your courier name?

He said Grandpa. Liz let out a long hum.

By the way...there is your express delivery.

5. For the company’s anniversary, I signed up for people who said they could roast whole lamb and make dumplings. Brother No. 1 said weakly,

I can only cook raw rice. After dinner, the group suddenly became quiet. .

6. A buddy went to work in the morning and bought a roasted sweet potato before he had time to have breakfast.

There was no seat on the bus, so I just put the sweet potato in my butt pocket.

As soon as he caught up with the empty seat, he quickly stepped forward and sat down on the seat.

At this time, there was only a soft muffled sound, and a large pile of brown sweet potato pulp was squeezed out from under the buttocks,

Still steaming slightly

7. When I was a child, I once went to the field to pick up rice. I saw a neighbor boy burying something in the field, so I hid.

After he left, I ran over to see what he had buried. What,

Damn it, dig some shit, it’s your uncle’s, take the shit and bury your uncle! ! !

8. I was chatting with my friend yesterday and she said that she went to the cinema to watch Youth.

I saw Ruan Guan running to see Zhao Shiyong and then being hit by a car.

The cinema was very quiet for a moment, except for the couple in front of me.

Male He said to the woman: Did you see it? This is what happens when you find your ex-boyfriend!

9. After the test today, after classmate A left the classroom, classmate B asked her: How was the test?

Student A said: so easy.

After hearing this, classmate B said, “It’s true.”

Student A uttered a curse word: Damn, you can’t take the exam anywhere.

10. Goddess: Call me queen.

Diaosi: Queen Eight.

Goddess: Pig, you? Just two words.

Diaosi: Bastard!

11. My dad scolded me in the afternoon. Later he got emotional and slapped me in the face. I wanted to lighten the mood.

I originally wanted to say, dad, are you hungry? I’ll give it to you. Let's get something to eat

I almost said you didn't eat, right?

Then I received another solid slap in the face

12. Office A girl just finished talking on the phone and broke up with her boyfriend, and then she shouted:

I want to be the queen, and I want the seventy-two male concubines in the three palaces and six courtyards.

A colleague in the corner whispered: That’s not the queen, that’s an actress!

The whole office burst into laughter.

13. Today, my mother took me to meet two girls. One of them has a first-rate figure, but it’s a pity that her appearance is too difficult.

She also has buck teeth. I can’t bear to smile;

The other face is absolutely first-class, goddess level, but she is a fat girl.

After I came back, I have been thinking about which one to choose. This is a lifelong event.

You must not jump to conclusions. I struggled with this matter all night and stayed up all night.

The next morning, my mother came back from shopping and told me that neither of them liked you.

14. I was having dinner with my friend, who had just become a father.

He told me: My son looks exactly like me.

[Funny joke I was about to reply when the ordering lady looked at him with sympathetic eyes: He is a child.

It doesn’t matter if he looks ugly, as long as he is healthy and lively.

15. I went to the newly opened canteen to eat at noon. I washed my hands before eating as usual, but when I turned on the faucet, there was no water.

The cafeteria lady said: The faucet here is noisy!

Me: High technology!

Then I clapped my hands, but there was still no water, ah! ah! I called twice, but still no water came out.

I saw the aunt turned to the operation room inside and shouted to open the water valve!

16. Cao Cao took his son Cao Chong to visit Liu Bei. Cao Cao walked to the door and shouted: Cao Cao came to visit with his young son!

Liu Bei: Oops. Just come. What kind of fruit should I bring?

17. I’m a man, and I’m on a blind date. I treat the girl to KFC, it’s 45 yuan. I took out a 100 yuan bill and gave it to the cashier,

The girl said I have some change and I’m going to treat you today!

The cashier took the fifty yuan she handed over, but she took my 100 yuan back and stuffed it into her bag. .

The cashier and I were both shocked and overwhelmed at the same time. . .

18. A smart mother will teach her children to call them daddy first. At this time, you will feel very happy and loving.

But the experience in winter is even more profound. The child wakes up in the middle of the night When you wake up, call your dad directly.

Then his mother will kick you and say, the child calls you nanny

19. The recruits went out for training, and a recruit saw a man in uniform on the shoulder of the roadside. Six stars,

I was shocked. Six stars clicked one by one in a military salute to show respect.

The platoon leader came over and gave me a slap in the face, and the fart salute was from the property security guard. .

20. A friend asked me to borrow money. I said it was easy to negotiate. I would make the decision if it was less than ten yuan.

If it was more than ten yuan, I would have to discuss it with my wife.

Didn’t he say you don’t have a wife?

I said there was no need to discuss it. friend. . .

21. I went to eat hot pot with my girlfriend. I pointed at the pot and said: Look, this hot pot is just like us!

She nodded: Well, I am as hot as a spicy pot, and you are as indifferent as a clear soup pot!

I shook my head: No, I am the spicy one, and you are the spicy one next door.

This meal is considered a break-up meal!

22. The father took his son to buy cold medicine. Because they were acquaintances, the pharmacy owner asked, how could he catch a cold?

The father said: It’s this boy who kicks the quilt at night.

Unexpectedly, my son retorted: It’s not me?

It was you who ruffled the quilt and made me catch a cold.

23. I used to think that I was pretty good-looking and not too ugly.

Until today, there was an empty seat next to me on the bus.

More than ten girls passed by and no one was willing to sit next to me.

My heart suddenly became clear.

24. The so-called fingertip wedding is

Pointing at your girlfriend’s belly and saying to your parents: Dad, Mom, we are getting married

25 , I have a small hair, 149cm. I posted an update on the space today, saying: I dropped my phone, but luckily it didn’t break.

A buddy below commented: Your height saved it

26. When the weather got cold, I went to the bathhouse to take a bath. I found a junior high school teacher who I hadn’t seen for more than ten years. He also came down. Checkout,

I wanted to pay him, but he refused to agree, so he threw 100 yuan over and asked for the checkout,

The beautiful salesperson said: Sir, the money is not enough, you His consumption was 15,

His consumption was 313. I was also drunk. When I turned around, I found that the teacher was also missing

28. When I was in junior high school, I helped my brother deliver letters to the girls in the next class. , after the girl received it, she threw it into the trash without even looking at it.

I quickly explained that I didn’t write it, and the girl picked up the letter.

29. In college. My girlfriend and I were shopping and she wanted to buy an oversized stuffed bear!

I think it’s expensive even though it has no practical value! Just didn't buy it.

As a result, a thin man was waiting for her at the school gate the next day with a stuffed bear!

She happily showed off to me and said: If you don’t buy it for me, someone else will.

It scared me!

From then on I tried to buy whatever she wanted!

If you don’t buy it, the man will definitely show up at the school gate with something the next day!

I didn’t know until I went to my girlfriend’s house today!

That man turned out to be his brother!

30. Dare to ask what kind of woman is a real woman. God’s reply: Don’t inflate. A few words about domineering spatial personality

1. Because I can’t do anything, I just let nature take its course.

2. What belongs to me will always be remembered. If it doesn't belong to me, I can only learn to act as if nothing has happened.

3. Youth is an ignorant rush, which will always leave the wounds of displacement.

4. Don’t say I don’t understand you, I just love you in my own way

5. Every day life is a matter of two points and one line. Such a life is so boring.

6. Don’t give up on the goal you were originally determined to achieve just because of one failure.

7. Don’t cry, don’t make trouble, don’t feel sad, don’t laugh, whether even the traces of being remembered are ignored.

8. Can you turn "I love you" upside down, even if you don't say it seriously once?

9. If you want it but don’t fight, then don’t cry if you lose it.

10. In fact, sometimes I think about it, is it because we really love deeply, or because we are unwilling to do so?

11. Some things, no matter how hard we try, we just can’t go back. go.

12. The world is so big, we are so small, and people’s hearts are so complicated, who should we trust?

13. Couples only have a shelf life of at most three years, and the rest is just a matter of habit.

14. Sometimes, we should not think too much and just follow our own will.

15. I can’t keep trying to figure you out. I have tried very hard to embrace your indifference

16. I still quietly put you and me in the same group, above It says stay together forever.

17. I hate it when others stare at me all the time, as if I haven’t seen anyone before. It’s very uncomfortable.

18. You hate your life, but someone is dreaming of living your life.

19. I want to go to outer space, where there is no gravity and tears will no longer fall easily

20. Don’t think that I still love you, I have long forgotten your appearance , all I love is memories

21. Our love is like a contract. When the time limit is up, we will not disturb each other.

22. There is always a need for some warmth, even a little self-righteous commemoration.

23. The first couplet: The people I love have their own owners; the second couplet: The people who love me are miserable; horizontal comment: Life is miserable

24. I once suffered from schizophrenia, but Now we have recovered.

25. There was a piece of bread. I felt hungry while walking, so I ate it myself.

26. I have huge jealousy. I don’t want to see any kindness you do to others.

27. I will stay with you for a long time, so please recognize that I am the one who accompanies you.

28. You only know who you love most when you are drunk, and you only know who you love most when you are sick. Know who loves you the most

29. Not everyone can ignore someone and stop loving them.

30. There are two kinds of men. One puts you on the bed, the other puts you in my heart

31. Sometimes, the love we think is great is just the fulfillment of the greatness of love.

32. When you are in a bad mood, go to the school gate and kick your bicycles, knocking them down.

33. If you are a handsome guy, you will know if you get a crew cut. Whether she is a beauty or not, you will know after taking off her makeup.

34. When you no longer expect anything, you will get everything.

35. Can’t study, can’t play happily, can’t sleep well, and eats too much

36. Sometimes I want to lose my temper for no reason, but I can’t find a reasonable reason. angry. Sad and personal quotes that touch the heart

1. Life has given me endless sorrow, and it has also given me eternal answers.

2. Only by knowing the end of the book can you understand the beginning of the book.

3. You, the sound of the cold rain knocking on the window is broken, and the ink words shake my heart.

4. The dust of the years has accumulated too much sorrow of separation. The sunshine in April stretched the decadent figure very long. The long black hair witnessed the love of encounter. The thread was ruthlessly cut off again and again, and the lonely city The wisp of expectation under my eyes messes up my vicissitudes of life, and hurts your infatuated face.

5. Always inadvertently, look back and look into the distance, watching the footsteps along the way, there are bitterness, sweetness, laughter and tears. After walking and stopping, I slowed down my hurried pace and felt the preciousness along the way. When I looked back, I finally found that at the corner of my life, there was a love. This love has warmed my life. !

6. Take a deep breath, inhale slowly and then exhale slowly. Every time you exhale, say "Relax" silently in your heart.

7. Love is not a science and there is no need to study it. If you love someone from the bottom of your heart and cannot hide it, you will naturally put her first. It's instinctive and effortless.

8. I can’t bear to lose something that I have become accustomed to. But. She will just gradually move away from you. Until I forgot about her.

9. The purpose of all human efforts is to obtain happiness.

10. How many people’s love only has a rainbow and no wind and rain? How many people live only happiness and no pain? When they love, they will say: "You are my forever." But in times of crisis, how many people can remember the original promise? Remember the love you had? But if there is compassion in love, love will no longer be fragile, and people can hold the lover's hand when disaster strikes.

11. Life is endless and lonely. Love is endless in lonely life, loneliness is the eternal theme of love. I am alone with my shadow. It said it had something private to say to me. It said it misses you very much. It turns out that my shadow and I are both thinking of you.

12. We all like to show off ourselves and want to show that we have something. You know, a narcissus or a rose never pretends to be. Its beauty lies in what it is.

13. I thought love could overcome everything, but who knew she was powerless sometimes.

I thought love could fill up the regrets in life. However, it is love that creates more regrets. The ups and downs keep repeating themselves in a love. For any other person, the sky would not always be blue.

14. Loneliness is not something you are born with, but starts from the moment you fall in love with someone.

15. Gaining and losing are all a kind of attitude, not excessive pursuit. Whether it is fame, wealth or youth, what should come and should go will come. Along with life, watch the calmness of water flowing for a while, and the freedom of flowers flowing for a while as flowers bloom.

16. Everyone’s life cannot be smooth sailing. When work is not going well, recall your past glorious achievements and don’t make yourself too inferior; let yourself be optimistic and open-minded!

17. Please believe that there are really people in this world who live the life you want. In the rivers and lakes that are suddenly sunny and rainy, I wish you can dream of being a horse and live anywhere. ---Da Bing's "Be Good, Touch Your Head"

18. There are many things that I will never understand. I can't figure out why as soon as I open my eyes, you are no longer mine. When I think of you again, I can’t understand why these days and nights of estrangement seem to have happened overnight. I can’t understand why I can’t be by your side anymore.

19. Everything about you makes my heart beat; but my crying, my laughter, and every move I make are indifferent and let you ignore it.

20. No need for any external objects. You remember me, this is the best proof. ---Miss Hui's "Everything is the Best Arrangement"

21. In life, there always seems to be an unbearable pain. Some regrets are destined to be carried for a lifetime. In life, there are always some exquisite emotional porcelain that breaks into pieces around us, but the traces remain in the years.

22. Never deceive others, because all you can deceive are people who believe in you.

Twenty-three, fate is over, you are rowing someone else's boat, sailing to the horizon where I am confused, but I still stay at the place where we met, recalling the warmth and sweetness of the past. Tears have soaked my heart, and there is a touch of emotion, which is the common destiny between you and me; there is a kind of loss, which is my personal loneliness.

24. I am not a strong person, but I know that sometimes, I have no choice but to be strong.

Twenty-five, watching you leave blankly, waving goodbye, no matter how much reluctance you have, I can't keep your heart.