It's April 2009.

Anything for a brother, anything for a beautiful woman. Brothers are like brothers, and beautiful women are like clothes. Whoever wears my clothes will be cut. Beauty is like clothes, and brothers are like brothers. Whoever touches my brother will wear his clothes! ! !

Valentine's Day is actually very short.

When the hand is pulled loose, the lover is gone. Howl ~?

If you can't let go, you'll become a wife, huh?

The working day is actually very short.

As soon as the computer is turned on and off, the day passes, howling ~?

The computer is on and off, and another day has passed, howling ~?

Do you know what is the most painful thing on the day of work?

It means "off duty, the work is not finished yet!" "

Do you know what is the most painful thing on the day of work?

It means "work, finished, we haven't got off work yet ~"

Four or five big men chased me and I ran into a grave. They saw me lying motionless on a grave and asked me what was going on. I said, I'm home. Are you still chasing me? Scared them away! After he ran away, I saw an old man digging a tombstone with that hammer, so I asked, "What are you digging, uncle?" Listen to the uncle said: I don't know who wrote the name wrong, I'll come up and change it!

You deserve it. I collected the following and sent them to my girlfriend. Haha, smile.

Drink with leaders and others, raise your glass and say loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain was too hot. ......

There is an old lady in a mental hospital.

Wear black clothes and hold a black umbrella every day.

Squatting in front of a mental hospital.

The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start from understanding her.

So the doctor was dressed in black, took a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

The two spent a month in silence.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Excuse me-

Are you a mushroom, too

In junior high school, the teacher asked the translator. Who is this person?

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless.

Jimmy Lin said: "My fans say my idol is Ying."

Andy Lau said: "My fans say: My idol is Hua."

Jacky Cheung said, "My fans say my idol is called a friend."

Jordan chan said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

A motorcyclist likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle his buttons at the back to keep out the wind. One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road.

When the police arrived, ...

Policeman A: What a terrible car accident.

Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back.

Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back.

Policeman B: OK ... One, two, push, turn around.

Officer A: Well, I'm not breathing. ......

A mental patient caught a passerby in the street, pointed a gun at his head and asked, "What is one plus one?" Passers-by thought for a long time and said, "Two!" The patient shot quickly and blew the gun into the flue: "You know too much."

One afternoon, I felt sleepy. So I went to the water room to wash my face. As soon as I entered the water room, I saw my friend monkey fighting fiercely with a basin of clothes. Seeing how carefully he washed, I said hello and began to wash my face under the faucet on his left.

I looked up, damn it! I don't know when this guy jumped to my left and washed another basin of clothes. I was really impressed at that time. I washed two pots of clothes!

I looked at him in surprise and was about to speak when he suddenly turned around and said with a sad face, "I just washed the wrong clothes!" " "

In the self-study class, Xiao Juan accidentally farted. The students all turned their heads, and Ah Tian, who had a crush on her, said, I'm sorry, I let go. After a while, Xiao Juan couldn't help letting go. Xiao Du, who had a crush on her, was busy defending her: Since everyone is so happy, I'll join in the fun. However, Xiao Juan later released another one, when someone asked: Who released this? At the same time, Peng, who had a crush on her and liked her more, stood up and said, I let her go. Then he pointed to Xiao Juan and said, "From now on, her fart belongs to me!" !

Geography tells us that Fushun, Liaoning Province is the place with the most coal production in China and Anshan, Liaoning Province is the place with the most iron production, so Fushun is called the "coal capital" of China and Anshan is called the "iron capital". In an exam, the paper showed that the coal in China was (black) and the iron in China was (hard). After the exam, he also said: How did the teacher come up with such a simple question?

2. An additional question in a Chinese exam asked what Prometheus was a literary work. A classmate filled in: Harry Potter. Another time, I asked Zuo Zhong Yi what his name was, and a classmate wrote: Zuo Lengchan.

3. A political topic: China's research ship _ _ _ went to the Arctic for investigation. My answer: Titanic.

4. Chinese exam. Explain the word "death". I replied, "Go to hell" (I want to write "die"), and the teacher was furious. ...

5. In primary school, a classmate recited poems, and the first three sentences were difficult to recite. The last sentence: "A line of egrets went west." Dizzy in class!

6. Fill in the following sentences in the Chinese test of Senior One, "When * * * cuts candles at the west window". I replied, "husband and wife sit until dawn." Correct answer: "Late rain time".

7. In a Chinese exam, the poem "Fill in the blanks" is a sentence in Bai Juyi's "Peach Blossom in Dalin Temple", and I don't know how to translate it. The correct solution should be "I always hate that there is nowhere to find in spring", and a classmate in front of me simply filled in "I always hate that village girls have nowhere to find".

8. In the biology exam, I asked what is a cell map, and the correct answer was "female fruit fly". A person in my class answered "female fruit fly". The biology teacher held a meeting to study n for half a day and decided to give 0 points.

9. In high school, I also filled in the next sentence of the poem. The last sentence is: "Luoyang relatives and friends ask each other"; One of my classmates filled in: "Just say I'm in Yueyang Tower".

10, a high school Chinese exam, also filled in the following sentence: "Mayflies shake trees, _ _ _ _ _". One of my classmates wrote: Don't move. Is in line with the facts.

1 1, high school, biology exam, Q: What is the digestive type of chicken? I won't. A: Chicken type! As a result, the teacher criticized the whole class by name!

12, the last sentence is: "Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse", and students can't hold back for a long time, so they scribble: "Climb a black turtle by the East Village"!

13, high school Chinese exam, write down an ancient poem. The last sentence is: "When the mountain blossoms", one person in our class actually filled in: I will try my best to pick flowers.

14, junior high school Chinese exam, the title asks the name of Mr. Lao She's masterpiece. A classmate couldn't remember, so I told him: teahouse. As a result, the man heard it: teapot lid. Be scolded by the teacher!

15, students use it to read the text, one of which is: take out the banana fan. The original pause should be to take out a banana fan and fan it. That classmate read directly: Fan Fan, take out the bananas!

16, when I was in junior high school, I read Dou E's justice as "selling" E's justice. The whole class laughed. Don't know why!

17, there is also a math exam, and the last big question is to use two solutions to judge which one is correct. I thought about it for a long time, but I didn't come up with it. By the way, I mentioned a few words: fairness is fairness! The old woman said, the old woman is right! Look, it doesn't matter! It's okay to think about it … As a result, after the math teacher read my solution through four classes she taught in the whole grade, I became famous!

18, the Chinese class in Grade Three is in Yongmei, and it is required to study by yourself early. The teacher ordered someone to answer: "-she is laughing in the bushes, XX answers!" " XX was eating and couldn't speak for a long time. He just said, "Laugh, don't make any noise!" " The whole class laughed!

20. Write the following sentence in the exam: "I was born useful". A gifted student replied, "The mouse son can make holes." The Chinese teachers in our whole office collectively laughed without image!

2 1, English test: How are you? Translate like this? The answer is-how are you? How old are you? How to translate? The answer-why is it always you?

22. Question: If an overseas student from China witnessed a traffic accident in California, * * * asks if you know what happened, what should you tell him? A man replied: a car came, a car left, two cars Pumbaa, and a car died.

23. When Mr. A was doing a Chinese test paper, he was stumped by a fill-in-the-blank question. "Who is the author of" The Dawn is Quiet here "? Struggling for a long time, Ah Jun resolutely wrote "holyfield" on the empty column.

The invigilator smiled and asked, "Why not write Tai Sen?"

Ah Jun said, "His name is too short to look like!"

Mr b wants to describe a person's appearance in his composition. Unable to say a word, he asked his deskmate in a low voice, "How to write the word' pair' for a pair of glasses?"

The deskmate told him, "It's just a pair of checkers."

After reviewing Mr. B's composition, the teacher saw that it said, "He has a pair of checkers on his high nose."

25. Title: The waves behind the Yangtze River push the waves before _ _ _

A student replied: every generation is getting more and more waves.

1. Title: Although .........

Child: He took off his clothes and put on his trousers.

Teacher's comment: Is he going to take it off? Still have to wear it?

2. Topic: Among children: One of my left feet was injured.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. Topic: Children: After work, Dad goes home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

4. Topic: Sad child: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is really sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

5. Title: Once again

Child: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comment: Is your mother a deformed diamond?

6. Title: Look.

Children: What are you looking at? Never seen it?

Teacher's comment: Don't procrastinate too much.

7. title: prosperity

Children write: bustling confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

8. Title: Delicious

Children write: delicious fart.

Teacher: .........

9. Title: Innocence

The child wrote: It's really hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

10. Title: Sure enough

The children said: I ate fruit yesterday. Then I drank cold water.

Teacher's comment: a sentence that cannot be separated.

When I was in FoxPro class in my sophomore year, a teacher began to count how many people were in our class.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, tick ...

The director of our senior three office once again angrily scolded us for not listening to the class and said, "Don't blame me for turning against you in the future!" "

The English teacher teaches grammar and asks everyone before class: "I'm finished, do you still understand?" We replied with one voice: "No!"

I bought WSJ for LP. I went to the store for a long time and didn't know what to buy. I just took a bag and asked the owner, "Boss, is this easy to use?" The boss (male) wait for a while looked at me carefully for 5 seconds and said, "I have never used this either!" " "

There were mice at home for a while, and my mother bought rat poison to keep the family quiet, but there was no medicine to pour out any mice. One morning, my mother got up and looked at the rat poison in the janitor's corner and said to herself, "Why doesn't anyone take this medicine?" ~ ~ ~ "The whole family fainted. . .

In the past, the exam teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine."

An unfamiliar colleague chatted with me, and the content of the chat was extremely boring. What happened to him and his girlfriend? What happened?

I was speechless. After he spoke for a long time, he looked at me. Maybe it means that I have to make a statement after what he said.

In an instant, I really didn't know what to say, so I blurted out: Is your girlfriend a woman?

I have had a cold for a long time! ! ! !

The little mosquito came home crying, and his mother asked, what's the matter? Mozzie: Dad is dead! Mother Mosquito: He didn't take you to the show? Mosquito: Yes, but when the audience applauded, Dad didn't dodge.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Jonina. She fell in love with a girl named Shade. They look at the stars together. When the meteor crossed the sky, they named it Jonina Shading Star.

Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money.

Today, I went to school to get my diploma. Excited, I grabbed a passing buddy and asked, "Hey, what's the name of this school again?"

The buddy gave me a hard look and said, "How should I know? I am only a freshman! " "

An elder brother likes to eat fish. Wal-Mart's perch costs 9 yuan a catty, and when it dies, it costs 7 yuan and two pieces of ice, just as fresh. A brother rushed to buy it after work, but it was often bought. One brother stood in front of the fish tank and waited, sometimes one died for a long time. A brother fished it in with a net and hit the fish on the head with his hand. The waiter couldn't stand it anymore, so he came up to his brother and said, "Sir, those who passed out don't count ...".

A man and a woman had an affair, and her husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away naked. Passers-by were watching in the street, and the man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: Cao, pretend to be an alien with chicken feathers.

In the evening, one of the four people fell asleep in the dormitory, and three people were discussing how to express their love after chasing girls 1 time. The discussion was very lively, and the sleeper woke up: don't say anything, let's go to bed. .....

School started, and a new English teacher came. He asked us to answer all questions in English in the future. Then he began to call the roll: 65438 +0. He shouted. Our class 1 stood up and shouted: here! The teacher said: Please use English! Please answer in English. My classmate scratched his head and held back for a long time to answer: lead ~ ~ (making a second sound).

A: Sorry! B: I'm sorry too. A: Sorry for three people. Why are you apologizing? A: Sorry, five. .

When I took the bus yesterday, the bus driver kept staring at me as if I didn't buy a ticket. -What would you do? It's simple. I kept staring at him as if I had bought a ticket.

The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours have passed and the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry to scold: if I don't fucking come back, I'll die! At this moment, the snail's voice came from outside the door: Tell me again that I won't go.