A selection of humorous short messages from friends

1. On the bus, a boss scolded his secretary: You pig head! You can't even do a little thing well, how can you be so pig! Pig, do you know? Sitting next to you is very uneven, and finally you can't help but say, what's wrong with me!

2. The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours have passed and the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry and scolded, I'm dead if I don't come back! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: you fucking said I wouldn't go!

In a boring place in this boring world, a boring person sent you a boring message and asked you a more boring question. Are you bored?

4. In the blink of an eye, I grew up; In a blink of an eye, learn culture; In a blink of an eye, it was a holiday. I find that time has passed in a blink of an eye, so I blink every day, hoping to meet you soon! By the way, prepare eye drops when you meet!

5. Guess a human organ, one on the left and one on the right; Arc, soft; Some people will put a cover on it; Sensitive zone. The answer is ... earlobe! I want to go to the toilet and hold my head and sing Dongfanghong 1 hour!

6. A woman cried to a friend: After her husband died, she only left me 30 million! The friend was surprised: should you be happy? The woman explained that 30 million yuan is: never take good care of children/never be filial to parents/never remarry.

7. Recently, the lotus moved westward, and lightning is such a fierce elephant! So I looked at the stars at night and found that the Big Dipper moved south, Sirius turned green and there was miasma in the northwest. I pinched my fingers and counted a few big things ... You must wet the bed tonight! ! ! Haha's laughter ...

8. How to put stuffing in China Lantern Festival? A good foreigner dissected the cooked Yuanxiao with a scalpel after rigorous theoretical research, and then suddenly realized that the stuffing of China Yuanxiao was injected with a syringe!

9. At a party, Ida sat next to a lady. The woman said: Go away, I don't like you, I hope you will disappear at once! Ada pretends to be innocent, but your eyes and expression tell me that you like me very much. I hope you have the same heart!

10, Little Red Riding Hood asks Little Pig: Why is your nose so big? Pig: Smell your delicious food! Little Red Riding Hood: Then why are your ears so big? Pig: I hear your wonderful voice! Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: Why are your eyes so wide open? Pig: To read the message you sent!

1 1, eat and drink, and don't take things to heart; Looking at the watch in the shower is very comfortable for one second; Sweet is much, bitter is little, and life is like five dates; In a good mood, the most important thing is to be happy! Happy new year's day

12, the 23rd day of the twelfth lunar month, also known as "off-year", is the day when people sacrifice their stoves. Is your pot ready? I have been hungry for a year, and I am still young. It's time to invite me to dinner that I owe for a year.

13, 23, children clap their hands and laugh. In five or six days, the new year is coming. The exorcism box plays with walnuts, drops and two cannons. Wuzi was admitted to table tennis, and the fire rose higher than the sky. Happy new year's day

14, I wish you beautiful every day, always happy, healthy and lucky every second, never lonely, and more money! Happy time!

15, the first year comes first. I wish you good luck every day, a better life, and winning the lottery every time is very interesting. If you forget me, be careful with the stick.

16, off-year came to Xilinmen to send you a cornucopia filled with books, books, knowledge, gold and silver, wealth, health, relatives and friends. You are always happy.

17, turn life into wine pulp, make a bottle with happiness, name it with a smile, compose it in harmony, color it with comfort, and hire you to be a sommelier forever! Happy new year's day

18, after twenty-three, people think that the gods went to heaven and everything was forgiven. It's time for your son to sign my dinner. Happy new year, as long as you treat me to a good meal.

19, God said: Happiness means having a grateful heart, a healthy body, a satisfactory job, a person who loves you deeply and a group of trustworthy friends. You will have everything! Happy New Year!

20. In order to thank you for your concern and support over the years, especially during the off-year period! Anyone who has a certain position in my heart will get a short message worth ten cents from me.

2 1, the 23rd or 24th of the twelfth lunar month, which is called off-year by the people, is a festival to worship the kitchen god. On behalf of the people of the whole country, I wish you a happy New Year and all your wishes come true.

22. The new year has come, and now there are many festivals and new changes, but my heart and my vows have not changed. I want to grow old with you.

23. If you are alone now, I wish you a happy New Year. If it's two people, it's also a happy new year; If it is a group, please tell me where you are.

24. You are in great health, full of money, happy, sunny every day and carefree like a baby. In short, you are the happiest in your young years.

25. Friendship is delicious rice, hot pot and spicy spirit Erguotou. Hungry again, have a drink next year!

26. Pain is the best of others, and happiness is your own; Trouble will be temporary, but friends will last forever; Love is managed by heart, and there is nothing important in the world. Happy new year's day

27, the new year has come, send you a good mood: no matter how much water the sea is, how great the mountain is, how many legs the spider has, and how spicy the pepper is, in short, you are the most beautiful, happy and never regret it!

28. I wish friends all over the world a comfortable job, a generous salary, a warm bed, intimate friends and a caring heart, everything goes well, always happy and everything goes well!

29. Happy New Year. May your fame surpass Notre Dame, your wealth dare to be the mother of Bill Gates, your heroism surpass Saddam Hussein, and your handsome enough to catch up with Beckham. You are an international superman! Happy New Year!

When you read this message, luck has come to you, the god of wealth has entered your home, and wealth is not far from you. Bless your friends: Happy New Year!

3 1, Happy New Year, all good things have come! Friends smile and joy surrounds you! Celebrate the festival and live a happy life! Happy! Happy! Safe life!

32. Happy New Year! Everything is fine! Happy family! Rich! Good luck! Flowers bloom with wealth! Happy from now on! Flo Xi Shou! Congratulations on getting rich!

33. Happy New Year to you! New year's new look! New year, new mood! A new year has begun! New year, new luck! New friends and old friends wish you all the best, and money will go to Wan Li Road!

34. Happy New Year: the beginning of reunification and the renewal of Vientiane; Good luck every year, peace every year; Financial resources are rolling, rich and auspicious; Happiness, happiness and celebration; Bamboo is safe and full of blessings; Cheerful!

On this happy wedding night, let's pray for three things, a good friend, a good appetite and a good dream!

A new dress, a New Pants and a pair of new shoes give you a new greeting and a "new, new" New Year! Hmm. How interesting

37. Say congratulations on getting rich and answer the family's well-being; Say a friend wishes everything well, and say a word of success at work. Today is a day to say auspicious words, and today is a happy day.

38. Happy New Year and good luck! Happy and healthy! The new year is calm, smooth, harmonious, beautiful and round! Happy New Year!

39. I wish you a happy new year: big fortune, small fortune, unexpected fortune, and rolling financial resources; Affection, friendship, love and affection; Official luck, fortune, peach blossom luck, wealth; Lovers, relatives and friends, everyone is safe.

40. Happy New Year sends you a good mood-no matter how much water the sea is, how great the mountains are, how many legs spiders have, how spicy the peppers are, no matter how ghost bin Laden is, how tired the United States is, in short, you are the most beautiful and happy, and you will never regret it!

4 1, it's the Spring Festival. I don't think you have anything, and I'm not going to give you too much. I only give you 50 million: be happy! Good health! Be safe! Be content! Don't forget me!

42. I think what you think; Wear clothes without styling; I don't get along with anyone; No matter where you go, you are not welcome; My heart stopped when it was sunny.

43. Two artillery are discussing the artillery battle. One of them asked, were you afraid when you shot? No ... actually, I'm shaking worse than me. Another answer.

44. That morning, I met a classmate who often slept late in the corridor. So I said, "Dude, are you sleepwalking?" He immediately retorted, "Brother, get up at night!"

45. The tiger was chasing a crab, but it disappeared after chasing it. Looking back, I saw a spider. The tiger said, do you think I can't recognize you on the Internet? Hit it!

46. The boss took the dog for a stroll, and the wage earners asked: Does the boss bite? The boss said: bite. Beating the boy: No wonder we are all hurt.

47. The teacher asked the students, "Why didn't your exam result be as good as your playing basketball?" Student: "Teacher, there is cooperation on the basketball court, but there is no cooperation in the examination room!" " "

48. The teacher asked the students, "What do you think of Li Bai's poems?" The foot of my bed is shining with such bright light. Is it frosty already? "?" Student: "Li Bai must be nearsighted."

49. Dude, do you know why I was scolded that day? I saw an underline under the words on the clothes on the pretty girl's chest, so I reached out my right hand and clicked it.

Teacher: "Please make sentences with cows!" " Health: "A cow!" All right! Can you make another one? "Another cow!"

5 1, Mom: "Be careful not to eat the bugs in the apple!" Son: "Why should I be careful? It's time for it to pay attention to me! "

52. Mom: "Look how diligent ants are and never waste time playing." Son: "But every time I travel to the suburbs, I always meet them."

53. Freshmen on campus: Students who repeat grades are called "international students", those who have money at home are called "rich students", and those who doze off in class are called "poor students".

54. Marriage and litigation are very similar. If one party always cheats the other, then half of the people who get married are pretending to harm the other party's interests.

A smart woman will marry a man who loves her. A stupid woman will marry the man she loves.

56. The moon shines on Jiuzhou, and I want to drink porridge under the tree. The porridge is too cold to drink. Please call back as soon as possible. Hot pot heart shaking hands, you don't reply I will leave!

57. In the park, an employee saw the director taking his grandson for a walk, and quickly bowed and said, It's not easy for you to become the director's grandson at such a young age!

58. When Ellie came home from the night shift, a man came up to her with open hands. She shouted, "Rogue!" He picked up a piece of glass and stabbed the man hard. The man said, "Oh, my God! The third one! "

59. In the elevator, Xiao Gu farted loudly. The kitten held her nose with one hand, and pointed to the sign on the door with the other hand and said, "Don't you see that it says' handle with care'?"

60.a said: I once saw a man fall from the top floor as high as the first floor and died three days later! B said I saw someone fall from the building. He didn't fall to death but starved to death.

6 1, breezy, I ride you, I look at you affectionately, then stop the car and gently say to you: pig, keep reading, it will soon be over, and after reading, your wish to become a pig will come true!

62. One day when you were walking in the street, someone stopped you and said you were ugly. You denied it and got a beating: hypocrisy! I was stopped the next day and called you ugly. You admit being beaten: you are not modest! On the third day, I was stopped again, afraid to respond. I was beaten even worse: ugly is so shameful!

63. The river is rushing. You and I steal watermelons, I escape, you get caught, I eat melon seeds at home, and you get hit by the board there. When I finish eating melon seeds, your life will be over.

64. What did you say? I miss you for several days, and the lights are turned off when it gets dark. Garlic turned into onion, so I can't tell the difference between east, west, north and south. I also forgot to use the pedal when riding a bike, so I threw away the money that Lian Gang picked up!

65. The person you love has been taken away, and the person who loves you is terrible. Don't go bad in debauchery, change in silence: the sea is full of water, and the hell is full of ghosts and dinosaurs. Two retired pigs read short messages and grinned!

66. Is it sour grapes? Is watermelon sweet? Is our relationship very weak? Is it difficult to send messages? Don't you know I've been thinking about you? How dare you look down? Think I'll break the law? Will sending messages be bad?

67. 10 I can't stand it. I miss you very much. I want to see you every day. You can give it to me yourself. I will never let you down seven times. I will keep you by my side forever. I will never be half-hearted, half-hearted. I only keep you 1 pig.

68. I heard that you accidentally fell into the garbage pit this morning and couldn't get up. Just then, an old lady who picked up junk stretched out her hand and pulled you up, saying that city people are really a waste. Just a little ugly, I can't get rid of it!

69. Do you know why we are predestined friends? We knew each other as early as 1000 years ago. It was an autumn, and you ran with me in the wind, leaving your teeth marks on me. This became a well-known story. At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin.

70. I miss you when I am lost, and I miss you when I am lonely. Having you is my endless happiness, and you are the love of my life! But you left when I was poor. Come back! My lovely RMB!

7 1, I dreamed of you last night. You are holding a thick red envelope in one hand and a kitchen knife in the other, coaxing me: Come on, take a red envelope to congratulate me or I will move the knife! I will send you a message as soon as I wake up. Congratulations on getting the red envelope!

72. I've always wanted to say something to you, but I never got a chance. Now I summon up the courage to say to you: I like you. Are you going to ask me what I like about you? Actually, I don't like it at all. I just like you to stay away from me!

73. It is a pleasure to miss you! Nice to meet you! Loving you is what I will always do! Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing! But I just lied to you!

74. Find someone who is worthy of your love. I don't know you and your feelings well enough. I know that some things can't be forced, and some distances can't be exceeded. Just like yesterday, I can't believe you ran off with someone else for a bone!

75. Love is a road, friends are pigs, there is only one road in life, and there will be many pigs on the road. Don't go the wrong way when you are rich, don't buy pigs when you are short of money, don't get lost when you are happy, and feed pigs when you are at rest. Pig, my pig is happy!

76. It's wood that makes furniture, and scholars who know poetry. Everyone thinks about money, talented people, and women want figure. It's a genius who writes this sentence, and a fool who reads this sentence!

77. You will be lucky if this message is forwarded by Buddha three times, six times, ten times, and 100 times. . . . . . Spend ten dollars.

78. The mobile phone suddenly shook, and the pig must want to see it. A click on the pig's trotters turned out to be a bomb. I was so angry that I was sweating all over, and my legs were strung together. You are such a fool, pig. If you want to smile brightly, forward it to other idiots.

79. I am too lazy to tell you that my brother is lonely. Brother Chun's songs, I have listened to a few, and I want to hang my neck when I listen to them. After listening to some songs by Zeng Ge, I want to jump the Yellow River. I wonder if your message reminds me of sleeping pills?

80. It is a very happy thing to miss you. Nice to meet you; Loving you is what I will always do; Keeping you in mind is what I always do; However, lying to you just happened!

8 1, are you ... a bug in the stool of a cockroach trampled to death by rhubarb dog was adopted by a mentally retarded little novice monk, next to a deaf-mute disciple of the most famous martial arts master in Shaolin Temple?

82. If you heard, I was looking for you; If you hear me, it's me calling you: if you hear me, it's me thinking about you … my dog!

Are you free tomorrow afternoon? I want to find you. Can you pick me up at the station? But I didn't recognize you because I was afraid of many people, so I blew my head off and contacted me with a wooden stick in my right hand and a porcelain bowl in my left. The signal of unity is: Come on.

84. I am very happy, because I am happy with you; I'm crazy, I'm crazy, because there are wolves; All right, stop staring, wolf.

God gave me a cornucopia. If I miss you carelessly once, I will become you. If I can't stop thinking about you, it will never stop changing. In the end, you are all over the house, and I am worried: I have a good idea: get a pigsty!

86. It is said that ghosts will appear again tonight. May they obey my command and come to your bed quietly. Pale face, green eyes, withered hands touching your face, gently say to you: If you want good skin, use Dabao sooner or later!

87. The pig put the green onion in its nose and held the elephant. Elephants have long noses because they can tell lies. Lying will make their noses longer. I want to be as cute as an elephant, so I want to say to you: you are so beautiful!

I can't resist your temptation because I'm hungry. When I was in close contact with you, you gave me an indescribable feeling that the earth was spinning. I really want to have a big fight with you, but I'm afraid of getting pregnant ... dear beer.

9 1, a woman urinated in the toilet and a drunk left by mistake. Hearing the sound of urinating, she said, don't pour it, I really don't drink it! The woman was so frightened that she didn't dare to pee any more. She couldn't hold back and farted. The drunkard said, * * *, why open another bottle!

93. I am the oak tree in front of your window, the book at hand when I shed tears for the first time, the candle you watch in spring night, and the bright clothes you wear in autumn (it's cold, don't freeze)!

94, if there is no moon, I can not miss you; If there is no sun, I can not care about you. But how can I forget you because of the reincarnation of the sun and the moon!

95. Rice is a mother and a flower because of peanuts. Amy's father is a butterfly because she likes flowers recently. Amy's grandmother is a wonderful pen, because wonderful pen gives birth to flowers, and Amy's grandfather is popcorn, because he reported Amy holding flowers. Who is Naomi's husband? (Mice, because mice love rice)

96. I looked at your sexy body that day, twisted in front of me and gently stroked your skin. I can't resist your temptation: boss, I want this fish!

97. You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you are thin, I am thin because you are sick, I smile because you are strong, and I am rich because I sold you. ............................................................................................

98. I was very nervous the first time. He always let me relax gently, and then he inserted me into my body. There is blood, and the pain is speechless. Only then did I understand ... blood donation is like this!

99. Kyle and Niumei are in love. One day on a date in the park, Kyle wanted to kiss Niumei. Niumei doesn't allow it. Kyle was puzzled and asked, Don't you love me? Niumei: Love! Kyle: Why? Niumei: But Niubi is not right!

100, zero, right, he exchanged eyes with her. At one o'clock, in the bar, they exchanged business cards. At two o'clock, in the hotel, they exchanged bodies. At six o'clock in the morning, I left the hotel and found that my wallet had also been changed.

10 1, Xiao Lv asked the old donkey: Why do we eat hay every day, but cows eat concentrated feed? The old donkey sighed, we can't compete with others. We eat by running errands, and others eat by breasts!

102, the couple met in the street, and the woman flew over and hugged the man, saying, hurry up ... The man panicked and said, are you embarrassed? In front of so many people! The woman said: Are you embarrassed? Zip up your pants in front of so many people

103, a boss was sleeping with his lover, and the phone rang. The lover answered: The subscriber you dialed was drunk! When I came home the next day, my wife swore: How much wine did you drink yesterday? Even the mobile company knows.

105, in the literature class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the questions. The classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything ... The teacher said, "Is that okay?" I won't scream either! Classmate: "Cheep." "

You are abstract! You look hazy! You look fuzzy! You look very ... strange! Give me a break. I really can't describe you. I have never seen a ghost.

107, a woman is a big meal, and that temptation can't be stopped. Once you move the chopsticks, you will be trapped from now on! A woman is a mobile phone. Once she has it, she not only needs to charge, but also has a signal, and most importantly, she has to pay the phone bill!

109, do you know why you and I are predestined friends in this life? In fact, we met thousands of years ago, and it was also spring. You chased me for a long time and left your teeth marks on me, which made an eternal story. My name was Lv Dongbin at that time.

1 10, dreaming of god, he said he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said it was too difficult. Let's change it. I took out your photo and said, I want this to look good. He thought deeply and said, take the globe and I'll look at it again!

1 1 1. I woke up with a mosquito lying on my pillow and a suicide note beside me, which read: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky, I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself.

1 12, I had a dream last night that you were panting after a pig with a kitchen knife. The pig suddenly knelt down and begged for mercy, saying, we are born from the same root, so why fry each other!

1 13, I said, "You are a pig!" You said: I am a pig. "From then on, I will call you a pig. One day, you finally couldn't help shouting, "I'm not a pig! "In front of everyone.

1 14, 10% persistent+10% missing+10% jealous+10% suspicious+10% sweet+/kloc.

1 15, if there is an afterlife, let's be a pair of little mice, silly love, silly life, silly snuggling, silly together, when the mountain is closed by snow and ice, we nest in a warm haystack, I hug you and feed you rat medicine!

1 16, if a leaf represents happiness, I will send you a forest, if a drop of water represents blessing, I will send you a sea, and if a needle represents my miss for you, I will send you a cactus: demo, I can't believe it!

1 17, if I were a tear in your eye, I would slide down your face between your lips, because I really want to kiss you! If you were a tear in my eyes, I would never cry in my life, because I am afraid of losing you!

1 18, after getting along these days, I feel like a deer in front of you, but I'm afraid you won't accept my confession. I can't control my inner feelings. I really like your mobile phone. Do you want to sell 20 yuan?

1 19, the blue sky is special to you, but I care about you helplessly; Baiyun lovely you, helpless I miss you; Gently blowing you in the distance, I am waiting for you with deep affection; Gentle rain romantic you, lonely I miss you!

120, which used to be called loneliness; Now, it is called happiness; Tomorrow is called expectation; Always called sex; Wandering, vast sea of people; Wait, the epiphyllum will bloom again; Life is wonderful because of you; Love you, now!

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