Tang Priest learns from the scriptures and tells funny stories.

Tang Priest is really a lovely and hateful character, and now Tang Priest is endowed with many funny images. The following is an interesting talk I compiled for you about Tang Priest's Buddhist scriptures. I hope you like it!

Tang Priest learns from the scriptures and talks about classics 1. Wukong! You are Po Hou! Thanks to your mother and uncle, otherwise I'll see how the teacher scolds you! How many fucking times have I told you, but after the banshee catches me, wait for my signal, wait for my signal to save me! Don't giggle! You look at the teacher, and you are scared every time you suddenly break in. How many times have you been a teacher? I'm afraid I can't afford them anymore. What a pity! Wukong loves his disciples. Look at the teacher's tears and swear it won't happen again, okay?

2. Guanyin Bodhisattva, please cancel all accounts of Black Bear Monster, Green Lion Monster and Yellow Eyebrow Old Demon. We can't afford it, damn it. You sent us to deal with Tang Priest and his disciples, but you raised their level to such a high level. How to fight? The Monkey King, in particular, has high attribute points and summoning skills. The most irritating thing is that physical attacks are invalid, fire attacks are immune, and magic attacks are immune? Don't say that we are alone, and we can't beat a team! Forget it, I got off, 88.

3. Bajie! You idiot! It's already ten miles, so you can't change a song to hum! Keep singing "Blessing" and watch Master cry!

4. Amitabha, don't talk nonsense. Patriarch, you are indeed the most beautiful and sexy woman I have ever seen since I traveled east. Look at your hair, hands, skin and feel.

5. Donor, I am from the Eastern Tang Dynasty. Can you stay here for one night? Hey? Donors? Donor, would you please open the door? Fuck!

6. Empress, I'm Sanzang. We have arrived in the lion camel country, missing you and kissing you. If you don't reply to text messages, it's inconvenient for your apprentice to be here.

7. You Po Hou, you are so disrespectful. Why do you look sexy in front of spider elves in a leopard apron? Why steal the limelight for the teacher? Shut up! I don't care if you are leopard print or tiger skin! Do you still know who you are? You were released. What are you pretending to be in front of me? Look, you dyed your yellow hair and held a steel pipe. Are you pretending to be a gangster? What the fuck am I? Hehe, Amitabha is kind-hearted. As a teacher, I am a little rude.

8. Wukong, let Bajie go into the water to catch carp essence. You are not good at swimming. If you drown, how can you afford this salvage fee for your teacher? Oh, no, no, it doesn't matter to Bajie. He will float on his own.

9. Bajie, Wukong is not here. Go and make some vegetarian food. Jason Wu, you drink the horses first. ? Bajie, Bajie, come here. Remember! Just go to the house we passed just now, yes, the one where the village woman took care of the children. After smelling the fragrance, I am making sauce elbows, which are very fragrant! Go ahead, just a mother and son, give or rob! Go back!

10. Monkey, did you propose to the fairy Xia Zi with this ring? You are so funny! You don't have a half carat diamond, so no one cares about you! When Chang 'e was so ashamed of me, she said, Don't tell me if you love me or not. Look at the size of the diamond ring first! Alas, how realistic the little fairy is now. Alas, I tell you, with this ticket fairy, you will shoot her to death with a diamond brick, and she didn't even call for help!

Tang Sanzang: Bajie, run two steps for the teacher. Pig Bajie: Master, why do you suddenly want to watch your apprentice run? Tang Sanzang: Hey! Shame! I have been a teacher in a temple since I was a child. I have never eaten pork or seen a pig run.

2. When Wukong arrived, he found the banshee clinging to Tang Priest's face, suddenly pulled out an iron bar and killed it with a stick. The Tang Priest regretted tearing off the demon on his face and asked, Wukong, do you know what this demon is? Wukong shook his head blankly. The Tang Priest touched his face and said, It's watery and slippery. This is a mask. ?

3. The Buddha said:? What can you do? Dashengdao:? I'm a hundred and eight thousand miles away, seventy-two changes. ? Buddha said:? You become a sparrow for me to see. ? The Great Sage becomes a sparrow. Buddha said:? Water snake! ? The Great Sage became a water snake. Buddha said:? Tiger! ? The Great Sage has become a tiger again. Fozan:? Bad guy? Has the Great Sage suddenly changed? Oh, what a dissolute monkey! ? The gods sighed. (

The Tang Priest and his disciples passed by a village and had a rest all night. Early the next morning, they were all tied up by local villagers and met with officials. Villager Wang Er pointed to the pig and said to the county magistrate. Sir, something was lost in my house last night. That fat man must have stolen it. I saw him holding it in his hand this morning. ? The county magistrate asked? What have you lost? Wang er replied:? A hoe for farming! ?

5. With a turn of the Tathagata's right hand, it turns into a five-element mountain and presses Wukong down the mountain. Wukong took his time and laughed. Fatty, you lost your right hand. I'll see how long you can bear it. ? Tathagata: Emma, you should use your left hand. ?

6. Dark clouds overwhelm the city, the Monkey King looks at the earth, and his blood bursts. He stared at the monster with fangs in the distance and resolutely pulled out a monkey hair and another monkey hair. He loves me, he doesn't love me, he loves me.

7. One day, Tang Priest and his disciples came to Pansi Cave and saw seven beautiful women taking a bath in the pool. Bajie is drooling. Seven fairies. ? The Tang Priest just took one look and immediately put his hands together. Monster. ? Wukong said: I admire you, these seven people are monsters, but how do you know that they are not the seven fairies without critical eyes? The Tang Priest laughed and said, One of the seven fairies married Yong Dong. Where can there be seven people taking a bath?

8. Jade Emperor: Who loves Qing to describe the monkey to me? Venus is too white: A golden retriever, very capable of fighting, in a word, very yellow and violent!

9. 1 Aries? The Monkey King; 2 Taurus? East China Sea Dragon King; 3 Gemini? Hon Hai 'er; 4 cancer? Goddess of Guanyin; Five lions? Jade emperor; 6 virgins? Tang priest; 7 Libra is too white Venus; 8 Scorpio? White; 9 shooter? Liu Er Macaque; 10 Capricorn Princess iron fan; 1 1 water bottle? Niu Wangmo; 12 Pisces? Pig eight quit.

10, 1 Tang Yan vs teacher: Tang Yan's magic spell, the teacher's heirloom; 2 monkey king VS intermediary: I won't, but I can find someone who can; 3 Friar Sand VS Logistics Industry: Modern "Logistics Industry" was born on the road of "learning from the West"; 4 Taishang Laojun VS Chemical Expert: From an alchemist to a chemical expert, the difference is only the difference of the times; Guanyin bodhisattva VS organization minister: put the most suitable person in the place that is not necessarily the most suitable but most needed.

1 1, Tathagata said: Friar Sand, you can't become a Buddha. Your lines in Journey to the West are too few, only five lines: 1, big brother, Master has been taken away by monsters. 2. Second brother, the master was taken away by the monster. 3. Brother, the second brother was taken away by the monster. 4. Big Brother, Master, and Second Brother have been taken away by monsters. Don't worry, master, the master elder brother will come to save us.

12, Tang priest and his disciples were trapped in the flaming mountain, and Wukong said: Master, when I become a flying bug, I will get into Princess Iron Fan's stomach while she is drinking tea, so I won't worry that she won't borrow the banana fan! "The wu is empty, no news. The crowd was so hot that they came to meet Princess Tiefan. The maid said that her wife was sick and vomited recently, so it was not convenient to see guests. When the Tang Priest asked, the maid said, My wife had tea the other day, and Chata burned herself. The Tang Priest said:? Madam, it's not heatstroke, is it?

The maid said, No, madam found a dead fly in the tea. ?

13, after learning the scriptures, Wukong was tired of the rough days of fighting and killing. Watching Bajie spend all day in Gaolaozhuang, I am envious.

So ask the Tathagata to give him a life where he can indulge in flowers all day long. Tathagata can do it, but you have to become a hard stone and endure thousands of years of wind and rain to do it.

Wukong immediately agreed. A thousand years later, Jia Baoyu was born.

14, Princess Iron Fan:? I'm on the first line, Mengniu! ?

Honghaier Express:? Pit dad! ?

Niu Wangmo is angry:? Fuck you! ?

Hong Haier a ash:? Is this a horizontal batch?

Princess Iron Fan glared at Niu Wangmo: Say, which fox did you hook up with again

Niu Wangmo suddenly turned around and smiled. Madam, don't be jealous. Hon Hai 'er and Guanyin dedicated themselves to the Buddha, and his sister is naturally Guanyin's sister. ?

Princess Tiefan was shocked: Recently, you changed from drinking Mengniu to drinking Tieguanyin for breakfast. Have you made up with Guanyin?

15, when the master and apprentice returned from studying scriptures, the Tang king was overjoyed and ordered to set up a Dojo in Huokeji to let four people try to fax scriptures. The cassock, Pilu, mord and Yunxie, all newly decorated, sat on the stage in awe. Hearing the sound of musical instruments, they heard four people shouting in unison: the first day came, the ghost died, and the ghost died.

King Tang was angry:? Did you go to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures, or did you go to Tianqiao music to listen to cross talk?

In the morning, the Tang Priest woke up from his dream and found the Monkey King kneeling in front of his bed, so he asked. Wukong, what's wrong with you? The Monkey King said with tears on her face. Master, I beg you, next time you talk in your sleep, don't say a spell, okay?

2. Wukong was exiled to Huaguoshan by Tang Priest because of Monkey King Thrice Defeats the Skeleton Demon. A few months later, Zhu Bajie suddenly visited and cried when he entered the door. Wukong asked? Where is the team? Eight quit to answer? Linfen? Wukong asked again:? But met the devil again? Eight quit to answer? No? Wukong was anxious: Then why are you crying? Bajie is even sadder: Brother, please go home quickly! The master was sold to the black brick kiln, and we searched for it for three months. ?

3. When the Buddhist scriptures team arrived in the poverty-stricken areas, they couldn't lend them out in a few days. Wukong had to send Friar Sand and Bajie to distant cities to find food because he wanted to protect his master. On the first day, everyone returned empty-handed because there was no money. Go the next day, or empty-handed, because there is no money. Wukong was furious: Don't come back until you find something to eat! ? On the third night, Friar Sand happily carried a big bag of rice with a lot of money left. Wukong is overjoyed and asks? Where's Bajie? Friar Sand suddenly cried sadly. Eldest brother, forgive me, there are so many of us, and only the second brother can sell it to 16 yuan for a kilo. ?

4. Four people arrived in a big city, Wukong went to eat, Friar Sand packed his bags, and Bajie went out for a walk. In the evening, Pig returned empty-handed, and the Tang Priest asked? What about white? Bajie said:? It was deducted by * *. ? Tang Priest asked why? Bajie said:? It farted. ? The Tang Priest said:? You won't be detained if you fart, will you? Bajie said:? Pol.ice said that Beijing would hold a green Olympics, and the exhaust gas exceeded the standard. ?

When Wukong came back begging, he found that Master had disappeared, and Friar Sand and Bajie were crying on the ground. Wukong asked? Where is Master? Bajie said:? I lost it. ? Wukong said: look for it! ? Friar Sand said, I looked everywhere, but there was nothing. ? Wukong looked around again, but still couldn't find it. Three people were worried when Wukong suddenly asked, Did Master pay the mortgage this month? Friar Sand said, No? Have you paid the road maintenance fee? No? Wukong said, Master, wash and sleep. I can't escape. The bank is watching! ?

6. The Tang Priest and his disciples passed through the Lion Camel Ridge, and the lion spirit caught Tang Priest. Wukong took great pains and finally defeated the lion essence. Just as he was about to be killed, Manjusri Bodhisattva suddenly came, saying that it was his mount and took the lion essence and roared off. Wukong cursed. Pig advised: Come on, big brother, I'm a leading driver and a civil servant. ?

7. When the Tang Priest and his disciples arrived at the West Gate, they saw 500 arhats coming out with their luggage on their backs. Why do they ask? The arhats sighed and said, you don't know, in a few days, the new Labor Law will be implemented, and all of us temporary workers are laid off. ? Tang Priest asked? Where is the Bodhisattva? Lohan said:? They have a hard time, too In order to avoid the new labor law, Xitian forced them to sign a contract with XX Company, and later a third-party company sent them to work in Xitian. ?

8. Tang Priest and others learned from the scriptures and made meritorious deeds, and were named Buddha. Several people happily went to the Western Heaven to look for a house, and returned disappointed a few days later. The Tang Priest said:? Let's go home, children. The house price in the West is so high that we can't even afford the down payment. ? Friar Sand said, Haven't you heard of affordable housing? Why don't we ask Wukong, silly brother, who doesn't have a few relatives, big and small leaders of the Western Heaven? Can it be our turn?

Bajie has been moping these days, staring at the moon in a daze at night. Wukong knew what was on his mind. He went to the Moon Palace at the weekend and came back to say to Bajie. Silly brother! I asked, China has launched a satellite and hasn't put a man on the moon yet. A machine, why are you jealous! ?

10. The Tang Priest took the scriptures and went behind Li See Shimin's back. The Tang Priest said:? Dude, I'm back. ? Li Shimin:? Oh? The Tang Priest said:? I see. ? Li Shimin said? Oh, put it there. ? The Tang Priest said:? Brother, I have spent more than ten years working hard to do such a big thing. Why are you unhappy? Do you think my travel expenses are high? Li Shimin took off her headphones and said? Your scripture, I stayed with lightning for an hour. What would I ask you to do if I knew that computers were so powerful? ?

1 1. Hehe, the market here is really lively. I haven't been through such a prosperous area for a long time. Hey, Wukong, look, those little dolls in the western regions who have been following us since just now, with curly hair and big eyes, are so cute! Really simple and lovely, hahaha? Hey? Bajie, where is your rake? Hey, Jason Wu, where are our luggage? Ah! Where is my white? !

12. Wukong, Bajie and Wukong, come to the teacher. Alas? I don't blame the teacher, but have you forgotten everything I taught you? You and I are both Buddhists, so we should avoid many commandments. You should always remember that you don't steal, talk nonsense, hate your mouth, be greedy, jealous or stupid! Since you believe in Buddhism wholeheartedly, how can you practice without practice? Ok, I'll ask your teacher, who the fuck is it! Last night, when I was sleeping for my teacher, I sneaked in and stole my food? !

13. Look, Brother Sha, just catch a cockroach essence. Monkey, will you invite all the gods in the sky? Seriously, this time, have you ever seen this monkey catch a demon by itself? Every time I yell at the devil, don't go! Don't go if you dare! I'll whistle and have you chopped to death! ? Oh, miracle, my ass! Hey, look how many immortals have been here. Hey, there are some people riding brooms, too. Wow, I called all the sanitation workers in the sky.

14.。 ? Wukong! Don't be rude Oh, old man, the poor monk came from the Tang Dynasty in the East and passed by here today. I wonder if the old man can open the door? Old man, please stop insulting me. Can I apologize for my disciple? Old man, please don't pestle the poor monk with crutches, okay? Old man, please calm down? Old? Old man, touch me again. Oh, shit? Wukong! Cut him! When Bajie realizes that you are going too, knock out your teeth and punch a hole in your leg, and it will be discounted! How kind! ?

15. Wukong bastard! Don't do this! Those benefactors are not monsters. How can you persist in teaching and kill people at will? ! ? Oh? Are they businessmen who buy land in Gai Lou? Amitabha? Jason Wu, help me get the five Buddha crowns to the teacher; Wukong, lend the golden hoop to the teacher! No, Bajie, give me your rake! Fuck you.

16. Master? , I'm back! Idiot Bajie is right. Shage is really good at showing off! Ya didn't go to alms, but went to the Internet cafe. He was posting on the forum when I sneaked in! What do you mean, "Rough and handsome men travel to China at night, giant PP, please hit lightly"?

17. Ahahahaha! Monks in the Tang Dynasty, polite! I am the county magistrate of this county, and these 25 colleagues are the deputy heads of this county. Oh, there are more than 100 people outside, all of whom are assistant magistrates. There is no need to change customs clearance in a hurry. Why don't you ask the four great disciples of the Tang Priest to follow me to Yingge Garden on the upper floor of the county hall for recreation? Of course there is! Everything, the eldest daughter of Huanghua yesterday. Safe! Absolutely safe! It belongs to my uncle's brother. ...

18. Signature of the king of the daughter country MSN: the elder's surname is Tang, with sweetness and sadness.

19. Tang Priest: Amitabha, Wukong, stop blaming the teacher. Monks are merciful. Seeing that the benefactor was in great pain, Wu Jingcai helped him get on the horse. How did he know that he was the bait of the yamen fishing method here? Ok, make an invisible way to get Zijin alms bowl and cassock from yamen.

20. Wukong, are you all right! Wake up! Don't run, Bajie has no experience! Come back and save it for the teacher! Huh? Stop it! Stop it! ? Did the poor monk really go to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures? Just come to the yamen for customs clearance! Right, right! That's a clearance letter, isn't it a secret report? Those are my disciples! Are we really not here to petition collectively? Ah!

2 1. Wukong, bring the Zijin alms bowl and chopsticks to the teacher. Jason Wu, go to the kitchen and see if Bajie is cooked.

22. Master, get on the horse. What figure can you keep by taking these two steps? A monk, what idol are you pretending to be? Look, you sent monkeys to pick wild fruits again. Can improving food kill you? My existence has fully demonstrated that you can't lose weight by being a vegetarian.

23. Parents say that if you love, please love deeply. At this moment, I was in tears. Although I said to myself more than once: Yutujing, you must be happy! ? However, he is a person like the wind, crushing my elegant dignity and making me as lonely as fireworks? Stay, okay? Elder Tang, will there be a banshee in the Western Heaven to love you for me?

24. Look, Jason Wu, you don't drink horses, but you take selfies with your mobile phone. As the teacher said, you have a big face, a wide mouth and a bushy beard, and no matter how pouting you are, you can't be Kawaii. Come on, take some pictures for me and teach you some scissors hands for the teacher.

25. Bajie, your eldest brother has been driven back to Huaguoshan by me, but you are so embarrassed! Don't change your bad habit of being a leader in the sky before being detained! The teacher asked you to go to the cave to find out about the goblins, but you stole a Chinese bra! Bad behavior! If I had known this, I would have renamed you the Nine Commandments! ? Show it to the teacher. Is it original?