Don't judge others by the standards of saints, ordinary people's standards require themselves.

The contradiction between people mainly comes from the fact that there are always a group of people who are used to measuring others by the standards of saints and demanding themselves by the standards of ordinary people.

This is a message sent by a friend in a circle of friends. I happened to meet something and thought it was just useful, so I used it as a title.

Come and read my story to you.

My father and uncle are brothers and have a very good relationship. Three generations in the family follow, the father is the son, the brother is the younger brother, and the husband is the wife. It's really not an exaggeration. Both sons are very filial and listen to grandpa. My father not only listens to my grandfather, but also listens to my uncle. My uncle's family has excellent living conditions. My uncle is a senior leader in an auto parts factory and my aunt is an accountant in a middle school. My parents are both working-class people. For several years, my father didn't have a job, and I took care of my grandfather at home. Only my mother has gone to work, and I can't live in poverty, but it's just right. My parents are very frugal people, and my uncle will take care of our family. My grandfather lives with us and my uncle has less time to take care of him. It is always necessary for two sons to support their father, but there is always a division of labor. One pays and the other contributes. This is basically the lifestyle of every family. Cousin, my uncle's daughter, is one year older than me. We are all born in 1980s, so we are all only children in our family, so we basically grew up together. From babbling, elementary school, middle school, high school, college … before high school, we almost all played together. She has a strong sense of superiority, good family conditions and parents are willing to spoil her. She has always had a lot of pocket money since she was a child, and she will take care of me when she was a child. She will give me some things she bought and take me to play. When she was a child, she was fine. She is always a playmate, eating, drinking and having fun. Children are all the same. No matter how old we are, we were in the same class in high school, that is, we drifted away from each other from then on. When you grow up, you will always have your own small circle, new friends and new playmates. Slowly in the study life, know more truth, establish your own three views, your own bottom line. Choose friends with similar attributes, play together, study together and communicate together. Until she graduated from college, she worked in city C, and I worked in city B, which is my hometown, with less and less contact. Two cities and two families still come and go. Until my father died, our contact was almost zero, very few, and several contacts were not very pleasant.

Some people will ask why? Why? Why do good sisters who grew up together go further and further? In fact, it is also very simple, that is, one party asks the other party to walk around her and do something unreasonable, and the other party doesn't want to meet her unreasonable demands. At the very least, I think it's too much, at the very least, inappropriate.

In fact, over time, it is really enough. I don't want to talk to someone who speaks well of you on the surface, but is actually calculating you. Waste time and feelings. How can there be others except mutual dislike? After college and work, the most contact at that time was talking about her love life by phone, always treating me as an emotional trash can. At first, there was nothing, sister. Listen to what will happen. Outsiders always see more clearly than insiders, and there is nothing wrong with a little idea to help clean up. But after a long time, I don't want to. Why? Because you never know which sentence she said is true and which sentence is false. Really tired. What she said to me today will get a different version from my mother in a few days. I don't want to spend time thinking and listening to stories made up by lies. It's always like this. After a long time, people's patience will always end. I really don't want to waste time on one story after another, at least I don't get the respect I deserve. Some people will think I am melodramatic, but I want to live so melodramatic. The second half of junior year is basically an internship, and there is no need to go to school. My uncle and mother took me to C, where she works, to buy some necessities for the decorated house. We can't drive, so we can only take a taxi or take a bus. Either way, it is too painful for me, because I am carsick. Every time we go shopping, we carry it to the sixth floor by ourselves, time and time again, for about a week. At that time, she was traveling with her colleagues and had a good time. Busy for almost a week, ready to go home, I made an appointment with a friend who came to see the exhibition in C city to go home together. In 20 10, she had a boyfriend, older than her 1 1 year. The family didn't agree. My uncle bought her a house and a car in C city, and she has a regular job. With such a good condition, everyone can have a better choice. Why do you have to choose a big 1 1 year-old? But my cousin didn't listen, my uncle and aunt couldn't beat my daughter, and finally agreed to this marriage. Uncle and aunt are depressed, and they will be stronger all their lives, all of which are ruined by their daughters. Later, because the uncle company wanted to sell, there were some problems with the shares. I don't know the details, but I know my uncle was anxious and angry. He was beaten several times and went to the hospital. The diagnosis was cerebral thrombosis, and the condition was repeated three or four times. Finally, I can only be hospitalized in C city. In order to take care of my uncle, my father took a long vacation to C city, and my uncle's temperament changed greatly due to illness. Back and forth for half a year, and then my mother went. Later, my father returned to B because of rheumatism, and he couldn't walk without external help. I can't help it. My mother can only stay alone in C City to accompany my aunt to take care of my uncle, and I will take care of my father at home. Where was my cousin at that time? They all say that they are busy with work, can't take care of them, and have to take care of their small families. I just came to the hospital to visit my uncle. After everyone finished eating in the hospital, my mother washed the dishes. My cousin didn't do anything. It was just a routine. She came to see it and left. My aunt said nothing. Father and uncle are brothers, so it is inevitable to take care of them. My mother will also tell me that your uncle has helped our family a lot over the years, and this is a debt owed, and human feelings should also be paid. Later, after repeated tossing, my father was seriously ill and died of cerebral hemorrhage. I finished the funeral with the help of my sisters and brother-in-law. Where was my cousin at that time? My brother-in-law and I watched the computer in my small bedroom, speechless.

Since my father died, my mother, uncle and I have visited the grave every year in Tomb-Sweeping Day and New Year. Have you been to my cousin's? These two cities are four hours' drive. You have a job, so I'll ask again. Do you call my mother every year to say "Happy Chinese New Year, Auntie"? Not once. In 20 14, I resigned from b city to work in Shanghai. My mother went to my second cousin's house to help take care of her newborn sister. What did you call me to say, let my mother take care of my sick uncle and you take care of my mother who has just been diagnosed with cancer, right? I just want to ask who is the reason. Do you think it is appropriate for a widowed aunt to take care of your sick father? I can't even agree with emotion and reason. You can find a nanny to take care of the lives of two old people in C city, but what did you do? You sent your sick father back to the nursing home in B city. This is also the way to be a child. Even if I send my father to a nursing home, isn't it in C city? Aren't you worried about your father who is alone in the nursing home? When I heard the news, you said I didn't understand you, accusing me of contacting your ex-husband too much and saying everything. I really want to say that I really don't know your ex-husband. I just greet each other on WeChat. Let me also talk about your eldest daughter and my little niece. There is really nothing else, just their current situation and sporadic family situation. Is this too much? Every time you send a message and make a phone call, you always tell me that it doesn't matter if he is bad, but I want to say that it is your choice to be bad again. And almost every year during the Chinese New Year, my ex-brother-in-law will receive a mass blessing message from me, and he will reply with a message asking me to say hello to my aunt. Tell me to take good care of my mother. It's not easy for two people, and health is very important. What about you? Do you have a greeting for the Spring Festival? No, no, nothing. That's when I learned that you two were divorced. Of course, this goes without saying. This is your own business. Everyone has the right to privacy. It's nothing, but you have no right to accuse me. I can only say that you think too much about what you say. You always want people around you. In your heart, you should always think that my uncle takes care of my family a lot. My uncle arranged my father's work and mine, and I think we owe it to your family. But that's their brotherhood. What do you care? Moreover, my father, if not so many things happened, was not so depressed, so worried and so rested during my father's care for my uncle, how could my father die so early? When a person dies, the debt is gone, and all the debts should be gone. To put it mildly, my dad used his life to pay everything our family owed our uncle, so what big day can we live?

Recently, menstruation came to see my mother again and wanted her to go to C City to take care of my cousin's little daughter, who was born by her and her current husband. Her husband's mother-in-law only pays them to take care of the children themselves. My aunt said that her husband's family didn't ask anyone, and she didn't care about anything. Her daughter is very tired and has no reliable person. Her own cancer is now a strong job, so I can't give this life to my daughter and let my mother help her. Mom said, what about my daughter? I don't trust her alone. Aunt replied that she is too old to take care of herself, and now she feels that it is good not to get married and she is very comfortable alone. My mother still declined my aunt's request, but promised to help see if there were any suitable and reliable candidates. There are only two girls in our family. My mother is almost 30 years old, and her heart is not very good. At a certain age, her figure is average. I was just wondering how my aunt could say such a thing to my mother. How selfish you are to sacrifice others and their daughters for your own daughter. Besides, I hate what my aunt said about my cousin's house. When it's good, she exalts people to heaven. When it was bad, she said they were worthless. Really not good. Can't be objective, but don't be too extreme. On the other hand, my aunt spends most of her time in Changchun, and my cousin's family can afford to hire a nanny. As long as the aunt and nanny look after the children at home, there is no problem at all. This method is very feasible.

This year in Tomb-Sweeping Day, my cousin called me and told me that she had come back to visit the grave. This is the first time in many years. She wants to ask me out at six o'clock in the evening. Because there is an exam at the end of the month, I am learning to listen to the teacher online, and I politely refused. Maybe it's wrong for me to do so, but I really don't want to face a hypocritical face. Even if I don't go out, I know what she wants to say to me, which is nothing more than persuading my mother to help her for a while and take care of her little daughter. Everyone has chosen their own path, even if it is difficult again, they should bite their teeth and go on. Not only you, but everyone is the same, bearing their own choices.

Perhaps because of this, my cousin sent me a message last night, which read: "You made me understand eight words,' The world is cold and heartless', and I will not be disturbed at any time or anything in the future. If someone asks you in the future, you won't know, and you will be grateful if you don't know me. "

I'm really ashamed. I can't accept the words "the world is cold and heartless". It's never as good as your interpretation. I don't want to blame anyone, and no one is qualified to blame me. But objectively speaking, I really don't owe anyone anything except my mother's kindness. When people are alive, they really don't have to measure others by the standards of saints. Ordinary people's standards require themselves. You always demand yourself by the standards of a saint, asking nothing else, putting yourself in the other's shoes, and everything will be solved.

Caution, caution and gratitude are six words: you, me, him, her and it.