A collection of classic WeChat quotes: Don’t think you can bite people just because you are a dog

1. A day is actually very short. It passes as soon as the computer is turned on and off.

2. Notice: As Mother’s Day is approaching, to celebrate, all women’s restrooms and The bathrooms are open to you free of charge, welcome!

3. Some people can’t tell what is good, but no one can replace them

4. Don’t think that just because you are a dog, you can bite people randomly

5 , If I don’t delete you, I just want to see how you write your mood for that woman

6. The best way to stand out is to refuse to become vulgar.

7. Don’t dare to ask for a heart-to-heart meeting just because you may be separated

8. [If you love someone but can’t be together, love each other but can’t meet at the right time]

9. It turns out that except for those friends who don’t have regular contact with each other. I am always alone.

10. One thought turns to prosperity and the other turns to ashes;

11. If I am happy, I will be satisfied.

12. We are like the waters of the Baltic Sea and the North Sea that meet but cannot merge.

13. I will know myself when I am cold or warm, and I will be better able to take care of myself.

14. When I stand alone on the street shivering, I really miss you.

15. Remember you asked me to forget it, you said you would cry not because you care

16. Employers should not be suspicious, in fact, supervisors and subordinates are a kind of interests and *** The performance of subordinates will affect the performance of supervisors; the authorization of supervisors is sufficient to determine the performance of subordinates.

17. I am a person who laughs often but not a person who is always happy.

18. Time flies, even all the courage will eventually be exhausted. Don’t wait until I give up before you know how good I am.

19. Your soul seems to have been taken away, leaving only My heart is bleeding

20. Years have shortened the distance between us, lengthened the time, and then we are lost

21. Don’t say sorry to me, I can only change Come for your peace of mind, not my relief. .

22. Children, please don’t think of me as a quick broadcast. When you are lonely, open it and watch it. When you are happy, watch various romantic movies with others. Explosive and funny, girl, don’t think you can hit people just because you wear less.

Introduction: A mentally ill man came to the bank withdrawal window, knocked on the glass and asked the waiter: "Is this glass bulletproof glass?" The waiter replied yes. Then the lunatic asked again: "Is it bomb-proof?" The waiter turned pale with fright and was about to call the police. The lunatic took out two big and small king sheets and stuck them on the glass and said: "Blow up!" After about ten seconds, the waiter said in fear: "Sorry! ”

1. One day, the teacher was giving a lecture, but no one was listening. The teacher yelled for silence, but no one bothered him. So, I pushed the squad leader who was sleeping and told him to take care of the discipline (the squad leader is very fierce). The squad leader stood up and shouted: "Quiet!" Suddenly no one spoke. GC was the class monitor and immediately said: "TMD, why are you arguing! Listen to my son carefully!"

2. After a man in science and engineering failed to pursue several women in liberal arts, he finally fell in love with a girl in his class. superior. But he was always troubled because he couldn't say any romantic words. One day, while walking in the park with his girlfriend, he suddenly had inspiration and said affectionately: "Since I met you, I feel that my world has become smaller." The science and engineering girl blinked her eyes and said, "Do you think I am fat?"

3. The father and son, one carrying a big hoe and the other carrying a small hoe, went to the field to weed. After a while, I heard a sound of gongs, drums and suona in the distance. It turned out that someone in the village was getting a wife. The son put down the hoe in his hand, blushed and said to his father, "Dad, I am already twenty this year." The father looked at his son and said, "Oh, let's change to a bigger hoe tomorrow.

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4. Hidden rules are everywhere. The poster, a college student, just took the final exam and was found by the invigilator while copying cheat sheets. He immediately put the cheat sheets in his pocket and walked over to the exam and said: Take out the things. I accidentally took out the 100 yuan from my wallet. The invigilator was stunned for a moment, smiled slightly, and took away the 100 yuan, leaving me messy in the wind...

5. One day, Xiao Ming had a question he didn’t understand and wanted to ask the teacher. He asked the teacher, what is happiness and what is regret? The teacher thought about it and replied: "Be me, I had a good dream and I still remember it. This is beauty." , Well! What about the regret?

6. The teacher will encounter various interesting answers to the first test question of a certain grade: Change the following sentence into an anthropomorphic sentence. "The bird is singing on the tree", most students usually call it "the bird is singing on the tree". Suddenly I heard a sentence: The bird is singing on the tree: "I am a human being! I am a human being!" /p>

7. It is said that before Zhang Fei and Guan Yu Taoyuan became sworn brothers, they met one day and practiced calligraphy together. After Zhang Fei danced with each other, he looked carefully and felt that his handwriting was not very good. Satisfied, he turned to look at Guan Yu and said, "My calligraphy is so ugly. Where is yours?" Guan Yu put down the pen in his hand, clasped his fists in his hands and said, "Hello, my calligraphy is Yunchang. Thank you for meeting me."

8. There were several pregnant women in the company who were still working. One day, the leader came down to show concern for the employees. When he saw the pregnant woman, he asked how many months had she been pregnant! Then he said yes, yes, it must be a boy, and everyone was happy! At this time, another person walked in, and the leader asked again: Wow, the watermelon is so big, how many months has it been! I just heard the girl say shyly: Sorry, this has been happening for several years! ! Leader: Okay, okay, let’s try to give birth to Nezha!

9. When I was in junior high school, I secretly fished in a fish pond in the next village. I caught more than ten fish and was caught by others. He insisted that I carry the fish myself and lead him to my house to ask my parents to pay for it... I had no choice but to take him home. My father saw me coming back with the fish and said, "Let me tell you, the fish in that fish pond Take the bait, but it's a pity that there aren't as many as I did last time... Hey, who's behind you?"

10. Auntie introduces a girlfriend to a second-rate friend, asking him for a photo, and the second-rate friend gives him an ID card. I took it, and the ID photo was invincible. I didn’t expect the girl to see the person so seriously. The two of them were really together. I just wanted to say: What kind of person has what kind of fate!

11. The chairman was helpless and said to Xiao Ming: Xiao Wang, please help me with something. I want my daughter to come to the company to take over. She will not come alive. You are all young. Man, go help me convince her, I won't be able to do anything wrong to you afterwards. The next day Xiao Ming went to the chairman: Dad, it’s OK, she will go to work tomorrow. The chairman was shocked: Who did you call dad? Xiao Ming: Didn’t you ask me to sleep with your daughter? She was really convinced! She is still holding on to the wall! Chairman: Get out.

12. Female A: Stop looking at me in a mirror for half an hour. Woman B: Who makes me so attractive? Woman A: I think there are only two kinds of people in the world who can attract people, one is very beautiful, and the other is like you.

13. I developed oral ulcers just a few days after school started. I endured it for a few days at first, but then I couldn't even eat. During evening self-study, my father took me to the hospital for emergency treatment. After finally waiting for me, as soon as I opened my mouth, the doctor shouted: "Don't look, it's an advanced stage of oral ulcer!" My dad's legs went weak when he heard "advanced stage". Then the doctor slowly said: "It's almost healed, don't waste money."

14. I asked my colleague to wait for me to have dinner with him in the evening, but he didn't wait for me and went to eat by himself. So I calmly walked to the canteen, locked his bicycle with mine, and turned off my mobile phone!

15. Grandma is superstitious. She said that it takes nine monks to become a cat, so she The cat I have is also a vegetarian. The poor cat has never had a sip of broth since he was a child, let alone fish.

That day, my grandma asked me to boil water for him. I asked her, "Why do you boil water?" Grandma said, "When the cat grows up, I want to shave its head!" I said in surprise, "Why do you want to shave the cat's head?" Grandma said seriously: "This cat was transformed from a monk, and now it needs to have its head shaved when it grows up!"

16. After tutoring my eight-year-old nephew in English, chat with him. I teased him by asking him if there was any pretty little girl in the class that I liked. His words made me confused instantly: "Auntie, you know me. If I love someone, I won't say it easily!"

17. Several girls were talking about giving it to their boyfriends. pressure. A said: "I put 20 years of pressure on my boyfriend, and I feel that my life has improved a lot now." B said: "I put 50 yuan of pressure on my boyfriend, and I feel that our future is bright." C said: "I put 100% pressure on my boyfriend. I feel that other girls' lives are much better. I am now my ex-girlfriend..."

18. I went shopping for shoes with a few classmates. I visited several stores and finally fell in love with a pair, but I wanted the boss to lower the price. One of them said, "Boss, make it cheaper. There are many of us." After hearing this, the boss stood up and said, "What? Well, what's wrong with the crowd, I'm afraid of you being rude!"

19. I just had dinner with a few friends, and one of them played games in the Internet cafe all night yesterday. While waiting for the food, He was so sleepy that his head banged on the table without even feeling any pain. I pushed him, but he still didn't wake up. The waitress happened to be nearby, and we asked, "Why haven't the dishes been served yet? One of us fainted." This made the girl panic. She ran and shouted: Manager, manager, manager! Someone at table 5 fainted from hunger!

20. I am a senior in high school and am reviewing hard. Today, the math teacher bought A lot of steamed buns were given to the whole class, and we instantly realized how much we loved her. But 10 minutes later, the teacher came up with a bunch of test papers and asked us: Children, are you full? It’s time to go to school when you are full. It’s a battlefield! After saying that, Mr. A angrily threw half of the steamed bun on the ground and shouted: This fucking thing turns out to be decapitated rice!

21. The traffic police saw a driver struggling to push the car on the street, and asked: "It broke down or ran out of gas. Do you need help?" "I forgot to bring my driver's license when I went out."

22. My wife said: Mr. Wang upstairs, our family has a lot of money, so we have breakfast at McDonald’s! Today I saw him walking out again with a satisfied look on his face. I said: You are so rich! He smiled: "No, I just went to the toilet. I didn't use my own paper or my own water. Who called him a foreigner, making money from us?"

23. Xiao Ming kept watching during class The teacher giggled. Teacher: Xiao Ming, why do you keep smiling at me. Xiao Ming: Because I have a cold. The teacher said with concern: Are you still smiling when you have a cold? Have you taken your medicine? Xiao Ming: I only laughed after taking medicine. Teacher: Why? Xiao Ming: The advertisement says the medicine lasts all day! teacher:. .

24. The most beautiful joke I saw today: Man: I have liked you for a long time, can you be my girlfriend? The woman walked up and bang... The man covered his face: What are you doing? Even if you don't agree, don't hit me? Girl: Damn, I’ve liked you for a long time. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? That’s why I’ve been single until now?

25. Taking the bus home, a foreigner next to me was listening to music on his mobile phone. The headphones are too loud, which makes me a little impatient. After thinking for a full two minutes, I finally plucked up the courage to say to the foreigner in English: "Can you lower your voice?" The foreigner yelled in Mandarin fluently: "None of your business?"

26. One day, on the bus, a girl got on the bus, wearing a miniskirt. A guy took a look at it, and the girl slapped the guy in the face. The guy was so anxious that he took off her skirt. With only a pair of underwear left on his pants, he also slapped the girl and said: Damn, don’t think you can hit people just because you are wearing less clothes...

27. In the morning, before I woke up, my girlfriend was already there The kitchen started to get busy, the aroma of apples, eggs, chicken soup, milk, pancakes, and all kinds of delicacies came to my face, and I felt a sense of happiness in my heart.

When I woke up and walked into the kitchen, my girlfriend had already eaten them all and was gone! He also left a note asking me to clean the pots and bowls!

28. One day, our dean was kidnapped. The kidnappers demanded a million ransom, and if they refused, they would burn him with gasoline. When they heard this, the whole school was shocked, and the students discussed it privately. A: You also know how the dean treats us. We can't turn a blind eye like other students. How about we donate some? B: Yes, please donate some. A: How much will you donate? B: Please donate three kilograms of gasoline first. A: Then I’ll donate five pounds!

29. One day, there was a car accident on the street. A woman was sitting in her Sagitar and making a phone call: Husband, there was a car crash! It's okay, I broke a piece of bread. A man outside the car said naively: Tell your husband, that bread is called Land Rover...

30. When traveling to a distant city on a business trip, flying is the first choice. It's quick and convenient. Unexpectedly, we just arrived at our destination. As soon as the plane landed, a guy in the front seat was dangling with a ticket in his hand and kept talking. Listen carefully: Damn. It turned out to be "I didn't use the insurance this time!"

Editor's remarks: I have a good bestie who has been inseparable since childhood. A few days ago, she came to my place and refused to leave, crying and complaining that she was If my partner of eight years cheats on me, I would say no, you two have been together for eight years. Unexpectedly, she cried even harder. My best friend said that it was because we were together for 8 years that I felt sad. At this moment. I can't help but sigh: Men don't have any good things. A whole eight years of love! It's not even worth one of my seductions. Women should not think that they can stop studying if they are good-looking, and men should not think that they can grow taller if they study well.

1. Public relations methods: Zhangzi is not as good as chopsticks, chopsticks are not as good as face, face is not as good as banknotes, and banknotes are not as good as braids.

2. Face the sun with a smile and be happy together.

3. The sky is always blue for those who hang out with you.

4. The first time you do it is called a mistake, the second time you do it is called stupid, and the third time you do it is called stupid. Called cheap.

5. One day, I will take off my mask for someone.

6. Maybe I am not your favorite, but I am the one who understands you best

7. Love is not everything. So don’t blindly pursue eternal happiness.

8. Women should not think that good looks mean they can stop reading, and men should not think that good looks mean they can be ugly.

9. I am just a madman with unique emotions

10. If one day I die, please don’t get close to my body, because I have no strength to stretch out my hand Wipe your tears.

11. I don’t want to be sober, I would rather indulge and indulge all the time. I don’t know the way back, I would rather pursue it without regrets for the rest of my life.

12. I have never had self-doubt. I have never been discouraged.

13. A person who has at least one dream has a reason to be strong

14. Eunuchs all go to brothels, but Liu Xiahui remains pregnant because he is gay!

15. I step on each flower of the motherland when it blooms.

16. What does it mean that things are different and people are different? It means that if you read the message board from back to front, those people who said they would always be with you have stopped contacting you.

17. You can’t blame me for not doing well in the exam, but I can’t do it at all.

18. Women sleep with you for money, and men languish for coercion.

19. We are all just children in the beginning

20. Time is only responsible for the flow, not for your growth. I thought I could do it if I worked hard, but why do I hold on to memories

I thought I could do it if I just work hard, but why do I hold on to memories

In blatant world, I' m just a bystander. In the noisy world, I am just a bystander.

People who are happy to death for a word can also suffer to death for a word.

When we encounter love, no one will be the same as before when time passes.

I once longed to stay with someone for a long time, but later, I was so glad that I left.

There are some things that we know are wrong, but we still have to persist because we are not willing to accept them.

After all, I am not a devoted woman, and sooner or later I will disappear from your world.

I still like the songs I liked before, and I still miss the people who left before. Nostalgia is a bad habit.

I am not afraid that the road is too far and cannot find the end point, but I am afraid that the two worlds cannot form a circle.

If you give up, please don’t look back. Some roads we can only walk once.

I want to give it a try. If one day I leave silently, I don’t know who will look for me all over the world. ?

Is there anyone who will say to me, stop pretending, I know you are not happy.

If there were no ifs, no onces, no memories, then what would be left.

When I call you, no matter when it is, it means that I am lonely.

I miss those times because they contain my purest thoughts and my most complete heart.

Do you often feel like a fool late at night and don’t know why you can’t sleep?

No one can be pure all the way to the end, but remember, don’t forget your original self.

Sometimes I dream that I am crying, but when I wake up, I find that my tears are not dry yet.

I will not allow the people I care about to leave me for any reason or in any form.

I have shed so many tears for you, but now you tell me that my tears are worthless

In fact, I have always understood that it is not easy to be with someone all the time. .

If I could turn back time, I would try my best to avoid you and never pass you by.

Sometimes, I accidentally know something and then realize that I care. The thing is so ridiculous.

Is there such a person who always lives in your heart and never leaves?

No matter who you are, you will get tired of loving someone. So what you are talking about will never exist.

I once thought that it was not easy to possess; later I realized that it is even harder to give up.

I want to find a reason to forget, I want to find an excuse to give up, but I don’t know where to start.

In order to forget you, I tried every means, but in the end, I still miss you so much.

You said that time will dilute all this, and distance will make us feel better.

Simple life. I leave a blank in my mind. It's all you now.

You are the only one in my world, and that is enough

I am still waiting for you where you are, but you have forgotten that you have been here; love is so short, forgetting is so long .

If one day you lose me, then I will never let you find me

I have become accustomed to living without you, but I still can't forget you.

The moment when I obviously don’t want to give up, but I have to throw away the past memories.

The person I love is not my lover. Every inch of her heart belongs to another person.

I just want to hear your voice, even if it's just one sentence, even if I don't have such a right.

I won't shed tears anymore. Ask me for whom I shed the last tears. Flow for you.

I know that I have always missed the past; I know that to forget you, I must first forget myself.

The best places are places you have never been. The best time is the time you can't get back.

I know that I know everything. It’s not that I don’t say it, but that I don’t want to say it.

I really hate that feeling. I feel sad, but I don’t know why. I just feel sad all the time.

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If you are unable to express yourself for a long time, it can be called aphasia

True love will not be diluted by time, but the longer the time, the more happiness you will have!

There are two realms in life, one is to be in pain without speaking, and the other is to laugh without speaking.

I used time to prove my single-mindedness, but you let time prove my stupidity.

I no longer understand what kind of person you are, and I no longer dare to be with you forever.

I have never given up everything for anyone, because no one has ever risked everything for me.

No one can stay pure all the way to the end, but remember, don’t forget your original self.

Is there such a person that you have told countless times that you want to give up, but still can’t let go?

I found a reason that was not a reason to let the long-awaited tears flow out.

Love is actually very ruthless, especially a humble love, which is destined to be scarred.

Some people we know we love even have to give up because there is no one. Ending

Some words you said inadvertently made me sad for a long, long time.

You are a very important person to me. But it has nothing to do with love.

There is such a person who can hear my voice and take the initiative to send me text messages and say that I Want to hear you talk.

I have learned to be strong, so strong that I don’t have to learn not to think about it, to forget it.

I always thought that people grow old slowly. Actually no, people grow old in an instant.

If one day you look into my eyes, you will find that you are the only one there.

When you lose me, you will understand that no one will treat you like me.