Who can tell me a joke?

Wonderful question and answer between men and women

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

Answer: The difference is15kg.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: The difference is 45 minutes.

Q: What is the name of a man who speaks improperly to a woman?

A: This is called sexual harassment.

Q: What's the name of a woman who doesn't talk properly with men?

A: It's called a free hotline in 20 yuan every minute.

Q: How do you know that your wife has passed away?

A: Sex life hasn't changed, but no one has washed dishes for a long time.

Q: How do you know that your husband has passed away?

A: Sex hasn't changed, but you finally have the remote control.

Q: What is female paraplegia below the waist?

A: Married women.

Q: How many people does it take to change a light bulb?

A: No. They just sat in the dark complaining.

Q: What is the fastest way to capture a man's heart?

A: A sharp blade pierces the heart.

Q: What are the similarities between men and parking spaces?

A: All the good seats are taken, and the rest are for the disabled.

Q: Are there similarities between men's toilets and public toilets?

A: All the good seats are taken, and the rest are a pile of shit.

Q: What are the similarities between men and floor tiles?

A: It's paved for the first time, and you can step on it all your life.

Q: What are the similarities and differences between men and rat fish (scavenger fish)?

A: They also eat garbage, but one of them is fish.

Q: Why do men like to marry virgins?

A: Because men can't stand criticism.

Q: Why is it difficult for women to find a sensitive, considerate and good-looking man?

A: Because all men like that have girlfriends.

Q: What is "safe sex" for men?

A: The headboard is padded.

Q: How do men tidy their clothes?

Answer: "Dirty" and "Dirty but wearable"!

Q: Why is the human brain bigger than the dog's?

A: In this way, men will not fuck women in public.

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?

A: Because men always pretend to be "foreplay".

Q: What's the difference between a newly married husband and a new dog?

A year later, the dog is still as excited to see you.

Q: What makes a man pursue a woman who doesn't want to marry home?

A: What makes dogs chase cars they don't want to drive? This is also the case.

Q: What is the biggest problem for atheists?

A: At orgasm, no one can shout.

Q: What kind of men are the most popular in the Chinese camp?

A: A man who can hold a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts at the same time.

Q: What kind of women are the most popular in the Chinese camp?

The woman who can eat the last doughnut.

Q: Why does the bride wear a white wedding dress?

Answer: The colors of the dishwasher stove and refrigerator are best matched.

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a battery?

A: The battery must have a positive electrode.

Q: Why do men prefer to take a bath to shower?

A: It's disgusting to pee in the shower.

Q: What's the difference between terrorists and women?

A: Terrorists can negotiate terms, but women can't.

Zebras love deer deeply, but they are rejected when they express their love. Zebra roared: Why? What's all this for?

The deer said timidly, my mother said that tattoos are all bad teenagers.

The panda loves the deer deeply, but when he expresses his love, he is rejected. Panda roared: Why? What's all this for?

The deer said timidly: My mother said that all teenagers wearing sunglasses were rejected. The chicken roared: Why? What's all this for?

The duckling said timidly, my mother said that no one named "chicken" is a good woman.

Spiders love ants deeply, but they are rejected when they express their love. Spider roar: Why? What's all this for?

The ant said timidly, My mother said that people who stay online all day are good people.

Glasses love the nose deeply, but they are rejected when expressing their love. Glasses shouted: Why? What's all this for?

Nose said timidly: My mother said that a woman whose legs always don't fit together is a good thing.

Golf clubs love table tennis deeply, but they are rejected when expressing their love. Golf Club Roars: Why? What's all this for?

Ping-pong said timidly: My mother said, are all men with hooked noses good things?

Nongfu Spring loves Wahaha deeply, but it was rejected when expressing its love. Nongfu Spring roared: Why? What's all this for?

Wahaha said timidly: My mother said that a woman who comes out of the water at the press of a button is definitely not a good thing.

The snake loves the tortoise deeply, but it is rejected when it expresses its love. The snake roared: Why? What's all this for?

The tortoise said timidly, my mother said that even if you are poor, you can't afford a vest. Men are not good people.

Oranges love grapefruit deeply, but they are rejected when expressing their love. Orange roared: Why? What's all this for?

Grapefruit said timidly: My mother said that women who take off their clothes too easily are all good things.

The teapot loves tea deeply, but it is rejected when expressing its love. The teapot roared: Why? What's all this for?

Tea said timidly: My mother said that people who irrigate all day are not good people. -Don't look around and say you! !

I love 1 deeply, but I was rejected when I expressed my love. 5. Why? What's all this for?

1 said shyly: My mother said that we couldn't find anyone with a beer belly.

Audi loves Mitsubishi deeply, but was rejected when expressing his love. Audi roared: Why? What's all this for?

Mitsubishi said shyly, you have four holes and I only have three vertices. I'm afraid I can't handle it.

The harmonica loves the piano deeply, but it is rejected when expressing its love. Harmonica roar: Why? What's all this for?

The piano said contemptuously: Men who like others to use their mouths are not good things.

The harmonica said sadly, you can't hum so well if you borrow someone else's hand!

I love the old sow deeply, but I was rejected when I expressed my love. Why? What's all this for? The old sow said in despair, my mother said that consanguineous marriage is not allowed. ......

One hundred reasons to propose.

1. Because I have stolen your heart, if you want to marry me, you won't. ...

Because I can't find another gullible girl like you.

Because the weather is sunny, it is suitable for marriage.

Because you won't marry me, who else can you marry?

Because you don't know anything, who will marry you if I don't marry you?

6. Because you are my bride in this life

7. Because I don't like other people's cooking ... I only eat yours.

Because I want you to wake me up every morning.

9. Because I want to take the ring off the key ring.

10. Because I don't think we are really suitable for lovers ... Will you be my wife?

1 1. Because the happiness of my life is in your hands.

12. Because my greatest happiness is to find a job in every company? Dysprosium peptone? Wake up with you every morning.

13. Because the owner of the jewelry store doesn't want me to return the ring.

14. Because if you don't marry me, you will regret it.

15. Because you are already a part of my life, no one can come into my life except you.

16. Because you have no choice but me, because no one will love you more than me.

17. Because I only hold your hand in this life.

18. Because I don't want you to regret it.

19. Because I don't want you to be alone.

20. Because I want to prove that I love you in 50 years.

2 1. Because I want to prove that I love you

Because I want to prove that I love you the most in the world.

23. Because it's hard to leave you.

24. Because leaving you will make me unable to continue living.

25. Because I am not me after I leave you.

I decided to marry you from the day I began to like you.

Because the day I decided to marry you, I decided to make you happy all my life.

Because I have decided to make you happy all your life, I have decided that I will propose to you one day.

29. Because you made me forget all the pain in the past.

30. Because you gave me hope to face the future.

3 1. Because you make me full of motivation, I can move forward wholeheartedly at every moment.

32. Because only you know my world best.

Because my sky wants to be connected with you.

Because my wish is to fly to the distant horizon with you.

Because my parents want me to have a baby soon.

36. Because I heard that there are three kinds of unfilial.

Because I want to sing an old love song with you.

38. Because you are my chocolate

Because your love makes me stronger.

40. Because only you can make my heart beat.

4 1. Because only you can make me pay my feelings.

Because only you can make me miss you day and night.

Because only you can make me neither drink tea nor eat rice.

44. Because only you can make me forget to go home on Mother's Day and only think about you.

45. Because only you can keep me in this hellhole.

46. Because only you can convince me that I have someone else to ask for.

47. Because only you want me.

Because only you are willing to give me a chance.

Because of you, I can feel the warmth of the world.

50. Because of you, I have the idea of starting a family.

5 1. Labor Day is meaningful because of you.

Because of you, I can collect hundreds of business cards.

Because of you, I am willing to take good care of my health.

Because of you, it doesn't matter to me whether the May 4th Movement is successful or not.

Because I married you, I can eat the zongzi you wrapped in the Dragon Boat Festival in the future.

Because if you marry me, you can eat spicy food every day.

Because you marry me, you can send gold coins to your relatives and friends.

Because you marry me, you can go to Hawaii with me.

59. Because marry me, you can forget how sad the national humiliation of 1959 is.

60. Because you marry me, you don't have to worry about not passing 60 points.

Because if you marry me, you won't be a sophomore, I can promise.

Because if you marry me, you can laugh at me, scold me and bully me every day, and I won't mind.

Because I can never smoke for you.

64. Because I am willing to follow the example of the martyrs in Tiananmen Square and bravely run to the chariot.

Because if you are morning dew, I would like to be grass.

66. Because I have thought of sixty-six reasons to propose to you.

67. There is no need to give up proposing to you just because you have thought of sixty-six reasons.

Because I want you to be my girlfriend forever.

Because you are the best heroine in my mind.

70. Because I want to have a lovely child with you.

7 1. Because my parents said that if I didn't marry you, they wouldn't recognize me as a son.

Because my brothers and sisters say that if I dare to bully you, they will turn against me.

73. Because I bet my friends and classmates that you will marry me and you won't hurt me!

Because God knows I love you.

75. Because I swore not to marry you last night, I will be struck by lightning.

Because I swore again this morning that if you don't marry me, I will give you the lightning.

77. Because I want to eat 7777 pieces of milk and chocolate with you.

Because I believe that true love can stand the test.

Because I want you to believe that my love for you can stand the test.

80. Because you have to promise me that if you want twenty places, I will play.

8 1. Because I want to hold your hand and walk through the red land together.

Because I like to see your name in the spouse column of ID card.

Because you are old, I will accompany you to travel around.

84. Because I want to look at you and be happy all the time.

Because I want everyone who knows me to know that you are the best wife.

86. Because God predestined me to marry you.

87. Because yesterday Jesus gave me a dream to marry you.

88. Because only you can let me celebrate Father's Day earlier.

Because I can't wait to be with you!

90. I have to rob you first because I'm worried that other boys will bully you.

9 1. Because I want to know if you really love me.

Because I know I can give you the most complete love.

93. Because the idea of getting married as a soldier can prevent mutiny.

94. Because I want you to run for a model couple with me.

95. Because it takes my time and energy to think of another hundred reasons to chase another, I might as well decide you quickly.

96. Because I am about to reach my goal, I must stick to it.

97. Because I actually said so many reasons just to let you know that I really love you.

98. Because I also know that you don't have the heart to really make me think of a hundred reasons to propose.

Because we both know that only each other is the most beautiful choice for each other.

100. Because these 100 reasons only represent one sentence: I love you.

A horny girlfriend who gives me a headache.

( 1)

Last night, my girlfriend studied at night, and I waited for her to pick her up after class.

After class, I saw that she was very happy and asked her what she was happy about.

She said, "Where do girls A and boys B enjoy H jokes in class?"

I asked, "What's it to you?"

She chuckled and said, "I heard you."

Give me a pinch. "Shall I tell you?"

Then she said, "Name people from all countries,

China's name is Yang Wei.

Japanese name: Steel plate Richuan

The Russian name is: Don't make yourself uncomfortable.

The American name is Richard. Tai Sen ")

I fainted at that time-when I wasn't a girlfriend before.

So dignified, or an official of the student union, now. . .

Later, he told me a lot of H jokes, all on the main road of the school. Our laughter caused a lot.

People's attention. .

(2)

It was almost 10 last night. The lover's road behind our school (actually an ordinary road, lovers can walk more)

Take a walk.

Couples kiss in a dimly lit place on the road. . . When we pass by, we usually ignore it.

It doesn't affect each other, but when we passed by, she deliberately pretended to secretly tell me that her voice was actually very nice.

The older one said, "Their kiss sounds so loud." As a result, others are kissing goodbye. . .

I'm looking for a place to go down.

(3)

She usually gives me an expression: her eyes are staring at me from the lower right to the upper left, with dimples on her cheeks and a smile.

Rong, I am dizzy and fascinated.

She said that the girls in the dormitory next to her were watching pornographic men and women, all around the computer screen.

I asked her how she felt when she saw it, and she even said, "I was cheated before, but I don't think pornography and * * * are fake."

"

I'm dizzy again

(4)

Once we were tired of reading in the classroom. Just sitting and talking.

After chatting for a while, I was distracted by other things. Then she lifted my chin with her right index finger, and I never recovered.

So I cooperated. When my eyes looked at hers, she said with special charm, "Little brother, you are so handsome."

"Everyone else in the classroom is watching us:) * * She thinks she is a woman.

(5)

One day, I walked in front of the No.7 building of the school and saw the school flower, and then my eyes inadvertently rolled with it. Oh, it hurts, m.

M pinched me and gave me a white look. Oh, my God! After coaxing for a long time, MM stopped being angry.

Then he excitedly said to me, "I'll tell you a secret. That junior always brushes her teeth with a toothbrush when taking a bath in the bathhouse."

Take a bath. ":) It's not over yet." Do you want to see her take a bath? Actually, there are seams at the back of the women's bathhouse. Let me watch it for you. "

My mouth is watering in YY, and as a result. . . .

A blow in the back. God, I can't see. Shit, is he a martial arts student?

(6)

My mm likes studying mobile phones very much, and I often appear in mobile phone forums. Always telling me about my cell phone. I just started dating.

Give me a videophone course all morning.

I really wanted to hear her voice in the afternoon, so I ran to the balcony to call her. I just connected my mobile phone here, and suddenly I saw it right.

On the second floor of the girls' building, a mm rushed from the room to the balcony with a phone. Too familiar, look carefully, it's her, so I said

Why not put on more clothes in the dormitory?

She was puzzled and asked, "How do you know?"

After a pause for a second, mm screamed on the phone, "You pervert, you are spying on us." I said, "Look, I just ... ...

On the third floor balcony opposite you, I said there was no voyeurism. "Then I said," Do you watch video calls? " MM nodded and said.

Yes, but since then, mm has often asked me, "Is there a telescope in your dormitory? Do you often stand on the balcony and watch mm?

? "I answer a little careless will supercilious look. . . .

But fortunately, we will often do this in the future, videophone, videomessage, that feeling. . . . . Do you feel good?

(7)

My mm is very dignified, and sometimes it even makes me feel awe-inspiring and inviolable. I shook her hand for the first time and drank two bottles of beer (

I never drink. Drinking two bottles is beyond my level. So in order to kiss her, I have been brewing for a long time. Let's step on it first.

Point, look at that dark and remote place, mm is called a place where no one will find it.

At night, mm and I walked slowly. I consciously guided her to the place, and then I was ready to kiss her, and I was sure.

With the surprise pro-French, mm seems to be unaware of the danger and still laughing. I took advantage of what he said, and suddenly

Kissed her and she got a fright. I just touched her lips with my lips and parted, and my face burned.

I know I must be blushing. Everyone is relatively silent.

Suddenly, mm put her hand on my head and her lips touched mine. In love, a tongue stuck out.

I was at a loss, so I struggled, but I just couldn't get rid of it. Later, I was emotional, mm Ann.

Comfort your spouse: "Nothing, just a kiss. There will be many opportunities in the future. I'm ashamed this time. I will earn it back next time. " now

Every day when I go back to the dormitory, I practice holding my breath with water and practicing my lip skills and tongue skills with apples. The lesson of this incident is that there are some things.

It's not what you think, and some people are not what they seem.

(8)

When I first caught up with mm, I specially invited many friends to dinner because she was excellent (at least I thought so).

Introduce her to my brothers. At that time, we had just officially started for three days, and I was very happy at dinner, so

I spilled some wine at the corner of my mouth, and she wiped it with paper at once. I was confused at that time. Good woman, so are other brothers.

I was shocked, too. Everyone stared at her. She smiled: "Nothing." Alas, I was moved to cry. .

So when she went to get food, all the brothers said, "Jiang, this is a good woman, so cherish it." When she saw her.

I am so happy to be praised by so many brothers.

Later, at a dinner party, many people came to persuade me to drink. My eloquence is not good, and I can't drink well. I look like I'm going to be bullied.

She helped me to speak glibly, and as a result, many people were defeated despondently.

But I often say to her, "Meeting you is my greatest blessing."

(9)

In the evening, I went to K Hall to sing, and mm sang Faye Wong very well. As it happens, I like Faye Wong very much, so mm sang Faye Wong's red beans.

Sometimes, I am moved by that sentence: "I haven't felt it yet, the tenderness of waking up and kissing"-stay with us.

A k hall, but not the same group, is a woman (about 29 years old), a woman (about 38 years old) and a man (about 40 years old).

That woman sang Jordan chan's Invincible, and danced while singing, which is probably the kind of dance that discos often dance. We look funny.

At this time, even mm was lifted up, squeezed her eyes a few times and said to me with an ambiguous smile: "In fact, this is how my cousin sings."

I said, "It's normal, girls!" Mm said, "It's just a lap dance. My cousin is very beautiful."

I started yy then. Later, female B and male C sang "Silent Ending", and we all laughed when they sang. Inuwe

Wearing an apron, I dare to be the sister-in-law selling noodles next door, and Trump has a mouth; Men sing like opera, and their expressions are crazy and funny.

We laughed our heads off. And the expression is so intoxicating! The song I sang was Jordan chan's "God, Help me", and even

Singing is not bad, full of emotions, but mm just listens to me sing, pinches my neck, pinches my thigh and keeps asking.

Me: "Sing this song and say, what do you think?" I have to stop talking. I feel dizzy.

( 10)

One night, we walked along the school path.

MM said, "I often see girls coming in and out of your building."

Even: "What's the matter?"

MM looked fascinated: "I am so envious."

Even: "In fact, you can. Several juniors once slept in my bed for a month. "

Mm pointed at me and said happily, "Oh, so that's it."

I was cheated: "What do you know?"

MM loudly: "I know you must often have spring dreams."

"-even fainted.

"You must still be left-handed Liang Yongqi and right-handed Cecilia Cheung"-I vomited blood.

( 1 1)

Say even!

There is a question: what are you going to do in your next life?

MM: "I want to be a man in my next life"-reason: being a man is easy to find a job, and I don't have to worry for a few days every month.

Take it out on Europe: "I want to be a woman in my next life"-Reason: Being a woman can be weak, and you don't have to pretend to be strong, but

To buy a lot of cosmetics, you can dress yourself up. If you don't believe me, you must force me to tell the truth.

So I said, "I want to be an ambulance in my next life. I can call if someone gets on me from behind."

MM evaluation: cheap-people, and then beat me up.

( 12)

Dead, dead, I told mm I wrote these things on the mop. Then mm went to mop to see it, and just now she said to me: "

I'm looking at the mop. You wrote it. Oh, hehe, funny! ! -I vomited blood, and I said, "Don't look, it will be bad for girls to watch mop.

"Hmm"? Who asked you to write it? I will read it. It's your fault it's getting worse. It's none of my business. "-I vomited blood again, threatening" I'm dizzy.

I'm still writing about female qj and male. Why not make a qj doll? "

Well, "if you write it, show it to me." I study and you don't show me. How do I know what is going on? "

-I vomited three liters of blood. Shit, now all MMS are graduates from Xiamen University.