Laugh until you hurt yourself. How can you catch a poor soul without a strong body?

Introduction: A friend's father hid a bottle of good wine, and suddenly one day he found that the wine was gone, so he swore: "Which turtle son stole my wine!" " At this time, my friend's grandfather said flatly, "I drank it. You sons of bitches are not convinced, are you?"

1, I heard two aunts talking on the bus. Aunt A: I thought that bank card was a little old, so I threw it away. Who knows there are still 65438+ ten thousand yuan in it! Aunt b: ouch! At first glance, it is rich, just like me!

2. Today, I heard a friend advise me to exercise more: "Without a strong body, how can I accommodate a wretched soul!"

My neighbor's aunt saw me go out with my wife. Ask me: This girl is really beautiful. How old is she? I smiled and said to my wife, do you have 20? The wife was elated and said with a smile, I hate it. I said, do you have it or not? I don't have any change!

4. When I went to the physical examination in the morning, I heard from the doctor that the development of girls' breasts is mainly in adolescence. Besides heredity and nutrition, the most important factor is the mental state at that time. Generally speaking, sisters who are careless, carefree or have relatively little pressure at home tend to have big breasts; The eldest daughter who tends to be perfectionist, nervous, or has a heavy responsibility is often the airport.

5. "Today is the first day of class. I'm a little excited to think about it. Am I sleeping? Or listen to music? Still playing with your mobile phone? Or eat snacks? Really tangled! " "Don't worry about the teacher, give us a lecture quickly, and class will be over soon!"

6, this world is probably like this: local tyrants are friends everywhere, handsome guys have boyfriends everywhere, schoolmasters have gods everywhere, and friends are awesome! I'm a little transparent. I only talk about losing weight and don't want to admit that I'm ugly. In reality, without friends, the skill point is zero. My shopping cart is full of wallets, so let me go crying alone!

7. I watched Korean dramas with my wife last night. Seeing the emotional situation, I said, "I suddenly want to experience the feeling of being loved." My wife immediately slapped me and said, "This is the feeling of sadness!" " "

I saw a few scars on the barber's arm, so I asked him how he got them. Emma is young and ignorant. Later, I felt that there was no future, so I went to learn to cut my hair. A man said that I chopped him badly, so I quarreled with him. I didn't expect him to cut me, so I blocked it with my hand a few times. But it doesn't matter. Later, I asked my brothers to take them to the hospital. Oh, yes. "Do you like this hairstyle?" "Satisfied, very satisfied."

9. Today, I went to the grocery store to buy things. I saw Durex put a new product in the corner, and I stayed there for a long time. Soon, the sexy female boss quietly came up behind me and asked me if I had seen the Journey to the West. I said I had watched too much, and she hit me on the head three times!

10, lying in bed, bickering and fighting with my daughter-in-law, and her daughter-in-law roared, "I don't want to see you for a minute, so get lost!" Holding a pillow, I silently walked to the living room ... Daughter-in-law: "Where are you going? I told you to turn off the lights! "

1 1. It is said that a small bank was stolen and the safe was finally pried open. I found there was no money in it, but I put some jelly in it. The thief was puzzled. He couldn't come for nothing and ate the jelly. The next day, Mr. Thief bought a newspaper specially to see how much influence stealing a bank can bring. It made headlines! The only sperm bank in our city was stolen last night …

12, the man asked, "Are we together? Can only give me a one-word answer! " The woman replied, "Hey!"

13, I saw someone fall into the water on my way to work, and the water was deeper than that person. I said, "I want to save you, but I can't swim." He said, "I am Jing M country", so I bravely rolled up my pants and went to save him.

14, I went to the video game city to play. I saw several children playing with dolls and had a good time. I couldn't help singing: "To be honest, I want to clip ..."

15, a friend saw a girl named "7 1" on Weibo, paid attention to her curiously, and tried to talk privately. Fortunately, she actually responded to him, chatted very congenially, and then met the next day. She's beautiful. In the evening, they drank wine and opened a room under the influence of alcohol. I haven't been in touch since.

16, I was hungry just after I was busy. I saw a bottle of yogurt on my colleague's desk and drank it without thinking. After a while, my colleague came and shouted, "Why is my facial cleanser gone?" ! 108! "Brother didn't speak, just silently walked to the toilet and tried to vomit. I finally threw up. When I got back to my seat, my colleague said with a bottle, "You scared me to death. The facial cleanser just rolled under the table, and my yogurt is gone again. "Ni elder sister!

17, the signature of a green tea bitch said: Even if women are like clothes, I am a brand that you can't afford to wear. I was praised by God when I saw the following comment: Even if the brand is expensive, it is free to try it on.

18, seeing my buddy looking depressed, I asked: What's the matter? He said: I brought my girlfriend back yesterday, and my father didn't agree. I said: Your girlfriend is so beautiful, why doesn't your father agree? He said: Because my father knew at a glance that she had worked in Dongguan. I said: Your dad is awesome.

19, "Doctor, you have to save us. We have not been pregnant for three years, and our parents are still waiting to have grandchildren! " Doctor: "No way. It's all your own problems. " "No, doctor, please help us." Doctor: "First of all, you have to find a girlfriend."

20. An old colleague left his job, and everyone was sorry that the girl sitting opposite him actually cried. I asked her in wonder: don't cry! She said, "Four years! Every day from 9 am to 6 pm, we sit together for more than ten hours, not counting overtime. If we subtract the traffic time on the road and the sleeping time at night, my husband and I don't spend as much time together as he does. In this way, he left his job and didn't invite us to dinner? "

2 1, my wife quarreled with me, threatened to show me her death, and then rushed out the door to "plop!" Jumped into the river with a bang. When I tried my best to pull her out of the river and pour out the dirty water, she cried and said to me, "The news is full of lies. Who said that fat people can't sink when they jump into the river? "

22. I went to school today, and the teaching building was full of new drugs. I fainted at the beginning of class! Dizzy! No memory! When I woke up, I found the class was over! I don't know when there is more than a dozen homework on the desk! Girls must be careful when they go out alone! Spread it!

23. The little devil asked the devil, "Dad, how can we turn the world into hell?" The devil waved his hands. "It's okay." The little devil looked at the world and said, "Damn, that's terrible. There are many terrible monsters in the street. How does dad do better than you? " "I added a little cleansing oil to it when it rained."

24. Q: "What is the power of mathematics?" A: "I can't understand the answer after copying it!" " Q: "What is the power of language?" A: "I don't want to copy it after reading the answer!" "

25, a couple video chat, female: "Do you have a cold?" The man was very moved: "How do you know? Is my voice a little hoarse? " Woman: "No, I think when you smoke, one nostril doesn't smoke."

26. Yesterday, my husband had a whim and rolled me into the quilt, saying that he would carry me to the bedroom, as noble as a concubine who went to sleep in the palace. When I picked up the quilt, I suddenly felt that I was the most beautiful in the world! As a result, my husband stopped hugging me when he rolled my arm, and when he lifted it, my head hit the child's ribs. When he threw it on the bed, my head landed first because it was too heavy, and finally I went to bed without any noble appearance, looking like a paralyzed mummy.

27. When I was a child, a little girl next door said that her chest was a little swollen here. I didn't know it at that time, but later I painted it with mercuric chloride. Now neither of us dare to mention it!

28. Man: Wife, our love, with the sun and the moon as the medium, heaven and earth as the evidence, vows of eternal love, vows of eternal love, how can such an important ceremony be so alienated? How can we destroy its sacredness? Don't you think we should abandon these secular ideas and make our love more passionate, choppy, everlasting and immortal? Woman: Speak human words. Man: I don't want to bring a condom today …

29. My roommate is very boring. After changing the WeChat avatar to the MM avatar, I shook it and shook it in front of an uncle. After some tossing, the uncle promised to open the room and sent the room number. Write down the room number, shake it again, shake it to another uncle and give him the room number.

30. In high school, my best friend and I were assigned to an examination room. When the front and back tables were about to hand in their papers, my papers were still blank. I was in a hurry, so my best friend slipped me a note. I'm so excited, so nervous, so hidden. Finally, I opened it trembling, and it said, What's for lunch?

Editor's note: Teacher Bao came to the master to understand the knot. "Teacher, I was black, but when summer came, I was black, and everyone else made fun of me. What should I do and how can I get through this knot? " Without saying a word, the master opened the temple gate and let the sun shine in. "Master, are you trying to tell me to open my heart, be positive and leave it alone?" Host: No, I want to see where the fuck you are.

I laughed until I hurt myself.

There is a goddess in the office who works the night shift together. The goddess told me that she wanted to watch TV. I asked her what she was looking at, and she said the central thing. I turned on the TV and turned it to the central one. As a result, she ignored me and stopped watching TV. What did you do wrong?

/kloc-In the summer of 0/6, I gave birth to a son. My unruly father-in-law said that this child is not like my husband. My father-in-law secretly got my son's hair from somewhere and went to the hospital for testing. He took the dna test sheet, and the index was 0. After getting married, my father-in-law always proudly said that I had never done anything wrong to my husband, and resolutely went to the hospital to compare it again. The test result is my husband's child, but the child and my father-in-law can't be 0. As a result, my father-in-law and husband went to the hospital to find my mother-in-law. They said that if there was such a thing as betraying my father-in-law, my husband and mother-in-law would take a test, and it turned out that her husband was not her son! Husband is not the son of her parents-in-law! Now that the whole family is dead, the hospital knows what happened. Mother-in-law said that it was wrong for her to designate labor, alas,

The bus I took today was sent off several times by a shameless private car, but I couldn't get to the station that occupied the bus lane card. Later, the driver got angry and called when he stopped. It sounds like his brother-in-law belongs to the traffic police team, so we saw that the car was detained by the traffic police at the next stop, and a female driver was desperately apologizing. . .

Accompany my mother to deal with violations in the traffic police brigade. . . elder brother . A man came in and said, "My wife is driving. Help me increase the fine. Half a day later, the traffic police gave him a sympathetic look, "2 1000". . . I knew it, this loser! " "What's your car?" "Camry" "Oh, you have to pay a fine. If the van is just thrown away. . "Throw it away. . . All right. . . I laughed until I got hurt. . .

The child complained to his mother, "Mom, I am a sharp-tongued monkey. Am I a monkey? " Mother said, "How can you say that about your father?" The child said, "Monkeys can also be fathers. Am I a monkey? You tell me, I won't tell dad. " Mother said, "What's your hurry!" Child: "I didn't guess wrong, so it's true ..."

In the evening, when I came home, my father asked me to watch TV with him. As a result, he opened the gourd doll and looked at it. I said it was boring to watch now, so I went to sleep. He stared at me and said, sit and watch! Seeing seven gourds, I called grandpa at the same time. . Grandpa. . My father was there all the time when I was there. . This forced marriage has entered another realm!

I went to the seaside a few days ago and didn't pay attention to sun protection. In a few days, I got a tan. When I got home today, my grandmother saw me so dark and said with distress, how did I get this tan? Like salt water. . This is pickled. . .

A large group of goblins, carrying the Tang priest tied into zongzi, rushed into the cave and shouted, "Your Majesty! Your majesty! We finally caught the Tang Priest! " The old demon woke up from his sleep, looked up and said listlessly, "Send it back." The goblin asked strangely why. The old demon said, "It's said in the newspaper that Tang monk's meat contains carcinogens."

Having dinner with friends, half an hour passed and no food was served. At this time, the friend said to the waiter, let's have a pot of water to satisfy our hunger. The waiter came over and said, sir, you are so clean. . .

Sister-in-law said that there is no atmosphere in the Spring Festival now, so in order to feel the atmosphere of the Spring Festival, she bought a lot of new year's goods one month in advance … But yesterday, seven days before the Spring Festival, the new year's goods were eaten up by her sister-in-law. She said that the atmosphere of the Spring Festival was not strong, and she wanted to increase the atmosphere …

There is no bottle cap that can't be unscrewed, no bag that can't be lifted, no bucket that can't be lifted, and no endless rice. No boyfriend.

A touching sentence. Talk about your mood.

1. What is the beauty of feelings? It is a post station when you are tired, a support when you are helpless, a refuge when you are sad, and a practical and reliable support. In fact, true happiness is nothing more than caring for you with your heart, accompanying you with your life, and a pair of hands that are clenched with your fingers regardless of the wind and rain.

2, the world of love, I lost myself to you, I was lost in your swamp! The heart thinks, and the dream thinks! Thinking about it, I want to write it completely! The weak pen tip shows deep love for you! Since I can't think of it anymore, I will commemorate a meaningful love in this way!

3. Because of the sea of people, meeting is so unexpected; Because of love, feelings have irreplaceable exceptions. The truest love is always honest with each other; The best partner is always there.

Sometimes, no matter how beautiful the language is, it can't describe the feeling of love in our hearts. Fate sends us to each other, and we come and go in the depths of our souls, and we are warm to each other inadvertently, which is a perfect attachment.

5. The pace of growth will never stop for anyone. Unconsciously, in hindsight, the pace of time has brought him to the ferry of the world of mortals. The passionate years glow with the light of marriage by the bridge, and the beautiful and romantic love story makes many people willingly infatuated. In this world of mortals ferry, I finally met that special you in a crowded place, and I would like to accompany you for a lifetime. I am lucky to hold hands with you in this life, and I am willing to wait for you in this life.

6. I'm here, the passage of time. Sobbing for years, I was speechless. We, not forever, not forever. If the breeze can linger, go home hand in hand. I wish to be gentle all my life. Dressed in plain clothes, wash away the lead. Make a pot of new tea and be quiet with you.

7. Don't ask for dignity, don't care about glitz, 3,000 fahua, care for a lifetime. There it is. You are a cartoon that I miss all my life. Where have you been? Is that you? Is that you? I'm waiting for your reincarnation answer.

8, understand you, why do you have to say a thousand words, pay silently and cherish it deeply; Understand you, have no secrets, tell your grievances and listen to the hardships of life. Understand your hardships, your persistent dreams; It hurts your tears, your heart and your sincerity as a person. Heart to heart, hand in hand, life to life. Qianshan is no longer a distance, but a spiritual dependence; The end of time is no longer a legend, but a miracle of life

9. Slight wind walk on by, gently take away my homesickness; A faint cloud floated slowly, gently soothing my heart pain; Light rain falls gently, and light rain moistens my heart. I am most happy to walk with you.

10, no one is a fool. It's just that sometimes, we choose to feel that little thing called happiness foolishly. Don't be too mean to those who love you. Few people are really good to you all their lives. How many people wake up when everything is about to be lost: love is generous and cannot be consumed excessively. Everyone has a temper and bears all the anger for you, just because that person loves you more than you.

1 1. In the world of love, regret and happiness often coexist, and they go hand in hand. They didn't give up their pursuit, but faced life optimistically with a smile. Such as Xu Zhimo's sentence: I am lucky to get it; No, this is my life. That's all. Many feelings, many years, such as far apart, life is wrong, a little bitter, those are fate, smile and face it.

12, caring is a sad beauty. When you care about someone, you will wonder if he cares about you. In fact, caring and being cared for is indispensable in our life, because we care only because we like it, because we don't know whether the other person is also concerned about you, so we will be sad, and this kind of sadness can only be borne silently by ourselves. Sadness will make you sad and make you nervous in life.

13, I am an spoony white fox, Leng Xia, standing by your side, staring at the sky with spoony eyes, just waiting for you to return in the dust, just waiting for you to look back and lift the curtain of my missing, just waiting for the sweet A?vagho?a to awaken the silent red makeup. Who did Tianya lose to? Who will be a season late? If you get three promises, why are you afraid to leave and hurt? Thousand years of love remains unchanged, thousand years of love remains unchanged, and there is no regret in this life. In the world, only love is not old, only love is eternal, throw away the golden coat and just want to grow old with you!

14. If you love someone, don't live with him or get married. Maintain a vast distance, meet, can pay tribute to the eyes of love, light tenderness, irrelevant to ask: ok? Once a year is enough.

15, I am like a lotus, hiding loneliness and sadness with lotus leaves; Because you are in the middle of the water, the brisk dance steps follow the rhyme in your heart; Dance quietly and alone before the curtain call at dawn. Maybe in a few years, you will understand the unspeakable voice in my arms; How I wish you would stay where you are and wait for me until I cross Qian Shan to warm your heart.

16, the deepest love is to be with the person you love, to be together all the time, and to take care of the trivial things that pervade the fireworks life.

17, in your life, there will at least one time that you forget yourself for someone, asking for no company, no result, no ownership or even love, just meeting you in my most beautiful years.

18, I know your persistent heart has never changed. No matter what I have done to hurt you, you will never hold a grudge against me. Such boundless love is enough to move me for a lifetime. You promised me a deep affection, which I will remember in this life.

19, nothing in life is what you deserve. Try to focus on what you already have, not what you want; No matter how dull it is, it is also a unique little happiness of its own.

20. Thanks to the fate in life, I met you. There is a feeling that I will never be old, just for the beauty when I meet you; There is a kind of love, deep in my heart, just for the indifference when I fall in love with you. The happiest thing in this life is to hold your hand and walk together. When the earthly fireworks are slowly extinguished; When the glitz of your fingertips gradually dissipates, you still hold my hand like this. Years are old, but feelings are still there. It turns out that the best time in my life started from the moment I met you.

2 1, love is precious only when it is divided, and many people don't know how to cherish possession. I didn't find it until I lost it. In fact, the most familiar is the most precious.

22. It's not that I don't feel bad, it's not that I don't regret it, but I just don't have time to hug anymore. If I love someone but can't be together, I can't meet them at the right time. If I love them, I love them at the wrong time. What choice can I have but to cherish the tear in my heart and walk away silently?

23. Life is endless and lonely. Loneliness is the eternal theme of love. I am alone with my shadow. It said it had something to say to me. It says it misses you very much. It turns out that my shadow and I are thinking about you.

24. If they appeared earlier, they might not hold another person's finger tightly, or they might meet later. Later, in their respective love experiences, they gradually learned tolerance, thoughtfulness, kindness and compromise. Maybe when they come together, they won't give up so easily, turn around willfully and let go of love.

25. Time will slowly precipitate, and some people will gradually blur in your heart. Learn to let go, your happiness needs to be realized by yourself.

26. There are only two emotions in the world that can be called romance. One is caring for each other, and the other is forgetting each other in the rivers and lakes. What we have to do is to care about the people we love the most and forget the people we love for the second time.

Birds in the sky, are you lonelier than me, or am I sadder than you? Stay with me for the rest of the time, okay, so that you won't be lonely and I won't be sad.

28. I don't like talking, but I talk the most every day. I don't like to laugh, but I always laugh. People around me say that my life is so happy, so I think I am really happy. But why did I suddenly become silent among a large group of friends? Why do I feel sad when I see a similar figure in the crowd? I forgot to talk when I watched the trees fall leaves madly in autumn, and I forgot the original direction when I watched the warm yellow light on the road as it was getting late. ...

29. I didn't know that when I died, it was so bleak to stare at the sky, and the plaintive cries of snowbirds swept away obliquely. I saw your face in the light blue sky, so I smiled, because I saw you, as happy as a child.

30. I can feel your heartache. You have unspeakable helplessness, but you show indifference. The more you do this, the worse I feel.

Beautiful and sad sentences are beautiful to the soul.

1. A flower on the other side, whether lonely in midsummer or beautiful and prosperous on the ecliptic, is a special road that we can't cross all our lives.

2. Some roads still need to be taken by yourself, and no one needs to accompany them; In some scenes, I only touched myself, not others.

3. If you love someone too much, it's always you who get hurt.

4. Time makes deep things deeper and shallow things shallower and shallower. If you look down, you will get less hurt. Time has changed, love will fade and break up. Don't wait for someone who shouldn't wait, and don't be heartbroken. It really takes a long time to understand the people and things you really miss.

I used to think that love at first sight would be the most beautiful encounter in my life; I used to think that such a promise would be the most eternal scenery in my dull years; I used to think that such a soul mate would be my pursuit with no regrets. But I don't know, sometimes prosperous, sometimes lonely, but I can't read a trace of lingering in my heart, and I can't understand a trace of deep affection in my heart.

6. The dream is gone and my heart is broken. I just stay to prepare for leaving.

7. Conditions for an ideal husband: Take it out and bring it back.

8. Are you always staring at the sunset and the sadness of being homeless?

9. I always hide in the depths of dreams and seasons, listening to flowers and singing nightmares at night, singing prosperity and singing away all my memories.

10. Time didn't wait for me, but you forgot to take me away. I have a firefly in my left hand and a ten-year meditation in my right hand.

1 1. I don't want you to cry. I want to cry. I will cry the last tear with you.

12. Once all the happiness disappears, can we go back to the past?

13. Some people will be engraved in their memories forever. Even if they forget his voice, his smile and his face, the feeling when they think of him will never change.

14. I don't know what the pressure has brought me, but I don't know if I can survive if I add the pressure of love.

15. As many smiles as there are on my face, there are many stories behind me.

16. Love is as simple as that. You have me and I have you. I want to give up everything, but I find it more difficult than anything.

17. Work, take a step back and broaden the horizon; Love, take a step back and broaden the horizon.

18. I have lost contact and missed, and my last hope has vanished. My heart is so tired. Does it hurt? I don't understand.

19. Lost in the rain, lost in the wind, forgotten like yesterday's running water, on the other side of the sea, the sunset will accompany you. Morning star is language! Love, tears in dreams!

If we leave early, maybe we will feel better and love ourselves more.

2 1. Those who say they will never part have already been scattered all over the world.

I can't touch your tenderness, but I get your sad eyes.

23. The rivers and lakes in the dream are full of flowers, people come and go, and they are prosperous.

24. The sky is clear in Wan Li, so sometimes happiness will slip away no matter how tightly you hold it.

25. One is always on a strange road, watching strange scenery and listening to familiar songs, and then thinking of our days in a casual moment. A familiar face, a familiar look.

26. The solemnity of moonlight, the soul of music, everything is just an illusion and fleeting.

27. No matter how lonely, those figures will never be forgotten.

28. We laughed and said that we stayed in the same place in time, but in fact we had already been swept away silently by the torrent.

29. Loneliness at night, I hope the lights outside can block the haze in my heart.

30. Tears exist to prove that everything is not an illusion. I really want to make everything I think come true.

3 1. Some things are fake and we can't see them. Some things are real, but we can't get them.

32. Everyone is a king, dominating in his own world. You don't listen to me, but you don't want me to listen to you either.

There are so many places around a person that you can pay so much. In this small circle, some people want to come in and have to leave.

34. One is always on a strange road, watching strange scenery and listening to strange songs. Then one day, you will find that you have really forgotten what you tried to forget.

35. Not every effort will be rewarded, but every effort must be rewarded, which is an unfair and irreversible proposition.

36. Love is an innocent kite, pulling the one who cares most.

37. Yue Lao's red line, half of us, was finally pulled to the limit by us.

38. A little lonely. I don't know what to say. Let it die in silence. I'm leaving. Actually, I haven't been here either, but my heart is particularly soft at night.

39. If silence can replace my weakness, I would rather be so weak.

40. Always born in a casual year. Look back at the other side. Even if it is found that the situation is longer.

4 1. I always wonder whether my memory lives at the other end of the note and whether my ring dies at this end of the note.

42. It's raining. I'm standing in the Woods. I can't tell whether it's tears or rain on my face, so I listen to our memories quietly.

43. I'd rather we never cared about each other. I hope we never forget each other.

44. Perhaps the price of going too far is loneliness.

45. I just want to be an audience, because I don't want to be contaminated with too many worldly noises.

46. I miss what you no longer miss.

47. I am on the other side of the river, and the watchman has come back, and there is no hope of coming back.

48. Live a safe life. I know.

49. Memory is like water in the palm of your hand. Whether you spread it out or hold it tightly, it will eventually flow clean through your fingers.

50. I forgot which wall I carved a face on-Zhang Wei smiled and stared at my face sadly.

5 1. There is a forgotten corner in the world, and my heart will always be persistent.

52. Love is so complicated, and being injured is also a kind of happiness. You'll understand after more experience.