Men like sexy humor.

1, I took the bus today. There were many people, but I didn't take it. There stood a beautiful sister paper in front of her, and a bad silver kept rubbing against her. Suddenly, my sister shouted at the bad silver. You are a policeman! A car full of people looked at him, too loud. Bad silver said no, but he said innocently. Then sister paper said a word. "Then why are you pointing a gun at me!"

2. A long time ago, several friends sang K together. Play with my girlfriend's new mobile phone when I'm bored. When they found a card holder with her boyfriend's name written on it, they thought of playing a trick on him. I sent a short message: "Honey, I want it tomorrow night." The other party replied, "OK, I'll cancel tomorrow's appointment first." A minute later, my mobile phone rang: "Baby, I have a meeting tomorrow, so I can't go to the movies with you."

The bus is overloaded and the passengers are still rushing up. Suddenly, I heard a man shouting, "Don't squeeze, I have explosives here!" " The driver was startled: "What explosive? ! "The man raised a bag of things over his head and said angrily," Eggs! " It's blown in two! "

Several girls are discussing what kind of husband they will marry in the future. One of them said firmly, "I won't marry unless I am a soldier!" " "The other girls asked," Why? " "Because he not only learned to wash and cook in the army, but more importantly, he learned to obey orders! "

5. Two children are chatting. One asked, "Why did your parents hit you last night?" The other replied, "Hum, it's all my fault." "What did you say wrong?" "They asked me if I was a grandfather or a grandfather? I said, whether it is a mule or a horse, you will know when you come out. "

6. The secretary sends a message to the female secretary: I miss you so much, waiting at the international hotel! Accidentally pressed the group send button. It's time to reply. Secretary: Virtue, why are you in such a hurry? Female section chief: Today is not convenient for another day! Male Deputy Director: How come I didn't know you were gay? Female subordinate: I'll be right there! Female Deputy Director: You just remembered me? Secretary: Why did you go so far? Come to my office! Wife: Come back! Waste that money!

7. Once, a very bad eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan said, "Once upon a time, there was a man." Then there was a long silence, and the eunuch couldn't help asking, "What's next?" Ji Xiaolan replied: "There is nothing down there!"

8, 1. The man is chatting up beautiful women in the bar. The man asked, "I wonder what kind of man a beautiful woman is interested in?" The beauty was silent for a while and said in a low-key way, "Big price, rough equipment." This woman is chatting up the man in the bar. The woman asked, "I wonder what kind of woman the handsome guy is interested in?" The handsome boy was silent for a while and said in a low voice, "Be tolerant, there are big breasts!" " "

9. The host asked the female player: "What is the purpose of men using Viagra?" The female player blushed and thought for a long time and said, "I can't think of it." The host immediately said, "Congratulations on your correct answer!" There was a discussion in the audience: "The answer is too incisive! ''

10, two monkeys hide in the tree and peek at the boy taking a bath. Suddenly one fell from the tree and smiled and asked him what he was laughing at. It said: it's strange that human beings have such a short tail that they still have faces in front.

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1 1. One day, a lady went to the golf course and was bitten by a mosquito. She ran to see a doctor because of the itching. The doctor asked the lady, where were you bitten? Lady: About between the first hole and the second hole! If the doctor realized something, he said, well, I think your legs must be very open!

12, a brother is usually very heroic, but he is shy about the girl he likes. Finally, under the pressure of our brothers, we confessed to the girl. He faltered for a long time, but the girl got impatient and asked, What's the matter with you? Then the brother didn't know which tendon was broken, and finally said, please support!

13, a very obscure joke, with an IQ above 200: a woman has three lovers. One is Gao, the other is Li and the other is Chen. A few months later, the girl gave birth to a son. Women don't know whose son this is, and they are worried about the name of the child. A professor named the child Guo Chunhai. I was very happy when I heard about it. -Do you understand?

14, a nun visited the monk temple and found that many monks gave TT. The old monk said, "Winter is coming, it's very cold! Our six roots should be clean. Wearing them can not only keep warm, but also prevent us from doing something against the rules! " After the nun came back, buddhist nun began to reform. Middle-aged and elderly nuns send carrots every three days. The nun said, "Even monks can be warm, and we still lack a lot of vitamins there!" " "

15, I: "Wife, do you know that you are my god horse!" Wife: "What am I to you?" Me: "You are my formula!" Wife: "Why?" Me: "so I can infer you!" " "Tough wife:" What! I'm not your formula! * * formula! The formula has been derived by others! What are you pushing after being interpreted by countless people! "Me:" Wife, I was wrong. "

16. Tell a true story. On the factory bus to work, MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous.

17, I always thought my parents didn't like me very much. Until my 17 birthday, they gave me a bunch of keys. I was surprised and asked, "Wow! Really ... a car? " "No, you stay and look after the house-we're going on a trip."

18, when the male director slept with his wife at night, he even talked in his sleep! I said in my dream: honey, I love you so much that I want to divorce my wife as soon as possible! At this time, the male director suddenly woke up and found that his wife was staring at him maliciously. The male director immediately closed his eyes and continued to pretend to sleep! The male director turned over and said, ok, just use this tone, very good, action!

19, a classmate called a female classmate in the third grade one night, but unfortunately her mother received it. The mother whose daughter's grades are declining, when she heard that it was a boy, she was very alert and asked unhappily, "What's your last name?" The boy said, "My surname is Wei." The tone of the other party is very impolite: "Defend what?" The boy was even more nervous and stammered, "I don't know why, but my father's surname is Wei ..."

20. One day I went to the bank to withdraw money, thinking that there were still dozens of dollars in it, I simply took it out together, so I said loudly to the bank work MM, "Take out all the money inside!" As soon as the bank's MM swiped the card, she immediately looked up at the loudspeaker and said to my classmate, "There is only one yuan and fifty cents in it. Do you want to take it all out? " There were a lot of people waiting in line at the back ... ouch!

2 1. On the bus, a very cute little boy told his mother a riddle: "A tuft of hair above and a tuft of hair below becomes a tuft of hair. What is that hair? " The people in the car snickered ~ ~ "Pa" The little boy was slapped by his ashamed and angry mother and asked, "Who did you learn from?" The little boy buried his face in tears and said, "The teacher taught him, saying it was eyelashes." I laughed in the car this time ~ ~

22. My friend is going somewhere else. My enlightened father said that if I was lonely, I could find a chicken. When I come back, I'll reimburse you. The invoice says "bird hunting". The next day, my father received a bird-hunting invoice of 2000. My dad called to ask, next time, I'll find a cheaper bird to fight. Next month, my father received another invoice, 100 for bird shooting and 5000 for gun repair!

23. There are eight sisters in our dormitory. The fifth girl always chats with her boyfriend in the dormitory when she comes back from the Spring Festival. Before going to bed today, seven girls and five girls said, you go and wash your face, and I will help your brother and your husband chat for a while. The fifth girl disagreed, and the seventh girl said she was afraid that I would chat with you. The fifth girl said that she was not afraid to talk about yellow, but she was afraid to talk about green ... Suddenly, our dormitory was boiling.

24. Son: Dad, what is expansion with heat and contraction with cold? Dad: It's just that an object has attributes. The volume will increase when it is hot and shrink when it is cold! Son: Does that man have one? Dad: There are also. Son: Mom is so fat, why don't you freeze her in the refrigerator to make her thinner?

25. One day I was in a hurry to go shopping. I went to the public toilet to drain water. When I put it in the middle, a non-mainstream came in. I don't know why I took one look at him and the goods exploded. "Look!" It happened that his cigarette butt fell on jj, and he screamed like a pig! Seeing my brother, I don't feel like smoking a cigarette to go to the toilet.

26. Shortly after a woman came out of the toilet, the male security guard came to remind her: "Miss, we monitored that your mobile phone was left on the toilet lid." Woman: "Thank you, thank you.

27. A nurse with a full chest and a good face quickly said to the doctor, "Please go and see that patient quickly. I just took his pulse, jumping 120 every minute, and his eyes are still staring at me. " The doctor said unhurriedly, "You cover his eyes with gauze first, and then measure them."

28. I went to the hospital a few days ago and needed a blood test. I stood in line outside the blood drawing room. In front of me is a couple. The wife was afraid and kept her head buried in the man's arms. The man patted her on the head and said, "Don't be afraid, it hasn't gone in yet. Relax, it won't hurt. " The wife looked up and said, "You lied to me like this when you were in love!" " "People around me are turning purple. ...

29. One day at school, the teacher asked in class, "If I gave you a car full of cucumbers, what endorsement would you use to increase sales?" A classmate stood up and said, "buy me a melon to make you forget him." Suddenly the teacher was speechless.

30. One day, a nurse asked a doctor. "How can your wife be so fat?" The doctor asked. "What is the most expensive thing in the hospital?" The nurse replied, "Chinese medicine is ginseng and western medicine is albumin!" " "The doctor said," that's it! My wife eats a red ginseng and some albumin every night! Can you not be fat? "