Who sent some super funny text messages?

1. When I was a child, I was dishonest about eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: It has been hard for 60 years and there is no food to eat. I never throw away the boogers I picked out.

2. There was a rich man looking for a servant. The interview topic was to use the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands after using the toilet. The rich man sent them away. Only one of them washed his hands, so the rich man stayed. He. But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. The rich man asked him why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today..."

3. A man saw a family The store had a big sale, so I walked in. "What are you buying?" "I want to buy dog ??food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a regulation?" "This is what discounted goods are like." The man spent a long time with the salesperson. , the salesperson still refused to sell it to him, so he had no choice but to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought the dog food. A few days later, the man went to the store again to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have regulations. You must prove that you have a cat." It was the same salesperson. The man spent another long time with her, but the result was still the same. I had to go home and bring the cat with me to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole in it. He asked the salesperson, "What are you buying?" "You'll know when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in and said, "What is it?" "Yeah, it's sticky." "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper." I've had enough chatting on the phone, and the phone calls are full. It's too far to see each other. I want to say goodbye, but I feel sad. I can only miss you so much. Forever! Hahaha~~ Is it fun? "

A middle-aged woman without children asked the doctor: "If you can't have children, will it be hereditary?"

The two stood facing each other and took off their clothes. The clothes were dry, and I was sweating all over for the sake of a seam. ----Haha! Don’t think about it! ^_^They are sawing wood in the desert. I went to pull the female camel and fainted. When I woke up, I found a beautiful woman. She said, I will give you whatever you want! The man: Can you help me pull the camel?

"Why are you doing this? Break off the engagement with Mr. Zhang? "Yesterday we went to see a fortune teller. The fortune teller said that I would have two children, but he said that he would have four children. Who will they be with?" ”

Break up! I have possessed you and gained the satisfaction of venting in you, but now I really have to leave you. If necessary, I will come back to find your... toilet

Judge: “Madam, it seems that you have indeed been unfaithful to your husband. ""oh! It was my husband who was unfaithful to me. "Mrs." He said he was going on a business trip for a week, but he would be back on the third day

Bali: I seem to have fallen in love with a dog... Xiaoxian: What? Male dog? Ba Li: Of course it’s a bitch! Do you think I'm a pervert?

You know me, I can't live without you. For you, I hung myself with noodles, smashed my head with tofu, cut my veins with cotton slivers, hit the wall with a bumper car, and jumped off the building with a parachute!

A turtle and a snake went to the park. They only had one ticket. The turtle let the snake wrap around its neck. When they entered the park, the eagle who cut the ticket said: Stop. The turtle and snake were very panicked, and the eagle said disdainfully: Look at you, you look like a turtle, and you're still wearing a tie!

In order to prevent the spread of anthrax bacteria in the country, the Ministry of Public Security recently issued regulations: Women are not allowed to use any kind of powdered cosmetics and must use paint as an alternative.

A literary young woman wrote an article to ask the professor for advice. Professor: There are two prominent points in the first half of this article, which is relatively plump; the middle is mediocre; and the lower half is more frizzy, and it requires a lot of work!

The lady's body is segmented, the head is free, the breasts are tipped, the lower half, don't touch it...it's very expensive!

Oh..my god..Husband..I can’t stand it anymore..It’s so wet..It’s so itchy..It’s all leaking out! Hurry.Hurry, help me..I need you..Hong Kong Please help me dry the pus on my feet...

According to authoritative statistics, more than 99.9% of pig-headed people use their thumbs to press buttons to read text messages! Hey, no need to change hands! It's too late, Pig head! Hahaha...

The 80-year-old man is preparing to marry a young girl.

Doctor: Judging from the physical examination report, you are in good health. Now I want to check your sexual function. I saw the old man sticking out his tongue and fingers...

A woman went to the gynecologist for stomach pain. The doctor said to her: "Please take off your pants." There was no movement. The doctor urged her again. The woman was still shy when she wanted to speak, so she whispered: "You... take it off first"

A man went to prostitutes, and a few days later, his left ball turned blue - the miracle doctor diagnosed testicular cancer! After removal - the right ball turned green even after a few days! Cut it off again! Three days later, my little brother also turned green, so he had to be transferred to a larger hospital. The final diagnosis was that his underwear had faded!

A beautiful lady asked her boyfriend: "What are you thinking?" "Same as you!" "Huh! You are so nasty. If you really dare to do that kind of thing, I will Yelled!

In the park, when an employee saw the director taking his grandson for a walk, he quickly bowed and said: It’s not easy for you to become the director’s grandson at such a young age!

"Dolls are the stand-in for childhood, photos are the stand-in for memories, alcohol is the stand-in for forgetfulness, cigarettes are the stand-in for loneliness, coffee is the stand-in for calmness, tears are the stand-in for sadness, and you will always be the stand-in for braised pork!

Not every flower can represent love, but roses can; not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplars can do it; not every idiot can read text messages, but you can do it. ,Congratulations! :)

A certain monastery was trying to rectify the nuns’ behavior. The old nun said to the young nuns: “If you continue to scream while riding your bicycles down the mountain, I will order you to put your bicycle seats on!

A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What happened? Drunk man: I don’t know, I just arrived too!

Brother Qiang brought him! When I was riding on the bus, it was so crowded that my penis accidentally slipped under a girl's skirt. Brother Qiang said anxiously: Miss, can you spread your legs so that I can get my penis out?

A girl named Wang Ying received a letter one day named Wang Ying. She called the writer and shouted: You are so stupid, where did the bird come from under me? It is obviously a mouth!