Please recommend the best jokes and SMS websites you know! Ok, add 20 points!

1: Dad found something wrong with the fan after work and said to his son, "Feifei, you broke the fan!" "The son said," not bad. After I modified it, the function was increased. It just shook its head, but now it will nod! " "

2. One night my friend was lying in bed, too lazy to move. At this time, a mosquito flew over and landed on the mosquito net. He thought if he didn't kill him, he might bite me tonight. But he just doesn't want to move. On second thought, maybe I'm too lazy to move. Who knows? So I fell asleep peacefully. The next day, my head was red and swollen, and my face was covered with bags. He thought, alas, mosquitoes are much more diligent than me.

3. A pregnant woman and her husband go back to their parents' home to have a baby. The child can speak at birth. The child called "Grandpa". Grandpa was drinking water and suddenly swallowed. The child called "grandma" again. His grandmother was carrying water when she suddenly fell down and died. The father of the child saw who the child called dead and thought, "I'm dead." So he lay in bed waiting to die. The child really called "daddy", but the father of the child waited for a long time, but it was still okay. He was about to tell his neighbor happily. Only to find that the neighbor's man suddenly died.

One day, the teacher asked Xiao Min 1+ 1= how much. He said he didn't know, "ask his family." The teacher said. Xiao Min came home and asked his mother, "How much is 1+ 1?" Mother said impatiently, "Get out! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "Mandy went to ask dad again. Dad was watching the ball game and just scored a goal. "Cool! ! ! ! "He went to ask his brother who was in love and said to his girlfriend on the phone," I'll wait for you downstairs. " The next day, the teacher asked Xiao Min, "What is 1+ 1?" He said, "Get out! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "The teacher slapped him. He said, "Cool! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "The teacher said," Get out! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "Xiao Min said," I'll wait for you downstairs! ! ! "

Joan is a good girl, but she is too lazy to tidy up the house, so after marriage, she is always on tenterhooks, afraid of being accused by her husband. One night, her husband shouted in a depressed tone, "Where is the dust on the table?" I wrote a phone number on it! "

6. When I was a child, my mother asked me: Who would you save first when your wife and I fell into the river?

I said without hesitation: wife.

Mother is very angry: there are many wives, but there is only one mother!

I argued that I depended on my mother for the first half of my life and my wife for the second half.

One day, my mother asked me the same stupid question: who will you save first when your mother and I fall into the river?

I also answered without hesitation: mom.

MM is also very angry: not alive?

I argued that there are many wives, but only one mother!

Talk to friends about this problem another day.

The friend asked, who are you saving?

I don't think: who will save who.

7: In the mental hospital downstairs, there is always an old woman squatting there with an umbrella. Finally one day, a nurse asked her what she was doing. As a result, the old woman said with a dignified face: "Shh, I'm a mushroom. . . "

8: One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

9. The hospital set up a 100 channel to prevent patients from escaping, but there are still two mental patients who want to escape from the hospital. Work hard at night

Over the wall. Under the 30th wall,

"Are you tired?" ,

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 60th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 99th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"tired"

"Well, let's go home."

10: One day in the big forest, the fox was smoking marijuana. At this time, the little rabbit came from a distance and saw all this. He came up and said, Fox, how can you smoke marijuana? This is not good for your health. Look, how fresh the air is. Come and run with me. The fox thought it was right and ran away with the rabbit.

Running and running, they saw the elephant smoking heroin. The rabbit ran to the elephant and said, elephant, elephant, why are you taking drugs? Look how fresh the air is. Run with me. Elephants think it's right to run together.

Running and running, I saw the lion roll up his sleeves and was about to inject heroin. Little rabbit shouted to the lion from a distance: lion, lion, taking drugs is not good for your health. Look how fresh the air is. Run with me. ...

I saw the lion put down the syringe and rushed over, shooting rabbits crazily. The elephant trembled and said to the lion, why did you hit the rabbit? He doesn't want us to hurt his health!

The lion said angrily, dead rabbit, every time he takes drugs, he wants me to accompany him to run wild in the forest, damn it

1 1:. Household appliances hold a joke contest, stipulating that every appliance should tell a joke so that every audience at the scene can laugh, otherwise it will be sent to a waste treatment plant. The washing machine was the first one to play. As soon as his joke was finished, the audience laughed and suddenly heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold." So the washing machine was taken to the waste treatment plant. Next is the smartest computer. Just after his joke was finished, all the household appliances laughed and heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold." Therefore, computers have also been brought to waste treatment plants. The third place is the most humorous desk lamp. The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone rolled on the ground with laughter. The rice cooker said, "It's so cold." Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to the waste processing plant, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I'm full." Smile happily, right? Don't open your mouth so wide. It's so cold! "