How to minimize the harm to children when parents divorce?

First, just separate, don't tear. We are all adults. We are together because of love, and now we leave for a better life and a peaceful breakup.

Second, tell the children the following words: "Mom and Dad are unhappy living together, and we need to live separately, but we still love you and remain your mom and dad. You can live with anyone if you like. "

Third, after divorce, the other party should be allowed the right to visit.

Fourth, after divorce, don't speak ill of each other, especially in front of children.

Fifth, live more actively after divorce, instead of frowning; Believe in love and look forward to the next relationship. This is to send a positive message to children: life is beautiful, I have never lost confidence in it, and marriage is also very important to me, because it makes me feel great, so I fight for it.

Sixth, if the other person is ready to start a new relationship, please bless. At the same time, don't get involved in each other's emotional life because of children's emotional ties, and try to reduce this interference, even if it is 0.

Finally, the specific analysis of the specific situation shows that the above is almost a common part of every divorced couple.

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Because many couples feel lonely in marriage, they always feel that the other party can't understand themselves, so in the end, even if divorce is painful, it is a way for them to go. But for children, where can they go if their parents make them feel lonely? Even if divorce is skinning, you can choose your partner again after all. Can children choose their parents again?

It's impossible. What kind of parents he has had since he was born is his life and his luck. He is lucky that you can give it to her. If you can't give it to him, he can only suffer. In the process of growing up, what children need most is not others, but high-quality companionship!

A child who is not accompanied by his parents with high quality is very lonely in his spiritual world. Even if his parents are by his side every day, he may still not feel understanding and support.

Therefore, if our parents really divorce in the end, your high-quality company with your children will minimize the harm to them.

What is high-quality companionship? It is the communication between hearts, the voice of spirit and emotion. It is peaceful and quiet. Focus and devotion. Even if this companionship is half an hour, the child will feel very, very satisfied.

The real companionship is not what you want to do, but I am willing to accompany you patiently no matter what you are doing.

In addition, first and foremost, high-quality companionship needs to be carried out regularly, just like bank deposits. Usually, high-quality companionship is to save money, and when encountering conflicts, it is to withdraw money. If you don't save money at ordinary times, you can't take it out at critical moments. This is true for children and lovers.

Before the harm to children is minimized, the harm to parents themselves should also be minimized. Only in this way can children really be protected.

In our life, we often see some couples with bad feelings who will live together under the banner of "for the children", but in fact this is not good for the children.

Children certainly need a complete family, but if the atmosphere of this family is cold and the relationship between his most important parents is cold, it is really harmful to children.

Especially those parents who wait for their children to finish the college entrance examination before divorcing, have you ever thought about their children's guilt-you put up with each other for me, not because you love each other, and my existence is your pain, not your love.

Therefore, when the relationship between husband and wife is really broken, irreparable and unbearable, separation is the best choice and the healthiest choice.

Parents who live in pain cannot bring happiness and light to their children. After divorce, both parties have the opportunity to find their own happiness again.

In fact, when the relationship between husband and wife breaks down and divorces, we are full of negative emotions towards each other, which will make us unbearable, unable to solve and want to escape. And this kind of escape will eventually make the child bear the responsibility that he should not bear.

I said a practical example, my mother's best friend, when the child was very young, her husband cheated and divorced, and her husband and mistress combined to form a new family, and the child was raised by her husband.

Because she hates her ex-husband, she doesn't want to see her ex-husband and that woman at all. In order to escape the pain, she finally married a man from Hong Kong, away from home and children.

Until in recent years, when she really let go of that pain, the child has been destroyed.

Let's sort out the responsibility relationship in divorce:

Divorce is the end of the relationship between husband and wife, but it is the breakdown of the relationship between two adults, not the breakdown of parent-child relationship, and it is also the responsibility that adults should shoulder.

No matter in law or in blood, it does not support the breakdown of parent-child relationship, father or child's father, mother or child's mother.

A child needs to know the model of parental relationship, but it doesn't mean that he needs to bear any responsibility for it.

No matter why the relationship between husband and wife broke up and divorced, both sides in the relationship should be responsible for it. Facing the problem directly is already a way of ending-you have made a decision for this relationship and made a decision for this pain, and the matter is over.

Emotionally understandable, but this matter has ended with the signing of the divorce certificate, and no one needs to pay any price for this relationship. Please admit this. Only in this way can you have a chance to reduce the harm to children.

In the case that both husband and wife can agree with the second point, it is the best choice to confess this matter with the children.

Children will be sad, especially young children. Narcissistic children always want their parents to be around forever, and they know that they are the crystallization of their parents' love. This sadness stems from their incomprehension of the concept of "divorce". Explain this to the child in words he can understand (one of the explanations described by the topic is that the child knows that he can't sleep with his parents).

What we really need to do is to continue to care about our children and keep emotional contact with them.

Thirdly, the relationship between husband and wife is broken, and divorce is the purpose, not the child.

You can't let go, hate and never want to see each other again, but you can still see the child and give him the maternal love and fatherly love he deserves.

Tell him in words that mom and dad didn't abandon him, and prove to him in action that mom and dad still love him so much.

In today's society, the divorce rate remains high. Unlike before, parents' divorce is still an alternative, worrying that children will be laughed at by classmates or have other strange eyes. Therefore, the harm from the social environment is basically negligible.

If conditions permit, it is actually recommended that children live with their mothers. After all, children need their mothers more when they are young. And in reality, both parties may remarry, and the stepfather will treat the stepson better than the stepmother to a great extent. Of course, this requires mothers to keep their eyes open, and children must be considered when they remarry.

The child is too young to know much. Now he feels he can't sleep with his parents. Let him think so first. No matter who the child is with, don't speak ill of each other in front of the child. Tell him that his parents still love him, spend more time with his children on weekends, and tell him slowly when he grows up.

1. Father or father, mother or mother, love for children remains unchanged, as always.

2. Don't speak ill of each other, and make children feel that they have bad parents.

Don't pass on your emotions to your child, put a lot of pressure on her, and pay more attention to your child.

Most parents still love their children when they quarrel. Even if they decide to separate or even divorce, they still love their children deeply, but the problems between them have transcended everything, including their love for their children.

The emotional relationship between parents is their business. As adults, they have the right to decide how to live their own lives, and of course they have the responsibility to bear the consequences of their own decisions. If they still love their children, they can do something to minimize the harm and pain caused by their conflicts and breakups.

1 Try to be honest with your children.

Tell your child frankly that it is normal for parents to disagree, and no two people can agree on everything. Tell your child frankly that you are unhappy after quarreling with each other, but never criticize or scold each other in front of your child. You can say to your child, "This quarrel makes me feel very tired and a little disappointed." But you can't say, "Your father is unreasonable. He makes me very tired. " If you can, say to the child, "Dad has his own opinion, which is also good for us, but I can't agree with some of it." This is to give each other affirmation in front of children.

If you cry, don't deny it when the child asks you, just admit it frankly. Crying is not a shameful, sinful or wrong thing, nor is it something that only the weak do. Everyone will cry sometimes, even when all emotions reach a certain level, tears will flow out.

Never blame the pain on the other person or children.

No matter what emotions or pains you have, you must understand that this is your own life, your own responsibility, and everything has consequences caused by your own decisions. Never blame each other in front of the children, let alone say that these problems are the children's fault or caused by them, even if they are joking.

You can say to your children:

Everyone will have troubles and disappointments, and that's what I am now.

Your father/mother and I disagree on some things, which is normal, because no two people can agree on everything.

It's none of your business. Mom and dad's love for you is exactly the same as before and has never changed.

If your child is older, you can talk to you about your inner feelings like a friend. You can bring out an inner emotion and talk to your child. The principles mentioned above must be observed (don't criticize each other). If you can't do this, you shouldn't talk to your children.

No matter what happens, parents' love for their children will not change.

If both parents can communicate with their children in the process of conflicts and quarrels according to the above practices, the children will feel uncomfortable, but they will feel that their parents know how to deal with their own problems, which will reduce problems and self-blame. More importantly, when parents are willing to discuss their inner feelings with their children, children will also be willing to tell their parents their inner feelings frankly and accept their parents' guidance in the conversation.

If the emotional relationship between parents continues to deteriorate until it reaches the point of separation or divorce, with the above parent-child relationship, the child's psychological troubles can be maintained and will not deteriorate. When separation and divorce are a foregone conclusion, parents can establish a closer relationship with their children and support each other.

In this way, nothing will change this love except that parents assure their children in words during the whole process that their love for their children remains the same as before. In actual contact, children will really feel this. In this way, children can accept the fact that their parents have separated. Although they feel sorry and helpless, they can continue to grow up because they still enjoy the love and support of their parents.

4. The right to live with children and meet them.

One of the problems brought about by separation or divorce is which party has custody of the children and the other party has visitation rights. Many failed marriages end in hatred and revenge, and children are often used as tools to hurt each other. A relationship that begins with love. In this process, two people have exactly the same responsibility for the development of this relationship. It's a pity to break up because we can't get along, but it shouldn't end in hatred and revenge. Using children to hurt each other because of spouse's problems is completely ignoring innocent children and parents' responsibilities.

The court will comprehensively consider the financial ability, lifestyle, psychological state and other factors of both parents, and decide which one has custody rights for the child and the other has visitation rights for the child. But this is from the perspective of law, not from the perspective of parents. Two people are bound by love. Now, if the love for each other has completely disappeared, it is very sad to even handle things by legal means. Using this incident to hurt each other, the child is hurt much more than the other party. This is simply to retaliate against each other at the expense of the child's happy life. Every time the other person feels pain, the possibility of a child's happiness is reduced by 2%.

For couples who have separated or divorced, it is best to keep such a mentality: "My marriage has failed, and I should do something to reduce the harm to my children. The other party is the father/mother of the child. The child wants to see his father/mother more. I should satisfy his wishes as much as possible. " With this attitude, try to reach the best agreement with the other party on when and how long to see the children from the perspective of meeting the environmental conditions and taking care of the children.

5 Time spent by children with their parents

It is an unchangeable fact that separated or divorced couples are still the parents of their children. Parents have the responsibility to be with their children, and children have the right to be with their parents, so we should arrange some time for three people to be together. When three people are together, it is not that husband and wife are together, but that parents and children are together. If three people live in the same city, once a week is not too much, at least once a month. If the husband and wife live in different places after breaking up, it is very meaningful for the children to take advantage of the long vacation twice a year to visit each other and travel by the way.

Three people can go for a walk in the park, or go hiking, swimming, shopping, drinking tea, going to the zoo and so on. The most important thing is that three people should always maintain a harmonious and happy atmosphere together. If not, it is better not to arrange a three-person group than a nervous three-person group, because without a three-person group, the child can still maintain a vision, parents quarrel in front of the child, and the child will feel desperate.

Parents who have separated or divorced, although they are not husband and wife, can still respect each other in two identities when they meet: ① the other party is a person; ② The other party is the father/mother of his beloved child.

6 Some situations caused by remarriage

A father remarried his daughter after divorce. He forced her to call her "mom". The daughter resisted, and the father thought that her daughter didn't respect her stepmother, so he beat her up and committed suicide. There are many such examples, most of which will not necessarily end in the child's suicide, but there will be many problems in the relationship between the child and the father, and there will be many problems in the life at home. Of course, this example is limited to the father. In China, mothers remarried with their children more often than fathers remarried with their children. In addition, it is very common for stepmother or stepfather not to accept the children that come with the wedding.

Parents are above everything else in their children's minds, and no one can replace them. Therefore, the correct way to deal with the relationship between remarried partners and children is:

Don't force your child to call his new partner "father" or "mother", you can use "aunt" or "uncle" instead. Don't let your child do it even if he wants to. Tell the child that he has only one "father" or "mother", and no one can replace him to show respect for his broken-up partner. In this way, the child will have a good impression in his heart and his mentality will be more stable.

A new partner should say this to the child (assuming it is a stepmother to her son): "I am not your mother, and I can't do what only your mother can do for you." However, I will try my best to do something for you to make you feel the love, warmth, protection and harmony of this family. I hope I can have a good and pleasant communication with you. I will respect your position and rights in this family, just as I respect your mother's position in your heart. I hope you can respect me, too. "

In this way, the new partner can establish a harmonious relationship with the child without encroaching on the position of the child's mother in the family system. If the child's mother is willing, the new partner can attend the three-person party of husband, child and biological mother, so that the child can see the harmony and acceptance among the four, and the child will feel more at ease.

A new partner can say to the child's mother, "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to take care of your child. I can't give him what only you can give him, but I will try my best to do what I can for him and let him get the best growth. "

The child is only three years old. Although he seems to know nothing, the fact that he can't play and sleep alone with his parents brings him a sense of loss. The harm caused by parents' divorce to children is inevitable, but if the relationship between husband and wife really comes to an end, it can only minimize the harm to children as much as possible.

Although the relationship between husband and wife is gone, for the sake of children, the two still have to maintain friendly exchanges. Caregivers should not deprive the other party of the right to raise children. Both sides should, as always, care for their children, accompany them and prevent them from losing their father's love or maternal love because of their parents' divorce. In addition, parents' emotions should also remain calm. If parents' mood fluctuates greatly and they love to lose their temper with their children, it is easy for them to fall into gloomy mood.

In my opinion, what children fear most is that their parents don't love themselves, as long as they know that their parents are there anyway. In this way, the separation of his parents will not hurt him too much.

Parents' divorce is inherently harmful to their children. In the process of children's growth, they will bear the shadow of single-parent families, and they can't reduce the harm to their children.

Parents' divorce does great harm to their children. Because the growth of children needs the care and companionship of parents. How can we minimize the harm to children? First of all, the relationship between parents should be kept good. Although divorce is necessary, having children is a fact. Both parents should have the right to visit and execute, because divorce is already a kind of harm to children, but in the later stage, they should spend time with each other to restrain the psychology and all aspects of children in recovery period, so that their growth will not be distorted. I will not feel inferior in my heart.