A reward for high marks (I think so! ) several philosophical stories

I wonder if there are any that you think are philosophical. Anyway, I just copied it, whatever you think.

My mother says my IQ is only 76. I don't know how high my IQ is. I only know that I am a very lethal person. Many people have been hurt because of me. Some of them have lost hope in life, and some even committed suicide. Therefore, I have always suspected that I have a potential superpower, and this superpower has a particularly strong effect on my teacher for some reason.

I still remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and the teacher took us to the wild for a natural practice class. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willows pumping branches, the teacher couldn't help thinking of a question, so he asked, "Students, do you know how to identify the wind direction?" "I know!" A little girl in the same class answered and picked up a leaf from the ground and threw it into the air. "Pick up something and throw it in the air, and watch it float there." "Well, very good." The teacher praised, "Who else would like to show you again and see what wind is blowing now?" "me." I volunteered to come out, picked up half a brick from the ground and threw it into the air ...

"Teacher, it's blowing up and down now!"

I can't remember clearly what the teacher's expression was like at that time. I only remember that he struggled desperately for a few times and then died. Later, according to the doctor in the hospital, he died because of a sudden strong stimulation, which led to the retrograde possession of qi and blood. In this way, I killed a people's teacher

The first-grade teacher taught us about poultry and animals.

Teacher: "There is an animal with two feet. Every morning when the sun comes out, it will wake you up and tell you to get up. What kind of animal is it?"

I replied, "Mom!" Laughed the teacher almost to death!

after I came home from the mid-term exam, my mother asked me how I did. My baby son said, I didn't fill out a question. Mom asked what the topic was. The baby son said, there is a question about how much is 3 times 7? I was reckless and filled in 15. My mother sprayed the water she just drank on my father's face. Hey ... I'm so great!

My father asked me how my school was. The father asked, "Dear son, is your female teacher satisfied with you?"

"ah, yes, dad, very satisfied."

"How do you know? Did she tell you that herself? "

"of course, dad. The day before yesterday, she said to me,' If all the students are like you, I will leave school at once!' This shows that I have learned it all. "My dad brain right away! @#＄#@! $% $ # @ @

One day in math, the teacher asked 1+1=? , I said I don't know. The teacher told me to go home and ask. I asked my mother, who was cooking and told me to get out. I asked dad, and dad watched the ball again and shouted' cool'. I asked my sister that she was singing until the BABY. I asked my brother, who was on the phone and said, I'll wait for you outside.

the next day, the teacher asked 1+1=? I said: get out of here, the teacher gave me a slap in the face, I shouted cool, the teacher called me useless, and I called me mean. The teacher said, get out. I said, I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher had high blood pressure again on the spot and fainted .......

When I was in Chinese class in primary school, all the Chinese teachers in the whole school went to attend Teacher Ni's class. Teacher Ni wrote a word "Bei" on the blackboard and asked me, "Do you know this word?" I answered "no", so Teacher Ni began to inspire me: "Do you have a bed at home?" I answered "Yes" and "What's on the bed?" "mat", "what about mat?" I replied: "My mother", and Teacher Ni thought, this is also true. My mother is covered with a quilt, and then I inspired: "What about your mother?" "My dad". Teacher Ni didn't expect me to say this. She made a fool of herself in front of so many teachers and asked in a hurry, "What about the quilt?" I replied, "The quilt is on the ground". Teacher Ni was "by me" and was so angry that she was hospitalized with epilepsy!

Later, a new teacher at school asked us to make sentences. I finished my homework calmly, and the teachers immediately looked at me with new eyes.

The sentence I wrote was:

Sad-the big ditch in front of our house was very sad.

if canned food is not as nutritious as fruit juice.

naive-it's really hot today, and it's a good day for swimming.

ten points-my sister only got ten points in math, which is a shame.

take it easy-I always start with the easy things.

Ginseng-The teacher said that everyone should try their best when they take part in the relay of the brigade tomorrow.

quilt-Xiaoyu's sanitary quilt was stolen.

bento-Xiaoming regards defecation as the first thing to do when he gets up every morning.

The teacher touched my head and said sternly: Go home from school and work hard for 1 articles. When I get home without anyone, I'm ready to finish the homework assigned by the substitute teacher. I go to the bathroom and start to paint the wall with feces. I paint the bathroom for ten articles and I'm satisfied with my homework before I stop. My family came back and scolded me. The next day, my mother told the principal that the substitute teacher had misunderstood the children. Later, the substitute teacher was fired. Alas ..... I said to myself in my heart, "I am very creative. Ugliness is not my intention. Don't lose my temper. I will live bravely and set off the beauty of the world. ! ! ! ! ! ! ！”

One morning in class, I was chewing gum and putting my feet on the aisle.

At this moment, the teacher said to me, "Please spit out what's in your mouth, and then put your foot in it"

My brain: "@ $ # $% # $ #"

In the days after that, several teachers were miserable one after another, but fortunately, no one died, so there was no big leak. But my fame spread like wildfire, and I became a celebrity in the city for a time. However, celebrities also have the pain of celebrities, and I deeply realized this.

When I was in junior high school, the physics teacher asked me in physics class: What do you say, how to change tracks? Me: According to the Diamond Sutra, if people only do bad things in the world, they will become ghosts after death! It turns out that the teacher is talking about how satellites change orbit!

I was woken up by my teacher when I was sleeping in a history class. The teacher asked me, "Who did Princess Wencheng marry?"

Xiao Wang Xiaosheng told me, "Songzan Gambu." I didn't hear you clearly, so I opened my mouth and answered, "Song Dynasty cadres." Later, history didn't make it.

One day, I came back from the barbershop dressed as cool. When I opened the door, all the girls exclaimed, "Cool brother is coming!" I am embarrassed to scratch my head: "Where! Where! Just cut a cool head. " It happened that the headmaster passed by and said solemnly, "I have to pay for a trouser head!" " Our brains are about to! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Fortunately, it's nothing. I walked to the men's dormitory and walked downstairs from the girls' dormitory. I saw a good friend and boasted loudly, look, I cut a cool head. On the second floor, a girl immediately put her head out and said, My waistband, you picked my waistband! ! ! ! !

The next day, the biology teacher brought a bird covered with a cloth. Then he exposed the bird's leg and asked the students to guess what kind of bird it was. I really don't know, so I handed in a blank paper. The teacher looked very angry and asked, "why did you hand in a blank paper?" What's your name? " As soon as I heard this, I rolled up my trouser legs angrily, revealing my legs and said, "Now it's your turn to guess who I am?" The biology teacher immediately fell down ~ ~ ~ ~

My fame brought me great trouble. All the middle schools in the city refused to accept me for the safety of their teachers. No way, I went to the countryside with infinite longing for key middle schools. Although the conditions of middle schools in the countryside are a little bitter, I am still alive and at ease without the pressure of public opinion. However, gold always shines, and the unique silence of rural middle schools did not restrain my outbreak. By chance, I was born again, suddenly rose and quickly occupied the rural market.

One day, when I was late, the teacher asked, "Why are you late today?" I said, "I took my uncle's sow next door to breed in the morning, so I was late." The teacher opened his eyes wide when he didn't finish listening, and said, "This should be done by the uncle next door." I said inexplicably, "This must be a boar, and the uncle next door is not an animal." < P > It was an intelligence contest, and our class and another class still didn't win or lose after the final competition. So the host announced the final way to decide the outcome: each class draws lots to send one representative, two representatives guess coins, and the right guess asks the wrong guess a question. If the wrong guess answers correctly, the wrong guess wins. On the other hand, the class that guessed correctly won. Spirit of heaven, spirit of earth, it's my job to hide. I was drawn as a representative, and successfully guessed the wrong coin and entered the question-and-answer stage. The teacher and classmates suddenly became nervous, and everyone looked at me with eager eyes. Teacher Li, in particular, looked heavy and said nothing. I also feel some pressure, but not because of this, but because of my opponent-Wang Xiaofo, who was the most powerful "teacher killer" in our school at that time, and he also saved several human cases. It is said that the last principal was ruined in its hands. However, I still have some confidence, because in any case, I am also a person who once criticized. The question begins.

Wang Xiaofo put his hands in his trouser pockets and said slowly, "My mother cooked some eggs in my pocket today. Do you know how many?" "Hey!" There was an uproar around. I don't know why everyone is booing, but I know this question has aroused my great interest. Eggs! I hardly heard what he asked. I only heard the word "egg" clearly. You know, there is almost nothing to eat during the hard years in the country. It is really delicious to have two eggs. I seem to see the shiny egg white and the yellow and tender yolk.

"If I get it right, will you give me something to eat?" I have long forgotten what quiz, what class honor. All I'm interested in is eggs, eggs! "If you get it right, I will give you both eggs." "Hey!" There is an uproar again. I saw the other classmate's face was startled, and my classmates cheered and hugged each other to celebrate the victory. Teacher Li also gave me a happy look. I didn't know what they were happy about, but everyone was smiling at me. I smiled shyly at them and then replied, "Is it five?"

The smiles of the students suddenly stagnated, and gradually, the low tide generally disappeared without a trace. The other classmate suddenly shouted and laughed. Things in this world are changing rapidly. In a blink of an eye, everyone cries and laughs, and I don't know what to do. I haven't had time to think about what's going on. There was a sudden chaos in the venue. I saw a man lying on his back, blood gushing from his mouth, and then he fell down slowly.

"Miss Li!"

"Miss Li!"

it's our head teacher! I also hurried there. I saw the teacher pale, eyes closed, unconscious. "He killed Miss Li!"

"it's him!"

"it's him!"

shh! Hey! Hey! Hey! Swish swish swish swish swish! ! !

bundles of angry eyes shot at me like sharp arrows.

My eyes went blank, and a voice rang back in my ear: "Duo Long! Close the door! Release the dog! Idle people will all retreat! "

Later, it was said that Miss Li didn't die, but was seriously ill. After she got well, she saw through the world of mortals, cut her hair and became a monk in Wutai Mountain, and never taught again.

today, eating kebabs is bad for your stomach. Go to the hospital for examination, damn it! This is rat meat+gutter oil & Sudan red, 7456! I want to sue him. Next to them also said, "What fast food restaurant is also called' Kentecheng'? The stinky tofu sold is fished out of the cesspit. It stinks so bad that I was robbed by a group of flies before I ate it. As a result, the flies all exploded! "

"that' pulse crotch prison' also wants my life!"

"'Needle-and-Pteris Incubation' really sucks!"

"I am miserable! I went to' Krypton Addiction' and ate my stomach, and then I went to' Nonmin Yiyuan' to prescribe a bad medicine. I also wrote something like' I dare to chaff, and I am embarrassed by virtue', and I also said that medicine introduction is shit! "

"Shit, the' clear aluminum bullet testicles' sold by' Spring Houc Dirt' ate my intestines perforated, my girlfriend's chest ruptured, and my lungs failed. But the guy in the hospital with the sign of' cooking and loan application' said that he would be fine! "

Toilet

There are six rich men, namely a Japanese, a Russian, a French, a Norwegian, a German and an American.

they go shopping together. Being rich, they have little to buy. Only those strange things can attract their attention. It happened that the mall was hyping up the art toilet that had just entered, and all six rich people stopped to watch it.

After reading it for a while, one of them suggested, "This novel toilet is really unusual. How about buying one and trying it?" Because they are all rich people, no one is willing to lag behind, and everyone is going to buy one back.

Japanese love cleanliness, so they bought a "super sanitary toilet". Russians like things with texture, so they bought a "granite toilet"; The French value art, so they bought a "painted toilet"; Norwegians like wooden products, so they bought a "pure wooden toilet"; Germans advocate high technology, so they bought a "computer-controlled toilet"; Americans pay more attention to freedom and relaxation, so they bought a "music toilet".

Six people happily took the toilet home.

A month later, six people got together again in a business meeting. In the process of chatting, the topic unconsciously turned to the toilet they bought last time.

The Japanese were indignant and spoke first: "Damn super sanitary toilet, I have returned it. The instructions say that after each use, the toilet will be automatically disinfected, and the toilet seat will be covered with plastic film and sprayed with the words" It has been disinfected, please feel free to use it ". But now the program is all messed up. Before I got up, it started spraying plastic film on my ass! I have written' disinfected, please feel free to use it' on my ass now! "

the Russians then complained, "I have returned the damn granite toilet, too. These people polished the granite so smooth that it slipped off as soon as they sat on it and fell several times. It was inconvenient, but their buttocks were bruised."

unwilling to lag behind, the Frenchman scolded, "I returned the damn painted toilet, too. The printing quality of the painted toilet is too poor, and it always fades. Now all the pictures on the toilet seat are running up!"

The Norwegian also flew into a rage: "Damn wooden toilet, I also returned it! What quality? I don't know if it was checked when I left the factory. I also said that it was completely managed according to ISO9. It is convenient for me to come together and be full of wood dregs! "

The Germans couldn't bear it at this moment: "The damn computer controls the toilet completely, and I want to return it, too! I don't know what operating system to use, and it always crashes. I'm only halfway through, and it begins to shout,' Now the toilet computer has crashed, please put on your pants and stand up, cover the toilet seat, cover the toilet seat, and then uncover the toilet seat, uncover the toilet seat,