Short and humorous sentences

Selected short humorous sentences

1) As soon as I got up in the morning, I felt the urge to take a nap.

2) Tencent’s input has given many people hope and disappointed many people.

3) If you destroy me now, I will destroy your future.

4) Commitments are like farts, earth-shattering at the time but pale and feeble afterwards.

5) When you speak ill of me, can you please stop adding extravagant words and thinking that you are just trying to stir up a stir-fry?

6) I fell in love with you because my brain was filled with water, but now my brain is dry.

7) He has a big head, a thick neck, and moves like a pig!

8) I am stupid, I am happy. Me two, I'm healthy.

9) The tragedy of life is that when you want to cut both ways, you only have one knife.

10) You are not afraid of drinking dichlorvos, but you are afraid of surprises when you open the lid and enjoy one more bottle.

11) Fatty, why are you always so persistent with me?

12) I will not offend others unless they offend me. If someone offends me, give in three points. If someone offends me again, I will eradicate the root cause.

13) Don’t put pressure on me, that will be my motivation to become your boss.

14) Look at your ranking to know how many people are in your class.

15) People in the upper class always like to do some obscene things.

A collection of shorter humorous sentences

1) After getting to know you, a sense of intellectual superiority arises spontaneously.

2) Since ancient times, no one has ever died. You don’t need paper to poop!

3) Being mean is also an art. Let’s improve this art together!

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4) I am not a bone and cannot be chased by every dog.

5) The tragedy of life is that after a night of hard work and beautiful dreams, you can’t remember them all when you wake up the next morning!

6) Again If you mess with me, I will use the Pegasus Meteor Fist to beat you into a floating cloud.

7) The mountains are not high, but trees are spiritual; people are not handsome, but money is good.

8) Life is like Angry Birds. When you fail, there are always a few pigs laughing.

9) Confucius said that when three people are walking together, there must be my wife. Choose the pretty one and marry her.

10) Lao Na once looked back and smiled, which fascinated the master.

11) If you don’t flirt with girls, you are treasonous and unethical; if you flirt with girls, you are doing the right thing for heaven.

12) If you pour cold water on me, I will definitely boil it and pour it back on you. If you don’t believe it, just wait and see.

13) Men cannot be spoiled, the more they are spoiled, the more they become jerks. A woman must be pampered, and the more pampered she is, the more valuable she will be.

14) If you don’t act recklessly when you are young, what will you say when you are old?

15) I don’t want to know that you are sick, so don’t make it so obvious.

A collection of short and humorous sentences

1) The difference between humans and pigs is that pigs are always pigs, while humans are sometimes not humans!

2) Putin: We must persist in fighting terrorists. Even if they escape to the toilet, we will drown them in the toilet! The greatest happiness is not feeling lonely while moving forward.

3) Mencius: The police are meant to save people, defuse bombs, and suppress bandits.

4) Beethoven: I will grab the gangster by the throat.

5) Zhuge Liang: After careful planning, victory was achieved thousands of miles away.

6) Victor Hugo: The widest thing in the world is the ocean. What is wider than the ocean is the sky. What is wider than the sky is the human mind. What is wider than the human mind is the nine-fold magnified sight. .

7) Tolstoy: The destinies in the crosshairs are all similar, but the destinies outside the crosshairs are different in their own way.

8) Stalin: We need high-explosive grenades just like we need sunlight, air, and water.

9) Shelley: Now that Reb is on the way, can victory be far away?

10) Whenever the charge horn sounds, I quickly hide in the trench, because: I am Undercover!

11) Traveling is to go from a place where you are tired of staying to a place where others are tired of staying.

12) There is no romantic partner, only two people who love each other!

13) I want to fall in love early, but it’s too late

14) No one holds hands , I just put it in my pocket.

15) Before his death, the old man confessed to his wife: I once had an extramarital affair, please forgive me! Wife: What a big deal, you can rest in peace! Which of our children looks like you? < /p>

17) Face first on the ground, unable to recover.

18) Mixed society is a manual job, which requires four skills: moving around.

19) Look at you! Look at your back and frighten thousands of troops, and turn your head to scare away millions of lions.

20) Xu Zhimo: I aim gently, just as I squat lightly, I shoot lightly to bid farewell to the gangsters in the distance.

21) Darwin: A policeman who dares to waste even a bullet shows that he does not understand the full value of life.

22) Qian Zhongshu: Those in the warehouse want to come out, and those outside the warehouse want to go in.

23) Yu Guangzhong: Nostalgia is like a big map, with me on this side and the gangsters on the other side.

24) Anerle: The protection of body armor is considerate and thoughtful.

25) Sun Yat-sen: Bomb disposal has not yet been successful. Comrades still need to work hard.

26) Confucius: If you shoot without aiming, you will be in trouble; if you aim without shooting, you will be in danger.

27) Supreme Treasure: Once upon a time, a demented gangster passed by my target but I didn’t shoot. I regretted it until I lost him. If God gives me another chance, , I would look at him and say: Go to hell!

28) Haruki Murakami: Banditry is not the opposite of counter-terrorism but will always exist as a part of counter-terrorism.

29) Nokia: Counter-terrorism is based on guns. Humorous sentences that hint that you are about to start involution

1. My roommates were all asleep, so I stole their mobile phones and turned off the alarm clock. I will go to class alone tomorrow and trap them to death.

2. I am like a worm on a cabbage. My classmates are all crawling on it, but I crawl on my own.

3. It’s so funny, our school doesn’t allow bed curtains to be hung, so you can clearly see the opposite bed in the dormitory, and then secretly roll them up to death.

4. When Buddha meets Buddha by chance, life is so happy.

5. My roommates are all staying up late and losing their hair, so I go to bed at eight o’clock to maintain my health and kill these bald princesses.

6. I pretended to watch Li Jiaqi’s live shopping, but actually didn’t buy anything. I secretly saved money and tricked them to death.

7. My roommates are all asleep, so I stole their mobile phones and turned off the alarm clock. I will go to class alone tomorrow to tie them up.

8. This society has already fallen into an involutional whirlpool. You must stay clear and escape from it.

9. Everyone was fishing in the water, and I was secretly studying while fishing, trapping them to death.

10. I would rather tire myself to death than drag my classmates to death.

11. While Li Yundi is in jail, I will quickly practice the piano and trap you to death.

12. My friends all lost their hair, so I secretly picked up the hair that fell on the ground and glued it to my head. My hair was more frizzy than theirs.

13. The other children only knew how to play, but I secretly practiced kowtow to kill them during the Chinese New Year.

14. There is a statement on the Internet that caused a stir: the entry threshold for the company has suddenly increased from "985 per capita" to "985 per capita master's degree", but the salary does not seem to have increased.

15. You have been working so hard, you must not know how comfortable it is to be lazy. Reject involution! How comfortable it is to lie flat.

16. My roommates were all sleeping, so I secretly went to work-study program. I was richer than them, and I tricked them to death.

17. Why stand when you can do things lying down? Why be someone else when you can be yourself?

18. Today I am proud of the involution, and tomorrow I will be proud of the involution!

19. When I invited my roommates to drink milk tea, I secretly made a note that it was sugar-free. They both gained weight while I lost weight alone, which overwhelmed them all.

20. In the future, you will definitely be grateful to yourself who is not working hard now. A humorous comment about being stuck in traffic and being late for work

A humorous comment about being stuck in traffic and being late for work (Part 1)

1. National Day traffic jam...it's okay, you can still be stuck in a traffic jam for three hours in a minute's drive Not yet.

2. Don’t be distracted by traffic jams, take a nap to recharge your spirit; there are people on the roadside, bustling cars, and every house is warm with a little light.

3. There are often traffic jams on the road to happiness because there are too many people rushing on the road.

4. What a tragedy, we are about to get home and there is a traffic jam on the highway

5. Ride my beloved motorcycle, it will never be jammed.

6. Every time there is a traffic jam on the road, I am very calm. There is no point in being anxious. It is better to listen to music.

7. I am a person who has been stuck in traffic jam on the highway for an hour and now I am driving ten miles a mile. The wandering wanderers climbed towards Jinan at a fast speed.

8. Jinan’s roads are being built from south to north, from east to west, expanded, built, and rebuilt. Every day there is smoke and traffic jams, which makes people upset and angry.

9. The cars are blocked from the toll gate to the provincial highway, why are they not allowed to pass for free?

10. It’s finally time to go home for the New Year, but I’m really stuck in this traffic jam I'm afraid. What I'm most afraid of now is traffic jams. This process of overcoming the tribulation is too difficult.

11. Do you hate it? The car navigation does not work!

12. Recently I have become accustomed to rail transit as the first choice. There are no traffic jams, no worries, and there are no crowds at this point. The time from A to B is guaranteed, and the rare schedule and cool air make me feel comfortable. The recent state of anxiety has been relieved for a moment...

13. This year’s New Year, stations will be crowded again, and highways will be jammed and accidents will occur. It's so sad to do this every year.

14. It is difficult to get on and off the bridge, and the elevated bridge is heavily blocked. It's hard to get off the bridge, but it's hard to get on the bridge, walking in the middle of the car.

15. The college entrance examination is tomorrow. Dear candidates, I hope there will be no traffic jams on your way to the examination room. I hope you will perform normally. I hope you can take the examination in the same examination room as the people you know.

16. Anyone who complains about traffic jams during the National Day holiday should join me. Anyway, the car I drive is smooth.

17. At the traffic light in front of you, there was a sticky mess. After waiting for thirty minutes, I still haven't hired anyone yet. ?

18. Every time I go to get off work, the road is completely blocked, with red and green lights stopping, and I can’t move a step for a long time. ?

19. I’m used to being stuck in traffic, so I’m not in a hurry and just hum a tune slowly.

20. Do you want to? There are few people and few cars, but the roads are smooth? A humorous story about being late for work due to traffic jam (Part 2)

21. Should Eleven Nis go out to play on the highway and join the traffic jam, or lie down at home or hang out in the local area? Anyway, I'm stuck on the highway now.

22. Traffic jams are so annoying that it may take three hours to get from school to Guiyang.

23. The National Day Expressway is a festival of car crashes and traffic jams. There were more than ten accidents in one night.

24. When you are stuck in traffic, you can call your family, friends, or even customers. The longer the traffic jam lasts, the more profound the emotional exchange becomes. Some people have gained long-lost family affection, some have negotiated big business, and some have gained love... Traffic jams really promote the relationship between people...

25. Are you dizzy? There is no way to go around and around! ?

26. A row of egrets climbed into the blue sky, and I was squeezed in the middle. I asked where the restaurant was, but I was blocked at the toll gate. I still hold my pipa half-covered, I forgot to bring instant noodles in the car; I was born with talents that will be useful, so I can't move for five hours; the cold rain comes on the river at night, watching the sunrise on the highway; the apes on both sides of the bank can't stop crying, and I can't live at home Stay in the car; roar when the road is uneven, and walk the dog on the highway

27. When a ray of sunshine illuminates the earth, we merge into the high-speed traffic jam game, which is very lively.

28. We usually complain about the smog and traffic jams, but a first snowfall, a heavy rain and a sunset can trigger a storm of praise.

Interesting Beijing.

29. Is it bitter? City roads are blocked every day!

30. Whenever I’m stuck in a traffic jam, I feel anxious. Whenever I feel anxious, I cheer up and play one song after another, but the road ahead is still endless. ?

31. When I go home during the Chinese New Year, I feel that the biggest change is that there are more and more cars. The small market in our village is full of traffic jams, and little sheep are the best.

32. Traffic jams during the National Day holiday are always a nightmare!

33. I saw you stuck in traffic jam before going to bed, and you were still stuck in traffic jam when I woke up.

34. I really envy those friends who travel during the May Day holiday. People like us who can travel at any time cannot experience that kind of happiness at all.

35. The journey took an hour.

36. The annual May Day holiday is here! Hurry up and start a 4-day trip to Moments.

37. I was stuck in a traffic jam for more than an hour. It’s amazing. How expensive is it to take a taxi in Beijing? Why don’t you create a traffic jam for me?

38. You drive, or you don’t drive. The road is blocked there and I can't move. ?

39. It’s raining, there’s a traffic jam, and it’s so cold. I’m so exhausted!

40. It’s too hard to go home, and it’s too hard to be stuck in traffic. Typical sentences from Versailles literature that are more humorous

Typical sentences from Versailles literature that are more humorous (Part 1)

1. I have to say that going to college can really increase my knowledge. I just saw my roommate wash I learned about clothes. It turns out that clothes can be washed and worn repeatedly. Fortunately, I went to college, otherwise I would have thought that clothes were disposable items handed to me by the housekeeper~

A hotel costing 2.6,000 per night is really not worth the price.

3. I went to the sales department to see the model apartment today. It was really difficult to choose a house. I just wanted a three-story building with a large living room. But I saw the model room in the sales department. The layout is good. Let's see if we can buy the sales department later.

4. I feel like this generation of netizens are very preoccupied. Academic qualifications can’t explain anything. I also got a doctorate at the age of 21. People around me are like this. It’s not a big deal.

5. A very beautiful person just sat in front of me. We looked at her for a long time without saying anything. I didn’t put down the mirror until my hands got sore.

6. The cutting board at home is broken, so I’m getting an iPad.

7. I applied for a bodyguard job last week, from 985, 211. He has passed CET-6, knows Muay Thai, and can cook various dishes. He mainly has high emotional intelligence and won’t stare at me all the time. , I told my dad I didn’t want bodyguards, but he always worried about me.

8. It’s winter, and I have to buy longer pants from Taobao. My legs are too long, and ordinary pants are too short when I put them on. I want to spend the winter warmly.

9. I was reading and suddenly heard a ding. It turned out that the milk was hot. I got the milk and came back: Oh, I forgot to put the bookmark. Where did I see it? Him: I’ve been reading the first page all morning, and I’m impressed

10. What does Versailles mean? The Palace of Versailles is right next door to my house. I often visit as guests, and the decoration is not very luxurious. It’s similar to my home. .

11. When I first heard the term Versailles literature, I was quite shocked. Because after reading the works of Foucault, Bourdieu, Deleuze, Sartre, Althusser, Lacan, Baudelaire, Balibar, Beauvoir, etc., I still have a deep understanding of this literary style. I know nothing, and I feel very sorry for my ignorance.

12. I just went to the classroom to teach, but they all gathered around me and said that Peng Yuyan also came to our school to teach?

13. In one text message, my boyfriend flew back from Mars and said "I'm here" in a deep voice. I was so moved that I accidentally dropped the unreleased copy that I had just received within ten minutes, but Apple insisted on giving me an iPhone 2020 mate pro plus sports car customized mobile phone.

14. I was about to go to bed, but suddenly I remembered that the car was not locked. Forget it, although there is an elevator at home, it would be bad to wake up the maid. It would be too troublesome. If it is stolen, just buy another one. , you can drive another one to go shopping tomorrow, good night ~ the whole world ~

15. Recently, a colleague bought an SSD, saying it was 500g. I was quite surprised, and I went home and looked at my computer. It was only 256g. Later, when my husband saw me sitting in front of the computer in a daze, I said that other people’s computer SSDs cost 500, but mine was only 256g. My husband handed me the honey tea in his hand and said softly, idiot, what you are looking at is the memory. Typical sentences from Versailles literature that are more humorous (Part 2)

16. My boyfriend is really annoying, he won’t lose his temper, he will do whatever I say, he is gentle and gentle, unlike a man.

17. The world is not worth it. Although I have a house, a car, and love now, so what, after a hundred years it will not be a pile of loess? When I think about the possibility of being separated from my baby in the next life , I couldn’t race my Ferrari, couldn’t watch the national flag being raised on Tiananmen Square on the rooftop, and I was filled with melancholy.

18. It’s really hard. I’ve been attending endless parties recently. I’m tired of looking at the high-end dresses sent by the maid. I won’t talk about it anymore. My baby just called me for an appointment. Going to disco, it’s so busy day by day.

19. I find that playing games also requires talent and patience. I really envy you for still having the energy to stay up late to upgrade equipment.

20. I accidentally entered my phone number when transferring money. It’s so annoying. Tomorrow’s breakfast will be ruined again.

21. I feel embarrassed to say it. I only recently learned that eggs have shells. I used to eat them peeled by the housekeeper. I always thought that eggs were white and soft.

22. I really admire those migrant workers who can get up early, because they can see the beautiful scenery of the rising sun in the morning and breathe fresh air. Unlike me, I sleep like a pig every day until I wake up naturally at noon. The rent collected at the end of the month is enough to make a year's salary as a worker. Oh, God, can you give me some motivation to fight~

23. After a text message, my boyfriend flew back from Mars and said "I'm here" in a deep voice. I was so moved that I accidentally dropped my iPhone 99pro, which I had just gotten within ten minutes but had not yet been released but Apple insisted on giving it to me. Fortunately, I still have a box.

24. I weighed myself before going out today and found that I was 25 pounds lighter. I was very happy, but when I was walking on the road, I realized that I had forgotten to wear the 25 pounds of snowflake mink velvet, silk, and Australian camel hair that Yibo bought for me. A blended Antarctic Tyrannosaurus rex fur coat.

25. Although I have a Ph.D., I am only 21 years old. If I am too young, others will think that I am unreliable.

26. It’s so annoying. I slept on the flight to the Maldives, so I had to take a private flight.

27. It’s really annoying. I don’t even know what Versailles literature is, and I have been studying in France for so many years in vain.

28. I fired our gardener this morning because I saw through the telescope that he was working 50 kilometers away and he was wearing this year's Armani spring clothes. Please, this is already the winter of 2021.

29. "My husband bought me a Lamborghini", how should I follow the next sentence? A. It costs more than 3 million. B. It looks really beautiful in my mansion! C. But the color is so ugly. Straight men are really earthy.

30. If I care about being well-matched, I guess I have to close down a few companies in Dubai before I can get a wife. Practical and exquisite positive sentences. Learn to be humorous. Humorous people are charming.

Constantdripping wears away the stone. With perseverance, gold and stone can be carved.

Do more things that make you proud and less things that make you feel inferior. These things will affect your mentality, and mentality is the basis for everything you achieve, so you must cultivate your own good mentality.

What is a team? A team means not to let another person fail, not to let anyone in the team fail.

If work is a pleasure, then the world is paradise! --- Goethe

The eagle must fly higher than the bird, because its prey is the bird (Germany)

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We are poor and have no money, so we should not be happy; making more money towards wealth is the original intention;

I always feel that life itself should have a meaning, and we are by no means in vain of. (Xi Murong)

I always believe that as long as we never give up, we still have a chance. Finally, we still firmly believe that as long as you have dreams, keep working hard, and keep learning, no matter how you look, no matter this or that, a man's appearance is often inversely proportional to his talent. Today is cruel, tomorrow will be even crueler, and the day after tomorrow will be wonderful, but most of them will die tomorrow night, so don’t give up today.

If we know that time is fleeting but precious and cherish it, do not be needlessly sad, and work hard towards the career we should do, especially when we are young and do not abuse time at all, then we can say arbitrarily It will definitely be successful in the future.

Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance. Samuel Johnson, British writer and critic The completion of a great career does not depend on physical strength, but on perseverance.

Standing on the ground and looking at the sun, it seems that the sun is behind the clouds. Standing on the top of a mountain and looking at the sun, it turns out that the sun is still thousands of miles away.

Those who have little money are often angry. Small fish always like to float on the water; sharks just hide deep in the bottom of the sea. Therefore, the streets are full of paupers wearing gold, silver and gorgeous clothes.

Don’t be afraid to give when you are young. If you give to the right people and things, you will always be rewarded, but sooner or later. Don’t be afraid that sharing with others will reduce your competitiveness. Things that are truly competitive cannot be taken away or stolen. The more you share, the more you gain. Not only helps others, but also improves myself. What successful people have in common is that while helping others achieve their careers, they also build their own careers.

I can play both the leading role and the supporting role, and I feel comfortable on and off the stage. This is my flexibility in facing real life.

When you point out two fingers to scold someone else, the three fingers under her are pointing at you.

Be brave! Don’t be afraid of mistakes, without them you will never know how to correct yourself.

I forgot which day of which year, which month, which wall I carved a face on, a smiling face staring at me sadly, we smiled and said.

If a person refuses to improve his ideological consciousness, then he can only be in a weak, pitiful and miserable situation.

Their food is pleasant, their clothes are beautiful, their customs are happy, their homes are peaceful, neighboring countries look at each other, the sounds of chickens and dogs hear each other, and the people do not interact with each other until they grow old and die.

Whatever you are worried about, you should take some action, don't just think about it.

You don’t have to envy what others have, as long as you work hard, you will have it; you don’t have to show off what you have, because others are also struggling and will have it. More happiness, less worries, no matter rich or poor, high or low status, shallow or deep knowledge. Laugh happily every day, go to bed when you are tired, and smile when you wake up.

Don’t be high-minded, but condescend to the humble. Don’t think yourself smart (Bible)

What is an ideal? It is not a verbal plan, nor a perfunctory excuse. It is your own heart, the final gathering place of ideals, and happiness. It is for yourself. Ideal, you have an ideal for your lover, you have an ideal for your family, only with your ideal you have a dream, there is a thousand miles difference between a dream and an ideal.

The work that men undertake for their respective families is to work hard to support, develop and maintain their families; as for women? They work hard to maintain the order, comfort and loveliness of the family.

There are three types of money that can be used in life: the first is cash or assets, which are material and can be seen and accumulated; the second is credit, which determines how much money you can get from other people’s pockets. How much you control depends on integrity; the third is psychology. For the same way of spending money, in different situations and different mentality, you will have different feelings about how much money you have, and it depends on wisdom.

Learn to be humorous. People with humor are charming. Don't be too shrewd as a person, and never care about getting along with friends, colleagues, and family. If there is a loss, there is a gain, and if there is a gain, there is a loss.

Idleness is like sour vinegar, which softens the calcium of the spirit; diligence is like a torch, which can ignite the flame of wisdom.

I like to experience thinking and working in the deep texture of life and culture.

Those who learn and give up are worse than those who do not learn and give up. Those who fail to learn will be arrogant because of their learning, and arrogance will lead to humiliation. Those who fail to learn and give up will feel ashamed of themselves and feel inferior. If they are humble, they are more courageous than what others call violent, and more talented than what others call monsters.

Those who forget today will be forgotten tomorrow. The dangerous sea of ??doubt and denial surrounds people's small islands, while faith spurs people on and makes them bravely face the unknown future.