A complete collection of ancient and modern jokes with topics

A tall boy and a girl meet for the first time. The girl was overjoyed to see the boy tall and asked the boy, "How tall are you?" ... "The boy smiled. The girl blushed when she knew that she had asked the wrong question. I quickly changed my mind. "I mean, how long have you been? "The boy fainted ~ ~

Ann, 20 years old, keeps a duckling, talks to it every day and takes it downstairs for a walk on Sunday. Before going out, mother told Ann, "Be safe." An An said seriously, "Don't worry, Mom. I have already told it that the security is not good now and I can't talk to strange ducks. "

"Dear, what basis do you have to say that our children will become politicians in the future?" "Madam, he is full of rambling rhetoric. In this respect, he is better than many children!"

A: Young and beautiful women, if they go to obstetrics and gynecology, is it better to see a male doctor or a female doctor? B: Male doctor. A: What's the reason? B: He will look at all parts of his body carefully and won't act rashly.

The coach comforted his lost boxer and said, "Never mind, you scared him enough in the third game." "He's afraid of me, too?" "Yes, he thought he killed you."

In the hotel restaurant, the customer said to the waiter, "Can you tell me how often the tablecloth in your restaurant is changed?" "Unfortunately, I can't tell you, because I have only worked here for three months."

The girl who served the food served several courses in succession. At this moment, one of them said, "Miss, why don't you sign up for serving?" The girl blushed and said, "Hey, what's the name of the dish?" My name is Ernie. "

A little girl saw that the boy had one more thing than herself and asked, what is it? I was told it was the small intestine. When the girl returned to her mother's house after marriage, her sister-in-law asked her how her husband's family was. She said that her mother-in-law was stingy and her family was poor. Sister-in-law said, then what happened to you and him? She said, if I hadn't looked at his small intestine, I would have stopped talking to them!

I took my son to the store to buy food. My son has been undecided for a long time. I was a little anxious and said to my son, "Men should do things simply. Think about what his father usually does? " Without hesitation, the son shouted, "A bottle of Erguotou!" Excerpted from the short message book. com

Jade Mother: Jade Emperor! Now there are rumors outside that there are many things between you and Chang 'e, saying that Chang 'e's body hair is coquettish to seduce you. Jade Emperor: You fucking fart! Chang 'e is an authentic white tiger.

A: First of all, my surname is Zhao. Second, I really want to sleep with Oh Mom. Third, if you dare to scold me, I'll take it as my son scolding Lao Tzu.

Boys ask girls: Q: How dare you enter through the front door when you are late for class? A: It was intentional. Can't you see I'm wearing a new skirt?

Boys ask girls: Q: Will you talk about boys in the same class as we talk about girls in the same class after lights out? A: Yes, but not as often as one third of the boys in senior three.

Boys ask girls: Q: On the dance floor, what is the smallest way to get rejected? Do you want the truth? There is only one way-call each other by their first names. Nothing else is guaranteed.

Xiao Ming asked, "Can you use two digital symbols to express a man's expression when he sees a beautiful woman?" Zhi Duoxing replied: "Absolute value (straight), natural number (vertical)."

The husband slept on a wooden bed without bedding and felt too hard. Then he cried, "It's hard down there." The wife responded in the kitchen: "I'll come as soon as I clean up the dishes."

Husband: "Everyone says that breast milk is the most nutritious, but you don't want to breastfeed your child. Why? " Wife: "It's not that I don't want to, it's that children don't like it." Because there is a strong smell of smoke here. "Husband:" Oh, no wonder! "

The child was in a hurry to urinate, and the mother persuaded: "Hold on for a while and we will arrive at the station." The child said, "I can't hold on. Let me pee in your mouth." Mother was very angry and said, "Bastard, don't talk nonsense!" " ""Dad, every night, why can't I? ！” The child said wronged.

The prostitute is explaining to the police that she is not engaged in prostitution. She said, "I just sold him a dollar condom. I was teaching him how to use it just now. "

Shop assistant: "I heard that you have a disease." Why does the boss give you a high salary to come to work? " Female secretary: "I am infertile."

A leader stood up, raised his glass to a lady at the dining table and said, "Look, I have been holding it for a long time. Please reply and do it happily! "

Xiaoli saw that her mother had a lot of hair and asked her mother, what is that? Mom said, that's a black sponge. You will know when you grow up. The next day, Xiaoli said to her mother, Mom, I know what a black sponge is. Mom said: How do you know? Xiaoli said: I saw my father wiping his mouth with Aunt Wang's black sponge next door this morning!

Two old people watch nude paintings. A said the model was wearing a three-point dress, and B said she was naked. To this end, the two worked hard. B said, "If you wear three points, there won't be such a big seam below?" A said, "That's, that's a crack. It's the zipper of pants. "

There is red-cooked chicken on the lunch menu in the canteen, and every one is disgusting. On the way to the canteen, I met a classmate who had already bought a meal and asked, "What's delicious at noon?" Answer: "Braised chicken feathers."

Daughter-in-law sleeps with her grandson, who is always awake. Daughter-in-law said: if you don't sleep well, I will sleep with grandpa. The old man happened to hear it and was very happy. He hurried back to the house to make the bed. I waited for a long time, but my daughter-in-law didn't come. Then he went to his daughter-in-law's window and said that adults should keep their word.

The husband was about to leave, and his ruddy wife clung to him. The husband didn't understand and asked, "What happened today?" The wife said shyly, "I am afraid that you will go out to sell surplus grain, so I will try my best to make you pay more public grain." "

In summer, a gentleman just bought a banana and got on the bus. The bus is very crowded. Unfortunately, the banana was on the ass of a young female passenger in front wearing a skirt. The female passenger thought it was the job and shouted "rogue"! The gentleman looked aggrieved and replied loudly, "You are really a man. Can't tell hot from cold? "

A girl walked into the management department of a big company and asked, "Do you want a female secretary?" "Miss, we would like to hire you, but there is no job to do in the current economic crisis." "I don't care if I have a job, as long as I have a salary!"

A village teacher stutters. One day in an open class, the students were guided to read the text aloud: "The Japanese devil entered the village, and the teacher who was listening to the class next to him smiled. The teacher was very anxious and said to his students, "No matter which day I have it, you are only allowed to have it once." "

Yesterday, I said to a MM, "I couldn't get through calling you yesterday." "Oh, I was downloading it yesterday." At this time, another MM leaned in and said, "My puppy was born yesterday."

An old man walked slowly along the street and saw a little boy reaching for the doorbell, but the doorbell was too high to reach. The kind old man stopped and said to the child, "I'll ring the doorbell for you." So he rang the doorbell so hard that the whole house heard him. At this time, the child said to the old man, "Now let's run away, quick!" " "

When the bus driver passed a mountain village, he asked a resident, "Excuse me, where can I find auto parts here?" "Go ahead, there is a canyon after that sharp turn, and there are many more below."

One day. A robber broke into the girl's dormitory and shouted at the prisoner, "Don't move, put your hand on the bird!" " The girl was startled and said, "We didn't! ？” The robber shouted, "I have! " "

Call a Japanese businessman and say, "I'm looking for Mr. Taro." The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week." The next day, I called Taro again. This time, the operator was a little annoyed and said, "I always told you that he died last week." Why are you calling? "The man said," because I just like listening. "

The mother took the child to the supermarket to shop, and after entering the store, she untied the child's belt. The salesman asked curiously why. Mother replied, "He is busy lifting his pants with both hands, so he can't grab things everywhere."

A: "You are a famous judge, why don't you learn some legal knowledge?" B: "I'm scared!" A: "What are you afraid of?" B: "knowing the law and breaking the law will increase the crime."

The girl sells peaches, and her crotch is broken, revealing the key parts. Seeing her, the man was embarrassed to say it directly, just saying it was exposed. The girl said, "How can others know it's a peach if it's not exposed?" The man said, "How can a peach be called a peach if it doesn't show its hair?" The man said, "Open your mouth." The girl said, "Open your mouth."

People who are impatient go to the noodle restaurant to eat Lamian Noodles. I can't wait to ask the man, "Why didn't my face come up?" The man said, "Don't worry, don't worry, the master is pulling!" " "Then the master came over with hot noodles and said enthusiastically," Just pulled it! It's still steaming. Please eat! "From the short message. com

A young man works in an antique shop. I must have broken an expensive glass bottle in the shop. The boss is very angry: "I want to deduct the price of this bottle of wine from your monthly salary." Hearing this, the young man breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Thank God, I finally found a longer job."

The patient who just woke up after the operation asked, "What's wrong with me?" The doctor replied, "You had an accident and just had an operation." "Then I am in the hospital?" The patient said. The doctor replied, "To be precise, most of you are in the hospital."

Captain: You know that theft is prevalent now, but why did you arrange a one-legged disabled soldiers to guard the warehouse gate? Captain: Sir, he has only one leg. People often catch him stealing outside. In order not to embarrass the troops, I arranged for him on purpose.

"This child looks exactly like me!" Big brother proudly said to his friend. "Don't be sad," the friend comforted. "It doesn't matter if the child is ugly or not, as long as it is healthy and lively."

"How did you ride yesterday?" "Not too bad. The problem is that my horse is popular. " "You're welcome?" "Yes. When I rode to a fence, it let me pass first! "

The old widow's daughter divorced, and the old widow said, "What's the trouble? How do you live after divorce? " The daughter said, "What are you afraid of? I have plenty of money. " The old widow said, "No man, money is for bears!" " "

A girl went to a drugstore full of customers. She waited patiently until everyone bought the medicine and went out. Then she approached the pharmacist and handed him a letter, asking him to read it. She said, "This is from my boyfriend. He is a doctor, and only a pharmacist can read his handwriting. "

The groom introduces the love story. The groom said: when I don't know each other, I look around and she looks at herself. Later, I went to find her tongue-tied, and she looked around and waited for me. I have known her for a long time. I have bright eyes and a bold heart. She has nothing to be afraid of. So I opened a' Zhang' on another day, and she also readily favored' Gu'.

Xiao Qiang went to the market to sell cows and newborn calves. Robbers robbed him, stripped him naked, tied him to a tree and left the calf. Fortunately, the woman passed by, and when Xiao Qiang was free, he beat his calf desperately. The middle-aged woman scolded Xiao Qiang and said, What are you doing? Abuse it? Xiao Qiang said: In the past three days, I kept telling this damn beast that I am not your mother, I am not your mother ... it keeps smoking!

When the freshmen entered the school, two brothers named Mei came to report for duty. My brother's name is Feng Wu, and everyone calls it a nice name. Asked how he got it, he said, "My mother gave birth to me the night before, and my father dreamed that a phoenix was perched on a buttonwood tree, so he took this name." Everyone was surprised. When he asked his brother, he didn't answer anyway. His brother didn't find a girlfriend in college for four years. At the graduation ceremony, his brother said, "My brother hated chickens crowing on banana trees since he was a child ..."

The young man asked the old man, "What secret do you use to stick your wife's clothes?" The old man said, "It's very simple. Every time she doesn't listen, I take off her pants and spank her. " Hearing this, the young man sighed sadly, "I often try this method, but every time I take off her pants, I am never angry again." Excerpted from the short message book. com

The husband often hears rumors about his wife and decides to investigate. So he lied to his wife about a business trip and pretended to pack up and leave home. Late at night, he went straight home. Strange, there is a row of people standing in front of the house. In order not to disturb him, he decided to climb over the wall, but as soon as he climbed up the wall, he was pulled down by a man. The man scolded, "Do you still want to insert? Stand in line! "

Qiang Qiang and Lily are lovers. One day, he went shopping together. Lily wants to buy a lipstick and says, "You look better without lipstick. This is called natural beauty. " Lily said, "it's a good thing I didn't ask you to buy clothes, otherwise you would say I look better without clothes." This is called human beauty! " "

A man and a woman hooked up and raped, and her husband found out. The woman's husband asked angrily, "Why do you want to be a third party?" ! Yue: "I can only be the fourth person at most!" Said, "How can you see it? ! Yue: "She already has a baby in her belly." ..."

"Little ... little ... sister, I ... my last name is ... Wu, is it okay ... can I talk to you ... can I talk to you?" The young lady's understanding answer: "impotence has nothing to do with it. Maybe there are other ways to cure it!" " "

A psychopath wanted to mate with a mare and was sent to a mental hospital. A few months later, the doctor checked the treatment effect. "Do you still want to do that to horses now?" The doctor asked. Don't answer. He asked again, "Do you want to mate with a stallion or a mare?" When the doctor finished, the pervert suddenly jumped up excitedly and shouted, "What did you say? ! You think I'm sick? ! Mare, of course! ! "

The rabbit asked Chang 'e, "Why did you run to the moon?" Chang 'e replied, "Hou Yi was too busy during the day, only taking pictures of the sun by himself. He only sleeps at night. He has taken nine pictures. If he shoots the last sun, won't he ignore me in the future? " The rabbit said, "Then what's the use of your coming to the moon?" Chang 'e said, "You haven't noticed that there is only night on the moon, and WU GANG never rests. He is strong, so I came to see him. "

The salesman said, "I'm not at home for five days a week because of my work, so I naturally have to apologize to my wife, so I want to compensate her for the whole weekend!" " But one Saturday, when we were making out in that squeaky bed ... suddenly! ! ..... The old lady next door knocked on the wall and shouted,' Are you finished? There are seven days in a week! Can't you take a day off? "

How is dew formed? When the sun shines on the grass leaves, they will sweat and form dew. Please explain what a vacuum is. A vacuum is where God or the Pope lives.

What is artificial insemination? Fertilizing animals and plants by artificial means, such as fertilizing cows with bulls in the past, is now done by farmers.

Why mushrooms are generally umbrella-shaped, because they grow in wet forests where it often rains, and they must grow into umbrellas to avoid the rain.

How to prevent milk from turning sour? Put it in the cow's stomach. Why are snowflakes hexagonal? Because Christmas cards are drawn like this, probably according to Santa Claus.

Lovers meet in the street far away, and the woman flies over and hugs the man tightly and says, "Hurry up …" The man panics and says, "Are you embarrassed?" In front of so many people ... "The woman said," Are you embarrassed? Zip up your pants in front of so many people. "

A pair of strange men and women are sitting on the same bench. The young man couldn't help kissing the young woman, but he didn't refuse. He was surprised and asked, "Why don't you talk?" "My mother said, don't talk to strangers."

Husband: "What will you do if I die first?" My wife thought for a moment and said that with her lively personality, she would find several single women or widows younger than her to live with. Then the wife asked her husband, "So, what would you do if I died first?" Husband: "About the same, about what you said!" " "

Sir: Get up, get up. You said you had to get up early for a meeting today. Smile: don't talk, I'll sleep for a while. Sir: Get up quickly, or you will be late. Smile: Don't touch me! I want to sleep! Smile: Yes! It's time to be late! What did you call me? Excerpted from the short message book. com

Sir: Will you do the dishes later? Smile: OK. Sir: Then why didn't it move? Smile: I have a headache. Sir: I'm so lazy that you don't have a headache if I don't let you wash the dishes. Smile: Really! The thought of washing dishes gives me a headache.

Smile: Look, how beautiful that girl is. Sir: What are you looking at? Smile: What do you mean! Why don't you agree with me! Sir: It looks good. Sir: Hey, don't go, why don't you talk to me?

Smile: I ate half of this plum. It is delicious. I will give you the rest. Sir: I don't like plums. Smile: No, you just like it! Don't you like what I eat? Sir: This fish is delicious. Let's go Smile: If your dirty chopsticks are touched, who will eat them! Sir: Then I'd better eat half. I don't hate you. How can you not like me? Smile: That's right. I don't like you, which means I am cleaner than you. I am cleaner than you. Why don't you like me? !

Smile: Does this dress look good? Sir: It looks good. Smile: You just perfunctory me and want me to buy it and go home quickly! Smile: Does that dress look good? Sir: It doesn't look so good. Smile: You can't bear to buy it for me!

Sir: Let's divide the housework. Smile: OK. First of all, men should do dirty work, such as cleaning floors, toilets and tables … Sir: That's right. Smile: You study science and engineering, and I study liberal arts. You have to make charged things, such as washing machines, refrigerators, rice cookers, electric irons … Sir: This … will do! Smile: the man is outside and the woman is inside. It's up to you to deal with outsiders, such as buying food, paying utilities, and getting newspapers and milk. ...

Sir: Let's divide the housework. Smile: Don't worry. There is a lot of smoke in the kitchen, which will ruin your skin. You must cook. Sir: Tell me what you do. Smile: I have a lot to do, too. I can accompany you, supervise you, praise you and comfort you. ...

Smile: Let's have a baby. Sir: OK. Smile: Do you like our children? first

Smile: Let's have a baby. Sir: OK. Smile: Do you like our children? Sir: Yes. Smile: That won't do! You have to like me alone! Sir: OK, OK, I like you alone. Smile: Then why don't you like my children? Sir: Let's not have children.

Sir: It is said that men and women are equal. Does our family have to be equal? Smile: OK. You men have bullied women for thousands of years. We will bully you for thousands of years, and then equality is the real equality. Don't worry, after thousands of years, our family will be equal.

Smile: Are you happy to marry me? Sir: I don't think so. How can I be happy when you are unreasonable, don't work and always disturb others? Smile: This is your happiness. I am unreasonable and don't sacrifice myself. Can I show your tolerance? If I don't work, I will train you. If you are skilled, you are not good enough. I'm messing with people, so your life is so colorful. You see, your married life is not as monotonous as others'.

Smile: honey, I want to drink water! Sir: I'll pour it for you. Sir: Hey, isn't this water cup at hand? Can't you see? Smile: Yes, I just want you to pass it on to me.

Smile: I am not a leader outside, but I should be a leader at home. When you are a leader outside, you have to be led at home. Sir: What if I can't be a leader outside? Smile: men look at people's faces outside and show off what their wives are when they go home!

Sir: I will give you the money I earn in proportion in the future. I earn more and stay more, which is positive. Smile: OK. Sir: What percentage do I give you? Smile: 120%.

Sir: You little man, how can you take up so much! Smile: of course, turn over and stretch!

Smile: Let's cover that double quilt. Sir: No! Then it will be all over you the next morning. I can't report anything. Let's build your own, be practical. Smile: Hum, even if you build it yourself, you will still be wrapped up by me tomorrow morning!

Smile: I have always been the center of our family and yours. Sir: Then I have always been the center of our family. Smile: But my center is more important than yours. Sir: Why? Smile: Because I am a daughter and you are just a boy.

Smile: Let's go out to play. Sir: OK, whatever you say. Smile: I'll tell you if I have an idea! Sir: You never agree with me. Smile: I disagree. What is this idea? Just perfunctory! You should keep thinking until I am satisfied.

Smile: Why didn't you call me? ! Sir: This is a waste of time! I thought you agreed to call me today. As a result, I waited all day, and I called you. Smile: I did, but I changed my mind again. Zhang Ailing said: Women have the privilege of changing their minds. Sir: Then you changed your mind and didn't tell me! Smile: I said, what I said in my heart, who told you that you and I have no contact?

Smile: I can have a boyfriend. You can't interfere with me. Sir: Well, I'll have a girlfriend, too. Smile: No! Sir: Why can you do it and I can't? Smile: I have a boyfriend. If people who can't do it can do it, I won't always find fault with you, which is conducive to family happiness. You have a girlfriend, so I'm petty. Being jealous and quarreling with you is not conducive to family stability. Sir: Then I'm too narrow-minded. Smile: Men are as narrow-minded as women. How dare you say that! Excerpted from the short message book. com

Smile: Being in a bad mood at work will reduce the quality of our marriage. Sir: Then I'm in a bad mood at work. Smile: Your psychological endurance should be stronger than mine, because you are older than me, and your heart should be bigger than mine!

Smile: You can take this bag, too. Sir: I have four bags. Are you embarrassed to take nothing? Smile: Then I still hold you! How much do you weigh? What I take is not much heavier than what you take.

Smile: Let's go straight to that street. Sir: It's too far to go there. I won't be able to walk back for a while. Smile: Nothing, you carry me back.

Smile: Today, our unit distributed two rolls of toilet paper. One of my female colleagues said: this time it's good, I can give a roll to my husband's family and a roll to my family. Sir: What about you? Smile: I am different from her. I give them to my parents.

Smile: There are always extramarital affairs on TV now. Do you think you will have an affair? Sir: No. Smile: Why? Sir: I regret having one of you. I can't have another one!

When asked in a bar, a man angrily said to his friend who was drinking, "I didn't expect that I would be too unfaithful to me." "What's the matter?" "She didn't go home last night and asked where she went. She told me that she was with her sister all night. " "Isn't it true?" "She is lying because I was with her sister last night."

Some people want to learn Buddhism and sit on the hillside in summer nights, praying that he would "lay down his life to feed mosquitoes". Guanyin Bodhisattva wanted to test whether he was sincere, so she turned into a big tiger and rushed at him. The man ran away in fear and said, "I can't afford such a big guest!" " "

In the hotel, after the two had sex, the man smoked a cigarette and asked, "Your family is very disciplined!" " What should I do if I am pregnant? "Then I will commit suicide and never involve others again." The woman replied, is it? Great! Let's do it again! "

A couple who had been married for a long time and were infertile were anxious to be recommended by their friends, so they went to see a doctor. Soon, this woman became pregnant. His husband was very happy. He said to his wife, "We finally have a child. You are really good! " His wife replied, "not me, but the doctor!" " ! " "

"What we need is a guy with a belly of a gentleman and a heart of a dog. He must have strong doubts; With sharp eyes, high vigilance and keen hearing, even the slightest sound can not hide from him; In addition, there must be a magnificent figure, a murderous character, irritability and ferocity. Whoever annoys him, he immediately becomes a demonic figure. " "Then let my wife taste it!"

The fortune teller said, "Your talent will reach its peak at 18 years old, and you will become a great man around 18 years old." Shortly after his first birthday, he was surprised to find that his penis was completely out of control. At this moment, he suddenly realized and said to himself, "The gentleman with that digital name is a master. He has counted my age as a generation of losers! " I thought he was joking with me! "

The president's wife: "How many times does that robust breeding pig mate with sows a day?" Owner: "There are about ten times a day on average!" The president's wife said to the president, "Look at him!" President: "Excuse me, does that kind of pig mate with the same sow every day?" Farm owner: "No, it is breeding with different sows." Hearing this, the president said enviously to his wife, "Look at her! ! "Excerpted from short messages. com

A widow remarried. The groom asked, "How many times have you been married?" The widow said, "First time?" The groom asked again, "You haven't had sex with men in these years?" The widow said, "I am lonely and don't like men." The groom said, "If you are used to living alone, I'd better sleep in the kitchen?" The widow said, "joke, it's the first time I've heard of so many men,' the groom wants to sleep in the kitchen!" "

The couple got married. The groom was so nervous that he forgot to exchange rings. The priest raised his finger to remind him, so he circled the thumb and middle finger of one hand and put it on the finger of the other hand to signal to him. The groom finally "understood" and blushed and whispered to the priest, "Isn't that something that can't be done until evening? ! "

Topic: Wedding night, guess a TV program. Three minutes later, no one guessed. Just as the host was about to announce that the standard answer was "I love the matchmaker". A first-year girl in chemical engineering shouted "hit with a strong stick". This woman got back the first special prize of the day.

At the dance, Jed said to the girl he just met, "I'll take you back after the dance, okay?" I promise I will never touch you or kiss you. I will be a gentleman. "The girl said angrily," then I think you'd better not see me off. "

"In Taiwan Province Province, all our children drink milk instead of breast milk." "Children drink milk? Then who drinks your breast milk? " "oh! Mom's milk is all drunk by dad! "

Wife: "She's exactly like the Monroe you admire. Why? Are you really not interested in sex at all? " "Of course." The husband said coldly, "If she really looks like Monroe, you would never let me see it."

A man has insomnia. In the evening, the man did as the doctor said, and said to his toes, "Sleep on tiptoe!" " "he said," sleep standing up! " "Sleep on the leg! "When he talked about his eyes, his wife came into the room wearing transparent pajamas. He jumped up and shouted, "Everybody up! Everybody up! "

Xueyou asked a person who was about to go on an appointment, "What's the difference between a man and a woman?" Someone answered without thinking, "Less than the last one, but more than the next one." After his date, he mysteriously said, "Men and women have one thing in common, and the same is true in the middle."

One day, Mrs. Wang was pregnant with quadruplets and showed off to her neighbors everywhere, saying that it was not easy to give birth to quadruplets, and it would only happen once every 60 thousand times. As a result, Mrs. Li next door heard this and said to others in surprise, "Is she still free to do housework?"

"Sir. Five years ago, you gave me a divination. " The woman said, "At that time, you said that I would not only find a husband, but also have five children." "What, I'm not sure?" "How accurate! I really gave birth to five children. " "Great, what else do you want me to be?" "Sir, I want you to calculate for me. When can I have a husband?"

"Sir, I have been receiving some threatening phone calls and letters recently. Is this illegal? Can I report it to him? " This is of course illegal. You can complain. Do you know who did it? "It's my lover's wife. "From the short message. com